Atb210201

I committed suicide before and I know I'm past that shit now but there is a deep fear in me that I'm capable of doing it again despite the fact that I know I wouldn't do that and I don't have any reason to do that but I'm afraid specially when I take psychedelics that if I get stuck in negative thought patterns I would kill myself it's a twisted shit and I haven't discovered how to deal with it yet I know it's stupid intellectually because I don't wanna do that but then again I'm afraid of doing it I would appreciate other perspectives on this situation

@NoSelfSelf But I felt more alive than ever just after that bad trip and it was amazing I surely would still do psychedelics but at lower doses cause it was just too much too handle

@Guillem12 Yeah I'm the same when I smoke weed like when I started smoking weed it wasn't like this I was enjoying myself more but I got freaky from time to time but now I just can't smoke weed with my friends anymore I feel like everybody is against me and feel anxious to deal with people so now I prefer to smoke alone but in that situation of me smoking alone if it's too much it can also make me paranoid and put me in some shitty path of thoughts but I trust myself more to have control there and can calm myself