Hulia

I am not really good in monologues, always prefered dialogues dialogues are fine ...and fun

Not for me! I really went into that shop selling books about magic shrooms, looked very deep in the eyes of a shop-assistant, but maybe it was too dark in the shop and that damn mask all over my face. - You mean books? - he asked - No, shrooms - Oh no, no! Not legal - Do you know maybe, where I can get them? - Oh no, no! We don´t support distribution of illegal shrooms No idea, where to get this stuff. It´s already my second "Oh no, no!" Don´t know whom to ask else

Yes, it´s exactly what I would say if I could articulate my thoughts as good as Leo. This is the beauty of Leo´s videos.

Good video, no doubt! But not for me. Sinse I have NO strategic blunders and NO strategic mistakes. Only 2 blunders to be precise: 1. I use credit card. I like it and find it very convenient. Why is it bad? Aaah, I understand, with credit card Leo means really credits, right? No, no, I don´t buy anything for credit. I pay via credit card with my own money. So! Only one blunder: 3 directors over me! If you take the managers over these 3 directors, and they are two, 5 bosses over me! 2. I work for a boss/ corporation (even for 3 bosses hehe to be precise). Sinse I have no life purpose but still need money to live and free time for personal development (self-employment doesn´t leave much time and space in your mind for anything else). Besides we cannot be all our own bosses The work is done in teams I am so perfect, that nobody can fall in love with me. The same with Leo. We always fall in love with some small weaknesses, defects, inperfection (not too big though, but still we need them to be hooked like some bumps on the even rock)

idk.. it feels like anything i´ll write will be a lie, a temporary mood of a silly ego P. S.: it´s not my ridiculousness, it´s a situation´s ridiculousness but hey, i have a fancy for ridicuous situations

Originally it was "Je suis en Berlinois" or "Ich bin ein Berliner". Kennedy said it during his visit in Berlin, when soviets started to build a wall.

@Marcel @Preety_India Are you not afraid to be rejected and hurt? After having opened your heart? It´s like springing out of the plane and not even knowing, if parachute opens.

It´s a beautifull sentense, I like it. "I feel as if you´ve signed the contrat by the power of your eyes with my soul." Sometimes when I read you I fancy openning my journal too and fill it with the letters to my lover. But it would be ridiculous ?

I am listening the whole day some random music. My friend´s daughter wrote and sang her 1st song. AND IT IS GOOD! It is REALLY good! Text, music, voice. It is so good that my daughter woke me in the middle of the night because she needed to share with somebody what she just heard. THe song´s name is "Sorry, Paris". Zero would join into the singing if he could. And that beautiful christall clear voice. I am overwhelmed.

Ok, I leave you two alone, as long as nobody is going to be killed...

OK.. let´s try from the other side. Why do you want to end it?

Why did you manifest Covid-19? To have a breake?

Tja Marcel, deine Tage sind gezählt

hehe I see, but leave at least a blanket on him to keep a poor guy warm ?

ok.. sounds better "stecken" means to pierce through not just on surface but inside of his saturated full belly poor Marcel ?

What did you want to say? :))) Just to be sure, you don´t want to kill him? Not now? ?

@Gianna THank you, but I won´t read this book. I don´t think, I´ll learn something new. It is as it is. We all have to live with our traumas - small and big. A kindergarden was a hell for me, I had 0 friends, I was just sitting on the floor, looking at the watch and waiting till my parents come to pick me up. At school it has become better anyway. My mom has to cope with worse traumas. She was the oldest child with both parents working and constant lack of money and everything. With a sister needing special treatment because of her heart desease and a brother almost never at home, avoiding unhealthy familiy situation with the gangs on the street. Divorce of her parents when she was 4. A stepfather, who sexually harassed her, not in a violent way but still annoying. My grandma never loved him, she married him, because she had nowhere to live with a small daughter and he´s just built a house. Nobody ever took care of my mom´s emotions or each other´s emotions (except of my deseased aunt). So mom just wanted to raise a child who would take care, but instead.. a mess as always. My aunt is not happy about her upbringing neither . It was a hell for her when she entered a real life. Grandma divorced her father, married another one and moved away. So did my mother. She has been left alone with a small child, a drug-addicted brother and a husband who turned out to be an alcoholic. She was even in a kind of psychological treatment not because of psychological issues (there wasn´t such a thing at that time) but because of physical outcome of psychological issues like paralysis of different body parts.

@Preety_India Haha.. And the other colleague, whose office is near readbeard´s office told me, he comes back to his office, puts off his mask, and throws it vehemently against the desk. A mask! :)))

I have now 3 directors over me. 1. My old boss. With whom we still have a lot of common topics and can cooperate very good. Our weak and strong points match to each other. And I like him as a person. I think he likes me too and thinks that I am smart. He asks me often for advises. I like it. I am afraid, he might change to fit better into a new environment in our company, which has become more hierarchial (only directors around) and more aggressive. He has a weak nature, he would adjust if necessary. 2. My new boss. Redbeard. He is oficially my superior. But we are mostly working on different topcis. He is rather a boss over the acounting. And this is not the direction I want to go to. Though they have changed the name of my position in the contract, so that it´s sounds more like acounting. I would prefer to be an analyst. I like to work with big data volumes, rather than with the particular postings. I am more a helicopter-view-person. I am not compatible with a redbeard and his field of activity. 3. New crazy woman. She is supposed to do what I have done before. Exactly that what I like to do. Normally she should be my boss. Not that I need her, but she has been put into position. I need to stick with her. Her wishes are the priority for me. I don´t like her but I want her to want to work with me, because I like the tasks she has been charged with. Otherwise if I exaggerate in my eagerness, she might get afraid of me - see a kind of competitor in me trying to outsmart her. Let´s see if it goes well - this situation with 3 directors. Formely I could take the decisions for myself and implement them. Just ask my only boss No. 1, he always agreed and mostly didn´t even have time to properly to listen to my arguments, so that I even stopped to ask him at some point. And now I need to ask all 3 directors. About the stuff in which they are not even deeply in. And the crazy woman No.3 didn´t sound very cooperative, as far as I can judge from our conversations. I don´t think, she will let me participate an any kind of decision-making, only implementing of what she decided for herself. She seems to be this type of boss, who is always surrounded by idiots.

But the main message I have to bring to my aunt: "SWITH OFF THE FUCKING TV" "Oh I don´t watch it, I have it just for the background not to feel alone and not to think all that depressing thoughts" Say what you want, but what is the point of a big and beautiful heart if your nature is weak and surrending... A lot of damage

I felt good in the presence of my mother - safe and secure. Because she knew everything about everything and even more, she was never wrong and always right (her own words). Besides she always stressed that she would do anything for me, because she loved me more than antybody else. But I didn´t feel (feel) a kind of warmth or tenderness like I perceived it from my aunt for exampe (oh my god, I should tell it to her! but she never let me talk bombarding me with her silly advices how to be anything in this life but not her) If my mother loved me so much, why she never bothered how I felt? It was always her, her, her. Hurt and mistreteated. Punishing me by ignoring and not talking. And then telling how bad she felt. And me?

@Gianna My mother is a capricorn - a stubborn manipulative devil. Never await love from capricorns, they´ll find thousand reasons and long and boring explanations. They´ll create volumes of concepts and theories. I remember, when I was 16 or something, she told me to wash my hair, but I didn´t. I didn´t feel like wanting to wash my hair. We girls are peculiar about our hair, sometimes we want to wash it eagerly and sometimes not. Next day she was like a mourning shadow, all pale and sighing and not talking. An then: "Don´t you even want to know why I am feeling that bad? YOU did it to me. I was crying the whole night, because for the 1st time you simply told "no" to me" How sick is it? As a child I had to appologize every single day for something. Though she says, I was stubborn and rearly did the appologizing. I don´t remember exactly. But yes I remember her coming into my room: "Is it so difficult to say "sorry"? But I am you mother, I will endure anything from you... (sad smile of a saint)... any injustice and hurting - anything, because I love you much more than you will ever do" I think it was misunderstanding. She was waiting for appologies and me.. I thought, she delibarately avoided me and didn´t speak to me, because she didn´t like me, since I was constantly making her feel bad.

I am fucking brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!!!! And awesome! I have found a solution of the problem, on which all the directors are breaking their heads since half a year (apart of a terrible woman who doesn´t even understand, there is a problem), since our ididotic management has come with new ideas. The solution is simple, clean and beautiful! No one of 50+ accountants needs to do some strange acrobatics to meet the strange needs of our management! At these moments I love to be a wage-slave, as long as I am allowed to work with numbers and programms and not with silly papers and laws like contracts, invoices, taxes, laws... I feel incredibly smart like no one else. All the energy from my chest into head and I feel as mighty as a fucking god. Haha, redbeard comes every day to my office and looks at me with his begging eyes like a dog, doesn´t say anything, sighs and goes out. And now I have the solution for him and all the other directors. They can sleep quietly again, the wage-slaves :))))))

This woman is terrrible. Even worse than readbeard. She is a kind of persons who like to keep everyone busy around her. Just for the sake of it. No matter, if it makes sense or not. At the end everyone is frustrated, nothing fits, and new round can begin. Adjustment of adjustment of adjustment... Frustration, hate, dispair.

People here tend to do a lot of distinctions and classifications. The difference between extroverts and introverts is not meanigful at all. The only problem with introverts is that they often don´t feel comfortable about their introvertism. But it will change. I feel that the socital acceptance of introverts has increased singnificantly. There are many reaons for this.