Federico del pueblo

By realizing that these feelings are a complete delusion of the ego mind, some kind of negative meaning making, based on your social conditioning ("find a good man and marry him"), all of which has nothing to do with reality. In your life you are always free to create your own meaning and don't have to go with what society thinks. You are always good enough and your worth has nothing to do with whether you are married or not, or whether you have a cool or not so cool boyfriend. You must escape group think. I, for example, don't want to marry at all and it doesn't bother me at all that my friends are married or have kids, because I have a different value system. I also don't necessarily think that it's wise to marry so young, as young people are not very mature yet and if they haven't known each other for a lot of time it's kind of naive to commit to such a serious thing (divorce rate is fairly high too).

There is a problem with this whole paradigm though. You are basically saying: "maximize every aspect of yourself until you fulfill all kinds of standards that society demands of you for you to be an 8" This is what most people are already doing, constantly living in reaction to what society demands of you and if you do so then your self esteem becomes completely extrinsic. So when you attain some success you feel good, then when you fail at something (or don't fulfill some standard) you feel bad or not enough. Actually what some of these guys do is a step in the right direction, because they step up and say "I can do this" or "I'm good enough now". Making your self esteem more intrinsic is actually beneficial (to some degree). Now of course there is a counter argument to this and there are limits to this approach too. So if you're a fat slop who is 37 years old and lives in the basement of his mom, just playing video games and eating potato chips all day long then probably just being more confident is not what you should focus on primarily ? And maybe you shouldn't expect to get laid by Victoria Secret models. Girls have also told me that I'm an 8, some even a 9 (I just asked them), and you wouldn't believe how little some girls care who are a 5 - 6 physically, without an overly interesting personality and then they may still act like they are evaluating me and have a laundry list of requirements, while I feel like "but you don't really believe that you have a chance with me, do you?" So this kind of behaviour that you described is actually very common from girls, maybe due to hypergamy.

@Emerald Interesting. Do you believe that whether or not somebody is evil (like a murderer) is in their nature/core personality or more of a learned pattern i.e. an ego thing?

@Emerald Ok, got you. Though, if there is nothing a guy could do to affect this subjective part of her sexuality, well, then there really is nothing to do. So it's still the best thing to do to meet as many women as you can, to find the one(s) who are a match for you. Though I'm not too sure about the core personality thing...what is a personality anyway? Isn't this just a mental construction of our mind? I would assume that I now have a different personality compared to when I was 12, right? Also don't you think that the more serious methodologies of personal development are designed to help you changing aspects of your personality? Why else would it be called personal development? So e.g. if someone overcomes a trauma or has a transcendental experience, or changes a negative core belief, don't you think that this will change your core personality?

@Emerald Well I for myself am very aware of my deeper insecurities and I work on all of them but still also study and apply "game". The thing is if you have ever developed some kind of severe emotional hang up around women and sexuality, then there is a lot that you lack, because your insecurities will have stopped you from making experiences which would have helped to develop your social skills and your ability to relate to women "the natural way". I personally find pick up in it's original form to be full of toxic advice, exaggerations, generalizations and so on, but it's not like either you do pick up or "just be yourself". There is more mature dating advice out there too and everyone has to do his own work to separate the weed from the chaff. And honestly all of the information about social dynamics is superbly helpful and I would not want to miss out on it. Also consider how many guys are out there who also have insecurities and don't study game/dating advice/pick up and then can only meet like 2 - 3 girls per year and after a few years eventually end up in an unfulfilling relationship, with jealousy games and constant drama. I mean look, it is easy for you girls to say: "ha look at all of these insecure boys who have to study pick up to get good with us haha, how pathetic" but have you ever really looked at this whole thing from the male perspective? And I mean this like Leo explains in his video "what if reality is nothing but perspective", so you would really have to imagine being a man who's had his trauma and now wants to get better with women, do you not think you would want to study a little bit about social dynamics, flirtation and so on? (but ofc also about overcoming trauma, changing beliefs etc.). If I was a hot girl I also wouldn't study "how to pick up guys the easy way", it wouldn't be necessary. If you're the one who regularly gets approached, who has the privilege to reject a lot of guys because there will always be more, then there is nothing for you to study and then you become more concerned about how to have the best possible relationship.

@Knowledge Hoarder Next to these more universal attractors there is also such a thing as compatibility. If you're an atheist and she's a fundementalist christian, then it doesn't matter how attractive you are, it's still not gonna work out. And there are many more things like this. So whilst you may put your dick in a h0t girl even though she is a crack addict, because you just want to fuck, it probably won't work the other way around. Also you've probably never seen someone with 10/10 game. This is very rare. Don't underestimate how hard it is to get there. It goes way beyond just having confidence and humor. So if you really could witness a guy with 10/10 game you would realize that it doesn't nearly take 100 approaches for him to attract a girl enough to have sex with him. That's a ridiculous number.

@Knowledge Hoarder The succes rate of game is relatively low because guys struggle to really integrate the principles of game in their identity. So they consciously understand that they should be more confident, "alpha", flirtatious and all these things but they do not know how to actually BE these things. Instead they just try to convey these things and pretend to be confident etc. Many guys have trauma or some kind of major emotional hang up around women and sexuality and if they then go out and just put on a mask of confidence then it gets very exhausting because they have to perform all the time. So much deeper work is often required then just knowing a bunch of confident things to say that you can't even say congruently. At some point this endeavour just gets to straining emotionally and because of this and fairly poor results guys just give up on game.

But this is so unromaaaantic ????

Read that post of mine in another similar thread, I don't think you need more than what I provided in that thread. Just because there is competition and other guys with bigger dicks doesn't mean that you need to feel insecure about your own size, especially given how much you have educated yourself about sex, all this other stuff is more important than your size and if that's not true for one specific girl than don't sweat it either. You don't have to be the perfect match for every girl and you can get another one. Stop porn if you're still watching it as it really doesn't help you with that kind of problem.

@Emerald Yes, I agree with that part about feelings and subjectivity, I didn't really believe that checklist theory myself but think that this is what many guys have in their mind. But even though female sexuality has this strong subjective nature to it I still believe that if you work on a variety of things like your confidence - and here I mean on a deep level, like releasing trauma, changing negative core beliefs etc., humor, your attitude (like positivity, what you "radiate" and how much fun you bring to the interaction), your ability to make yourself vulnerable etc. then you will much more likely create more attraction with women (and potentially love at some point). Not because you then get more boxes ticked on the logical, objective attractiveness assessment checklist but because all of these things add very much to the emotional, subjective experience a woman has with you. I mean what more could anyone really do? You either work on your life (lifestyle, status, money, work, success) = the outer stuff or you work on your inner emotional world, and ideally you do both. If you then add to this an extra effort of meeting more women (online dating or going out and approaching) then the amount of options you have with women should drastically increase, how else could it be?

Got it. It's complicated stuff. If you want to be on the safe side as a man, just don't have sex, there always remains a risk. I mean in the end if a woman wants to accuse you of rape even though it was consensual sex then you still have a problem. I think the OP referred to men being unable to tell if there is consent for sex or not due to a lack of communication, but then just assuming that there must have been consent because they didn't hear a "no".

I was very chilled when I wrote that comment. Don't be so immune to some minor criticism, it was justified as you clearly portrayed yourself as the judge of the situation who can evaluate whether Tudo understands women based on his three letter post, but who is also entitled enough to tell him that it's ok because it happens. I would suggest to not jump to some evil conclusions right away If that was not your intention, no problem, just learn to write properly. Ok, back to topic. Well, all of these other things I pretty much agree on. Women do send confusing signals and it takes effort to read them properly. I believe its reasonable to make some effort to understand women better, but within reason, as you can also become kind of neurotic about it, trying very hard to understand absolutely every tiny signal. I would still want to assume that if a women is asked if she wants to have sex and says "yes" then this also means "yes" unless it's blatantly obvious that she doesn't want to have sex but still agrees. If that is not the case anymore then we unnecessarily victimize women, pretending as though they were unable to say no, even though they have all the right to say no. This is of course not to say that women are not sometimes actually a victim of abuse, of course this happens too.

That was a somewhat manipulative Statement...

@Flowerfaeiry This is a tough one, but it kind of is like this. I still remember a time in which it was hard for me to come from penetration. The reason for it was fear due to past trauma (performance anxiety). If a guy is truly relaxed and enjoying the sex (and the relaxed part IS what leads to enjoyment) than it is hard to imagine that he would not cum, unless he chooses to, which doesn't really make sense, because why would you choose not to cum? For semen retention? The only exception I can think of is when the guy tries to prolong sex to give more pleasure to the woman (or both of you) and then becomes to fatigued at some point due to hard penetration, then you can lose your wood and consequently not cum from penetration in that moment. Anyway, I don't doubt that these men were enjoying the sex with you, as in they were enjoying having that intimate experience with you, I just think they still would have enjoyed cumming still considerably more than sex without cumming. Actually, as a man if you penetrate and then don't cum it just kinda hurts in your balls and you feel sort of unalleviated. Though you shouldn't make it a problem if a guy does not cum, because the more he "has to" cum the less likely it is that he will.

Haha yes, this is kind of how it is for guys. They have this idea in their mind that women walk around with some kind of a checklist in their pockets, to evaluate how well all of their hypergamy needs are met, then as soon as the interaction starts the woman will start to tick boxes and there is a certain score that must be reached in order to progress to the next stage. - looks ✔️ - money ✔️ - status ❌ - humor ❌ - grooming ✔️ - intelligence ✔️ and so on... This is obviously not exactly how it works in the real world. Where I still disagree though is the extreme opposite idea of that, where the premise is that it is absolutely unpredictable what women will feel attracted to. There still are clear tendencies as to what attracts women, you just can't generalize it in a "ALL women like X kind of fashion" But could you possibly conceive of a reality in which a guy who is successful, popular, confident, positive, charismatic, on his purpose, intelligent, humorous, good looking, in good shape, socially savy etc. did not do much better with women ON AVERAGE, than a guy who lacks most of these qualities??? Absolutely not of course, it would be ridiculous to believe that. Another misconception that I sometimes see here is that if you are initially a nice guy ("beta male") and then aim to apply all kinds of "alpha strategies" (or whatever you believe is a better strategy), that you can only learn to display all of these things and not actually be these things. Sure, it is not easy to go from e.g. insecure to confident, but it is absolutely achievable whatsoever, it is just more work and takes more time compared to just disguising your insecurity in the robe of fake confidence. This brings me to the last point. Often women say that things like game or pick up would never ever work on them. It is true in a sense that if the guy is still actually insecure just trying to pretend being confident, then most sober intelligent women will be able to spot that. It is not true for the second case I described above though, when a guy has actually become the thing that he originally was not and had to consciously study first. You eventually reach a point of verisimilitude at which it is not possible to spot "game" anymore, it is invisible at this point, you are then basically just like the guys who have always been good with women. Also realize that all guys who are "naturally" good with women do have game too, they also learned from experience and from peers etc. just within a more random, unconscious process, they have a strategy too, just that their strategy has become who they are a long time ago.

Are psychedelics really recommendable for people dealing with serious emotional issues? I ask this because I've read that e.g. LSD and shrooms could potentially exacerbate whatever emotional mess you're dealing with (as in having a horror trip). So ist this really a good idea?

Hi Preety_India. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot. It's basically a neurotic personality that you're describing so maybe you should watch Leo's video "40 signs that you're neurotic" and a bunch of other vids. What you describe about the people around you sounds worrying. I suspect that you are "using" these people to satisfy your own emotional addictions, because even if we don't like our negative feelings we are also addicted to them. Like this you are caught in a nasty cycle. Like you probably know that women who were abused as a child, later in their lives will seek out partners who abuse them again, and not just once. They don't really want to be abused but it "helps" them to maintain their self image of "I'm a victim", "I'm worthless" and so on. I would have gotten rid of these people a long time ago, it frankly sounds like they are just a bunch of snobby, narcissistic a**holes who don't value you and are just concerned about looking good. Have a higher standard for yourself. It also sounds like you have still a bunch of things to learn, like asserting yourself, speaking your mind, drawing boundaries and so on. At the same time you have to do lots of self-beliefs or self image work and maybe also trauma release work. You may be dealing with some kind of either overt trauma (Trauma with a capital "T") or covert/developmental trauma. It sounds like your negative thoughts ("I feel like loser") are already wired deeply into you, on a deep identify level, so you will have some work to do. My suggestions would be the following: - check out the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza (e.g. the book "you are the placebo"), with this work you could combine meditation with working on beliefs and emotions - check out a technique called emotional freedom techniques ("tapping"), this is what helps me the most to release negative emotions and stress even of Traumatic origin - search on YouTube for a 4 part video series from "Julienhimself" on self esteem, it's really good, and if you like it you can do the release meditation he recommends - I haven't watched Leo's videos on fear yet, but they're probably dope Topics of interest for you could be the following: - self assertiveness - self image/self beliefs and beliefs in general (huge!!) - non-violent communication and related things (e.g. "me-messages") - the subconscious mind - trauma - social dynamics I wish you the best!

I think it's not very likely that RSD will hire more coaches, but who knows, anyway it would be very hard to get in there and become a coach. There are probably thousands of guys who want to do that... In one way or another you'll have to surround yourself with like-minded people who study and apply social dynamics and game, but this shouldn't be too hard to do. Join groups on Facebook etc and go out with these people, after time you will find more and more skilled people. I like your lines btw

I can experience something that is somewhat similar, though not to the extent you describe. It happens when I've been horny for too long on a given day because I've been talking to some attractive girl, without having had the opportunity to release the horniness for too long (sex, jerking off). Then my balls and perineum can start to hurt, and the fact that my continuously (or repeatedly) hard dick has been trapped in my pants probably doesn't help much either. Though, it has never been a big problem for me, it is just a bit annoying but not severely painful, so I can't really help you I guess. If you know you get aroused very strongly by girls I would try jerking off about an hour before going out, and of course ask your doctor about it.

Isn't it funny how women think that men run games on women while men believe that women run games on men

I think you have to prioritize certain things over others for some time, to reduce your overwhelm. It sounds like you're very stressed and anxious and I would assume that this is not only the result of your current life situation but maybe also has to do with your past, like your upbringing, social conditioning, maybe past trauma... basically the way that you're programmed (= how your brain is wired). If any of the aforementioned factors are present, prioritize working on these things together with general stress reduction first, before you go about more ambitious career and private life goals, as these things are a big energy consumer. Seek to develop a higher degree of mindfulness in your day to day life, try to be aware of all of these small events and triggers everyday that in summary accumulate to a lot of stress and anxiety and see if you can handle these things in a calmer way. What exactly is happening day in day out in your job and the rest of your life? Is it that your boss is nasty, or your coworkers? are you being manipulated? Do they constantly dump a lot of work on you because you never say no? Are you successfully asserting your boundaries? And what are all your thoughts about all day long? How much time do you spend indulging in angry or insecure thoughts (and if so, are these things patterns that were created already a long time ago?) Please realize that stress is still a subjective experience and two people can react very differently to one and the same event. So you do have some power over how stressed you are. And did you know that when stress becomes chronic, it gets wired deeper and deeper in your brain so that over time you end up with a brain that is much more efficient at triggering stress responses so that it becomes still harder to deal with your challenges? You really don't wanna enter that downwards spiral! If you don't meditate already I would urge you to do so from now on, or even simpler than that: do rythmic deep belly breathing as an exercise (like inhaling for a count of 4 and exhaling for a count of 6, for at least 10 to 15 minutes (could this be done on your commute?), the latter serves as a bottom up technique (affecting your brain/nervous system with your body) to activate and strengthen your vagus nerve of the parasympathetic nervous system. This is important because you're probably already in a state of constant high sympathetic arousal (= stress). So in summary: - improve your communication with people - increase your awareness/mindfulness/level of consciousness and your emotional intelligence - cut out unnecessary burdens for some time and focus primarily on improving your emotional well-being, so you can become more resilient, resourceful (less drained) - practice stress reduction techniques like breathing techniques or yoga or meditation or a combination of these things And don't wait until it's too late, as I can tell you from my own experience that once you crash and get sick with some stress induced illness it can get really bad, you really want to avoid that!

Haven't watched the vids yet, but it definitely sounds intriguing Will check it out.

That's what I mean. It's good to acknowledge the truth for what it is, but if you then only use (certain aspects of) the truth to make yourself a victim, nothing has improved. I basically aim to acknowledge the facts as they are but then focus on what helps me the most and I choose my beliefs accordingly.

Hi everyone, I've just recently come across this still fairly new black pill community where guys say that nowadays you can only be good with women if you have really good looks (for the most part), and some other cliché things like money and status. They have YouTube channels where they analyze the looks of different guys, talking about the chin lines, nose bones and so on. It's pretty much the most negative group of people I've ever found online, still more negative then MGTOW and some extremes within the red pill community. They go as far as considering/recommending suicide or even mass murder to cause "structural changes" within society, to make women and "chads" understand that there is a price to be paid if you make a big percentage of men have miserable lives. Now, I'm not concerned about their belief system as in wether or not it is true what they say women want (as I know from experience that it's not how they claim), it's just that I'm still in disbelief, I really didn't think it could get that bad... What are your thoughts on this tragedy?

I have no idea what the problem was. When I wanted to open the website it simply wouldn't load (on tablet and phone), so I thought the what was down, but apparently it wasn't if all you guys could post here!? I think I prefer to just follow my own approach of working on myself, my beliefs and emotions, creating the life that I want and overcoming insecurities that are relevant to dating (approach anxiety etc). But thank you very much for your informative posts!