Esilda

Feeling more confident again thx for the pickup @RickyFitts Addictions can be so challenging, but we have to have responsibility and self control around them.... like really owning the whole thing as best as we can is a part of the war that we have to do... right now I'm trying to quit my social media usage by at least half and its been difficult for me so I've decided to use this site as a substitute because then at least I feel like I'm doing something productive... .....I've been watching a lot of Eckart Tolle videos lately and I've just started re-reading the power of now, learning to once again like the vipassana method simply allow emotions to pass through me after feeling them better, i feel like this is the difficulty with addiction, we can't just "let it pass"... i just concentrate on the feeling of love and that helps me much more too

@RickyFitts I know i have to start questioning myself more in like a positive way if i'm to get this right, stop beating myself up as well

where I'm traveling to right now... "Mr. Unicorn. Show me the lands. Show me what magic I am missing in my life. Show me what is possible in the whole wide world of possibility" I'm taking a few days away to practice real hard on my writing because I want my journals to come across as more professional from now on.

Privately journalling about love while listening to... female artists that changed the face of femininity and music. Hoping that all the beautiful souls here are treating themselves well, remembering self love not self inflicting injuries to their own self esteem >____ me ____<. She really inspires me as an aspiring singer. I don't play any instruments yet tho

Feeling just so wounded right now. I feel so outclassed in life sometimes. I want to be smarter. I want to make a better impression. I want to become a more sophisticated woman. This is just how I feel right now. I want to be taken more seriously as a woman. I want to be more noticed.

@RickyFitts Cows go moo, cats go meow, bees go zzzzzzzzzz back to sleep

@RickyFitts The hospital felt crazy today I didn't get enough sleep! I'm right nowwwww reading your message while I barely keep my eyes open lol!

@RickyFitts please, anytime u feel the impulse comment on my journal I would love to hear of ur insights on anything i say! Work was sooo exhausting! With all this anxiety I tend to overanalyse everything. THat's what people say to me, sometimes it seems like they're gaslighting, like they say it in a humorous way and then when i'm suspcicious is when they say it in a serious way like if they really really cared about me then they would sit me down and care for me. I am trying not to analyse things though, I just feel that I need to have a continual conversation with my intuition!?!?!? You get what I mean, if you get what I've journalled about so far, if you've read my journal here, then you get me I am still strict on my boundaries but I am doing my best to keep my heart open and not feel too wounded here. Sometimes when peopl say I overanalyse I feel like going off into my own imaginatoin and dissociating. Analysing grounds me, I have to be in touch with my feelings all thet ime and if I"m not who am I? My feelings are my access to my patients and my patients are why I keep doing what I do as a nurse. I empathise thoguh sometimes with family members or anyone that I've known a lot that feel like I'm saying so much, they just don't get tthat my brain is go go go and that's how I have to be. I have to explore, I have to know I have to find my peace because sometimes you have no idea this world inside is so chatoic for me. My blood sweat and tears are not worthless in this world, just because i am emotional doesn't give you the right to discredit my efforts, to try to take away from my dignity, to look down on me. I have to start becoming the star of my own journey again, and cry and say FUCK as much as I need to through my intuition to help me get there. One day, staying in my own personal resolve will set me free, i will no longer have the problems that i do and it will be because I stayed true to myself even if i fucked up sometimes. Can't wait. Reality though, speed up? \

@RickyFitts you're such a darl face thank you for sending me a reply message , you've always been so warm and kind what a lucky lady you have :, right now I am prepping for work, nursing has always been so stressful for me, I've just always wanted to help people, I've thought about quitting my job, I just need therapy though I know this I start next week, I have a lot of anxieties I have to work through and I know they're not just normal sensitivities but on the other hand I know I'm super sensitive as well which is why I have my brain to disentangle too . Remember for us ladies we've had to deal with the world with so much more feeling, I feel that most guys don't fully get that if you're also super sensitive you're like a magnet for weekly cathartic pain releases . Monthly. So remember your girl like this. Love Ricky. Love. Thx sweety you've always lit up this forum

@PepperBlossoms following ur lead now pepper u know this place better than I its been a while since I was here.... I'll wait a few days before I share anymore just to see what feels right. I learned something new recently by the way from a friend that's called Body Tuning, all i gotta do is simply breath into parts of my body i don't naturally feel then place my hand on those areas while breathing into them, it really centres me, so i do it for my chest, my back, my face, even my throat, it works trust me honey u try it . One of the ladies here needs ot do a journal that includes all the techniques like these we know so we can share it amongst each other! . Love

@PepperBlossoms Just got your PM girl.... Don't stress about making things public its your biz thanks for the inspiration

just.... tooo ooooo tired to do another sweet dreams for me maybe I'll dream of a meteor of love crashing down and hitting earth

My star gazing When I was a little girl, I would look up at the stars and wonder If there was a man I could meet, who would help me ponder Beyond my frail body, my past pain that I hid from him While looking at me in the eyes and saying, yes I love you too I want to meet a man who is brave, I want to meet a man who will always be there for me no matter what I want to meet a man who can save, me, so that I can feel truly free Who will stand by me no matter what Who will when I scream, yell and do stupid things, will forgive me again and again, as I will forgive him too, again and again Who will heal me, nurse my wounds, and in return, I will be his to the end of the universe

Ohhhhhh that was sooooo sweeeet thank you @Benton Above I sang Somewhere Over The Rainbow if you didn't know it I will sing another soon

@Benton wot did u think of my singing above Benton?

i will sing another song tonight after my rest feeling optimistic hope you liked!

@Preety_India I have been trying to message you as well darl... saw vivaldo mentioned... hi @Vivaldo thnx for following me nice to meet u! I can't message marcel either!

now going to just lay down and drift off to space... Feeling zonked... Ugh. Kinda a downturn on my song I know ....zzzzzzzz.... snooze.... Why did I come back to this forum? getting depressed again but I'll be okay

..... a girl can dream helps me feel a bit better I haven't sang for so long so please be sweet, nice and loving https://voca.ro/1gmaisbh7JLU

Sending a congratulations to you and @Marcel beautiful! hope u've been going well sister!

Righto, so my therapists name is Marie ____, nope not gonna tell! She's been dealing with childhood trauma issues for over 10 years, I got her contact from a friend of mine that has been seeing her for over two years and the changes that I've seen her go through really motivated me to follow up on a convo we both had a while back where she talked about her own recovery process. I was like "SOOOOO.... I remember you were talking about Marie, I HAVE to know who she is and how much she costs per hour..." and well now I'm about to go on the roundabout of being evaluated by someone I hardly know in less than one weeks time....!!! Super... Super scary.

Hi everyone! I've been going through some troubles lately so I just want to take my time a little with journalling. I start therapy next week anywho I wanted to log my experiences. I'm... Really short for words at the moment. It's been a really stressful week for me but I'm glad to be back!

Have sent all my important people here a PM so sorry I've been gone

Exactly how I feel right now . Thank you. Sometimes I just want to say screw men as well but I know I've just got to learn to deal with my own issues better. I'm starting therapy again next week.

I feel so stupid, I wish I had of stayed here on the forum working through my shit. The lights of my own romances of been fogging my vision once again. I feel like I can't find the right guy for me and each time I feel I do I end up throwing myself at him and then I end up like a doormat. I feel so wounded, last Friday night I was really looking forward to going on a date but I was stood up. He never even bothered to reply to me. The next day I flooded his messages and he finally got back to me on the Sunday and I felt like a puppet on strings. I don't know how to pull back. I feel like I don't know the real me inside. Each time I get triggered I have fears of abandonment rush up and I don't know what to do and either run away or go in the opposite direction. I feel like I'm obsessing over this guy and every time I obsess the guy just ends up having complete control over my will and I don't know what to do anymore. I have to learn to regulate my emotions better. This life? What is this life? I feel like my emotions continually lead me in the wrong direction. I feel so stupid sometimes and then other times I feel so angry. A part of me just wants to feel acknowledged and then another part of me hates the need and then another part of me just wants love and then another part of me feels lost and confused. I'm starting the wim hof method.