caspex

Alright, so I had a good day today. 7 hours studied. Some workout done. I felt lonely earlier because I had no drive. At least that's what I gather so far. It's still a theory I am developing. I wasn't a coward today because I had that drive which overcame the fear of starting. I wasn't a sloth either because that drive to be better made me feel more comfortable working towards my goals than not. I think I am starting to grasp how to convert Sloth into Diligence and Cowardice into Courage. Still far from done with these compulsions though. I think I'll have to do this in stages. Every compulsion can be various stages to overcome, where being at the bottom means you are completely overrun by that compulsion and unable to convert it and the last stage where you have almost complete control over it. I think whatever this model is, I have might have crossed the first stage with at least Sloth, if not Cowardice too. The next one I want to work on is Gluttony because it seems connected enough that a strong internal drive may convert it into temperance. However, I am not declaring yet that I will work on it.

Compulsions which restraint one's will and their counterparts Pride / Humility Vainglory / Authenticity Greed / Charity Lust / Chastity Wrath / Patience Envy / Respect Gluttony / Temperance Sloth / Diligence Cowardice / Courage Raga / Vairagya Boredom / Peace This journal is about me working through these compulsions and reaching some sort of predetermined benchmark. I assume that unless something structurally flawed comes up in the concept of this journal, it should run on for years. I want to start off by working on Sloth & Cowardice together. They go hand in hand in my situation. Either I act a coward or get sucked into comfort. These are the two compulsions which are affecting me the most in a negative way. Now that I have identified these problems I don't want to theorize anymore. I want to move from a theory oriented person to an action oriented person. I have been a coward for so long. My sloth made me eventually fear failure and now I am stuck as a coward who is too afraid to start things, commit or say yes to friends for any plans. This is why I lie a lot to cover my tracks. I look a lot better than I actually am. It's time to become more courageous and diligent. I don't yet know how I will go about this, but instead of theorizing some more I am gonna be brave and dive headfirst into the things I have been avoiding and see what happens from there. I am not gonna set a benchmark just yet to determine exactly when I am done with developing Courage and Diligence; this is because I am not yet developed enough in these areas to even set any sort of benchmarks. Just so I can't back out and be a coward again, I am gonna set a rule to post here at least every 2 days if not everyday. I just know I will have some sort of bad day and then my cowardice will compel me to not write about it, which will eventually lead me to abandon this journal. I am gonna be brave and work through this. I am gonna commit hard here because I am too much of a coward to commit normally. This is the type of stuff that will make me more courageous. If I fail after committing hard that will be a learning experience. I have been playing it too safe. This is why I am gonna make a public journal about it. I don't care if people see me as a coward, I am willing to be vulnerable because I am brave.

@Human Mint King Crimson! Toki wa kesareta!

You are amazed; you feel you are without a head, no face to wear No face to call to weep to mourn Divine, complete, bizarre, unformed (Apologies; Just using your post as metrical practice)

I have had some sort of growth but it's not complete. Loneliness isn't that bad anymore but it is still a problem. I can glimpse a freedom in Loneliness. I understand it from the mind but I need to embody it form the heart. For now I am still figuring stuff out. Loneliness is a part of 'Raga'. A person who is in Vairagya wouldn't feel lonely because he/she is truly detached.

There's no dignity in using spiritual truths to justify your selfishness. It's better to accept that you are a selfish prick who won't do too much about it. Will you go out there and dedicate your entire life to saving those children? Probably not. If that's your life purpose, good, you are more selfless than most. Accept that too. Accept that people suffer. A blue rose grows, flowers and wilts in a valley no human ever visited. Nobody experienced the beauty of that blue rose, its petals or its smell. Was the existence of that blue rose worthless? No. Just existing is infinitely meaningful. That suffering of those people is just like that blue rose. Does it matter? Yes because it happened. Accept that.

Title - The Ghost Orchid In the wet air swings white legs off a tree the swamp masks your smell but you can't fool thee Apathy, your heart is free yet nobody to be Lonely, can you see? I wanted you so bad, I couldn't contain me I jut out to reach you, forgetting the people who were my company Now I hang here eternally

will be posting poems here which I write this post is open to replies

Not as good at technical execution but I did try to pen down the imagery that came to mind. Honestly, I just wanted to ask here about how to solve loneliness, but the imagery just came through. I don't even know what the poem means. I like to think it is about a person who left his family and friends behind in pursuit of truth, and just when he is on the cusp of enlightenment he realizes it's all love and never should have left it all behind. Now he's stuck here, not able to return to the market of his old life. It could also mean something romantic I think because the poem doesn't hint at a spiritual interpretation from the choice of words. In fact the spiritual interpretation is probably a stretch on this one.

In the wet air swings white legs off a tree the swamp masks your smell but you can't fool thee Apathy, your heart is free yet nobody to be Lonely, can you see? I wanted you so bad, I couldn't contain me I jut out to reach you, forgetting the people who were my company Now I hang here eternally

I love it when this happens. Stuff like this happens often to me whenever I use writing as a form of contemplation.

I do think it's possible but there's no way for you to do anything about it. This is because the universe is the one imagining it all, not the limited you. I don't know how conscious you'd need to become to materialize stuff into existence, but even then constructing a whole solo-leveling type interface seems orders of magnitude more demanding than simply materializing scents or even objects. Also, if you were that conscious to begin with I doubt you'd need to imagine such a system. The idea would fall away.

I don't have faith in myself. I know that I am both mentally and physically capable of doing even the most difficult things. The issue is that I have zero faith in my ability to persevere. I don't think any of my talents are useful because the user is a coward. But I have faith that things will turn out okay.

I tried to find the root of my issue. This is the cycle I came up with. I start out feeling intensely lonely, so I go on the internet to feel connected to a larger community. This can be through learning about things, engaging in forums, watching content, reading stuff. Eventually, the internet being what it has become, sucks me in to a dopamine treadmill where I constantly want more. This causes me to waste time and I end up falling behind on my targets. That demotivates me and I start avoiding it altogether to avoid taking responsibility for the time I have lost. This causes me to stress and find escape in Gluttony (food, internet, porn); which in turn wastes my time even more starting a vicious loop. The root is loneliness. I feel so intensely lonely. I don't know how to solve this. I am genuinely addicted to the internet. I didn't use the internet for a day and I almost cried because of this loneliness. I am not alone, I have my family by my side, friends to talk to. But even surrounded with them I feel alone. I almost had a panic attack today, a loneliness attack if you may. I don't know how to solve this. I don't think I can give up the internet. This is the only way I can feel connected. I know how I ended up here, this is due to my past trauma of being forced into isolation which led me to rely completely on the internet for social needs. Now, even when I have the means to derive connection through real life, I am just too dependent on the internet to let it go. Sloth was never an issue for me. It is only cowardice. If I can defeat this loneliness I won't fall into that loop again. I end up into cowardice due to my loneliness. I don't know what to do. I have never been so helpless.

It has been very long since I last used Google for a genuine search.

This is such an important conversation. At the end of the day, authenticity isn’t just about the words we choose — it’s about the human connection behind them. In a world increasingly shaped by AI-generated content, we need to ask ourselves: are we optimizing for engagement, or meaningful expression? “It’s not AI vs humans. It’s about empowering human creativity at scale.” Powerful perspective. Thank you for starting this dialogue.

This is concerning. The guy in the video goes in a bit of rant at the end there but the facts stated in the video are quite jarring. It doesn't have to be aliens, but what do you guys think? This connection of detecting objects, global defense, is very intriguing. I don't think this is natural at all. Something big is going down.

Always some BS each year

I was a coward today. It isn't a linear road. I fucked up again. I am gonna make a proper schedule for tomorrow and try to follow that. I really really really really want to improve. I am gonna try focusing more on my gut.

Just to add, since this is the dating section of the forum: Two days later one of the girls actually approached me for a friendship. Through her I made friends to maybe 80% of the women in the batch within the last few days. I was not looking for relationships so I never converted any of the friendships into one but this goes to show you that just a little bit of guts can get you more attention from the opposite gender.

These are real concerns but we can't shit on anti-aging simply because of that. It would be like being against the invention of automobiles because only the rich class would have access to it. I do think there will be a lot crazy stuff that will go down once this anti-aging stuff becomes truly real. We must be wary and figure out what to do once it becomes a possibility. However, you cannot stop anti-aging from becoming real, it is the natural next step for our species. I am grateful for Bryan Johnson because at least what he is doing is shared publicly. Eventually anti-aging will benefit humanity as a whole like other technologies. Again, I am not saying Bryan Johnson is some saint who is doing this for humanity. He is absolutely doing this for himself, but I don't think it matters in the long run.

At the start it is like a test. If you can joke back they take you into the group, if you can't you get discriminated against. Ignoring is usually saying "I am better than you, I am not gonna waste my time on you". The other person picks this up, and if you are gonna say you're better, you better prove it to him. This is why ignoring bullies is usually not a good idea. You have to hold your ground, get into a few confrontations, sometimes fights. Playing it too safe will have you very frustrated in life. Quick note about confrontations and fights, always make sure to play it smart. They should be the one to have hit you first, and you must be in the presence of a bunch of people who can act as witnesses and also stop your fight. This method works wonderfully. If you agree to go somewhere remote to fight or leave yourself open after confrontations, you are asking for accidents. Never get into street fights. I am talking a fight where people can actually prevent you from fighting. Just them knowing you are ready to throw hands is usually enough to get them off your back. During a 15-day orientation course, a big social group, mostly men, formed quickly. I never fully joined it because a lot of the dynamic felt driven by people wanting to fit in. After a few days, some guys in the group started testing me during breaks — small disrespectful comments at first, which I ignored. Instead of stopping, it escalated into direct insults. Eventually I confronted one of them in the main area where everybody else was present and asked what the problem was. He tried to play it off as a joke, then hit me first when the argument escalated. I hit him back once before people pulled us apart. After that, the harassment stopped completely, and the same people treated me very differently afterward. That experience convinced me that ignoring disrespect does not always work. Some people read silence as weakness and keep pushing until they meet resistance.

Same here. Naturally introverted too. Although I have noticed that when my heart is open, the point of the conversation shifts from thinking into feeling. I.e. meaningful discussion into having fun. From the perspective of the mind, which is the usual for introverts I'd say, a meaningful conversation triumphs a fun one. This is because after a fun conversation you come out feeling empty of meaning, as if you wasted your time. I felt this all the time. But now after practice I get that for extroverts the fun is the meaning. They are more heart centric. When my heart is very open and active, I can naturally flow into any conversation, have fun with anyone, I become naturally more energetic. I have come to love such 'meaningless' conversations because now I know it's a practice for my heart's openness and not meaningless. When your heart is active, you become naturally extroverted. A gifted extroverted person can easily have you open up your heart too, like a guru. This level of extroversion is very rare though. I still prefer the mind state though. One of my friends is naturally an extrovert. He knows so little of the world, how to do stuff and be efficient. He doesn't have any skills and nothing that sets him apart. This is because he spent all his time socializing rather than building knowledge or skill. He really needs to develop his mind instead of being in the heart all the time.

Not taking a rude comment seriously does not mean ignoring somebody, what it means is being able to hit back at them. It is not a viable expectation for yourself to not care about rude comments if you are simply gonna ignore these people or agree with them. You are being unfair to yourself. You HAVE to hit back if you want yourself to not take them seriously. I have come to a point where I take criticism very easily. They can be 100% correct and I won't give a fuck. This is because I get to decide what I think of as a problem; not them. I live in New Delhi, had some friends similar to yours. I told them to fuck off. I always turned it into a joke: "You won't get a girlfriend. Even getting a girl would be a huge achievement for you." I'd say something like, ' I got your mom last night though ' . This is the type of humor they expect. People start kicking down their insecurities onto you once they know you won't hit back. Know this, it DOESN'T MATTER even if what they say is 100% correct. It doesn't matter BECAUSE it's them saying it. With social interaction you must value relationship OVER truth. You have a clear standard set for what kind of a woman you want. The only problem you likely face is not enough action and initiative. But understand that it's YOU who gets to decide whether that's a problem or not, not your 'friends'.

I do not dispute that it is better for Bryan to accept his death, he would be a lot more happier in life once he knows what death really is. But, my concern isn't with the well being of Bryan, it is with the well being of humanity. It was often people like Bryan that advanced humanity forward. I would argue that anti-aging is better for humanity than not. This technology will come with a few wars and a lot of tragedies but in the long run it will be good regardless, as humanity learns. Sure it is madness but in the process of preventing this made up idea of death, he ultimately benefits humanity. That's how I see it. Running on fear is not necessarily a bad thing. Fear of suffering and death gave birth to the entire medical field. Moreover, who are we to say what he gets to post? Who are we to call him posting about eating his wife out 'crazy'? If he is okay with it, his wife is okay with it, what's the issue here? Fuck, he could start talking about his arse microbiome and I won't care because the man is doing good research. This is biased. A human being could also be a mech to defend the universe. There is no obligation to go back to Earth. Regardless of what you do, you would go back to the universe though. I could live 500 years and finally die and dissolve on mars, doesn't make a difference.