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@Leo Gura hey Leo, in my case the guy is actually not trying to maximise sexual value as he has some trauma related to sex and doesn't sleep around at all. Sex is not that important to him. I know probably hard to believe, but that's true. I think he is avoidant type of personality with extreme independence and fear of true intimacy. Very protective of his personal space too. I am just fishing for ideas about how to ask him right questions to challenge his belief. It feels like he is scared of commitment because he is afraid to lose himself, his freedom and be enmeshed in a relationship that is too close. But in general I agree with you for most of the guys it's true - maximizing sexual value. I think I am exceptional though. From who I am to what I have done in life, to money I earned to how I look to how I commit to self awareness and spiritual growth. No lack of men arround me. So don't think its related to me at all. Some internal issue for him.

@Valach so basically you self sabotage by thinking you are responsible for somebody's hurt and feelings? Have it ever occurred to you that you are not responsible for their feelings? And no matter what you do at some point anyways someone gets hurt? Life is suffering, no way to escape, avoid or resist it, only embrace it.

@SamC define super attached? How does it show up for you? How do you sense the fear of you not committing in a woman? What does she do? Say?

@tsuki trading is all about alpha or market inefficiencies. Yes you can argue that by removing inefficiencies, I am helping companies to be valued at correct price point. But this is kinda not as tangible for me as having a human impact to be honest.

@gettoefl tou mean just go route 1,earn bug bucks and then invest or do something with that money for the greater good? How to motivate myself in the process, that's the question? I used to earn 5 figures before. It becomes stale quite fast.

So not sure about other women on here, but for me generosity is a key component if I continue seeing the guy. If he is cheap and wants everything 50/50 all the time, my libido is just going down the drain and I lose all attraction for the dude, even if sex is mind blowing. I broke it off with one dude with whom everything was exceptionally well - mental, spiritual and sex connection, but he was cheap and I sensed that he resented spending money say on a dinner with me. So I decided to walk away. Didn't want him knowing that he doesn't want to invest.

I am on a few online dating apps and the reasons I swipe right and go on a date - good looking dude - pics are fresh - pics show social life with friends - pics show hobbies and cheerful personality - texts to me are not generic, but show interest in me - texts flirty and fun - the guy invites me out for drinks or coffee Hope this helps

Intimacy is our fundamental need as humans. I agree with @Nahm that you need to realise first that all your needs apart from very few, you can meet yourself. Better yet, when you change the spin and your attitude changes to your needs becoming your wants only, something you deeply desire, but not require for your life. And second, its important to develop a deeply intimate relationship with yourself first, before you can become intimate with the other. Namaste

I didn't even reply anything in that post cause it was quite obvious that OP came to the forum to prove to himself his own point, not to self inquire about validity of his point of view. It's like a shut door. Why would anyone attempt to know on it if it close for good?

You might be surprised, but a lot if parents have emotional maturity of a 5 year old. They r not narcissistic or anything. Its just plain old immaturity. Both my parents I think are at ages 8 and 6, respectively. Nothing we can do about it unfortunately.

I simply report posts where I see blatant attacks on me personally or discussion of my personal stuff that I didn't ask for. Don't be afraid to report. If u feel offended or insulted by soneone, its not your imagination ?

Maybe it's weird, but I do not hate any of my exes. I know exactly why relationship broke up and where it was my fault and deficiencies and where it was due to them. And I accept both. From where I was wrong, I made invaluable learning experience and grew tremendously. So don't really understand how can u hate someone if u r crystal clear on what was the reason

@somegirl just like Ekhart Tolle mentioned in the video, ur mind wants her understanding and change of behaviour of silent treatment. But in reality, why does it matter at all? U just accept this is how she reacts to any criticism or attempts to talk to her about how her behaviour makes u feel. Just accept that this is how and who she is. Let it go. Let all she says just pass by you because its not about you, it's about her and it most likely never change unless miraculously she wakes up one day a different enlightened person and decides to change this aspect of herself. And why she doesn't do better than her own parents? U seriously ask this question after u said u understood that was her conditioning as a child? She can't... she is not aware she is doing it. She can't help it. Its her default behaviour. U r questioning a person who developed a PTSD in childhood and learnt to behave in such a way to do better and consciously decide that now she needs to stop suffering from PTSD and change because u told her so? ????????????? Don't u see how unreasonable this expectation of yours is? Sick people can't become healthy and self cure when u told them what's wrong with them. It normally takes a doctor and a long process to get healthy and it won't happen from u telling her how she hurts u. So just make peace with it and move on and take care of yourself. I am sure thanks to this behaviour of your mom, u have got lots of issues to address.

@Thunder Kiss I did a test on attachment styles. Will post a link here for the topic starter. I am solid secure type.

Dear, I am catching the focus u have is to make your mom understand your feelings and change her behavior and acknowledge that she hurts you when she does. Why do u have such a focus? Why is it so important to you? Why r u so attached to this outcome? I did Hoffman Process about 8 years ago where we dived in deep into childhood trauma and impact and patterns of behaviour that we borrowed from parents. Was the best investment in my life! What I learnt there is to love both of my disfunctional parents just the way they are. Not judging, not wanting to change them, not seeking anything from them. Just simply understanding that they are the way they are because they themselves grew up in quite disfunctional household and unfortunately they are similar victims to disfunction as you are now. This realisation that they are actually victims too, not perpetrators. That caused a deep feeling of compassion and love for both of my parents. I forgave them for whatever they have done to me. Because they didn't know better and did it out of negative love dynamic or love how they learnt it in their childhoods. And then you drop all expectations for your parents to be a certain way with you, for them to change or for them to love u the way u think u deserve to be loved. U simply love them, accept them, and move on. And u r able to move on because u don't expect the love they should have given u anymore, because u can now give that love to yourself in abundance. U don't depend on them. Yes. U can try to help them to fix disfunction out of feelings of compassion for them and wanting to stop their suffering. But like with my mom, I tried for 10 years to help her and save her from herself. Invested close to USD60, 000 in all sorts of meditations, psychotherapy etc. But she never really deeply wanted to change. So all progress stopped as soon as I stopped. And that's a very expensive mistake I made. No point in therapy and helping if the person deep down does not feel like they need it badly enough. Even now when my mom has already developed a serious psychiatric condition, she is still not doing anything to recover,even given all the tools. I love her dearly, but I can't be her saviour and I can't do the work for her. So I let it be. I accepted the fact that she might die sooner than later because of this. But her life is not my responsibility. Its hers. So in a nutshell, don't try to change your mom. Focus on yourself and making your life better and fixing your trauma. And only offer help if she really asks for it.

Work on your EQ my dear. I smell u have a very low level of it, and that's why u have this issue to start with.

Funny enough, when I posted about my needs not being met fully in a relationship, I was told I am clingy and need to find ways to meet my own needs better somewhere else. As well as stop extracting "needs" from my partner because it's transactional and its not love in pure form.. Yada yada yada... How different replies look for a guy, having the same issue... Wow!

The D dude was a decent 6/10 overall and in Singapore probably 7/10. White guys here have +1 point by default due to Asian girls chasing them like super prize ???? Combined with the vibe it worked. I never said I am only into looks. We discussed initial approach only. And that largely happening based on looks and presentation. One can give off a vibe only after a few interactions. Somehow I never met a 4/10 or 5/10 that had a good confident vibe. And not inflated ego and arrogant source of that confidence. I can basically smell when confidence comes from deep within because the guy loves himself and respects himself. Or when that confidence comes from the place of thinking too highly of yourself and maintaining an inflated ego. These are two distinct vibes. Never found the 1st one in guys who are 4/10 or 5/10. Always the 2nd somehow.

For masculine activities and primal vibe it is good to do male dominated competitive sports, like lifting heavy, running faster, boxing and kick boxing, any sport where u look around other guys and know inside of yourself u r faster, stronger, more masculine than 80% of men in the room. This should give you some masculine boost! One guy I met was super proud of his dick and performance in bed. He made me come like 10 times and was super proud of himself. Basically do anything that makes u feel more masculine than the rest and tune in into this feeling each time when you are talking to a hot girl. Like that dude with his D fetish, he basically transmitted this vibe to me that he can fuck my brains out - that was hot! And quite masculine if you ask me.

Ok. I am arrogant and narcissistic then ? I don't mind ?

U seriously think in my 39 years players never approached me? ???? All players I met were 8/10, that's why they are players ? One was 6/10, but then he hit my asian fetish. So for me personally he was more of a 7/10. And I am talking about initial attraction which is mainly based on looks and presentation. I am not attracted to guys who are below 5/10 even after having a deep and meaningful convo with them and even if they have an amazing job and success and what not. Why? Because there are plenty of 6-7-8/10s who have the same and I have plenty of choice. ?

Never met a 4/10 man who could offer me 8/10 sexual value ???? Keep calling me misogynistic. I don't care. As @TK2021 mentioned, 4/10 guy approaching me, communicates to me that he thinks he is good enough for me. Rolling me eyes here. If it was like 6/10 or 7/10 - ok I understand - a guy is good looking enough and wants someone slightly more attractive than him, which is normal, all of us want a better deal. But 4/10 approaching a 8/10, really? ? If this is not self delusion, than what is? ??? Just put yourself into a pretty woman's shoes. An ugly and fat woman starts flirting with you at the gym or some place and you normally dated like 6/10 or 7/10 and she is 4/10 at best. How would you feel about it? Wouldn't you think she lost touch with reality? I am sorry I am not politically correct and say things directly and that might offend people with big egos. But it's not my job to safeguard your fragile egos. I am sorry.

Maybe doing some primal men practices?

Yeah, because he is trying to low ball me out of his ego and public honest opinion would show that ?