actualizingmover

i realised that i dont want to put my deep inner processes on the internet anymore

Crazy Day: Morning wake up at 8.30 got an invitation to make a boat trip to an island Said yes. Smoked some before the trip and had crazy learnings and an incredible day Learnings: - opposing to my belief, i do not know exactly always what's up in the heads of other people -> I will stop acting like i do know and inquire more - It's not my task to convince somebody else to do something good or convince of an invitation. Everbody can make their own decision. I don't have to make anybody do anything. I'm not responsible for the happiness of other people. -> I will be conscious when i have expectations for complying to an invitation and i will not go an extra step to convince people of something - It's not about having the goal to be a specific kind of person or living some kind of life; It's about always being this person already and living this life everyday. -> When i think i need to get somewhere i can read this truth and meditate on why i want to get somewhere. - You don't always learn directly during the experiences, you also learn in the time after the experiences and with the experiences that build on this experience. Experience stacking = Life You learn through trying new things and ways based on experiences which lead to you making better experiences and learn new ways that function better -> Always get enough sleep and write down learnings to integrate them - It takes all kinds. If everybody would be like you the world wouldn't be a nice place. The variety in people is what makes the world beautiful and interesting and what makes it work. Embrace variety and embrace different minded people, they are necessary to keep this life going There's a place for everybody in this world The part that wants to crusade over people is the part that is afraid of variety in people, thoughts, customs, ways of life. Which stems from insecurity about the own way -> you can only accept others if you already accept yourself -> Start accepting others more and meditate more on the integral perfection within everybody Every person is art - Only because a girl finds me awesome doesn't mean that she is good for me I have to be attentive to letting people in my life that just want coaching because i won't be challenged like this. I always have to surround myself with people who i can learn from und who don't just learn from me. -> I will always have at least 2 people around me that can teach me things -Thinking that others are mad for missing invitations is just me being afraid of not being informed and invited for an event -> I will be more attentive when i invite people about this underlying expectation - I am perfect as i am and problems with people exist only in my head sometimes because my brain is used to these thinking patterns and so i create my own pain. I associate the feelin uncomfortability because i often think about feeing uncomortable through the limiting belief that i get judged. This leads to not acting freely und feeling uncomfortble which repeats the belief. -> Break the chain at the limiting belief itself; Forming a serving belief - People who look at me too much stress me because they make me self conscious when i actually just want to be present in the moment. Too many looks get me into my head. -> Egodefense -> Accept that i can't control other peoples looks and observe how my attention comes to my mind in these situations - MAterialism can be healthy, when it's about your things that you want to keep because you have use for them Excessive materialism is unhealthy -> Take better care of your things, it's healthy Big realisation: Every extreme includes the counterextreme Every advantage contains the disadvantage Exmpl: Progress is nice but includs environmental damage. In our Paradigm the one can't happen without the other. A holistic approach doesn't exclude nature. It's about finding unity not separation. To see everything as an organism not only the advantages Oval is sacred - First unity then separation, then unity -> Understand that separation is part of the process to stronger unity - It's not really about eating the cookie, it's about the experience of eating the cookie -> I can eat slowlier & more conscious and so stretch the experience and eat less. Eating is simply an experience that has to be enjoyed in order to listen to ones body & to understand it -> Remind this regularly before eating: It's not about eating the food, it's about the experience of eating the food - Exploring my feminine side has made my life so much better -> Don't hesitate to explore the feminine further. DOn't be afraid of masculine judgement and fully embrace and indulge into your feminine. Gender is just a construct - Maybe we need mass extinction to fight overpopulation so sacrificing ourselves is a necessary sacrifice -> Take a more open stand towards current topics - Don't fuck around where you live, it will only make you problems. - Challenging myself makes me happy -> Find more creative challenges everyday - Follow your feelings more than your thoughts - Movements real world application shows how incredibly important it is and what potential there is behind it. -> COntemplate deeper towards "Back to nature" Workshops in Movement What an incredible day, my mind came a few times but i was so in my body and feelings that i rarely noticed and paid just little attention to it. Feeling is much nicer than too much analysing and thinking

Took the leap and spoke about everything with my friend. Everything that was bothering me. Every issue that I have between us. Very hard. Very emotional. Not fun. So happy to have done it. I feel peace of mind and actual peace. It is the most important thing to talk about your feelings and what's going on in your mind. With the people who are close to you especially. If you never talk about the small issues they will accumulate and will create alot of emotional baggage. After time it will become even more difficult to speak it out and you will suffer. After 1 day of not talking, we finally sat down to talk. The issue we figured out: Bad communication of small issues between us. NOw we have peace, i still won't completely invest into the relationship because we are not looking completely in the same direction but we at least get along and i can accept it again. I can accept him and he can accept me. Love over hate Communication is Key. Communication is Key

Why do i have to be productive? Why do i have to get everything done? Why do i have to keep my schedule and to dos? because if i wouldn't then who would i be Who would i be if i didnt get things done and felt good all the time Who would i be off-purpose Who would i be if i felt bad Who would i be if i was sad, angry, Who would i be if i raged Who would i be if i expressed negative emotions Who would i be if i expressed sadness, compassion Who would i be if i just let my deepest inside out Why do i strive for personal success? Because it just feels right to learn and because i become more complete Am i not complete yet? Do i not know enough yet? Am i not enough yet? Can i not feel perfect yet, right now. Am i not perfect like i am now even if i didnt have knowledge Who do i want to impress? Who do i fight? I fight my friends, I fight people - "I am better than others, on another stage" I can't display love and compassion for my friend. Not displaying love and compassion hurts I can't express my true critical feelings and thoughts i have to hold back. My thoughts are not valid. I cannot hurt others. I need to only uplift others, i can't criticize. I'm afraid of being wrong, being not at the point where i can criticize. I'm afraid to speak my mind. I'm too positive and i don't acknowledge the negative. I'm afraid of the negative. I fight negative energy. i don't accept it i want to get rid. I'm afraid of saying hard truths because i feel like i need something that validates my opinion, my truth. I feel like i'm not in the position of saying hard things. I feel less. Judged. I always have to be strong, positive. Peace and love. I cannot let myself fail. I am afraid of expressing my inside I'm afraid of expressing my feelings and my thoughts I'm afraid of expressing my dark side

Yesterday i let go of a long relationship with a friend. I came home after being out long last night after finishing a very successful cleanup event where we collected 700kg of trash. We went to a bar afterwards through which the last article was created. We had a birthday party coming up in the evening and i invited a good friend with whom i made the cleanup We enjoyed the food a lot, i danced crazy with all the other people feeling so good, so fulfilled in this community of Rastafari where peace and love are the narrative. I'm just so grateful to learn that i really value community and i don't want to miss it in the future. Dancing and moving is freedom Expanding and growing is freedom Discipline and willpower is freedom Letting go is freedom Now me and my friend we're living apart from each other. I value growth, love, togetherness. I value reflecting myself, communication, health, freedom, consciousness, responsibility, Authenticity, Self-expression. He doesn't start evolving, he's in my eyes regressing and going into a hole and is not showing signs of wanting to change. He is not talking even if there is something to talk about. He is repressed and in my view ego identified and i don't want to invest anymore energy into this relationship. I don't want to make him talk if he doesn't want it. Or invest more energy than i get back. I want to move forward. I let go but i'm a helium balloon. I let go to rise up, not to fall down. I found peace in this decision and i can conserve my time and energy to use it in the right places. It is soo unbelievably important who you give your energy. We all have limited energy and we shall put it into moving into our own right direction. Now i commit to full growth and open minded transparency. I want to learn, try new things, grow, build my life on my terms. Self actualize. I will only surround myself with those who value me, my time and my energy. Peace and love

On Materialism: In Tanzania if you want to meet a girl in the club, it is the standard that girls want money or ask you to buy them something. It is not an option, something you can do but a prerequisite for meeting girls. When I first heard this i didn't believe it, because I so deeply believe that personality is the thing that matters most in dating with a certain amount of good looks. I put so much value into my personal development and growth, that i'm just astonished that in another culture it doesn't matter in dating whether you're a cool guy, charming, funny, whatever but that you can get almost everything with money. Like i said, when i first heard about that i even found it a funny thought to entertain to just buy yourself through life, get girls by buying them a beer or two and otherwise needing few social skills. But after a while I realized the deep fuck up within this system. People are never valued for who they are but always for what they have here. It doesn't really matter if you're the most charming guy and few girls will even care how funny you are, if you can provide beer and money. This way society is being built deeply on materialism and people who value personal growth like one of my Tanzanian friends have a very hard time getting equal level girls, equally conscious or with similar value systems. This sucks, because it's very hard to actually get feedback for your personality like this if you're always valued on your possessions. So people need more willpower to truly develop themselves and not their bank account and few people have this intelligence and energy and awareness. And this is the reason that some countries are underdeveloped and others are further developed. In A society stuck in materialism doesn't give a lot of space for individuals who want to develop on higher levels. It constantly drags you down and suffocates you in materialism. Not Freedom. True knowledge of the self. When you're stuck in only your belongings, you can't be fulfilled because belongings guarantee survival, not happiness. Materialism truly does not equal happiness. What matters in Life is the experiences you make, the things you learn and apply, your growth, your expansion of perspective, your passion and living in peace. The more you develop yourself the happier you are and even if it hurts sometimes, it's always better to live conscious than to live unconscious. What used to excite me was getting more girls, getting more success for the sake of security and so on. Now I'm also excited by success, but by personal success. By building things in the world that mirror my inside and realize my self. I'm excited by learning and understanding. Learning from life, developing my skills, making experiences and integrating them and improve through this. Also about being reflected by interactions with people. Seeing neutrally how your relationships are going directly reflects yourself. If you have a good energy your relationships will also improve, if you have a bad energy your relationships will be shallow and surface level. Contrary perspective: Maybe this whole materialism shows that it is actually not necessary to develop yourself if you can simply go for money and so always have simple goals and baseline happiness around this. I don't feel like people are necessarily unhappy just because they're not so conscious of what they're doing but they're simply doing it and accepting the status quo and working around it. From my perspective i think that this "happiness" is a lower level happiness than high conscious happiness, because this happiness is forced by society and circumstance and not self based. but let's entertain this perspective.. Maybe spiritual awakening is not as necessary after all if you are not aware f your unconscious. If you have awoken to a certain degree, looking back will be painful but if you are living in true unconscious happiness instead of conscious self doubt this could simply be a new way to look at life. But i don't agree with this perspective at all personally, because i always felt something nagging on me even when i was unconsciously happy. Now i feel consciously in self doubt sometime, but at least i'm clear and i understand myself and that is giving me a lot more freedom in life Namaste

Finished the Spiral Dynamics Video series today with turquoise. The Spiral model is a really next level model to understand the world and people and culture. I'm a big fan even though i see the limitations of duality and mind-understanding, i still want to transition deeply into yellow and understand everything around me. I want to read and learn and apply. I kind of limit myself by saying that i cannot read books without summarizing, because i'm not always in the mood too summarize but i truly want to read and learn much more. I guess the answer is to take notes casually when something is a big thought and otherwise just keep reading normally. There's so many books to read and i want to read all of them, yet i'm limiting myself by not reading much in actuality. I want to set a smart goal: From today i will read every day for 45 minutes in the morning, no excuses. I will put it into my morning routine before doing exercise too not go into exercise too cold but already have done something before. This is the morning routine I'm aspiring: Wake up at 7 Meditate, Give thanks, Visualize the day, Get an overview over tasks Read for 30 mins Exercise (Breakfast) That's just me Anyway I definitely want to develop spiritually and consciously more than materially. I feel like by that i kind of have a shield around me for many worldly desires but also i need to be aware that i truly live through these desires to transcend them (Money, Work, even sex to a certain degree (going into tantra sex)) I might have more orange in me than i thought. When Leo said that you need to be careful as your orange ego might think you're already yellow, while i'm still orange. I also haven't lived through the excesses of green. I'm vegan, i organise beach cleanups, i stand for the human rights, but i'm certainly not an extremist and i feel that i have a lot of yellow in me. SO maybe there's a bit or both. I will put up an analysis of my spiral percentages on here soon, about where i see myself. But orange: Improving myself, making money. Those are the things that i still see myself struggling with in orange Learning: Learning = Behaviour change Gave my 2nd Movement Class; Was very fun again. I learned: Proper explanation together with feeling goes a long way. -> I will explain things more slowly and engaging -> Asking questions to engage the listener Learn coaching techniques Read more sometimes you need to break limiting beliefs of other people even if it doesn't feel so good in the first moment and you might be a little bit much, it's important to break limiting beliefs and trauma in general.

I am infinite I am an infinite ocean Fear is an illusion like success. Success is in the moment. Fear cannot exist in the moment. It is an instrument. If you know yourself fear cannot touch you. If you are present and understand the infinity of the world, the worlds little stories like Corona cannot touch you as they are just a small wave in the infinite ocean of consciousness. of existence. If we identify with the worldly we will believe the stories of the world. If we realize that we are the observer of the happenings then we can see them from a neutral perspective If we learn to love that which challenges us the most we are full and whole and solid. Love the world. Love the politicians and you have peace in yourself. The hate is the cancer. The hate in your brain is what makes you unhappy and disconnects you from the source. Meditation is a practice that's not only beneficial when you're alone but especially when you're in stress situations. In these situations you can practice meditation the best. To be adaptable for the challenges of life Clean your aura before going to sleep. Clean your body from the day to find rest at night.

Woke up very late after coming home very late yesterday One guy from my village went schizophrenic and is shouting the whole time. I feel a lot of compassion and i want to help. But i don't know how. I'm doubting myself. I want to be a person who can teach, help and heal people physically and mentally and i see that i'm not there yet. I have a lot of education to do and my skills and knowledge are not nearly there yet. I have to learn more, topic knowledge and interpersonal skills to teach better and get people to act themselves. I want to bring the potential and the true peace out in people. Fuck, it's really important to prioritize your time for your passion and grow in this area. Learning and bringing your learnings together - exploring mind mapping Swimming long and far - running fast Intention: Take meditation more serious as i know of its benefits well enough You need to give yourself Room for Art and learning, you need to make it comfortable for yourself so that you can reap the benefits. Be your own friend, put some effort into your development

Woke up very late after coming home very late yesterday One guy from my village went schizophrenic and is shouting the whole time. I feel a lot of compassion and i want to help. But i don't know how. I'm doubting myself. I want to be a person who can teach, help and heal people physically and mentally and i see that i'm not there yet. I have a lot of education to do and my skills and knowledge are not nearly there yet. I have to learn more, topic knowledge and interpersonal skills to teach better and get people to act themselves. I want to bring the potential and the true peace out in people. Fuck, it's really important to prioritize your time for your passion and grow in this area. Learning and bringing your learnings together - exploring mind mapping Swimming long and far - running fast Intention: Take meditation more serious as i know of its benefits well enough You need to give yourself Room for Art and learning, you need to make it comfortable for yourself so that you can reap the benefits. Be your own friend, put some effort into your development

I feel kind of a void coming up in my upon waking up. Like there's something that i'm missing and not calculating in. Like there is something that is missing. I asked myself, what is wrong? My body told me that it wants to go this way of life with other people who are equally minded. It told me that it wants to go the way together. That i want to go this way in life with as many good people as possible. That i really don't want to be a lone wolf, not that i am one right now, but in a sense of professional things i definitely am. Nobody in my direct surroundings is interested in the things that i'm interested in and that's hurting me, not limiting, but simply that there is potential missing. I will put some attention to this and act accordingly. Either Way i had a great day with a deep connection to a new friend. We spent all day together talking and applying spiral dynamics. My learnings from today: - Sex is freedom and fun, not a task to succeed in. Pressure is not necessary, it can just be this friendly thing - Sex is normal and should be taken easily - Money is energy, doesn't have a meaning, the meaning is socially conditioned - Concepts are limiting, Oneness is truth. Even Spiral Dynamics is ultimately limiting - Good relationships are part of my purpose - As a Human i'm adaptable, just because i feel that i have evolved through different stages, doesn't mean that i cannot use my knowledge to communicate and interact with people better through this. The danger i see in spiral dynamics is that i sometimes, even though i know that'S not the purpose, see myself as above - because of the model. That creates pain within myself and separation from my surroundings. I could instead just interact with people on their level and be happy and not afraid to lose my progress. - Stop working so much, it's an orange trait. Too much work and too little enjoying is not sustainable

Guitar playing and singing in the morning. Feeling into the music is like in the movie "Soul" entering flow state. Music is easily getting you in the moment and in your craft if you let it and hold nothing back I even started playing bongos and it's all about being present and allowing yourself to try and get into flow slowly Then food and quality conversation. Quality conversations are really another level of satisfaction. Then i gave movement class: Everybody was a little sceptic at first but then after start everybody joined because it just looked like play and not like a "technique that i can't do anyway" like Yoga for example where people have preconceptions of. SO people joined, we did monkey movement, i enjoyed explaining and i enjoyed the freedom of the class. no strict rules - generalization as a principle. Our strength is generalization and adaptability in the bodily sense. I'm not talking about business, where you need to specialize down or other things but in a physical sense we should act more generalized. Kids joined and did our movements and did the same and felt understood by adults. You really felt how the kids are acting from instinct. Then we did Dance class and danced. Dance is a great natural movement and feeling music is a Key thing Some exercises to do regularly: Feel your spine vertebrae by vertebrae from bent over to standing Connecting with nature and people and my body all day Music is art. I want to live a balanced life, rather than an extreme one where i lack in certain areas of life Creativity is accessing what's within, not searching something from outside Passion, you can take with you anywhere in the world. If you know yourself truly it doesn't matter where you are and you can adapt to every place, because you don't identify with it but just enjoy it's tweaks and differences. Art means allowing yourself to feel into your actions. If you feel into whatever you're doing and see it as art and creative, then everything is art. Masaka is a man who is really listening to himself and not others. Maybe sometimes a little with himself but i don't think he cares as long as he regularly connects. Maybe i can give him some company by engaging in important talk rather than "small talk" or maybe a truly spiritual person doesn't care because he knows himself already and is drawing power from within rather than outside Fear is a huge tool to use for powerful people and even yourself. Fear is guiding you in many ways. Be aware. Commitment is important but fluidity and realness is also important. In relationships i don't know how to combine them. I don't necessarily want to put labels on my partner but also i feel that thereby comes a lack of commitment. After all having a "girlfriend" is more committed than having a "girl". It was a very amazing day, connect with nature, people, your body and your purpose daily and you live a happy life. Much Love and feel

If there's one thing i want you to know is that you are not your body, you have a body. Feel how it feels to have a body. The feeling is enough. No need to label the feeling with a word. The feeling is true, the feeling is real. The thought comes from outside The feeling comes from you, Out of your truth. Out of your infinite ocean. Words hurt. Labeling and forming opinions hurt. Don't hurt yourself, just be.

Woke up at 8, that really kickstarted my day better than waking up at 10 Got my todos done pretty well, moved alot and organized a movement class for tomorrow -Doing something for your purpose just gives you the greatest feeling ever. Nothing feels more right then this. Also i booked the Ido Portal Online COaching so for the next three months i will learn from Ido Portal himself about movement. Wow, this will be insane! I also worked standing up and i can really feel the philosophy of movement growing on me. The book i'm reading: Natural Movement by Erwan Le corre is really a recommendation i can give to give you a better picture of the whole culture. What a deep fundamental spiritual aspect it has really fulfills me everytime, I definitely want to get deeper into it. Be here be now be in your body and feel it, get to know it really. Mind + Body is still something you observe, nothing you are. I am not my body, but i love him and i want to get to know him better so that i can take better care of it. Also today i could really start viewing my mind as just a thing that thinks in my body. There's no separation between mind and body. The mind is just the part of the body that is able to think and so survive and learn. The mind is the most amazing thing ever and has brought us so far as a species it's incredible. What a fantastic tool for us. The self isn't reachable, not able to attain. It is just beneath everything and a huge ocean in which everything swims. I watched a very freaky documentary about the world today and i was really scared about these developments, but when i know about this deep ocean beneath it all i can breathe and i know where i am and i don't need to have fear. Everything i ever wanted to find in my life was myself. When i'm at my self nothing can bring me down and everything i do is important. I also felt in the ocean when i was trying to dive deep after reading the book, How afraid i was of diving and in the end dying. I wanted to dive to the ocean floor but i was really scared and couldn't do it for the first 3 times. Then i saw it as a meditative practice. I breathed deeply and calm, got my body to rest. Then i dove to the floor, step by step without thinking about it, just going and trusting myself. I reached the floor and let myself in total calm drift up to the top. I beat my fear by being calm and present Fear comes from the mind. It warns you. It wants you to survive. But fear is not always appropriate, some situations you know you can handle and make you thrive. In these you need to accept fear. You need to see it and act anyways. Just go through the fear and on the other side is heaven. Freedom. Space. Integrity. Love. You just need to jump. Just jump and see for yourself. Also i realized that truly listening to your body is a fundamental skill for every human. Awareness. Observing yourself. Connected with knowledge, this is so powerful for a good life. Fear is a mechanism. It is not the truth. If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger as cheesy as it sounds It was truly an incredible day for growth I can think better with eyes open and be better with eyes closed. The eyes are the windows to the world, if they are shut you can look inwards. Also one thing: I don't know what's actually true. I can only make my own truth in the moment. What's "true" in the sense of worldliness is essentially never known, because time goes on and things will change. I can only be present, i can not control the world, i can only observe and act with what i think is right. Fear is a mighty weapon. It can lead entire civilizations. If you know how to handle fear you are a mighty man. The Evil Genius. The Beautiful Evil man. How impressive pure Evil is just neutrally seen. How big of a construct can be built on fear. We see it everyday in our world. So many people are lead by fear. Fear is the driving factor for so many people. I wonder what would change if people would realize that fear is just a mechanism of your mind to help you survive as the animal that you are. That there is nothing to fear. That the world is beautiful and perfect and everything is okay. You are okay. Your fear is okay. Your instincts are okay. Feel inside you and you know it is true. You are beautiful in every way. Good Night

Woke up late again, 10 am It's not like it's the worst thing ever but i just dont like waking up late, it's taking away from my lifes quality Anyway, did my mojiji meditation again, can only recommend i think it's this one After i started to learn how to learn better. Actual tips on getting the most value out of material, i think this could be a 10x skill for life. I have problems with following my timeblocks efficiently because i lack seriousness in my daily work. There's not this flowstate because i do things a bit wishiwashi how i feel. Disciplined deep work is the key -> Read Deep Work After i read a book about natural movement which really inspired me again that lack of movement is such a fundamental issue that i want to tackle, Movement is such a basic necessity for a healthy life. I really enoyed moving around while reading, not being still as i "am supposed to be" for studying. Actually i learn way more when i have physical freedom -> Standing Desk Then i answered some question in my next learning facebook group, i really feel in flow when i'm actively connecting with likeminded people. It's just a great feeling Then my date was canceled, but if you have a purpose you always know what to do so i wrote some more on my Blog about my Ecovillage I feel good, theres still this lack tho when i don't work efficiently. I really want to learn how to create this workflow where you're so deep in that nothing can distract you. I want to be able to tick everything of my list and it's not a hard task, t's very simple but i lack time management and seriousness in my work. Keeping timeblocks and not stopping work in the middle to eat. -> I will watch a summary of deep work My selfmanagement journey is still on the way. Anyway after i really let loose and enjoyed the day, move a shitload, played football with chiildren and friends, really moved like a monkey. I'm a monkey. I really am. And i'm supposed to move like one Excessive Physical idleness is death Then i talked with a German man about the Corona situation, he is planning to stay in TZ for a long time and go into the forest and i kind of sympathize with his point that the world is making everybody take vaccines and that there's a deep agenda behind it and i would really like to take myself out of it but i also want to live my life, travel, connect with likeminded people on purpose and be free. How do i solve this dilemma, i don't know but my gut tells me to stay in Tanzania, my head tells me to go to Portugal but my gut also a little bit because i don't know how crazy it really is there. I have to put some attention to this issue soon, because it's coming. Winter is coming and for some reason, obviosuly, i don't want to be in Germany in Winter, it's not going to happen - so i need to research portugal. I don't know if anybody is actually reading these paragraphs but if you do, this all is basically my personal brain dump for the day and that's how i treat it and it feels really good -Put your thougts on Paper. Next up i want to put my thoughts into drawings and draw more. In a way i agree with the german man that there is a war happening and theres a big conspiracy but in another way i really wanna live without fear and i don't know the facts. This is the thing with conspiracy and facts. Time for the beach, laying back and swimming under full moon. Eid Mubarak.