funkychunkymonkey

Not sure where to start. I always loved fighting, or martial arts/combat sports. i boxed for a few years, did some MMA, some traditional martial arts, i wrestled all the good stuff. but at this part of my life i feel there is a shift. I guess from this point ill start the story here... Im a 21 year old kid (dont wanna b called a man yet but i enjoy my almost child like nature). i had a average growing up life had friends. unfortunately i was sucked into a drug life which eventually lead to my (2) arrests back in july. of course at this time i wasnt training or anything like that. no coaches to slay me for being tired cuz of some pot smokin' this was kinda inevitable (in my path!). so my combat sports did me very well with keeping me on a straight and narrow path. just to be a healthier better me. MMA to me brings me to tears. i cant put my finger on why but this is how i tend to tell people "i was always afraid of dancing but when i ask some of my friends(who i had back in the day(now i dont have any) and who were girls) how it felt to dance. they would say its like a wave of passion and emotion flowing with the movements, some of them would say it gets them so emotional it can make them cry. so for me... thats fighting. im not sure what it is, but i stopped getting invited to fight nights because once i saw a suplex or some sick arm bar i would start tearing up of the beauty, not shouting "FUCK YEAH FUCK HIM UP!" like the rest of them. they would reply "dude are you okay???" of course i was and had to come up with some excuse like alargies because i didnt seem like some emotional NOT macho-man. regardless this shits like dancing to me even if i lose i can somehow find beauty in my defeat. with leos videos, getting tired of my job stacking boxes... i ask myself with fear, "is this my calling" can i break the cycle of wage slavery and project myself as an example to others that dreams can come true. that life is divine. that your life means more than being some wage slave to some greedy unconscious boss. I began crying as i thought this, almost choking, i felt this was REAL. it scared me because i know the challenges ahead. but fuck it beats stacking boxes. and get to do the two things i love most in life. spread love and inspiration, and fight. use myself as an example. so people can see that if some druggie/drunk could shed a tear and fight his way out of the matrix and create a beautiful life there isnt any reason they cant. (even as i write this im crying, the thought of inspiring people through my dreams just chokes me with emotion.) but anyways. still at this point i just train on my own. no gym to go to because im stuck paying lawyer fees back to my parents. dont have a car pretty much back to living like it was back in highschool. lost the apartment, car, freedom. Kinda sucks but i know with enough drive ill be able to fight my way out of this. thanks for reading my first journal, love you all (i know my grammar isnt too good but i hope you guys get the meat of the story :D)

@Jakuchu xDDDDD too funny we should all start shouting CRUCIFY HIM! but nah lol i can understand what he is saying me i advocate for psychedelics but i need to be honest and say im still working for my awakening not induced by psychedelics, man that shits a drag! but im still trying. psychedelics have shown me shit i cant unsee! its impossible to be fake!

@Max8 i have ZERO friends as well after my two arrests i cut everyone off and its just left me alone in my head. what helps me honestly is wishing everybody well and loving everyone not needing anything in return i know it sounds hippie. but its helped me greatly if you dont feel that this would help you then pease dont worry ab my post

my personal biggest advice is simple dont have any expectations and you dont gotta like what you feel just be open to it peace and love cant wait to hear how it went

@impulse9 :] thank you friend

I began my meditation/yoga practice not too long ago maybe a month or more ago. pranayama i kinda struggle with with a nasal injury but besides that. focusing on my root chakra for kundalini, felt the pulse, then felt the heat, afterwards an INTENSE sense of bliss and peace i started to cry. anyways this was a few days ago. i cant seem to get the heat back, is it me expecting it? i have been consciously trying to not expect it and just let it happen but still all i get is the occasional pulses. its screwing with my motivation. imma cut it there i rather keep it short. Peace and love oh and if anyone has found any kriya techniques I humbly ask you share to help me in my journey, and of course these practices are secondary/or complimentary to psychedelics

i was able to deconstruct my mind on psychedelics once and i was i was the bubble, damn i jumped up with speechless awe and shock. but anyways i was only able to do it once. anybody have any tips or am i not the only one who was only able to do it once. has my mind created defenses to this?

I have been thinking strongly about pursuing buddhism very deeply, maybe go ordain in thailand one day, just reaching out to see if anyone is willing to mentor me (ordained prefered) on buddhism because i was never formally trained in buddhism just took it on solo style with youtube. doesnt need to be anything crazy at all ,maybe ask me to read some texts for homework, answer a few questions, just teach me the way of the buddha through your own experience. your story matters to me :] peace and love

Sometimes im asked why i seem so happy with so little, why i smile all the time. I make great friends. But one thing i hear a lot when they finally pull the "im going to pursue enlightenment" out of me. they wanna puke, and call it crazy that i wanna go meditate with monks, that i dont care about money, that im deluded, and such n such n bullcrap. My favorite i hear is "you should accept jesus as your lord and savior instead" then they get mad that i chuckle. meanwhile i dont force buddhism or advaita onto anyone, but im deluded? Guess i just wonder how you guys deal with the unconscious population. Much love and joy!

@nistake xDDDDD

@kalter000 xDDD

thank you all! i appreciate the perspectives!

@Terell Kirby technically 30-45 days with the IDOP program, but i would try a year. i dont like society anyways, thats my weakness. Someone said its like a mouse in water he has to swim to survive in society. the monastery is like a rock the lil mouse can rest on without needing to do anything else.

Hello, i plan on going to a Buddhist monastery for a short time lets say a year or two, what is your guys opinion on this? I'm not really going for an experience of enlightenment or anything like that, that's what Leo's teachings are for. I think I want to get a more "pushy" way to quiet my ego and mind, find peace within, I don't own a lot regardless, stepping away from society for a while i think will do me good. the image of being a monk, the gentleness and compassion of the robed monkeys on donkeys brings me to tears i find much inspiration in people such as Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddha, and of course Leo! But again this wont be PERMENANT. looking foreword to hearing from you guys :]. peace and love.

<3