Cathal

@Crane Bahnsteik like this for me i see everything as a projection of my mind, if i am afraid of something then i'm afraid of a part of me, when i don't deal with the fear it becomes neglect and then i experience the consequence as some kind of suffering so why abuse myself because of an illusion? fear only is present because of imagination. a pain in your past is constantly imagined into the future, to what degree you are aware of yourself will determine how identified you are with your thought and the degree of which you face fears or avoid fears. so honestly, i say fuck that shit with trying to single out your deepest fears. work on developing awareness, and you will be VERY HAPPY you get to face your fears, you will be so thirsty for growth that you will put yourself consciously into situations where fear will arise so you can let go of the 'I' that has imprisoned you

'It sucks not having a community of real life people to share this path with.' yeah i feel that holy shit... , i was hard gaslit by a commune voluteer group a while ago i joined but it has helped in the long run. i think ultimately it is important not to sweep it under the rug and keep searching but in terms of your own spiritual growth i think it's essential, especially for a repressed westerner who needs to constantly try to surface up things with other people. being alone is really limited in this part of the world, maybe that would work if u were born in some indian village where u were praised for doing it

have you ever really truly contemplated what it would be feel like to die? not what happens with death itself but the few hours prior sitting on a bed, really visualizing your entire family, all your childhood memories, your possesions, your pets, your income, your status in society, your wardrobe, your social media status, your achievements medals and awards, the people you hate, the traumas you avoid dealing with, the fear you keep holding onto, the places you never went to... everything you ever done is going to just go poof. really try to visualize it right for a few mins, you are going to lose everything. there's nothing to hold onto, it will be taken away from you. i found this helpful when i sincerely tried this and it makes me a bit more motivated to make changes

hey i am struggling a lot with developing my meditation routine, i really have a strong desire to get into it but i just really feel like i need proper teachings and guidance at this point, mostly i am really struggling between my regular life of eating and shitting and meeting people and things like this and going deeper into meditative practice i can't seem to find balance, so yeah i just feel like i need guidance i would also appreciate if you have a community/know of a community of people trying to meditate and learn that you could pm me? basically just wondering did you struggle trying to do this yourself and how did you learn/ what did you do? (such as go on retreat, i havent yet) thanks a lot

@Salvijuswhat do u think of online retreats? @TheAlchemist yeah im about to try that out now, looks interesting

forgive him and stop taking it personally, it has nothing to do with you

@Enlightenment im just commenting i hope people do not fuck with dxm like just get yourself ket somehow bros, or be vigorous in your research about the inactive ingredients of your cough syrup shit

for me and i'm aware this is not everyone, psychedelics are useful when you realize you no longer need to do them, if you have a desire and want to trip you should keep tripping until you realize that

spiritual advice is really retarded for people who are experiencing the actual experience of truly wanting to do it's really a question of finding relief and working on getting yourself to a point would you say that shit to a suicidal person in real life? no you would just help them find relief immediatly, you're just comfortable and able to project whatever you want because you're not able to feel confronted find relief, do drugs, eat a shit load of food, find someone to talk to, cry, cut yourself, get relief so you can get into the headspace of actually making changes and not needlessly suffering

i agree with what hes saying

https://breathworkonline.com/try-a-free-online-breathwork-session/ might be nice, i had one intense experience i'll never forget

@Flowerfaeiry i think its really important to discover what you need and the funny thing is it's probably really simple change drastically day to day life far more than all this self-help bullshit because if you can realize what it is then the only thing left to do is take action to fulfill it despite how you feel about it - there is so much resistance around making ourselves vunerable to fulfill our needs but if you can see the inaction in itself is the action of avoidance (desperation, worry, addiction) then you can see that you cause yourself so much pain by avoiding than taking action, it's really only fear then really truly just feel the fear and youll see the reason its so heavy and scary is it has become multiplied so much because you avoid it, the moment you sink into it just dissipates and you feel so good getting that shit out of you

So i'm wondering for those of you who are aware of certain needs, emotional, social, intimacy, esteem, purpose etc how are they finding expression right now if they aren't being met? Specifically if they are not being met, are you aware? if so, have you noticed how it causes you pain and how it seeks expression? Mine is through a deep feeling of emptiness, a painful cold feeling in my chest, constant dream and thought rumination etc. Most dominant is the self-judgment activity happening all the time, my mind constantly needs to behave in a way that it learned as a child to get a need met but even now it's still doing that because I have failed to fulfill certain things. Also, if you have felt this emptiness before and you fulfilled it, how did you do that and what did it feel like once you felt that fulfilment? Thanks

do something despite how you feel, do something you are absolutely terrified of and embrace the fear - you will feel alive

it's simple but it took me a long time, i done just about anything you can think of to 'heal myself' but in reality it's simple. psychedelics don't really change you, meditation won't change you, diet, supplements, people, whatever you can think of. great insight tools and coming to a healthy place of homeostatis but i'm talking about day to day emotional transformation, truly letting go and feeling alive without trying just like how you did as a child. it is my belief until you resolve your emotional issues that you cannot truly surrender to spirituality. suffering does not seek god, it just seeks relief. there is fear because there is an attachment to the hurt in your past that you took personally because of what you were identified as, if you keep going on and on identifying with (mainly your worldview that developed from early childhood) that fear will always return you to the prison of coping mechanisms it built and keep you drowning in shame and self-pity and the seeking or relief. the fear is change, ego does not want to change because ego feels like it is benefiting by protecting itself - it doesnt give a shit how you feel as the experiencer of it, it's literally just trying to survive. and so the resistance, another thing you need to really stop identifying with even though it can feel so painfully real you just have to keep this idea of taking action despite how you feel but you are experiencing a lot of suffering and getting caught up in the actions of relief rather than the transformation. once you realize you are not your fear and i mean you can only realize it when you do something while feeling terrified or nervous, anxious as fuck, you have an inner knowing what the right thing to do is. because you may eventually just surrender to the fact nothing works except doing what you are terrified of. the more and more you do that, it kind of creates a massive surge of motivation and without even trying pulls you towards more and more right action. this is the mostself-loving acts you can do imo. the ones that feel the worst. keeping the ball rolling is important! you can't just do something once bask in the pride and wait until you feel shit again, it's too slow man. this is right action, not just action. taking right action means despite the anxiety, fear, depression you do what needs to be done, the procrastination is just more fear. you probably know exactly what to do but you need kind of distill it into an action you can take in reality and not your head. visualize yourself actually doing it and then... actually doing it. there is absolutely no other to way dissolve all the shame, anxiety etc inside of you. if you aren't on this page yet, basically you have to show your body through action that it's time to change because the body is stuck in what happened in your past that it never truly moved on from, that's why you can't really enjoy or experience what's happening in the now. until you get it, you'll keep trying to secure your insecurities, you'll never really feel confident and you will keep seeking your approval and needs from others and aaaallll of the cancerous things that came from our conditioning. besides exposing it and feeling it and letting it go. nothing else will work, and until you do that shit it will just sit inside relentlessly making you suffer for absolutely 0 reason and there is nothing that is excluded here, no matter how complex your mental issue is it's just a matter of how developed your awareness is around what you are experiencing through your perception. just some thoughts about getting out of that stuckness, heaviness, feeling like nothing works, desperation etc

here's a great 3 minute video you need to first understand why you can't accept yourself through reflection and contemplation, you are trying way to hard to accept yourself because the lack of understanding. until you get to the point of just realizing the truth behind it you just start accepting. regardless of how you feel, the negative feelings are the resistance from your identity that was conditioned to be something that you're not that you're trying to break free from right now that's locking you up in the loneliness and seperation, so if you go on identifying with the feelings you are just doing this to yourself for an eternity until you accept yourself for what you. you literally cannot be anything other than what you are, see the futility in struggling with this its just developing awareness around what you are and what you are not. despite your emotional state, you have to try your best given your energy. in despair unable to feel for anyone? write and journal for example. feeling okay, kind of decent? walking outside, just saying hi to a few people walking by. listenting to people without judgment, practicing forgiving yourself. feeling hopeful/willing to change? finding a therapist, finding a way to make money to get a therapist etc etc you should go into what happened to you that caused you to close yourself off from everyone with someone like a therapist/healer if you want to actually process some of the emotional turmoil you're going through but the reason it feels impossible is the same as previous text, you experienced pain being yourself > you create an identity that is not you to avoid future pain > you realize this isn't you > now you're trying to let go so the anxiety, the submissive behaviours, the loneliness, seperation - there are all actual logical reasons behind them that you need to understand because it takes a long time to truly understand why you closed yourself off from others and see yourself being compassionate for them, seeing we all suffer and project to the external all the time. but of course if you'd like to share here, feel free to and we can try to go into figuring it out and helping you through this and also when it comes to loving yourself, this can be really hit or miss at least from what i read. self-love is about taking action with what is aligned with your intuition, your heart, your knowing, your true understanding of right and wrong to allow yourself to let go of all the emotional trash trauma you're clinging onto to protect yourself. there is usually working through much fear, anxiety, depression and the heaviness of resistance to which you can always get caught up in avoiding and returning to your prison of comfort which you will always hate.

man this is really like the raid boss for me. so basically as a 5 year old child i saw my very angry father who projected all his trash onto me and i vowed never to be angry more or less or rather the absolute opposite of him, haha yeah... this strategy did not work i have so much repressed rage that i really cannot tap into, anytime i felt threatened or in danger i immediatly suppressed it and acted like nothing bothered me, i have a really hard time understanding what to do about it, the consequence of avoiding my anger is inaction, adopting nice guy shit and also i believe my hypervigilance. the hypervigilance is because my ego just sees everything as a threat and it's just a really hard thing to unwind, it is really a burden. being a guy who never got angry i basically became a massive slippery slope, i had also rejected love from my mother because i blamed her for not doing enough as a child. so i was this person who everyone bullied and i was also so desperate to be liked by literally anyone i kind of abandoned myself just for the hope that someone will love me, this was already happening by the age of 10 or some shit any time i got close with a girl i either completely avoid them or i feel suicidal, any time i felt anger i actually feel a deep fear that i would be like my father. i put myself in a fucking rut to say the least now i've been working on stuff for a while and i know a building a new healthy relationship with anger is vital but yeah more or less it feels like very futile to try to be angry or to surface it up, i cannot even provoke it. i guess a part of me logically thinks i can maybe feel powerlessness but not anger and to instead work on feeling powerless and perhaps its a doorway into anger but man i really don't know. l people say punch a bag, scream etc but it's like im playing an act or acting. nothing happens if anyone could point me out to anything that would be cool and i can elaborate on anything or give more context if it helps

@Flowerfaeiry thankz

@TripleFly hmm i have thought it would be good to experience the fire for once, just to understand it you know? i don't want to play with fire because i already understand the futility of it but i would at least like the experience of being to feel angry. because the thing is the gateways i've created for myself just to feel it are the source of many of my problems if that makes sense, i want to feel anger and experience it so i can learn about it and understand it and let it go. it feels like i'm out of touch with my masculinity in many ways, although i kind of fell victim to instead of dealing with coming into touch with my shadows i instead became extremely independant thinking that would solve it but of coures nah. at my core i am really sensitive to life and i always felt very feminine and loving or something but i've come to see without the full yin and yang i'll never be able to really express the loving part of me until i've become apart of my darker parts

@Preety_India have you went into any catharsis recently? the thing is with these traumas you had as child, it's actually really hard to get into the pain buried underneath the hollowness because there really is some deep deep raw emotions that are incredibly intense, you still really resent and blame your family. i feel like you are very disconnected from your inner child and you are experiencing a big chunk of feeling present with yourself. it's like you look around and there's a lonely silence in your experience of life or something, that's what it feels like for me. https://www.youtube.com/c/TanjaWindegger i really recommend to browse this channel, she's really good some good content on what you're experiencing. what you describe is really like how i grew up, well the most useful thing for me have been to see that how i feel right now is entirely my responability, being a victim of my family, society, conditioning and the fragmentation of my being was no ones fault, all of this pain you're carrying is your parents pain, it's societies traumas, it's really a very holistic understanding there is literally no one to blame and nothing to project onto, a constant reminder the outside world is a complete illusion and your repressed trash is finding ways to project. mdma and psychedelics have been powerful tools of insight. it's just as you keep working on yourself and trying to understand you gain insight and then you come to see things just as they are through resolving traumas you notice a subtle connection to the present moment, it takes a long time. but it's the only thing really left to do, is to surrender, express your will to go into your pain and process it despite the fear, experience catharsis, let go of it all and glue yourself to the emotion > feeling alive and more like you're really here

@Nahm exactly what this guy wrote just watch the rushing is just repressed unconscious arousal trash playing itself out, basically other people are triggering thing inside of yourself that you lack awareness to understand and work on, but just fully realize they are triggering a part of you that when you're by yourself, this isn't activated. basically if you imagine everyone as a mirror, when you're alone you're comfortable because there's no mirrors to reflect what is repressed, when we come into contact with people it triggers things and we assume it's the people we often project onto the people because we lack the awareness we are doing it to ourselves. by projecting we keep the trigger persisting instead of taking responability and looking inside of yourself to understand why in certain social contexts, the way certain people look and act trigger parts of you and make you feel really aroused and uncomfortable. this is what you have to do, and shadow work is a good concept to go into to understand this if you struggle so much being yourself is because you haven't really accepted yourself yet, you get too identified with the emotions arising when you want to express yourself through your heart and not the prison in your mind only with awareness and expressing will to take action knowing the right thing to do despite your emotional state VS aversion to uncomfortable emotions surfacing from triggers that you identify with and believe it's you so you take the course of action's based on how you feel

@Flowerfaeiry hey i've done TRE a few times but i haven't really had any experiences, can you explain if you had an experience after one or two times or you had to build it up after a lot of sessions? i actually really have a gut feeling this could do something for me but when i've done it, it never really gets out of the hip shaking

@LeoX8 .

a big blockade for me is reintegrating into a group of people, a community, family or whatever you wanna call it. when i say reintergrating i mean i carry a heavy kind of complex trauma of slowly being ostracized from when i was a teenager until i chose to leave my family and town behind and move to a new country when i was 21. still, this wound cuts very deep, it seems i have to find a group or community to be comfortable with expressing myself exactly as i want otherwise i don't think i can clean this particular dirt off my lenses. the image that i got caught up has a the core of building my personality around behaving in a way that people will be attracted to me and avoid being bullied anymore and not really expressing what i want, and repressing all the right ways of living i want to be aligned with yet i am turmoil of how to find a community. it's really difficult to find a community that would not judged me, since i basically isolated myself for the past 10 years i am really incompetent with people and get trapped in the knee jerk social reactions and often mess up myself even more, it's a kind of heavy self-judgment that even watched from a point of not being identified with it its like you're at the receiving end of heavy negative emotions, what is a good way to find a group of people could help soothe the patterns of avoidance anxiety and fear that is engrained into me? i can't really find what i'm looking for, perhaps it's too fantasy like and perfect but i really do think i could comeby people in similiar positions to me, who just don't give a fuck as long as we are all understanding judging eachother is pointless