Loba

Oh no, I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. Maybe you didn't have one because you didn't die yet? I've also fainted and fallen on my head and I just blacked out, there was no NDE. My NDE was just a peak around the curtain it wasn't a full on NDE. I have an autoimmune disease and when it first started that's when it hit the worst. My hands, feet, lips and tongue would turn blue during flare ups and I think it probably affected my brain as well. When it was hitting me the hardest, I went through the fear of death by just accepting it and allowing whatever emotions I had about the process to wash over me and that's when I was able to experience the other side. It left a lot of questions though, and very few answers. I think that physical death is real, but that the soul leaves the body and goes back to where it came from, where that is I don't know. I feel as though we keep going on in our evolution, that we are here on earth just to become more aware of ourselves. But it's hard to know, I won't hold anything as an absolute truth until I actually die. I feel the same way, I'm kind of losing my mind wishing I had more answers than questions.

I watch a lot of NDE reports and have had some personal experiences of semi crossing over. From my understanding, your soul leaves the body through the top of your head and you go to a dark waiting room where you will either be greeted by someone or you will go alone through a tunnel to get back to the light. You will then unify with it and have a life review, which is where you see all the events that lead up to where you are now playing out all at once. This process isn't linear, you learn about your life in the blink of an eye. From there you will meet other beings, aliens, angels, religious figures, family members, etc. and then the sky is the limit on the types of experiences you'll have. Some people go back to earth and get to witness different places in time, some go to a school-like setting and get to see how souls progress on their journey, some go to really beautiful natural landscape type places and get to float around. Some people become orbs of light and they get 360 degree vision, some take on the form of when they were younger. From my experiences, it felt like I was just a bubble surrounded in a safe place with other bubbles that were my family, we were like a cluster floating within reality and I felt loved and accepted, and they were witnessing my life playing out as I was living it. When I die, I imagine that I will go back to wherever this cluster of bubbles is, but I don't know how it's all going to play out or what it will look like or how I will experience it.

I have this feeling chronically all day every day. I've had experiences of the other side and it felt much more unified and loving than it does here and I have a longing for that sense of love and wholeness that isn't obtainable in this world as the person that I am now. What stops me is that I have family members who would probably blame themselves, and they did cause many of my complications later in life to be quite honest, but I can't stand the idea of them having to find my body and live the rest of their lives in pain because of what I had done. I know that there is karma to be worked out on the other side, and I don't want to add to my karma by making other people miserable and then having to wait around for them to die to explain to them the pain that I was in. I also have some pets that would be confused and sad if I just disappeared one day. I've experienced what felt like my family on the other side before and although I don't remember them and don't know who they are, I miss them quite a lot and wish to get back to a place where imagination and fun and love are the predominant moving forces. So I spend my days contemplating, working through the fear and building on my death so that when the time comes it is something to be celebrated. I have a partner on the other side, I have a "pack" of other souls and wish to celebrate another level of existence with all of them. I feel frustrated with myself for having mental, emotional and physical problems and I don't have the adaptation or the energy to change. I think there is hope, but that hope lies in death. I think it will be a sweet, somewhat sadomasochistic release of a lot of pent up pain and confusion. I think there will be a sense of knowing and growth and ability that we don't have here in this world. But I also think that part of the process of this life is living it to the end, even if it's hard and even if you don't want to. I think that suicide could ruin the surprise, like opening a birthday present too early. But who knows. If consciousness has a plan for everything and is aware of the comings and goings of everything, then why would suicide be a surprise? Should it not be included in the experiences we set out to have? I don't know. What I do know is that we have a purpose while we are here, that our souls are meant to grow in awareness and that this world aids in the process of that. I just hope that when all is said and done, that I don't have to come back here ever again. I want to be wrapped up, warm, safe, loved, whole, capable, complete, genuine, free and fully spirited with powers greater than myself. Death will either be a wonderful experience, or nothing at all. But yeah, I do think about it a lot, I just can't do it because I know that the ramifications of my actions will create something that I don't want for myself or other people. I might do it after my parents pass away, and if God is good then my disease will just kill me sooner rather than later and I won't have to worry about any of this, I can just go. Like a free get out of class card. I wish the world was fun, loving, safe, connected and peaceful but it's not and it takes people away from who they really are. I've lost my spark. My desire to progress in any meaningful way and one day blends into the next. There has to be something better for everyone on the other side. I have a strong faith in this.

I relate to much of what you wrote and I hope you find peace and happiness. I am also a deeply traumatized individual and there are days where I too feel demented and incapable of changing my circumstance and I allowed spiritual insight to be tainted with delusion, but you must know it's not your fault - life is hard and things can happen. *big hugs*

I have a mental illness. I saw that part and thought it was harsh, but I stay away from people for the most part anyways in order to avoid drama, so I was just thinking to myself, "Already got you covered." And I kind of don't really give a crap about what Leo says or does in his life, I like his videos but as far as stuff like this goes it's just background noise. People have a right to choose who they want to hang around and if he doesn't feel comfortable around mentally ill people, it's not the end of the world. Whatever. To be fair, I don't like arrogant people and probably wouldn't chill with Leo so it goes both ways.

Weed, coffee, having time to myself, tasty food, caring for my pets, sleeping a lot, studying spiritual things - just the basic stuff that losers like me enjoy.

Organize my room, write a goodbye letter, pray, spend time with my pets.

@Blackhawk I'm asexual so I don't care about being desired, in fact, I tend not to like it very much. I'd be okay with just being healthy, feeling comfortable in my body and not worrying about the day to day.

At least you're healthy. I don't care that I'm not hot, I wish I could have been just healthy and normal - there's no point in living if you're diseased and miserable. Enjoy your health. That's all that matters.

@JoeVolcano Truth, thanks Joe.

I get it and relate, but the thought of death is too much, too. There's no guarantee it's all going to be okay, so all we have is life. What if the other side is worse? Or maybe there is nothing at all? That this is all you get, just some crummy life and then zilch?

Wow, this thread... so this forum is okay with the threat of abuse of power if they don't conform to another person's views, without even being given the option of discourse on the matter and that's just perfectly okay? That anyone who disagrees is "just against me" and there's no wiggle room? See, that's messed up, because we all have our problems with life and things to overcome and we can't just bring our personal struggles into the equation and try to shove them down other people's throats because we "feel bad". That's not acceptable, and I expect better from this moderation team. If you can't put your personal struggles aside to view things from an objective standpoint, then you shouldn't be in a position of power over anyone. That is abusive.

Eat breads, greasy food and drink a lot of water.

I guess I have a few questions and some beef - I guess I feel like, to a large degree, it is appropriation of another person's life experiences/gender. You "feel" you were born a woman but didn't actually have to live it. What if I said, in modern America as a white woman - I "felt" black and therefore everyone should call me black and refer to me as black, and if everyone who disagreed was racist? Everything that women have been through, that we go through... It's not the same, and then just to decide to change your gender... well... if gender is a construct, why are you choosing who I am, to then become? Why not an entirely new thing, the world is your oyster? And when you see the representation, much of the time it is a botched representation... still... of what a MAN thinks it is to be a woman. That is, at least, when representing trans, what much of the media represents. Still, even becoming a woman, it is a man's definition. That's legit how I feel, it's just not the same. There needs to be a third representation for all of this for genders who don't have the actual experience of growing up that gender. It's a kick in the face otherwise, for a gender that has had a hard time with representation, equal rights, accurate understanding and, and then you just have to be all okay with it and if you say "I don't want a dude in the restroom with me" you're a bigot, like WTF? Like, any weirdo can put on a wig and use a woman's restroom now. I think this is less of a gender problem and more of an issue where people don't feel seen. Male and female is imprinted into our very DNA, into spirituality, it is a part of how life flows and to just throw that away and confuse all of it for a 1 in a, what, like genuinely, not transtrender, but truthfully, 100,000 - this isn't progress - this is societal confusion misrepresented.

I don't know, I don't feel like it is my place to decide for another person or define them or whatever. As it is, it takes a lot of self-discoveries to decide for yourself how you express certain things. I generally don't know what I think or feel about gender constructs as it doesn't affect me a whole lot personally, I think that most people are in this boat, where they need more education before they can decide what defines a woman. I wouldn't want to come out with an opinion that was not educated on the subject, and then define another person based on that uneducated opinion.

I don't know, when I was nearly completely alone for 6 years, sans going out once a week to do shopping/visiting family, I found that I couldn't handle what I had learned about reality. That there were things that just seemed beyond comprehension, and it made me sort of feel off most of the time, like all I could think about was dying alone, or being alone when it happened, and I was dealing with a sickness around that time and so I would find myself in these very, very strange states - like a mixture of a fever dream and a psychedelic experience and an awakening - I learned a lot of profound things during this time, and it made me so much smarter - but I still struggle with executive functioning and I am naive about the world - this leads to shame and also a worry that I could not manage being on my own again. It was like an evolution and a devolution at the same time - I realized I was too "open" and that consciousness couldn't function that way normally - it was like taking an almost nihilistic mindset, but not in theory, where the void actually became a constant companion and a "magical hat" almost that I could summon and pull from. But I lost most of my social abilities during this time, too, and I couldn't, and still can't, have just a normal, human day. I live with family, and it's easier to work together as a unit then being on your own as well, being on your own, you have to know a lot about a lot in order to survive - it is both easier and harder. I try to vie for as much time alone as possible, and don't contribute as much in active labour, and sadly, spirituality cannot serve as something worthwhile for my group of people as they are atheists. I envy your ability to be social and to gather people around you to share with, I've never been good at that and have always wondered what it feels like to be extroverted and your post explained a lot of what it feels like. I think, for me, being alone constitutes a lot of self-discovery, and trying to understand the nature of what reality consists of, and that having time to myself to bore a path towards truth - it's all that I have in the end - even if you have people around, how much you understand about reality and death is all you leave with and this sort of lights a fire beyond the need to socialize, or to even be concerned with loving being alone - it's like, the enjoyment of being alone doesn't matter when it comes to figuring out what this all means, and quick, because life itself is like a light, one moment it's there and the next, who knows? I mean... people say they know, but even after moments of understanding, there is still doubt. Being alone is like listening to a song, and that song is only meant for you and no one else - and it speaks to you in ways that harmonize with your inner spirit - and when it's all said and done, you feel connected with the present moment, and it's like, life itself just wants to vibe with you, and it does, and everything that ever existed and ever will, all here and now, just wants to listen to the tunes of a chill beat.

I wish I could give you a better solution than what other people have posted here, but it looks like you got some good answers. Just wanted to say, I have the same problem. With the internet in general, I am a constant writer - I just do it nonstop practically, and so I love to listen to lectures and all sorts of different things and learn something new every other day, there's just so much out there in the world, I feel as though by not listening to lectures and researching that I will lose the chance to gain as much knowledge as I can. I nicknamed myself "The witch of gluttony" because I am so ravenous for information. It isn't low-tier content, although I could stand to listen through some of the more extensive lectures rather than the easy 15–30-minute ones, just have not had the time to go through them with the dedication I require in order to grow, but maybe in the future. If I were to change my lifestyle, what I would do is get a playlist or watch later of certain things I wanted to learn about and spend two to three hours each day just learning those things, taking notes, and then avoid YouTube for the rest of the day, but I find that I need music to go into certain states to get in the right frame of mind, or that it helps with creative ideas - and those ideas are not restrained by a time slot. Maybe you are like me in that regard in that you like to consume new ideas and perspectives and that can be addicting for sure! I support you in finding a better alternative. Good luck!

Personally, I don't understand politics that well. I've seen my family get into it, they're raving Democrats, and it just seems like it makes them more intolerant and see the world with a bad lens. Their life revolves around watching Democratic news and they spend most of their free time eating up that garbage. I feel like the ego can really get stuck here, and I don't want to get involved. I'll vote Dems because even without much political knowledge it's clear the Republican party is bad news bears. I feel strongly that my purpose is to devote most of my attention to understanding the spiritual sphere and carving out my path there, and it's where I feel at home working - I understand it, it makes sense to me. I mean, I have common sense, when you see what the Democrats want to move towards, it seems logical to move in that direction as well, so I know my votes are going towards a good cause. It's up to you, if you feel like moving in that direction, then learn a little bit here and there and move on if it doesn't feel right. I think people have destined paths of knowledge and it doesn't always have to include what everyone else is doing, just stick to what makes you feel passionate about it, what keeps your ears and eyes perked. For me, politics isn't that - it's more like a nail on a chalkboard.

Worrying about traps others are making and not what you yourself are doing. I've noticed this has become more of a pet peeve thread than anything else. "Oooh, ooh, I remembered a pet peeve, better go post it in that online forum for everyone to see. Aaah, that's better." I mean, get real.