Ok,I meditated a while(now I can't do it too often because I live in a dorm with another 3 students and I don't really have any alone/quiet time),I watched most of your videos,I tried to get some answers out of my mind but everything seems weird.It's not that I'm giving up,but:
1) I am not motivated to do anything with my life.I'm not excited about finishing college(but I will since it's my last year),maybe having a wife,kids,a job,money,fun,etc.The problem is that I want to be happy,but I know having money,houses,girls,etc isn't happiness.So...the purpose would be to become truly happy,enlightened,but we all know that's a long road.
2) I can't combine this "reality" that society provides with the reality of what I truly want.Most of the days are boring for me,nothing catches my attention.There are some days when I'm angry that I must do this shit,play my role in this "movie",do things I don't want to do,doesn't matter if they are hard or easy.
That freewill vs determinism video made me even more indiferent about life.
Now in the end I'll say that I tried most of the things you said in videos,I didn't just took your word for granted and voila,new me and shit.
I don't know if this is all I have to say,but I'd love some answers because I'm quickly pushing away most of my friends,my parents don't like this even if I'm hiding it when I go home from time to time,I get angry and drink myself to death&smoke to chill(which is pointless for the bigger picture,but for the moment puts a smile on my face)...I thinking about seeing a psychology expert or something(however I don't quite have the money and I think it would be pointless).So?Any thoughts?
