Hulia

I don´t, I really don´t. Only assumptions, but no way to validate them. No use of such assumptions. Sometimes I think, I shouldn´t have been that proud and just ask them. Hey guys, what is wrong? And of course I wouldn´t accept a shit like "wasn´t meant to be" Well it were not classical relationships like promising each other eternal love and live together. But some of them still were pretty long. Damn long. Longer than the half of classical relatioships.

Then what is the difference between enmeshment and non-enmeshment?

I don´t hate my exes. I also didn´t create any story about them and I don´t know why it ended, no idea - cannot look at their minds. Apart of the case when it was me who ended the relationship, then I know of course.

I am terribly sorry, I should have confused you with someone else. At first I confused you with Vzdoh, because she is also blond. But then I noticed, you are different. Vzdoh is the one who dates only rich guys. And Gianna is deep, wise and spiritual person. So I started to confuse you with another woman, who had a BF, but was SO spiritual, that she let him date other women during they still were in a relationship. But it was someone else. Now I am remembering, she wasn´t blond. The thing is, I often forget to read the name when I read a post. But I look at profile puctures. I don´t understand

Guys, you are great. @Preety_India you are so easy to love (Nahm). The only thing written by Nahm that I understood so far And not only understood. I completely agree. I was thinking today if the people around me were so loving and sensitive as you both, I wouldn´t even need a realtionship for myself. Just witnessing your pulsing heart makes me feel alive and real. p.s.: I will delete this text from the other thead, because you wanted to be alone there, sorry

I was in a room with a man and a child. We were fooling around with a child. We were taking the clothes out of a wardrobe and putting them back. We were fooling around the old leather briefcase. We looked for it among the clothes and took it out of wardrobe and I told loud and solemn: “A briefcase!”. A child laughed. Then we put everything into the wardrobe again an the play continued. I extracted the suitcase from the wardrobe among the clothes and exclaimed “A briefcase!” – Child laughing. After that I went with a man and a briefcase to an appointment. It was on the 11th stock of an apartment house. It was the last stock. Abandoned. Nobody was there. Our appointment didn´t come. I don´t know exactly what it was. But it was a kind of camera crew, which wanted to take some pictures or movies of us. “Definitely it would be no decent pictures, if they let us come to a place like this” – somebody of us told, me or him. I was standing near the lift and he was walking around. He looked out of the window into the next room. “The rats”, - he pulled a face. Among the rubbish on the floor of the room we were in, I saw a flower growing out of the floor – a tulip.

@RickyFitts But the worst thing you can imagine is a relationship between someone who is traumatized by enmeshment and someone who is traumatized by separation. There should be a checkpoint for traumas before starting a realtionship, only compatible traumas should be allowed. I guess, I spoiled Gianna´s thread completely. But what to do? I like the journal section more than any other on this forum. It´s less theoretical and more honest. For example this part with the "spiritual work". I already suspected that there should be a reason, why for someone it is acceptable (to live in an open relationship) and for someone not. And it has nothing to do with spirituality. Though I consider Gianna for a spiritual person, but it´s not that.

There was another thread of Gianna some time ago, where she wrote that she is in an open relationship. Her BF has dates and sex with other women, and is transparent about it. And she is ok with it. Probably this is the type of relationship which could work, if one of them is traumatized by enmeshment and the other one just wants to experiment without losing the basis but also not holding on it too much.

Maybe... I am just thinking that somebody who is traumatized by enmeshment shouldn´t be in a relationship except of a pure sex-relationship. But is should be clear from the very beginning for both of them, that it is a relationship for satisfying of physical needs and both of them should be ok with it.

But if you want to have sex without closeness, it´s very important that both know it and agree on it. Especially.. especially if you both had had emotional connection in the past. Otherwise... well life migt be a dream, but it´s not only your dream, don´t make a nightmare out of the dreams of non-lucid ones. Sorry for dumping your journal, from what I know, you are in balance with your BF, just thinking aloud.

THen it shouldn´t be a problem for you - your BF having sex with other women. And we thought, it´s a spiritual work. It isn´t. It´s a win-win. He can fuck around and you can have your space to breathe free. What I don´t understand, why to have a relationship at all? For me there are 3 reasons for relationship: 1. Love (closenes, unity = enmeshment) 2. Children 3. Financial necessity (like you cannot afford a rent for one wage, but for two) But if you don´t want enmeshment, children and live in a first world country you don´t need this stuff. Oh sorry I forgot another reason. 4. Sex Everybody still needs sex. And without relationship it´s not easy to have it on a regular basis.

They all here are speaking about, how much women love leader-type of men. My company should be a paradise for women. Approximately 50% are directors, 30% - managers. And appr. 80% of them are males. Add the fact that the half of them are french.

hehehe .. me was loughing vigorously too

The punishment that this teacher used, was to let us stand up for some time. She let some selected kids sit down. Once when we were standing, Roman told, that he felt sick and asked if he could sit down. She didn´t allow, silly woman. You should be blind or dumb or both not to see how pale his face was. Besides why should he ask to sit down, if he hadn´t feel bad? She didn´t do any good to the kids who were allowed to sit when all the rest had to stand. Just a couple of seconds after she told "no", Roman fell on the floor unconscious. And then I experienced the teacher how I have never known her - emotional and uncontrollably in panic. She was afraid. She took Roman on her arms. And then this small old woman ran with him on her arms. We all were running after her and were loud, but she didn´t see or hear anything. The other time we had to stand while some kids were allowed to sit down. One girl, a new one, remained to stand, though the teacher allowed her to sit down. She told: I was also chatting like everyone else, why should I be differentiated? Soon afterwards we have become friends. I told her that she impressed me with that small honesty and rebellion. And she answered, that she just didn´t want to look bad in the eyes of other guys, who were already hissing at her. There was a girl, who was neater and better dressed than the rest of us. Though we all had to wear ugly brown uniform. But hers was not brown, it was blue. Nobody had a blue dress, because in the shops only the brown ones were available. Everybody knew a blue one was not from our country. The teacher was always especially nice to her as to nobody else. My parents told that that girls´s father had a high position in the municipality. She always were allowed to sit when we were punished by standing. But it did no good to her, this special treatment and a blue uniform. Being also shy she got resentment. That is what I remember from my elementary school time. Also a short episode when a shool director dropped in our class room. And the teacher has even got another voice, so thin and sweet as I never knew she was even capable of, this severe grey woman... If I knew a secret. One slight touch at the heart and everything feels beauriful. I bet, not even an hour in a fish assana would cause this effect

I love this guy. I feel, he is so much like me.. He also looks like one of my classmates Slava Bukhtiyarov, no-no, I had nothing with him, but my firend. I also feel like I have been a male many times in ma previous lives. Not that I love football and beer, no; I hate them, I like rather art, but I don´t really correspond to all that silly jokes about the difference between men and women. I don´t feel like woman decribed in that jokes. I hate also how everybody says: "Mädels von der Buchhaltung" - "girls from the accounting". I shouder, when I hear it. First of all they are not the girls any more, and secondly it implements - they have to behave in a certain way, and I hate this way. The next episode, I will watch, is "love rationally explained". It would be interesting to a convo between this guy and Leo.

But if you think, that the teacher liked this erudite kid, you are wrong. She hated me, probably because I was an opposite of her. I still remember very good this elementary school teacher - small grey woman with a neat hairdo. Once she called me in front of the class, this time not to tell the story. I didn´t know what she wanted. She just took my arm and raised it: "You see?", - she asked the class. What they were supposed to see, that my hand was full of ink spots - such an unperfect hand. It struck me, that she treated me like an object. She didn´t even tell "Raise your hand", she did it herself. Terrible woman. I had average grades with her. Even in Russian only "good", though I was excellent in reading, in writing, in story-telling. But she didn´t like my hand-writing and ink spots, sometimes I got even miserable grades without having made any single mistake. Only one pupil was better than me - Roman - a small black-eyed boy. That´s why we beat each other´s heads with the books. I was sitting in the row near windows and he was sitting in the middle row, a little behind me, - he was definitely at an advantage. At the 5th class he left us, his father was a millitary man and they constantly moved.

@Preety_India

@Marcel At the elementary school a teacher always asked me to tell a story to the class, when she needed to leave for some time. She knew, it would me quiet, 40 little scoundrels would listen to me. I invented the stories on spot mixing together all the story I´ve ever been reading. It´s a mystery to me, how I did it. Now it´s a problem to me to speak to more than 5-6 people all of them looking at me. And invent a story while looking at all these expecting faces? Impossible!

You are also honest. I admire your bravery in opening up and even envy a little . Taking into account all the cultural restrictions, whith which you grew up, and your vulnerability, your are very brave. Though it´s partly a show, but only partly. It reminds me on someone else

You say it´s a lack of empathy, if a first world westener thinks Taliban is bad. But it´s exactly the opposite. It´s easy to be so understanding for bad childhood of a taliban- man beheading an afghan woman or a man. Sitting on the couch with an ice-cream in USA - far enough from Taliban. Try to be that empathetic, while being a woman in Afganistan who taught the girls or had a position in a former afghan government without a chance to leave the country now, sitting in Kabul and waiting for the men with bad childhood come to cut her nose or to kill her. In your video you brought an example of taliban beaheading a westener. How egoistic is this? These are not the westeners who are threatened by Taliban mainly but the afghans. 99% of women and at least half of the men who don´t want Taliban to rule them, I estimate at least 70-75% of afghan people. Or did you mention a westener because you think, that only westeners don´t like to be beheaded? The afghan people might enjoy the procedure because of their culture? Only a spoiled and egoistic westener can put Taliban (or even Chinese and Russian government) on the same scale as American government. The amiricans don´t try to escape their country on chassis of afghan (or russian or chinese) air planes. I know that I won´t convince you. But It´s a shock to see how egoistic and self-centered are the first-world lucky dogs.

Just watching his video about love. Love is unity. It is exactly how I would call it. Of course it was unity, I thought in every relationship. These special moments of unity. Even the short ones - before, during and after sex.

I think yes. When I look at him I see me. Difficult to explain. I am not really like him. But I could be, if I had taken another way in life. When I was a child, I liked imagining me speaking on public, explaining things to people. I always did it in front of mirror (no youtube at that time ). When I look at Morgues speaking on camera, it´s like seeing me in front of mirror many years ago. I haven´t spoken a word untill 3 years old. But when I started to speak, nobody could stop me. It might be the reason why I spoke to mirror when nobody was at home. Later on a flow levelled. Now it is extremely diffucult for me to express myself verbally.

I am a living example. I am not attracted to status and leadership. Absolutely. I find status-guys even annoying, a tie - absurd, suite - ugly, expensive car - ridiculous. I absolutely don´t understand, how somebody can be attracted to these guys. Maybe if you are a student or a housewife, who has "0" experience in dealing with these pricks. But nice tits are ok with me

God energy is like a happy expectation, like something will happen soon, a kind of climax. But then nothing special happens, and you don´t know any more why you are so idiotically happy without any reason, without any outcome. Or you are so full and want share. But nobody get it. Since the people around you are unnerved colleauges which don´t like relaxed smiling heads around. "Like she can afford to have her head empty! Since me since me is drowning in the work and requirements!" So what is the point? No outcome, no sharing. What to do with all that energy? But maybe it´s not a god energy I am speaking about, just some sort of energy, idk