Vzdoh

I feel the longing for closeness and intimacy and I am in general more expressive with my feelings. He is less expressive and does things for me instead of saying things. But I do feel like there is a distance intentional or unintentional. And I don't want to fix him or behave like there is something wrong with him. With his actions he shows me he cares about me, but true closeness-wise, I feel like he is in his own bubble and maybe this level of intimacy is ok and normal for him. I will bring this up when we meet up. Will try to state my needs in a non-aggressive and non-judgemental way and inquire if this level of intimacy and closeness is what he is comfortable with and if more is going to make him feel suffocated of sorts. Then I guess it is an incompatibility in the relational intimacy department and I will have to let him go. Cause I can't really change that about him. I am not afraid to express what I need. I am afraid of hurting him while I am at it. Because nobody wants to learn that they are doing not enough and another person is unhappy. He does quite a bit actually, so I even think that is not exactly true. So very difficult to communicate while despite what he already does for me, I still feel unhappy and my needs for deeper intimacy are still not met. Well! I definitely already stepped back, because I see he is quite busy and I don't want to add stress to that. Also focusing more on expanding my social circle. Also, my needs for connection are mostly met by friends and family. But how do you meet your needs on your own if these are needs that can be met only in a relationship? Like the need for intimacy? I find it hard to figure out how to meet this need outside of a relationship. I do feel like I deserve of my needs for intimacy and closeness in the relationship to be met. And that's why I pondering the situation and the relationship because I feel like they are not. I can't force anyone to meet my needs unless they care enough to do it willingly for me. So let's see what happens after we have a chat.

I love him and I told him about it. If I didn't love him and didn't care about the relationship with him, I would simply drop him already and moved on.

Why? I was just trying to help him introspect. Cause current overwork situation is making him miserable in all senses, but yet he continues with it. So my heart aches to see this. That's why. @tzuki How would you define supportive in this situation? Also, what do you mean by self-interest here? I haven't seen him for almost 2 months, because I was away in another country and now in self quarantine. So we haven't done anything romantic or seen each other for quite some time. I feel not exactly neglected, because he does find time to call me every other day and texts me every day, but all of this is generic chatting and kinda like check in with each other. Real emotional connection and intimacy is missing. Most likely he is using this daily "check in" strategy to feel like everything is ok and in his mind it is "a connection" or a "compensation" for real connection and closeness. I haven't openly told him about how I feel yet cause I want to do it in person after my self-quarantine is over. Over text or on a call its difficult to discuss such things. I just so far expressed concern about his wellbeing and him overworking himself and encouraged him to spend more time on himself, doing stuff he likes and enjoys. But didn't straight out told him that he is prioratising work over me and how it makes me feel. Does it make sense to actually word it that way? That I feel neglected and prioratises work over the relationship? What would I achieve with this kind of language, except alienation and defensiveness? I do want to communicate my needs openly, but I do not want to be confrontational or angry or drama about it.

I totally loved what you wrote! ❤️? I can feel raw emotions there and feeling in the moment! ☀️☀️☀️ I personally love guys who can express their emotions freely and not afraid of them. Its liberating, penetrating me to the depth of my soul and back and somehow I feel vital energy flows to the point i become more sensitive to feelings and expressions of others - gets me more empathetic. So emotional exchange is totally amazing and mind blowing and you reach a higher vibration as well! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ??????

We can't grow on our own completely. We need mirrors. Our partners are our best mirrors. If u r not in a good place, most likely u will attract the same - to mirror to you the reasons for why u r not in a good place and better understand it. Don't expect a healthy and happy relationship though. It will only happen after u feel content with yourself and love yourself. Then a healthy partner will arrive.

Oh yeah! ????

She is psychologically unhealthy. Ask her to see a counselor. All she is saying to you is coming from a fear to be abandoned and left alone and a desire to control you. She perceives you as an object, not another separate human being - a subject. this happens normally when the person has a lack of empathy and is highly egoistic. She also lacks critical thinking it seems which might mean declining mental ability if it wasn't this way before. Distance yourself and stop any interaction and talking on all those subjects. Continue communication only if she talks normally and does not paddle all these conspiracy theories with you. If she tries to guilt-trip you, refuse this tactic by directly telling her that guilt-tripping u is not gonna help her be closer to you and have a good relationship with you. See a psychologist as well

you don't communicate with narcissists, you run...

Dear, I am behaving like that - hiding most of myself with friends and family - because I can't fully be myself and show myself and where I am. U r suggesting settling for the same dynamic in the most intimate relationship as well? The relationship that over years contributes the most to either your degradation or personal growth? R u kidding? I will then have no way of fully expressing myself and growing. Only stage Orange can suggest this as this kind of behavior seems OK - justifies the need to be in a relationship. Orange - the wanted result justifies any means necessary. For me it's not an option. The most intimate relationship I want to be the most vulnerable and open where I do not need to hide any part of myself. And that is possible only with people from your own SD level or 1 level lower if they want to grow. I do not hate these people or their expressions, because I understand both the person and his expression is coming from the level of development. I embraced fully this fact and yes sometimes it is annoying like a mosquito or a fly on the wall, but not more... Where exactly I have expressed the judgments of others? U r now judging me. I clearly said that majority of people I meet are at other SD levels with who I do not share common values. Where is judgement in this? Have I mentioned even once that I want someone to change their world view? On a contrary I said I accept their different world views and think it is futile to try and change it because my perspective won't be understood anyways. Seems like somehow u reading opposite of what I stated. I did not say that other stages views are inferior to mine. They are just what they are, not multi-dimensional, not multi-perspective...its normally one way view which is not good or bad, its simply incomplete. You r reading what I write on here in exact opposite. I don't know how u do it, but its appalling to read about "the vibe" when I stated exactly the opposite to it. :)))))))

Yep. Exactly how i feel. Orange to a lesser degree, but good match with green - feeling sometimes like a mentor. My BF is Green.

Go watch Leo's videos on stage orange and green. U r funny! At Tony Robbins DWD event we had SD stages played by people embodying these stages. Stage Orange had the most clash with Green ?????

Precisely! Looking at all stages from Yellow, I can clearly see them for who they are and what they want in life and if person is not on self development journey, I see that they will stay that way for good unless some crisis happens in their lives. Its predictable, its not boring, but mostly sad to know what they need to do to help themselves, but yet understand that I cannot do anything about it. Cause they just simply won't be able to see things from my perspective. And I am not a guru or someone who thinks I can force another person to change. I just see how they suffer in their respective stage and feel compassion and sadness towards them. One more point to note is people at stage red, blue, orange, less for green, suffer a lot from depression and other psychological issues caused by limitations of each particular stage and that's not what I want in a partner.

There is no specific place, but I found that guys who succeed financially - went through stage orange - they start questionning what's more to life? And normally they progress to being green and then eventually yellow if they do a lot of work on themselves and fix their childhood trauma. Yellows r super rare, but I met 3 recently. All very successful and have enough money to retire pretty much. All 3 had issues with prior relationships and doing the work on fixing their trauma. And make it a priority in life to become psychologically healthier. Met them through various channels like friends, social events, one via dating site even. But they r super rare. But I don't give up. I know i will be unhappy with someone who doesn't share my values and someone who doesn't see a point in doing the work. Its similar to a co dependent relationship. If u get in with a co dependent partner, it will take u much much more effort to stay healthy and not get sucked into your partner's codependent ways. Similarly with dating someone lower than u on SD. It will take double the work. So no... I don't think its a good idea to date someone red or blue when u r yellow.

What level do u think you are in? From my perspective being quite yellow currently, even if I didn't integrate lower levels, or I did, hard to self assess, I can't make it work with lower levels. And not because I hate them or have negative judgement towards them, i am quite neutral actually. I see them for who they are. But i also see that we are so different in values system and for that person it will take years if not decades to get where I am. And I just don't want to waste my time, especially if a person is in blue and red and happy being there without doing any work. I noticed that orange and green are at least trying to do the work or question reality and there I see some hope. But red and blue, forget it.

Totally agree with @Leo Gura Values are the most important factor and values define where u want to go in life and grow. After a bit of talking with guys, i quickly sense where they are and what's important to them. And red, blue, and orange really turn me off. And they really can not understand where I am coming from either. Its like we r from different planets. So yeah, the higher is your level of development, the less choices you get in the dating marketplace.

Ignore it at your peril. Status is not the ONLY thing! I mentioned it like 100 times, but it is initial screening filter for most women. Not niche criterium. After status, she will be looking at whether u can lead her and whether u r a true alpha. Women r driven by hypergamy. Its a fact. We never marry guys who earn less than us or lower than us on a status ladder, unless we have kids from another dude and can't compete for the best guy, then we settle for whatever is left. Nature.

Has nothing to do with my ego. I work hard to be the way I am - preserve my beauty both internally and externally. For guys to work hard on their success and being higher value is logical and reciprocative to the effort I put in. This is beyond any ego! This is hard work and u deserve in the end what you put into it.

I am at stage yellow and find it super hard to date any guys at stages red, blue, orange. I get along well with green and above. With yellow guys i click almost instantly. Not many of them though ?

Do I sound like it? I am not attracted to macho guys cause they fail to relate to me emotionally and cannot be vulnerable with me. Vulnerability in a relationship is the only way to develop true intimacy. Only guys who accepted and integrated their feminine side are actually good with EQ and expressing emotions.

Exactly! Girls who want to attract the most successful guy, work on their value, by investing in their looks, body, mind/psychological wellbeing. Why guys want to have a hot babe doing nothing? Just get it in your head/scull that hot babe has plenty of options, understand what her criteria to filter these options are and go work on those areas to better yourself. What's so hard about it? I don't really understand. Why spend countless hours on this forum discussing theory and complaining, when you can just stop the nonsense and go improve yourself to become more attractive? For example, in my case, I already have good genetics, thanks to mom and dad, but I am proactively trying to improve my looks to be able to attract more guys, so that I can pick who I like. Things I do to be more attractive to the opposite sex: 1) weight training/swimming almost every single day. My body is firm and tight and looks better than that of many women in their late 20s who don't do any sports. 2) financial independence - I work for myself, increasing my income, saving a ton, so that I don't have to go for guys who are not equally well off or less successful. I make it a big point actually. 3) psychological wellbeing - there are a lot of womem out there with psychological disorders, self esteem issues, unstable/immature emotionally. I proactively invest in developing my empathy, maturing emotionally, psychological health and personal and spiritual growth. All of the above I am doing regularly and continuously and so I feel like I would want to date me. And of course guys see all these and want to get a piece ???❤️ Become the best version of yourself so that you want to date you and then see what happens! ?

@Harlen Kelly have u even watched it? In a 2nd video there is a clear system presented. And I agree with it 100%. What's not systemic about it? If u have come across better systems view, do share? @Leo Gura talks about the same thing about dating/game in his videos. For guys he recommends to carve out their place in the world and work on obtaining higher social status. For women - to be more sexually appealing. This video i shared talks exactly about the same thing with a systemic overview of the dating strategies and market value in time progression. When u criticise someone's opinion or sources, do provide the rationale for criticism and what other methods/systems u came across are better? Blatant criticism without supporting argument is super immature way to hold a discussion about anything.

Have a look at these videos. I think they sum up very well the situation in the dating market place so to speak. The only way for a guy to be chosen by more women and not get rejected is to improve his social/financial status. The only way for a woman to avoid rapid decline in value is to take care of her body, eat well, look above 7/10, not have kids too early or from guys who won't be there to help with kids. Just understand this is an actual reality and you will be more successful in finding a match. No point to adopt red or black pill for both genders. Accepting reality is the solution. The reason why we have these black and red pill communities on both sides is because both genders do not accept reality and think their market value is much higher than it truly is - dotted line on his graph. The cognitive dissonance between a belief and reality is what creates anger, animosity, rejection, demonising etc. Just accept reality for what it is and what reproductive and dating agendas /strategies both genders have and make peace with it, i. e. use it to get the best mate possible based on your market value.

I dropped a very good otherwise guy because of this 50/50 shit. He was about to introduce me to his friends and family. But I didn't want to go there cause in a long term, if a guy thinks men and women are equal and he does not need to be a provider and give me masculine containment, I will suffer with this guy. Especially when other guys not only want, but compete among each other to showcase to me just how much they are ready to start a family and that they are financially well off to support it.

Masculine men bring out our feminine side the best! ❤️❤️❤️ That's the reason out of 60+ guys I dated last year, I kept only 1 and he is absolutely the man! ❤️❤️❤️?

Thank you 조상범 but I know that ???❤️