Cathal

@Ulax if it makes sense to you then it's legit for wherever you're at half of the shit i read or hear just makes no sense to me, in some ways it does but it's totally out of my experience so yes confusing in that way

@Space Lizard I always just thought that each person has there own kind of ingenuity that can be realized, somehow life happens in such a way that cuts through all your patterns straight into your heart and it comes alive in the sense it's like a calling to do the right thing because for sure everyone knows deep down there is something wrong with the world in there own eyes, to change the way things are or to aid in the change of life to be more good, more helpful for others to grow, I don't think purpose is any kind of skill or something to do with utilitarian because that's just the effort you have to put in to blossom the purpose. everyone has an intuitive knowing of what is right and wrong and each to their own, i don't know how you create that. it is always just there, masked by delusions of a seperate self - it seems life makes you suffer so much you are forced to awaken to that, if you can silence your mind you can experience your deeper wisdoms far beyond thought - silencing the mind through chemicals is also fine. but no objective purpose for sure, that's where things get sticky icky

@Leo Gura I think you take responsability to develop yourself to be able to take action from a purpose, I don't know how anyone creates a purpose through thinking. There is just so much room to slip into an attachment, a plan, the plans develop from a purpose and not vice versa wouldn't you say? It just came to me when I experienced stillness but there's no way I could ever see it so clearly through thinking or planning my way to it

glad you decided to make your journey visible for everyone

Psychedelics just dissolve the filters to experience non-duality, of course you could also non-duality is always the case. But to really experience that state of choiceless awareness unable to feel any attachments of a seperate self is a whole different world than masterbathing in your head about it, but that's just to get the insight. When you get the insight the only thing left to do is work on letting go of what you have attached to, there is nothing to gain, you gain more and more the less you want things. I think most people here are working on that.

How do you differentiate between your authentic self and inauthentic self?

yes you're both right thats the one thanks

I got a really amazing therapist earlier last year who really changed me, when we were working through a lot of inner child stuff one day she basically got these mini-figures and told me to choose members of my family to represent each one. Man it was so powerful, like I would go into the story and she would move the characters and I would have this intense cathartic moment or I would really cry out from that same headspace of being a child and all that. Does anyone know what that's called? Apparently it's a technique, she said it's quantumleap therapy or some shit but I can't find anything on it - she is a very spiritual person and doesn't really follow the textbook too much edit: didn't look too far from this, and she would then question me

@Focus whatever happens in the future is going to happen despite your worries - worries are merely you trying to predict the future based on your past, it doesn't really exist. you just allow it and stop identifying with the thought, that is what has worked for me anyways. when i worry i just feel allow myself to feel that and not bother with the stories in my head, the feeling passes rather quickly. i think what brings them back is your struggle to get rid of them

whatever is in the present moment just is, if it's sad old events then sink into them. it just is, what's wrong with it? meditation is being present with what is, if you want to reach more flowy absorbative states then sit for longer. practice, meditation - let go of wanting to be somewhere else, because it's never going to happen. you having a desire to have no distractions just goes against what is, that has to be understood. your very desire for to escape this isness of what is happening is you getting in your own way of feeling peaceful with the what is. just be with what is, allow everything. there are no distractions or worries from the outside, it's happening inside of you. you are running from yourself and you will never win that race. these sad old events, if they are intrusive and reoccuring are trying to communicate things to you, unresolved emotions, your belief systems, there are needs not being met etc - your own inner conflict can only be resolved and not escaped

as a child you identified these feelings from being abused as 'you' right, that YOU are inherently unworthy as a human being and it has determined your behaviours up until now but, have you ever just felt.. unworthy? like, admitted defeat to it? just accepted and validated that you feel unworthy? actually say to yourself... "yeah i'm unworthy, i actually believe that, i feel that" and just find some relief, that 'aaaah' moment, like you're falling into a comfortable chair after work. perhaps if you do that, you might feel really uncomfortable. but i think you get exhausted because there's a massive struggle internally to feel worthy. and you end up hopeless because you're still trying to search for this external worth. i think there may be resistance to this, if you completely admit and surrender defeat to your unworthiness (maybe the struggle against your mother?) you can find some relief there. it's just like admitting to yourself and finding relief that you are imperfect, and no longer going on struggling to be perfect. see the pointlessness in it, but then you are like what will make me feel worthy? i don't know, intergrity activity - aligning yourself with what you desire in life and taking action towards it, this approach is more for allowing yourself to stop struggling against yourself, you end up in a deep pit of hopelessness and not giving a fuck about anything going on that way

what is a leaf, whaaaat are the stars? that childhood spark of awe and wonder for this creation. i have no idea what anything is, and no one can tell ever tell me. we all have to see it ourselves i suppose. feeling.

@puporing yes like a year ago i got like 7 months of free therapy, it was life changing. the people/staff at this rad thing are really wonderful people. it's almost a shock something like that even exists haha

feel - act - think = mentally unwell feel - think - act = mentally well

David hawkins would often say it took him 2 years of surrendering to an emotion to let it go - you could say it's like the sedona method in a way, I think it's more the radical surrender to the what is whereas at least from what I see a lot of cherry picking and duality in people who use sedona because there is the surrender of pleasant and good feelings too, not to many people can see how you must be able to be able to let them go too, not to blame the sedona method itself

do you have a therapist besides a psychiatrist?

@Thought Art yesss, a lot. uh i think just completely sinking into that dark night after getting put in my place by reality while being ungrounded, at some point nothing could distract me anymore and i just totally sank into it. i think after going through a lot of catharsis i began to wake up and be like damn im just here lol. but after consistent meditation i was like daaaaaamn im here

clicked on the thumbnail just to be disappointed jk nice video, i went homeless and begged for a while because of how ungrounded a while ago. i think i began to notice a feeling of being grounded after the dark night and the dissociation with that. making shifts while being grounded is so fooken rewarding

@Fede83 have you ever allowed yourself to completely feel lonely? to allow yourself to be absolutely soaked in your wounds of loneliness, perhaps it might be interesting to try for you - the thoughts of distraction, 'to get rid of or avoid', the thoughts of needing a partner to mask your loneliness come from a thought, it is just a distraction to a feeling you don't want to feel/judge therefore you may have never actually fully allowed yourself to feel lonely and cannot let it go which is the struggle you deal with. i also made a video on that the other day, my first one my advice is to just feel it. face the monster and grieve, have your catharsis. sit and journal, listen to music and contemplate how painful a life of loneliness has been - but also be careful! don't pity yourself, the point is to feel it. you still make the effort to meet new people but you begin to gain insight this loneliness is nothing more than a bad relationship with yourself that has an origin somewhere, a trauma

"meditation, contemplation, self-inquiry, affirmations, visualizations, journaling, shadow work" none of those things will change you in the sense if you have a belief system you cannot just approach a girl and get her pussy because 'i am too x (weird, ugly, scared, unworthy) - you confront the belief system by approaching her. the belief arises as a deep fear, like you might literally die if you do that but you completely sink into that fear. thats how u change. bcus none of that shit can bypass these kinds of belief systems just think like that and try to map things - radically confront your own rationality to how you feel instead of trying to fix or get rid of how you feel before you take an action completely accept the obstacles to dissolving belief systems which is a fear as if it were you and you are reuniting with a part of yourself lost to conditioning by embracing it and unconditionally allowing it to surface - it is shadow work in a way, in that example at least

that has been difficult. i pretty much had one decent friend my whole life since i was 13, so 12 years now, who i never disliked no matter what and we bonded through our love for fantasy worlds, mmorpgs, pussy and science. we both started to get pretty mentally fucked when we left school, but we stayed in contact on and off. eventually we started messaging each other about our mental issues like being suicidal (kind of generic guys who don't talk about those things) and yeah. i tried to make him aware of how powerful psychedelics were to show him that this one deep crevasse of perception (mainly deeeeep depression) doesn't have to be the only experience of life and i just know it would blow his fucking mind as it did me but he's too sceptical, we were seriously materialistic anti-religious atheist kinds of people. i think at some point he'll do it and see more truth and pull himself out of his rut because he talked to me about ending it a few times. there is like this kind of trust i could never find with other people, he is a really nice guy we just say wassup every several months now

i think the closer you can come to seeing your own innocence you will have the most catharsis through forgiving yourself for not understanding and forgiving others - as you see your own true inherent innocence you see all others, and it is just one big orgy of fogiveness and realesing yourself from that self-hatred. good luck <3

it's good your noticing this now. it's good you're seeing how full of shit you are, how you manipulate people and so on even look at it very logically - you are showcasing to other people a person who is not truly you. you are hoping they like this person you are pretending to be on the belief system that will finally satisfy the need to feel fulfilled and accepted - BUT IT NEVER WORKS. why? because only being accepted uncondtionally as the AUTHENTIC YOU will you actually feel that acceptance and security, that freedom to never have to hesistate and fully be you. because that is truly what you want here, but why is it so hard? like you already pointed out, vunerability. there is just a fear with an underlying belief system that you will once again experience that same hurt you did in the past that caused you to hide yourself. to be ashamed of yourself. to hate yourself, to feel unworthy, not worth love, not worth a good life but you want a good life, a life of joy. therefore the only sense of this you can make is BE AUTHENTIC. ALWAYS. FOREVER. THAT is all you can do. and realize there is literally nothing you other than yourself y ou can be, you have nothing to give anyone. you cannot be more than what you are and that has been and always was the case, but now the beliefs that you lack something or you need to be better or have more things caused you all this desire fueled by the feeling of lack. radical acceptance, fully surrender to your vunerability, allowing yourself to be vunerable and open and be understanding. you will transform, you will find stability and groundedness, a beautiful masculinity and feminity in your presence. only if you allow it, because it is always present and never has to be saught after

well it's just about radical acceptance and awareness. you know you are not this body yet you experience so much attachment to it, it is just a process of surrendering into the feeling to all that unpleasentness (not being beautiful enough, strong, muscular) and letting it go properly by not getting identified with the thoughts of 'improving, changing, becoming more'. you just let it be. all that shit is in your head because somehow in the past you have developed beliefs that you are not worth to be loved the way you are, the great sickness. i had them since i was 6 lol