Manofthepeople
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Posts posted by Manofthepeople
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16 hours ago, Eph75 said:This might be a call for growing up.
I have been trying to grow up and start my own life but it's all about control. It's this with the money and also them trying to choose a career for me.my love is conditional for my family but i think i need to leave soon because i feel like if i dont make an effort to fight for my life. Im gonna be living a life of regret, remore and i never want to resent my family
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16 hours ago, Eph75 said:Sounds like a good solution. Allows you to save money in the process.
Cutting that sentence before you went into the "but", that sounds like they care and worry about your finances and want to to grow financially responsible.
You say they save it for you, so it's then your hard earned savings. Smart move! Had you thought of that yourself, that would have been brilliant! Essentially they could've asked you to pay rent, electrical, insurance, food etc. Both methods can help building financial maturity, and that savings plan sounds like a double reward to you in that process.
So I sense you in a way feeling "abused" in that's process, as it's forced in nature, and against your will.
Letting go of sense of pride, and looking at this as objectively as possible, would you define yourself as a financially responsible person? And having shown this being so.
Is their "intervention" absolutely irrational? Or is it based on past behaviors not included here?
A drawer is financially unwise, there's also risk of theft etc, especially if it's a significant amount of money. It would be better to invest in some way, but still the money is still saved right?
If they said they saved it for you, but used it for other purposes, that would be dishonest. But that doesn't seem to be the case right?
Whether the money is in a bank account, trust, index fund or whatever, is more a formality with some consequences connected to those money growing or not.
Would it be possible that they do this out of love for you, and the desire to help you become financially responsible, but it's coming out the wrong way?
Communication isn't always easy and things coming out more harsh than they should, and that being interpreted more negative than called for. Stuff like this often also is discussed when aggitated, which is a bad idea.
How can you communicate your wanting to build responsibility, the gaining of their trust, and what that would look like, and how they would help you with this, without it being an argument?
Sometimes we need to pause and try seeing things from a different perspective.
Are you acting like a child?
This might be a call for growing up.
It doesn't necessarily have to mean becoming financially independent and moving out, as it's a great way to save some funds being able to live at home for a while while getting ones shit together, but that should by no means be allowed to prevent maturing.
Have you managed to have a constructive conversation around this, to try and understand what they want from you and what you could do to meet that.
You're living with them after all. And it sounds like they REALLY care, based on what you've written here.
Don't!
Looking for help to figure one's shit out is a strength and not a weakness. You should be proud to muster up the strength to do so.
Just be careful about ending up in a blame and justification game as that path leads nowhere good
To me, based on this small window of insight you've provided towards your world, it sounds like you guys just need to connect in a deeper way and seek a new level of communicating with each other.
16 hours ago, Eph75 said:Sometimes we need to pause and try seeing things from a different perspective.
well, I'm to empathetic because I never want to fight them about it because i have a massive inferiority complex. Also i see there viewpoint but it makes no sense to put money in a drawer for a year and not put it into a bank or a saving account where it can grow interest. I get the love of trying to teach your child about finances. However, this is hindering me for making my own financial goals when 90% of my finances are with them.
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16 hours ago, Eph75 said:So I sense you in a way feeling "abused" in that's a process, as it's forced in nature, and against your will.
Yes, i feel abused because every time the topic of finances comes into the house its never a loving or contemplative talk it's an angry and verbally aggressive discussion and they constantly remind me a lot about my mistakes and the little money they leave me. I can barely use it for gas and i essential feel like a prisoner in my own home.
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@Eph75 Thank you so much for responding. While i do see that they have a lot of love for me and essential are doing whats best for me. I regonize that love is painful and also hurtful. They don
16 hours ago, Eph75 said:Cutting that sentence before you went into the "but", that sounds like they care and worry about your finances and want to to grow financially responsible.
I see that but the way they are doing it is emotionally abusive and not allowing me a chance to learn and grow. How do you build trust with someone when you leave them out of the conversation. I get that they care but I'm not learning from them I'm not getting any of this lesson. I'm learning what not to do with my money by observing them. I learned more about finances from watch youtube videos and friends than my caregivers.
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I can't believe I'm actually talking about this and it makes me feel so ashamed to speak about this. So I'm a 23-year-old college student and I still live with my parents, because living on campus was way too expensive and also i didn't really have credit to get an apartment with friends because all my friends went away for school. July of last year they started asking me to give them at least 90% of my paychecks to so that they can save them for me and I refused because it's my hard-earned money but they gaslit me and brought up memories from when i got a speeding ticket that was two hundred us dollars when I was twenty and I didn't have the money to pay for it back then. this was traumatic to me because the cop was very aggressive towards me and I'm still going to therapy to move past it. a couple of weeks ago i found out that the money I was giving to them isn't in a bank or a trust. It's been sitting in my mom's drawer for weeks when I have been consistently been giving them money for a year and a half. I called them out on it but they gaslit me saying how irresponsible I am with money and how much of a weak-minded man i am to question their authority. So last week when they went on vacation I took like two hundred dollars of that money and I spent it on skincare and groceries because they went on vacation and they left no food for me and I was essential just eating eggs and cereal for the first two days. They found out and they again started to verbally assault e by calling me financial irresponsible and how they will never let me leave the house because they don't trust me to pay my bills. However, here's is the kicker I have been giving them money for years for them to pay my bills which is literally just phone and car insurance. I don't have any form of credit because they won't allow me to have one and also I'm not actually paying bills. I'm paying them back for them to pay my bills. It is essential cant move out in America because without credits it's almost impossible for me to leave. Right now I'm trying to figure out a way to get out from under them. I'm so sick of them treating me like a child and treating me like I'm not even a person. They are forcing me to become a paraeducator because they are so consumed with how the community in our hometown will view me. My family is a bunch of high achievers, my brother is a high-ranking official in the military. My sister is the smartest kid in her senior class and my little brother is an ace athlete. I'm a theatre guy and I'm one of the best actors in my community and I have been recognized by the Kennedy center multiple times for my collegiate performances. However, they are so ashamed about me choosing the arts that they never talk about my acting with people and they talk about how I used to play sports when I was 13. My parents focus so much on hierarchies that i could give a shit about that at times i feel so worthless in this house it makes me want to run away and to start again. I feel horrible that I'm getting a second job and that i took them off the bursar's account and that is essential to doing everything in my power to become financially independent by December of this year. What more can i do to become independent from the so that i don't struggle so much in the future. Thank you all for listening and reading
in Mental Health, Serious Emotional Issues
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Thank you for listening and i will try to communicate with them so they can see my side and how i view things but if they don't i need to move on with my life. I need to work to worry about myself and start to plant my own roots.