Federico del pueblo

You're welcome! It's nice to know that my advice was helpful. And let me know if you need more help, my knowledge on especially this topic is still much greater as I had these same sexual insecurities for quite some time.

I couldn't acces actualized.org the last 2 days or so and now I see that this thread has gained some (unexpected) moment, Thanks for all the answers! I don't feel attracted by the black pill anyway but I was simply being curious and kind of "shocked" by the amount of negativity and weirdness of perspectives within that community. I don't deny that looks are a factor in dating, it is definitely helpful to be good looking, then again you could be a male model and still pretty much suck with women. So to me it looks like there is a grain of truth in what the black pillers believe but it's still a massive distortion as to how important the different factors are.

Learn about a technique called emotional freedom techniques (EFT/tapping). Once you've worried for long enough you enter this downwards spiral that is typical for fears of failure (like performance anxiety). Your fear due to the "negative" experience and especially the worry afterwards makes new "failure" more likely. You will then try to resist the fear or worry even more which further conditions this fear in your nervous system. I'm not saying you inevitably have to enter such a downwards spiral, it can be avoided by not making it such a big deal (see below) and staying relaxed. It's not like your life is on stake. Anyway... EFT is the best technique I've ever come across to release this type of emotion (where the unwanted emotion leads to more of the problem which will lead to more of the unwanted emotions). Also reframe the experience and have a plan b. Not getting it up is something that will happen to most men at some point in their lifes. It is not something we're usually proud of, but it's definitely not as much of a shame as you think. Learn how to please a girl with your fingers and mouth (critical). If you happen to not get it up again, don't ever take any shit from girls, don't feel guilty. Just explain to her what you think the reason is (like nervousness or so) and offer to please her in other ways. Realize though that some girls can feel insecure and think that you may not find them attractive enough and that this is the reason...just explain that this is not the case... Never create any sort of bullshit meaning about yourself in regards to not having gotten it up like "I guess I'm a loser then". It is a human thing. It has happened to male porn stars. If you happen to already have some kind of "loser"-thoughts you could use the above mentioned technique on these to. Also realize: Sexual arousal and even relaxation can't be forced (at least not under every circumstance), it can only be encouraged. The harder you try to get hard, the less hard you will get. Do the opposite, do NOTHING, arousal occurs naturally, there's nothing for you to do... Quit porn entirely!!! This is important to lower your "arousal threshold". The more porn you watch, the more you will need porn-like stimulation in real sexual experiences, and probably it also makes you feel insecure performance wise, because of how stud-like the porn actors are. It's not a very helpful comparison for you... Shift your focus away from "having to perform" to "enjoying the sex as much as I can" which would in turn automatically improve your performance and realize that even just calling it performance is already misleading and probably putting unnecessary pressure on you. Ok, that's it, I hope this helps. Greetings, Fred