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@Tangerinedream with covid no chance for long holidays abroad. But we did 2 days staycation for 4 weeks in a row. So we did spend 24 hours together and it was great each time ?

@flowboy well, timeline is arbitrary. If u just go on dates and conversations are very superficial and surface level, and you both didn't get to know each other on a deeper level like we did, maybe it's fast. But we shared some deep shit and he knows everything about me as a person and my values and my mom issues. I shared everything - the good, the bad, and the ugly. Same for him. So from that perspective I feel like it's a logical next step to move in together.

@flowboy after he didn't fully reciprocate I was actually thinking about pulling away slightly cause I don't want imbalance and me 2 steps ahead and him putting on breaks. But I think if i dont share how I feel - that I am ready to try to live together, that will make it worse for the entire relationship, cause I will feel that relationship is stagnating and not moving forward and I am in some kinda limbo. At the same time I do have a tendency to take control over things cause it gives me comfort being in control of the situation and here i will have to wait until he catches up for however long it might be..

@flowboy nothing changed much in his behavior after I told him I loved him. He still texts regularly as usual and we r having calls while i am still abroad and away. But on a distance hard to say really if there are any minor changes.

@flowboy well, you do have a point and I was thinking about it and got quite upset that it seems he is not therr yet. But he does have issues expressing his feelings in like words. He is mostly the guy who shows with action, rather than words. And how he supported me through the crisis with my mom show me he loves me and cares about me. But also, from the other point, I think I should tell him how I feel - that I want to live together - otherwise if I keep it all inside and be waiting patiently until he will say I love you, it will eat me out from inside and will reduce my level of feelings for him in the process. So I am puzzled really what to do?

@Nahm yes. Relevant because I don't think he would like being pushed to do anything he is not ready for yet. Thus this post and me trying to be extra considerate.

@Nahm not relevant that much. Just mentioned it to describe that he is a true alpha guy but with a warm heart for limited number of people he loves and cares about. And its me moving in with him. His place. So it's not my place to ask I think.

@flowboy Based on what I know about him and his relationships, it is difficult for him to say no to people he loves or cares about mostly out of feelings of responsibility for them and how they feel about him I think.

Well, I did say I loved him or rather texted him cause where I was at that moment when the feeling hit me, internet connection was so bad! I could only text instead of a video call. He responded that I am a very special person for him and said if I need any support whatsoever with my mom situation, I can rely on him. That's what hit me the deepest. I am not afraid to just tell him that I want to move in. I am just trying to be considerate here not to jump the gun before he is ready. Thinking maybe to wait when he feels that way too and suggests it himself? Worst thing is to push him to do stuff he is not quite ready yet but maybe will find it hard to say no if I flat out ask him. That's my train of thought.

Hey dear, in all other posts you sound quite green/yellowish, but when it comes to the topic of sex, I sense a lot of blue - moralisation. Moralisation actually prevents your psychology/mind to truly let go and enjoy sex and have multiple orgasms, i. e. feel and treat your body as a source of joy and pleasure and a beautiful object it is!!! With long term BFs, how is your sex? Good? Bad? Do u have orgasms? Takes time or you come easy? I think your question is not exactly correct. It shouldn't be about whether casual sex is sin? It should be about - do I enjoy casual sex? Does my body require/wants it? What does my body want? How it gets aroused, pleased and orgasm the most? What conditions are required? Is it casual sex or some other form, type or shape of sex? From outside, your question about sin seems contractory to me - like u put your body into a box and trying to decide which uncomfortable position it should take inside. I would remove the box and don't require my body to take any uncomfortable positions. Instead i would listen what my body wants now? Is it casual sex? Exploration of sexuality with different exciting partners? Or is it love making with a BF you have true deep feelings for? What do you want, body? This is more expansionary question to ask in my opinion. For me personally, before I did Hoffman Process, I slept around and was engaged in a lot of casual sex. But I have done it not from an authentic place and done it because i had low self esteem and it was a way to hook the guys in. I felt super disconnected from my body in those moments. And always felt worse after sex. These days, actually my body is now connected to my spirit and my heart and my mind. Therefore, what actually happens and I observed it several times - my body is completely numb and senseless almost like I watch it from somewhere outside - this when I tried having casual sex - after that sex not only i felt pain from my body for giving it to someone I had no feelings for, but on top of that, my body felt emptiness and sadness and gap/hole in the guy who is trying to fill his gap with sex when in fact he needs intimacy, closeness, connection etc. It was so painful and empty and I felt absolutely nothing, that I stopped the practice completely and it's been like that for 7 years now. Now when I have feelings for a guy and I know that he is in love with me, my body has an absolute libido rush and I want to jump the guy like several times per day. I did 11 orgasms in like 12 hours last time I was in a relationship. So to conclude - I don't moralise, I don't judge others if they want to have casual sex, but personally for me and from my experience, promiscuity never comes from a full abundant loving place for yourself. At least I don't know such individuals, neither men nor women. Maybe they exist somewhere and my circle of friends is just fucked up, but it's hard for me to believe. But again, everyone is free to do what makes them happy. What makes me and my body the happiest is having sex with a guy, who loves me and I love him.

@Windappreciator i never mentioned that I expect the guy to be always masculine. I actually appreciate the guy who has emotional side to him and certain softness. But if this soft behavior is like 80% of the time, then I would be repelled. A balance of 80% masculine and 20% feminine is ideal personally for me.

@Shin this is actually fascinating! @MatteO22 just repeated exactly the argument my ex NZ beta guy gave me - that he felt like I loved him with a condition - and he took - in my view purely masculine qualities like providing protection and positive containment for a woman - as condition on my love for him. He told me exactly the same thing - that he wants me to love him unconditionally - and when I asked him how he actually sees that happening? Like if he wants me to love him unconditionally, then how he is going to show his love for me then? To which the reply was - drum roll - that he will simply be... at that point my libido for him committed a suicide ????⚒️?? I really understand where he came from. I had poor self esteem and childhood trauma before too and did not love myself unconditionally. So I really tuned in to his trauma. But the conclusion I made out of this situation is the following. People who truly have high self esteem and unconditionally love themselves, actually do not need anyone to love them unconditionally. Because they already actually give themselves all the unconditional love they need. This is based on my internal feeling. Before I craved someone to love me for who I am, unconditionally. These days, I want to love someone and give them love unconditionally to the best of my ability. But I am also realistic and look at attraction and feminine/masculine polarity realistically. And I understand that every men is different and I need to find a way to show my love in such a way that he feels the most loved - meaning there are certain conditions I nees to keep in mind if I want the most impact. For example, a man whose love language is words of appreciation, will not feel as loved if I say do something for him or give him gifts, he will feel the most loved when I say every day how much I appreciate him. This is simplistic example. It's actually much more complex. But overall my conclusion was that to get a guy to love me - not only there r certain conditions, but also there certain actions and behaviour I have to adopt to make my man to feel happy, fulfilled, loved. So in conclusion I think the best approach is to learn how to give yourself unconditional love and don't demand it from others as this is a position of neediness. When you do that, u will feel so much love ovetflow that it will be so easy to give your love and care to others and understand on a feeling level that if your partner does not love himself unconditionally, most likely it will be impossible for him to love you unconditionally. And last point - women perceive men as a force of nature, creation, innovation and forward action = masculine men image in my mind. Therefore, in my mind, simply being for guys = action. Simply being for females = state of balance, quiet energy. That's why I think it's super hard for a feminine woman to be attracted to a guy who does not equate his being = taking action or how Leo puts it = penetrating the world.

@Lucas-fgm he sounds exactly like my ex NZ guy who I dropped because I didn't feel masculine polarity with him as he basically transmitted to me that he needs appreciation, care, reassurance, constant validation, he needs to be wanted and desired. All of these made me feel masculine, not feminine and that's when my libido dropped like a rock and I practically stopped wanting him. Maybe this is the reason why my comments about beta men and in particular sharing that experience about my ex, triggered him so much to the point of attacking and trying to diagnose me with multiple issues and so many assumptions were made on my behalf, it was quite scary actually, to observe such severe reaction.

Yeah, my type as well. I love alpha guys with very developed emotional intelligence. Super rare breed though! Guys i meet especially in Asia are almost autistic when it comes to EQ.

@Harlen Kelly thanks dear! I am 39y old and don't have rosey glasses when it comes to dating. I am also quite authentic as per feedback of my female friends and guys I date. I speak my mind truthfully always. Because to love yourself deeply, u need to be true to yourself first and formost. And I am very much in touch with my feelings and emotions - and I actually observed wild swings in my libido - desire for a guy, when he behaved like alpha - action driven, moving forward, assertive, takes good care of me, provides positive containment and security and safety. My libido just went through the roof to be honest and I couldn't wait to jump the guy. But all the non-alpha behaviours like splitting bills, calculating investments in the excel, treating me like an equal/dude, not providing containment, not taking care of me, actually demanding my support and care like a little boy, not going out of his way to make me happy - with these types of behaviour I noticed my libido dropped like a rock and I simply stopped desiring that guy. This observation is actually fascinating for me. I digged deep to understand why my libido reacts this way and when I came across Teal Swan video on positive containment - I finally understood why. ???

Sounds rapey to me About continuous check in and consent while in the process. One dude I tried to date, I told him I am not ready for sex but don't mind like kissing and making out a bit. So we were doing exactly that but I didn't want to go any further cause I knew him like maybe for 2-3 weeks only and did not build the trust yet. And he completely disregarded the need for checking for consent in the process. Basically like many guys on here and hard close principle, he kept on going although I tensed and was trying to physically stop him and escape his embrace. When he let me go finally, I told him again that I am not ready for sex, apologised for what I thought - leadibg him on - and left. He basically gave me silent treatment after that like a 5 year old. Needless to say, he joined my whatsapp blacklist/blocklist after that silent treatment. Checking for consent in the process is important. Girls not always want to have sex immediately and with the guy they did not build the trust yet. Pushing for sex in this situation is being rapey.

@mivafofa I feel ya... Happened to me exactly in the same way on another thread. I openly shared how I pick guys and what's important for me, only to be attacked for the fact that I don't find beta males attractive and don't want to fuck them. Lots of triggers for beta males on here for sure, but it's not a justification to attack for something u simply have no control over - feminine women are mostly attracted to strong masculine men - alpha men. Cause its expression of polarity. Teal Swan talks about this dynamic a lot.

Fear of unwanted sexual advances. Can be rape, can be someone u have 0 attraction for, trying to force kiss you and touch you, fear of being unsafe and weak on a dark street. Many fears. And this is exactly the fear that drives women to look for protection and security in a relationship with a man. And if we don't feel that protection, most likely relationship won't last long. Because being protected is when we can finally fully relax and enjoy simply being...

I have the same feeling about @Hulia Her comments feel like she is a dude. How can female not understand this? Every interaction I have with the guy ALWAYS ends up with guys showing interest in sex, ALWAYS. Friends or otherwise. When I was young, I was hanging out with guy friends of my bro in a group and there was a point where I clearly saw it is becoming sexual and I got really scared of the possibility of a group rape. And they were friends of my bro!!! I left abruptly feeling severely unsafe. I just refuse to believe that there is a woman in this world that does not experience this fear on a daily basis.

I think Donny Epstein - epigenetics teacher and practitioner is turquoise ❤️

Fundamental lack of self love and self acceptance

@Lucas-fgm ?????????????????

@MatteO22 yeah, criticism like this almost always means deep internal critisism and lack of love for yourself. I have that too and really working on eliminating it right now. Basically I realised that when I criticise others, I disconnect from them and from myself and i reject myself = this is lack of self love at a very core.

@MatteO22 same view. I don't actually consider women who sleep around sluts. I feel compassion towards them because as per my observations, they are doing it not from a healthy place and i am part of those women forums to provide support and perspective to other women. And shaming is a big no no in the communities I am a member of. There is a difference in the language of stating facts and actually shaming anyone. I hope my language is impartial and fact based.

@Harlen Kelly let's turn the argument around and then my question to you is why would a psychologically healthy woman have sex with multiple guys? Like example with a girl after breakup - 11 guys count in a single month. Out of what feelings she would wabt to sleep with as maby guys?