MatteO22

??? damn that’s a great way to prove your point.

@Zeroguy thanks, appreciate it .

I mean sure you can learn from it, but it can’t be denied that the building block of most of the culture in both cases is misogyny. It’s not about being turned on or off; it’s about being treated in ways that are non-abusive, and ofc if abuse is a ‘turn on’ (which happens in many cases of childhood trauma) then there are bigger problems to confront. That’s a great altruistic effort but it sells you short. You can still accept and be non/judgemental towards men (which is lovely and I thank you for the empathy you shine) and still realise that narcissism, abuse, manipulation and dismissal are behaviours that need boundaries around them, and the ones committing these actions need to be confronted (by you or anyone else who has the courage). You don’t need to wait for men to change their behaviour in order to set boundaries around toxicity.

lol this is so funny ??

Not if you do it with a desirable outcome in mind. ‘Make him nervous.’ What ? Get out of here ? if anything it’s about taking accountability such as ‘hi, I realise I may have come across too strong with what I’ve said and I apologise, it wasn’t my intention to overwhelm you. I sometimes struggle with keeping in check my desire for connection and go overboard with trying to overcompensate with big words, actions, codependency and people pleasing. I’d like to work on these issues, and if you’d like to work this out with me in a potential relationship I’d love nothing more than to see you again, with more self-responsibility and awareness. ‘ But that would require the OP to take responsibility for her codependency, manipulative tendencies and lack of integrity in the name of pleasing and placating to everyone who ever evered. Then again, when I confronted @Preety_India the last time, I couldn’t believe the level of drama that she brought down just to avoid genuine self-reflection. So idk… would she be ready and mature enough to do that… I cannot say. It would be lovely but who knows.

I think it’s not really about that, if guys were to sugarcoat their words it would be manipulative. It’s more about not pushing red pill, pua, misogynistic ideas, values and strategies. Less objectification and more empathy should probably be the idea. It’s not about curbing what you say, but realising that anything that generalises and objectifies the opposite sex is a projection of your ego and not honest communication.

Soo basically what you’re saying manipulate his emotions in order to get what she wants. Ha! Why don’t people call this behaviour out I facepalm every time lol.

Gotta laugh at all your jokes. That’s like 70% of what I think about daily. Just jokes and how hilarious they are, laughing all the way ???.

@Chew211 I checked it out. It’s objectification of males only from a female point of view. Any time there’s an abbreviation of a specific stereotype (HVM/LVM) the ego is having a blast. It belongs to a word that I see spoken so little that I had to google it a few days ago to get it right - Misandry. And yes, some people use the term ‘misandry’ to perpetuate sexism and male privellege and accuse empowered women of being anti male. And yet objectification of men is the essence of misandry.

@Violet0723 that’s a great question. Spirituality or spiritual insight should never stand in the expression of when you feel hurt or mistreated. Saying something like ‘hey when you do that it hurts me emotionally and I’d appreciate if you could be more mindful about it’ is a statement of vulnerability and can be quite scary yet powerful. Being a bigger person is more about letting go of the grudge, while still being able to hold that person accountable for their behaviour. E.g you don’t need to hold onto the pain and anger of someone’s mistreatment, to express your truth in a way that calls out or confronts their abuse. It’s never wrong to call out abuse, and it’s always right to process your feelings and forgive. You can have both, healing, letting go and forgiveness, and firm boundaries that are crystal clear about other peoples actions.

Damn fuckin right it’s huge ! It’s everything.

@Thunder Kiss I learned about it by living it, but you can find similar dating advice given by Mark Groves, love the guy he’s the best amazing alternative to pua gimmicks and manipulative games. Tbh it’s not even on the same level. He posts a lot on Facebook and IG, I follow his content on Facebook and love it. It’s like what he says matches up with my experience perfectly.

@amps one of the things that happens as you over time resolve your fears of intimacy (aka being more authentic), it triggers the fear of intimacy in those close to you as they’re required to now step up their tolerance of intimate connection. You’re basically giving her an invitation to meet you in your authenticity, and whether she is ready or not has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her journey. I remember when I first started resolving my intimacy fears, when I’d feel intimate and genuine attraction to someone, my sex drive towards them would diminish drastically. It’s like A part of me was afraid of being too close to them because I didn’t know how to tolerate intimate connection. I reckon she might be experiencing something similar. it’s sad but this issue often breaks up relationships that are not meant to continue on. On the plus side, being more authentic is the greatest price you’ll ever get. So congratulations and welcome home! ps; I’m not saying your relationship is doomed, only time will tell.

I don’t mean to ruin the party but this has nothing to do with ‘how attractive you are’. It’s because of a subconscious belief of not feeling like you deserve or are safe enough to receive what you truly want. You feel like you can ‘settle’ and date down because those girls won’t threaten your sense of safety and thus won’t trigger the fear of intimacy because you’re not invested enough to feel like losing them would truly devastate you. Its a pattern of avoiding the things that truly matter, because if you committed to the things that truly matter and then it wouldn’t work out, you’d be fucked. Because then your beliefs about how you don’t deserve all that you want would be confirmed and you’d spiral into self hatred and unworthiness. This is one of the essential steps of integrating the feminine. To actually allow yourself to have the worthiness and receptivity to have and sustain all that you want and deserve. It’s about feeling safe enough to receive, and not need to chase after what is unavailable to you to make sure you keep yourself away from receiving, by never ending chasing. That is why being in a true loving and fulfilling relationship is about allowing it to be received, rather than trying to force or get or improve anything.

That’s not what was said. The statement ‘Femininity has nothing to do with submission’ implies that in order to be feminine, submission doesn’t have to play a role in embracing your feminine energy. Yes people who self-identify as ‘feminine’ may be submissive, but that doesn’t justify blaming their codependency and unworthiness on the fact of ‘just being feminine’, just like it doesn’t justify guys who are unable to surrender their ‘macho bravado’ and require submissiveness from their partners under the ruse of ‘being feminine’. If feminine is seen as submissive and inferior, it’s simply feminine energy with an unresolved shadow. That usually shows up as codependency, people pleasing, unworthiness and self-hatred. When the wounds of the feminine are resolved, there is nothing to submit to, and everything to express and create. The feminine energy is the energy of artist creating their art, of mothers birthing and caring for their children. Of teachers being kind and compassionate to their students. The therapist, the coach or the healer being an empowered companion to their clients. It’s the energy that determines how you will conduct yourself and treat others as you actualise your inspired vision into form. It’s the energy that sees the importance of creating the gift of your life purpose, and puts and emphasis that as this purpose is lived out, there will be no casualties and no-one (not even you) will be hurt in the process. It’s radical compassion that is able to forgive so effortlessly, that it doesn’t have to try to forgive in order to let go, but allows forgiveness to happen on its own time. Because when the divine feminine awakens, forgiveness for all is inevitable. So why would we rush. Empowered feminine, divine feminine, has nothing to do with submissiveness, and it has to be said for the reason not to give an excuse to those seeking the feminine to require it’s submissiveness out of their own insecurity, and not to give an excuse to the ones wanting to embody their feminine, to use their submission or smallness as a manipulation tactic. So again, nothing to do with submissiveness, abs everything to do with empowerment.

By the way I just wanna say this on record, I fucking hate when people say that being feminine equates being submissive. Hate! That! Shit! It’s such a B.S! Femininity is badass. It’s knowing your worth, it’s allowing your emotional needs to inform your boundaries, it’s being okay with saying no to toxic or undesirable situations and relationships. Femininity is the most gangster, self-worth filled, non-defensive, intuitive and powerful force out there. It’s fucking real, and has nothing to do with submission. It’s a force of nature that births civilisations into existence. I have spoken !

Suppression and emotional unavailability go hand in hand. When we suppress we are emotionally unavailable to ourselves, and in turn lose the ability to hold any space for others. Anything that stops us from feeling our feelings is an attribute that diminishes our capacity for intimacy, and anything that increases our emotional bandwidth in terms of our own emotions, equally allows us to be there for those around us.

Yes, i appreciate your choice of words. I would say men can be seen as more overtly unavailable to the point where it’s almost assumed. Women while perhaps embodying the same degree of emotional unavailability may be a little covert about it, or it can be somewhat overlooked. I can’t express how many times my mom would do something abusive/manipulative or just avoidant, and everyone around would just say ‘oh she’s just doing this because she loves you so much’ or ‘she’s just worried about you she’s not trying to control your life and make you do her bidding… not at all no it’s someone else’s mom man not yours… she’s a good mom! Right ?! Right ?!’…. Unavailable women can be more covert than men. It took me years of healing and parts work to get through it. And I’m still healing.

@intotheblack I think a great question is ‘why do men not want an emotional connection’ I think there are a few parts to that question. First, all of us want to be emotionally connected, in some way or another, the problem is that due to our experiences growing up we often equate emotional connection with some degree of pain, abandonment, abuse, betrayal and neglect. And so we either reject the idea of connection altogether because it’s too painful, or we connect in subtle ways that feel like they’re safe for us - such as men wanting to sleep with girls. If you want a lot of sex, it’s because you crave the emotional connection underneath it all that you’ve been made to feel is either not okay to ask for directly, or has just been too painful. And because most men have had a variety of degrees of pain in the relationship to their parents (often and especially moms), sex becomes a place where they can finally be themselves without being criticised, rejected, taken advantage of or emotionally dumped on. And so they’ll want that a lot. The truth is, girls may have overall a better ability to emotionally connect because they may have been shamed for it less over all by society, but when it comes to the pain that’s been created in their relationships, it may just be about the same. Women have too been betrayed, abused, abandoned and neglected. Some too develop a very positive association to sex and want to have a lot of it, in order to feel safe to connect. Its not too wild of an idea that we all want to be connected to ourselves, to others and to spirit. Men and women, cats and dogs, you name it. Connection is needed underneath it all. And all of our trauma is in the way making assumptions about things that are often imaginary. So are we going to pretend like it’s a war between genders, or a war the human race has been waging against intimacy for millennia.

@Shin Friendships with girls are much more intimate than with guys in my experience. I’ve never had a healthy or proper friendship with a guy who would talk about their emotions. I’ve always wanted a close guy friend like that I think it would be fantastic, but so far never had one. But with girls - a big bunch of friendships like that. Some of my best friends have been females. I’ve also though had some friendships where the girl would be afraid to be vulnerable as well, so not all girls are like that. Friendships with guys have been fun in terms of activities - we’d hang out, go biking as kids, watch anime, play video games, and play poker. Which are nice as well don’t get me wrong, But no real intimacy and emotional support. edit: In fact whenever I’d get emotional with my guy friends when I was young, I’d get laughed off or sometimes the ol’ ‘punch in the shoulder’ - which can hurt more than I’d care to admit ??

You look amazing, no wonder you’re getting so much male attention ! ? on a serious note, as a guy I never generally have to deal with something like that and I am sorry that men can express this level of rudeness and entitlement. I don’t even think this can be deeply enjoyable for them, it all seems like desperation and total potatoe-ness. Like… I think the best thing you can do for this gentleman is to block very swiftly. Some time in the future he may appreciate it. Maybe you’ll block him so decisively that it will change his life and he will turn everything around !

Yeah… learning boundaries is one of the deepest processes that create healing. It is rare when people really ‘get’ boundaries and what they’re really all about, and how they actually create intimacy and not walls. A wall is not a boundary a wall is a pushing away - even when people say ‘I have my boundaries up’ - while being somewhat defensive - of course when we feel threatened we are all entitled to our walls, but boundaries (a definition I’ve heard recently that I love) are an interdependent passage way that creates the rules of intimate engagement between my heart and yours. It’s like saying ‘wanna dance ? Well this is how it’s done’. Respecting people’s boundaries is like learning and respecting the moves of Waltz in order to dance. Without knowing the moves, perhaps you’re dancing but it’s a mess and someone is probably gonna get stepped on.

This is one of the funniest things I’ve read this week ?? you killed it. I can’t ????. Jesus. Save me lord ????? I get this. It’s people feeling like it’s okay to violate your boundaries. Not to shift the conversation from men but one of the people in my life who has this tendency has historically been my mother. So again, I don’t mean to dismiss female issues with toxic masculinity, not at all they’re a big problem. But this is often a human issue, not always a gendered one. Granted, women may express it differently, men may be experts at violating physical boundaries. My mom would often violate emotional and psychological ones. Ive never had a woman really violate my physical boundaries, and I’m sure I have done it many many years ago at certain points.

Well women can be more connected to their emotions than men that’s for sure. And yet women can be more manipulative… which one is a greater barrier to spirit. I say both are aspects of ego In need of healing. I don’t like making gendered distinctions where one gender is seen as spiritually superior than the other one, it doesn’t feel right. It creates almost a perception of entitlement (from a woman’s POV) to a perception of unfairness (mans pov). And both unfairness and entitlement are aspects of ego… so go figure.

I Agree 100%,I tried to tag you in the thread that was made an hour ago in the dating section about preety, but I can’t tag for some reason so just making you aware this way