Hulia

@Zeroguy Oooooh, don´t say me anything about the control of emotions. I don´t understand the purpose of this thing. Besides I have also a theory, that the men who rejected a relationship with me, did it out of control of emotions. So this thing has become my personal enemy.

@Zeroguy I have a theory now. You have been rejected a lot of times in your younger days and now you take revenge on all the "older" women. i.e. women of your age - those who rejected you back then. Just to remind you; maybe you didn´t register in the storm of rejections, - I didn´t reject you. Be more selective in your rage! It´s really a wickid joke of nature on both genders. A woman in her 18-20 has a big range of options - from 18 to 40, and is on the peak of her attractiveness. A guy in his 18-20 normaly has only girls of his age, more or less, and is not in his best form. Look at all the desperate pickupers on this forum. Then everythings changes. A woman in her 30-40 can only have men of her age or just a little bit older. And even for them she is less adorable than younger women. But a man at the same age can now interact not only with the women of his age but also with all those who are younger. The other effect is that men on the contrary to women are getting more attractive with the age. They get the qualities, which women like in men: confidence, maturity, they even more easily open emotionally. The bastards have become of better quality now and have access to bigger quantity

@Zeroguy you are childish. It´s a question of mentality. In the countries where status doesn´t play a big role and men and women are financially independant having children is not an issue. Look, if from a man in Serbia is expected to financially support his woman, than it matters, if you get a woman or a woman + 3 to support. The other thing thing is status. If a guy has a high quality woman on his side, it signals to his partners and friends, that he is wealthy, can afford. The same as with the cars. A woman with 3 kids is considered to be out of the range. You cannot signal with her your prosperity. That´s all. A matter of culture, upbringing, mentality but also wealth. I live in Germany. And children is not a big issue here.

What I am trying to say (not sure you have enough empathy to understand), my contentment is none of your business. If you really have a GF, and I hope you have, try there. It will be appreciated.

@Zeroguy I have always been an empathetical person, but more in a sense of non-judging and accepting (well sometimes too much acceptance) than in a sense of healing and nursing. So I have never felt being used like a vest for crocodile´s tears. Maybe you have had different esperience with empathy.

what points for example?

Is it a try of deliberate offence? No, I don´t need empathy. Why should I? I have nothing to complain about, if this is what you mean. I am just saying, that somebody who sees herself in the role relationship coach should at least be capable of empathy. Maybe we just have different understandings of the word "empathy".

Why does it bother you, whether I have a cat or not? Really. You are not very much bothered about other aspects of my life.

You are speaking out of assumption, that any man is better than no man. It´s understandable, because it´s a men´s perspective. Yes, we both, men and women, need and love sex. But the men are in bigger need than we, because of their physicality. So it might be valid for you : better any woman than no woman. But not for us. Speaking about Teal Swan her problem is not so much high expectation (who of us is rationalizing?) but a lack of empathy. And generalization, but it´s the same as lack of empathy - the inability to take other person´s perspective.

It´s not hyper rational, it´s just rational. It means, that I am able to give up rationality for emotional contentment if the situation requires. Because I rationally know what is important and what is not.

Lucky you. Last time I felt the same with somebody was 3 years ago with our CEO. Sometimes we said the same thing or joke simultaneously and looked at each other and laughed.. and looked at each other... But now he has gone. And I have no chance for this type of synchronisity with any man around me, because I am too developed.

It´s not that easy. It would be, if a woman were a man, but she is not. For woman it is not enough to have sex with some body, there should be an emotional connection, otherwise sex is no fun for a woman. And here we are - men and women balanced. With how many of 50+ interested guys can you create an emotional bond? With not so many. At the end we are facing the same problem as you, guys - irregular sex Nothing is easy on this planet, for nobody. And the only source of this uneasiness is a physical aspect. We should have been elfs instead of humans.

I came back from lake - melting and sunburnt. My skin, tight and glistening, from the cold of the water and the heat of the sun, smelling of summer - of seaweed, of sand, of strawberries. haha! No! I hope, I didn´t do or say something what would let you think this way. Sorry, you are not my type. Go to your teacher, student. ?

@Zeroguy I am going to the lake now (just 5 minutes by the bike from me) Why don´t you ask, is there someone I AM interested in?

I think, the woman of 30-40 just has a heap of broken relationships behind her and an unnerving unwanted husband near her. So she begins the theorization of what went wrong. I came to conclusion it was (partially) sticking to the gender roles, which are a theoretical construct - pure fantasy - on both sides. I mean in the beginning of relationship to create an attractione, gender roles might be quite useful: he plays a super-hero, she plays a weak and fearful princess. But at some point the both should let this rubbish drop. Becaue fear and weakness is common for both genders on the same scale. Otherwise false expectations, disappointment, bitterness, reproaches and mutual disrespect. She suddenly discovers, he is not a super-hero, and he suddenly doesn´t find his fearful doe any more, but a fireful hyena. Swan came to the opposite conclusion. The relationships break up because one part (of course it´s a male part) doesn´t stick hard enough to its role I really wonder, how her BF looks like, who is this poor guy?

@Peter Miklis Why do men on this forum post her videos and are so ineterested in stuff she is talking about? If she isn´t even attractive? If a man would like me to change myself for him (according to his idea of how a general female has to be), I would rather change a man. Not that I am generally not willing to change maself, yes I am! But not in the sense to please somebody - it´s degrading. Why so many men on this forum are willing to change themselves because this stiff cold woman wants them to? There is no integrity in her, no empathy. She is absolutely not capable to take the perspective of other person. There exist no other persons for her. Only a theoretical male and a theoretical female.

For yourself you preserve a financial stuff, and I should deal with some random cat? I told you million times I don´t want it. Wish me... idk... travelling... kind of work and travell. Living in different places and different countries. The circumstances are getiing ripe for this kind of life.

Patience? Did you tell her, that you have a GF, which you won´t leave? What are you expecting of her? To be your number 2? Forget it. No woman will be ok with it. I hope, she´ll find soon a nice BF

@Zeroguy Now I´ve got it. You agree ON her, not WITH her. ON her WITH me - you agree. I have problems with these small bridge-words. I thought, you wanted to annoy me. Sinse this is what you always want.

If you agree on Swan, your not my muchacho any more. It´s better we part our ways at this point. Forget your chica. Your teacher doesn´t bother me. It´s a scientific interest. I am trying to understand male psychology. Why for example that hippy IT guy was so crazy about my colleague. If he likes this type of women he shouldn´t be hippy. It´s illogical.

I could easily be a friend with Vzdoh, though I have nothing in common with her. And she is biased, but well who of us is not? As long as she doesn´s impose her biases on other people, I would be perfectly ok with her. But Teal Swan is ABSOLUTELY NO NO NO! If she were my colleague I would try to change a department or a company. I had such a colleague once. But luckily she´s become pregnant. By a lawer. It was very important for her that everone knows, she is pregnant by a lawer. How she has everything under control in her life: a lawer, a work, a hippy-type IT guy, who is always there to solve her IT problems and all the other people who absolutely need her advises on everything. Always presented herself like independant woman with a high self-esteem. She invited us in restaurant before her maternity vacation. (Our boss payed at the end and she didn´t even say a word). Her lawer came almost an hour later. Fell on the bench on her side with a discontent grimace and began smoking. She - high pregnant, all of us - no smokers. And she didn´t even says something like: Darling. look, I am pregnant, my colleagus don´t smoke, can you go 5 m further to smoke? I could feel a tension in the air, nobody was comfortable any more.

On the other hand I don´t understand the male psychology. They might like stiff, cold and hypocritical women like Swan. They really often do. Even a guy has a teacher as GF. I wonder if she gives him lectures about what is expected of him. And whether he misses them when he is with another girl who likes him how he is.

In the 1st world countries we have a luxury of just having fun with each other- the guys and girls, the women and men. Well a little of investment calculation in Excel, but still a lot of time and money for fun - more than in other countries or centuries ago. Why does swan want to deprive and destroy and force the rules, which might be necessary for survival but not for fun.

I wonder if Teal Swan has a BF. I cannot imagine a guy with her. I would ask him, why does he do it to himself? I would recommend him to take a therapist.

Can´t your guy change his psychology for a while? How do you know what i sthe best life for him? You could experiment with this guy. Maybe what you think is not good for him, will be perfect.