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Everything posted by caveman

  1. Hi, the ACC FB group seems pretty hostile to the provoked urine test, can anyone direct me to how I can interpret it? The lab analysis seems quite useless. I've taken the equivalent of a round of DMSA 25 at once, sampled it over the next two days while also directly doing my first round. I've done all the research and all the symptoms are there, mostly cognitive. Side effects during and off round were there, mostly sluggishness, intense tiredness, but also glimpses of euphoria and bliss. So i'll definitely keep doing it. If anyone has experience it would be greatly appreciated. Seems like Aluminum (72 ug/g), Chrome (0.9ug/g), Nickel (4.54 ug/g) are high, not sure about the Mercury (1.1 ug/g). Thanks Leo for sharing this stuff, and anyone who can help.
  2. Hey guys, i really trust your advice so before i dive into google/youtube research full on, any personal recommendations for basic setup to record videos? I'm thinking of recording my creative processes and more. I already own tripods, a full-frame Canon camera, but have never really used them for video. Recording/microphone tips both indoors and outdoors would be great. And your preferred software? No budget really for that so free would be great. I may be able to work it with MovieMaker. No effects needed aside maybe adding text. Yes yes i'll google it too P.s.: i'm thinking of creating a channel where i would talk both in english and in another one of my native languages. May be confusing but it may also strengthen the brand as a whole for those who can speak both? Or would you advise against it, and create separate ones? And perhaps just reference each other? Thanks <3
  3. @SamC You're right, it is a strategy. It may have seemed that i am dismissing the value of investigating it, but i do think it is great that society is looking into it. The more we know about these strategies the better we can be aware of them when they happen. But personally i feel that the boot and the brain are ultimately the same - ego. The pleaser and taking blame in my view is still a form of narcissism, only on the negative polarity. "I'm negatively special". I know i could see both happening in me.
  4. I agree that a narcissist is also someone who doesn't want to hear that they're at fault. Same coin, different side. Sometimes you jab, sometimes you cash in. How do you know when you've transcended it? You see the whole dynamic, and just know. And don't get triggered - or identify with the trigger. I also agree that until you've become enlightened/awakened/mature everyone's got it to some degree and in some situations with different people. It's just ego, in plain old spiritual terms. Calling it narcissism is just the therapist catching up with the monk.
  5. So i've got big bunch of books that I will be reading in the following order: trauma and emotions, focus and productivity, refining and mastery. For each category there are let's say 4 books. How do you find it most effective to really learn and absorb each one? 1- Would you dive in a days/weeks long full immersion, one after another? Contemplating each day, finding connections? Doing a recap every weekend? 2- Or do you approach it more organically, perhaps even "rainbowing" it (1 from the first group, one from the second group, one from the third group, then all over again), with no "intensity" to it. Method 1 is telling me that it is smart because I would unlock different notions asap that could then snowball earlier on in my learning process. Method 2 is telling me it has more time to sink in and be observed in every day life, plus that I could work on improving my creative skills. Usually I would go for method 2 but considering how much more effective one can become with the right information, I'm wondering whether updating RAM would not be a good idea at the expense of putting practical skills development at a minimum for 3 months or so. Yet it won't have that prolonged exposure that helps assimilate it. I feel i'm at a turning point in shadow work, lots of emotions and delusions popping out like pimples. These are the same ones that in a way do not want me to learn because it would mean the death of some versions of the ego, so it's maybe more important than the outer work itself I'd say. Looking forward to your experiences.
  6. Rick Rubin actually co-founded Def Jam with Russell Simmons. Here is the above cited interview between him and Kendrick Lamar. Nothing groundbreaking but still a cool perspective for any creative or hip-hop aficionado. To me, it's beautiful and inspiring to realize how ultimately those who nurture a calling, sort of create a global family of their own. Gives me big time FOMO, but not in a materialistic or status sense.
  7. Ok I see. The actualizing/spiritual ego is still ego. Like in the engraving, my head is able to peek into your words, while the (emotional pain) body into which the ego is rooted is still inside having convulsions. "I" "need" to "close" the "gap". ?
  8. Anyone else know that feeling of "I'm not feeling all of my body"? Like a certain numbness behind you, or above you? That makes your perception a bit dull and heavy? Like your repressing something without knowing that you are doing so? Like the right side of my head, my face, my jaw and shoulders feel very very tense, almost like they're filled with concrete and about to pop. My arms, lower body and back feels foggy, numb, like nothing. Other times i feel like the third eye position tingling very fast for short bursts. Using a form of shamanic breathing and sedona method for about a few years and it works because i have been feeling ever so lighter but I was wondering whether anyone found him/herself in this place and how they moved forward. I feel like there's a big boulder in my emotional release path that just does not want to move. How do you look at that which you cannot see or your ego is hiding?
  9. @Nahm I'm getting the feeling this is pointing to the idea of embodiment of the "Absolute", without manipulations. It makes sense but I just don't see how awesome I am, I mean I kind of do as actualizing consciousness but not in such a way as to shatter the mental lies fully, especially when it comes to relationships. Will have to meditate on this for a while - in the meantime thank you... for the sofa king awesome insights.
  10. Is your diet and eating schedule in place? Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating any junk food (soda, sugar, fried, etc.)? How is your exercising routine? Do you meditate at least once a day? Are you consuming social media/TV excessively? If these are not sorted all else is very difficult in my view.
  11. @Nahm <3 It could be that i substituted merely noticing with ruminating at a certain point. And yes, I am seeing also what you say about the cover stories, that we look anywhere but here, so in a way I am looking at the world through some basic limiting beliefs that I never even realized/questioned were simply a pair of glasses, and pulling the mirror straight onto my face literally feels like a sloppy muscle to be practiced. So after I see that, you say not to dwell on it, so perhaps here we are moving also into "law of attraction"/subconscious programming principles? I.e. the second step is then to shift my awareness onto a more empowering vision? My body/breathing? I kind of do both moment to moment but am curious to hear what your thoughts are on this. I think sometimes the biggest hurdle is that whenever I try to perceive and enter a more abundant vision, especially of good and happy things, that would be defined as currently out of my league, I feel a reaction/constriction in the body, and it's so automatic I feel I have no say in my "manifesting" without first fully feeling all the pain and tension - which works, it's the letting go process, but it also may end up pulling me into rumination without me realizing, so back at square one like mentioned before.
  12. @UNZARI Nevertheless I think the most important question is what are you going to do with your art that you said you already had going? If we assume that was the kind of art that you felt most connected to. Like someone mentioned, ultimately your life purpose is what matters most, more than any opinion or relationship (some may disagree on the latter). If you're working there just so you can support your true calling, who cares what others think. Absolutely unimportant. If you know in which direction you want to go, you're gonna get used to people passing you by, whether it's their approval or the relationship itself. As long as your current situation is serving a function to what calling gets you excited
  13. What makes you interpret his words as indicating he has a problem with women? @UNZARI I think it is in most cases true although there can be different areas in which this balances out. Maybe your girlfried does better professionally, but you balance this out by coloring her life in some other way she finds fulfilling, emotionally, spiritually, creatively, travel, household, socially, kinky sex - whatever. Of course we're still in a world where income and macho roles are still lingering in our subconscious but that's a sinking ship so I would not mind it too much. Self-humor is a good ally.
  14. It could be that you are trying to solve the problem on a mental level, through spiritual notions, but like you said you may need to look into the underlying emotional component. I would focus on learning how to tackle this anxiety and any pent up emotions head-on. The rest will likely follow!
  15. Perhaps any material/book/documentary that shows the dysfunction of stage orange i.e. the fallacies of consumer culture and the blindspots of current scientific ideology. Psychedelics are also very practical books for that, when one feels ready.
  16. @seeking_brilliance Cheers ! @Nahm I think I understand, we're talking about non-dual experiences in a way? But it seems like there are certain divisions which are so imprinted that I find myself then reacting emotionally internally with no possibility of gaining a wider perspective to unify them, like a pinball bouncing in a basement with no windows. I remain stuck in a victim view, only for the spiritual ego to enter the room and whip me for it too. Just keep on noticing? There's also a scientist in my head saying that according to studies if you were not properly nurtured/socialized in your first years you'll be basically crippled forever (although I don't think those studies injected psychedelics and self-actualization as development tools), so I'm not sure whether that's a fact to surrender to or an illusion to dismantle. It's feels very confusing, but I'm starting to untangle how self-image/label is the origin of outer ripples that then carry the same vibe.
  17. Thanks for the tips and links guys. I'll try the skipping rope/park/TRX solution eventually. Running is just such a creative meditation for me though, that's why I'd hate to give it up. From the study linked it seems that my area is not one of the too jacked ones. Maybe I'll run fewer times but outside of town, but who knows if even that makes much of a difference. Man what are we doing. This shit triggers me.
  18. What are your thoughts on jogging in the city, in relation to air pollution? Living in a european capital but with not as much traffic as many other places. I check the Air Index and go very early in the morning before rush hour, mostly by the river bank and parks but still passing some street too. Gyms are no go for me, regardless of pandemic.
  19. @Ima Freeman Similar path - step-dad issues, abuse, drugs, rebellion, and so on. The key understandings/tools for me were: - these negative thoughts are the defense mechanism of a hurt child, who at some point could only count on his mere instincts, like a cub in a jungle. So although now they seem evil because they are targeted at everyone, they were actually your baby roars. The only "problem" is in the fact that our culture does not nourish in any way emotional intelligence, so we later learn to repress these instincts to be "good functioning adults" instead of understanding it. So you may say why do I have these intense challenges? Well first everyone experiences them to a certain degree, and second, like someone mentioned before, the way family and community interpreted these (interpretations one has to adopt to survive) became the only constriction that forces one to suffocate them. And drugs only work for so long... - shame and guilt over having these thoughts are just as much as a part of the problem as the thoughts themselves. These need to be investigated, felt and observed first/simultaneously - personally, of various techniques tried over the years, I feel the most effective for me was the Letting Go/Sedona method (of which Leo posted a video if i remember correctly). Understanding the ego and personal behavior patterns kind of comes naturally if one focuses on releasing pent up emotion, so no reason to self loathe oneself for not seeing the big picture immediately - making sure diet/sleep/exercising patterns are in place, they could be half the problem - psychedelics can be effective at cracking through the construct and i jumped into every retreat/experience i could at a certain point. What i learned is that i would strongly suggest one has had a meditation practice or grounding tool in place (such as sedona method) otherwise the experience can get a bit overwhelming, especially with Ayahuasca. Not saying that in the midst of the trip one always has the clarity to use these tools, but at least the subconscious may have a vague idea where to point one's attention to. Mild doses of mushrooms, maybe LSD, could be a more gentle start. - telling myself that "i am doing great, the best i can, that i am ok, etc." or compassionate/positive thinking does not really work for me. It happened spontaneously when I started feeling and releasing the pain masked by my delusions (both of grandeur as well as of victim perspective) - when we don't say what we know is true, or do what we know is right, or lie to ourselves in any way, I personally experience intense dark moods You can do it, it just takes time, dedication and a bit of sacrifice (i. e. cutting out all that is useless). And it happens in wAaAavvvveeEEES.
  20. Yeah, families can suck. But they can also teach a lot about one's expectations in relation the world, thus going deeper into one's own self. And ultimately it's never personal.
  21. Like a bee repeatedly bumping into the window, at some point you manage to slip through the opening. You know that opening is there for everyone, but you're not gonna waste much time trying to call the other bees' attention, especially when they're too busy looking for quick honey in the fridge instead of going out to harvest actual pollen. Maybe it feels a bit lonely, but maybe it's because one is buzzing into a sky wide open field. Slipping out is not the end of it, just the beginning. So much information and emotional material,that needs processing - and so little time... wondering what the average citizen thinks now has to be limited to practical survival purposes. But it's a nice limitation to have.