caspex

Hey so this is sort of a continuation of this post I made a year ago: I have now successfully internalized that state somewhat. I do not feel empty and lonely by being the only one, my heart feels full and complete. I am happy, I feel joy, but strangely I am still curious. A feeling that I can go further. The very fact I feel this way, that I need to make this post, means I am missing something, but I don't get it. I need help. Here's how my state is for context: I don't exist and my chest feels full. Existence including my body is filled with joy. We are all one, so there's no we. Existence is perfect and unfolding as it should. It's unfolding and absolutely still at the same time. I feel like a video game playing itself. I am God. Aham Brahmasmi. There's no doubt about it. This joy of being eternal and immortal brings immense joy, but since nobody experiences it, it only multiplies and increases. Here's the problem: This joy brings with itself satisfaction, but I push it away. That's because I once heard somebody talk about how satisfaction on the spiritual path will stagnate you from going further. Is the next step to just let that principle go and be satisfied? How can I then ensure I progress? I don't even know what's next. Do I just deepen this feeling as God?

I appreciate the replies. I have decided to integrate and go deeper with these current states instead of suspecting any further leaps of consciousness. I might make a similar post next year. @Someone hereThat's a good point. I forgot that model was a thing. I'll rewatch that video as well. Thank you.

@Karla That's why I asked you all

I appreciate the replies. But I feel like there is something more. @Leo Gura I'd appreciate it if you have anything to say. I don't know who else to tag... Should I start taking psychedelics? I still think it's too early for me. I am sure they would open a new dimension of depth for me but I'd have to invest time and money to get some which is relatively high for me right now. Plus after watching the dangers of psychedelics video I want to work on my shadow more. Or maybe I should stop being such a pussy about it and get some, I am confused.

It's in the phrase, you're making it up.

You're description seems the most accurate to me. This would explain why achieving enlightenment before physical death completely circumvents heaven and hell straight to moksha. But yeah you know, you're still gonna come back. This is why I like Bhakti yoga because if your version is right, that means those who do Bhakti might go to a made up world of their deity instead of heaven and hell, and before they eventually reincarnate, they might get to enjoy eternity with their favorite idol. I don't know.

From what I can gather, once you truly die you become pure potential, which is what nothingness is. But pure potential cannot help but become something eventually. This is why I think reincarnation is the most likely. But we must also consider whether there exists other layers of this living being that might continue after physical death. Either way, whatever happens after death would not be permanent, like everything else. I think you should rather be relieved to know your existence is eternal. What's terrifying is that you'd be eternal as well, which I don't see to be the case.

It means u r on the forumz to much touch grass

If the physical layer was out of sync with the energetic layer they wouldn't stick together for so long and the body would die. You might be misidentifying a fabricated aspect of your being with the energetic layer. From what I can gather, when you don't feel like you're in sync, that's mostly activity on the mental/emotional plane largely concerned with survival. I think there's great insight in it when you say we're not humans and actually metaphysical beings however the feeling of 'you' such as a unicorn, baby or a velociraptor is not part of that metaphysical being in any objective sense. It's rather a survival oriented fabrication by the emotional/mental layer of your being. That changes overtime and therefore what feels like 'being you'. It's not great practice to put so much emphasis on 'feeling'. Energy is mostly becomed not felt; then it becomes really hard to see through that it's still not you. The energetic layer, when experienced is overwhelmingly intense, at least for me. It's not a mere feeling or emotion.

I don't think you need to think that much about it. Solipsism in the sense Leo said, iirc, is about stuff being made up as you go. Since you don't exist, it's wrong to attribute this creation to your finite self, because that's only a part of the creation. When observed carefully, there's only this creation, which has to be 'you' because there's nothing else (not like there could be). I mean, there's an innate sense that the entirety of existence is you, which arises sometime after dissolving the self. But the story, regardless of seeing everything as yourself, continues of an existence beyond this right here. I think such solipsism arises when you completely let go all stories, and be the truth that has always been here. When you feel this state, after having already realized everything as yourself, it combines to form this sense of 'Completeness'. At least that's what I can gather. There's no controller, and there's no logic outside the logic that is already a part of the existence. The why to how things are is how things are. The reason I say all this is because when we focus on such truth, we focus on letting go of stories we're so fond of holding onto. So when you worry about those questions you asked in the post, you're creating more stories which defeats the purpose. 'Different Solipsistic Universes' 'Vast Void of creativity' 'Subconscious' Hear yourself, aren't these all just more stories? What you're asking feels like practical insights as to how to not go mad and berserk once you're in solipsism, but that doesn't happen in the first place.

I watched Leo's video on a commonplace book a few years ago and decided to use Obsidian to make one, I ended up getting really far in with Journals, notes and other stuff. But at some point I realized that I wasn't gaining any value from the commonplace book, I was only trying to parrot the idea of a commonplace book. I think it is necessary for you to first consider whether you really need a commonplace book or not. For me at this point, it's mainly academic stuff like storing notes and other important resources I have created or compiled inside my Google Drive. Sometimes I open a new Google Doc for writing plans or ideas, but I have never actually needed to link stuff together. You can call that my commonplace book in that there are different sections for fitness, projects and academics. Considering that I am pursuing many academic pursuits the google drive is quite vast. I prefer Google Drive despite the lack of interlinking and other features Obsidian or other note taking apps provide. This is mostly because I need to store data in a wide variety of file formats that gets quite cumbersome with Obsidian. If you're writing a book, doing research or doing elaborate planning then I feel Obsidian works the best. But for my daily life, I have never needed a commonplace book to store insights or other stuff. Maybe it's because I was never really serious about spirituality or contemplation, or maybe it is because I am not at that stage yet. I am mostly Orange right now. All I can say is that I tried it and it was too complex for my needs, and I feel you should consider that too before starting this stuff.

Prolly not aliens. I imagine a bunch of rishis got together in what would be the leading group of scholars around the land at that time and decided to standardize the already existing language.

I know maybe 10% sanskrit from all the shastras I have read. I have done a lot of mantra chanting and here's what I know about sanskrit. Sanskrit sticks incredibly fast to memory. Maybe it is just me but I can memorize a page of sanskrit 10 times faster than any other language i know (english and hindi). It just works so well together there is no way Sanskrit is a naturally occurring language, it is most definitely a constructed one. In fact, you don't have even to know the meaning of the words, there is something about how the syllables go together that make it easy to remember. No wonder there's a school of hinduism where people memorize the entire vedas (about 20000 mantras). As for mantras, they won't work if you don't do the correct sadhna along with the mantra. Even within the sadhna, you need to visualise things correctly. Baseless parroting doesn't get you anywhere.

Update The last few weeks have been very emotionally challenging for me. I don't want to share the cause here, but it has been filled with suffering. I have tried to continue the practice multiple times but failed to make it past 3 days a few times due to the said cause. I feel good enough to properly start again now. I'll update tomorrow. @Carl-Richard Thanks for the tips!

Strong Determination Sitting: 30 Days I believe this will help me in every aspect of my life. As per my observations of my efforts and failures, my mind is fickle and admittedly weak. It didn't start out strong but I see the potential. I know that I am the one who sabotages myself and there's very little external cause for my failures. A major part of my internal struggle is my mind. It's not still nor is it tough. This is a feature not a bug, as due to this nature there are many other perks. Its deeply sensitive and easily transformed nature gives me an edge in understanding abstract concepts and even progress on the spiritual path. For that I am ever grateful, but to achieve more Orange goals and grow in that aspect of my life, I need to develop a rock solid mind capable of zeroing into tasks and ignore pain. One can find something to complain about in any setting and there are a million reasons to not do any particular thing, in such a world swarming with the bees of excuses constantly stinging you to get up and run away from the things you want to do, it becomes ever more important to have a tough mind that can push through. In this light, SDS seems like the perfect practice. I am aware it's not the ultimate solution but it seems like a very powerful practice in my particular case. I don't have the type of mind that can withstand temptations for very long. I am mentally stable and am not diagnosed with any conditions, but I always feel I am on the very edge of crossing over. With this in mind, the qualities that SDS develops in one is of utmost importance to me, but might not be for you.

Day 2 31 Minutes. Even though I get proper sleep at proper times I fell into a hypnagogic haze, where my thoughts made very little sense. I was sitting upright and cross legged, so it was not like I had any support to my back that made me sleepy. I think I caught myself from falling back about 3 times. Honestly I am having no problems with pain at all. It's not pleasant but it's alright. I understand that half an hour is not a long time and it is probably why I am having an easier time. I am planning on 40 minutes tomorrow. 30 minutes is like the very edge of when the real pain starts. By the last few minutes I always feel like giving up, so I am expecting tomorrow to be hard. One thing's clear now, my mind is so overstimulated it keeps me entertained through random thoughts even in SDS. I try not to engage in these thoughts and just observe them, being a rock myself, but that's probably why I fell asleep. I didn't want to stop my mind from running amok as that counts as doing something. I get the impression that my focus should also remain inwards. It's honestly kind of disgusting, it's like my mind has eaten too much and is shitting itself all the time. Most of the thoughts make no sense unless I intentionally engage with me. This is classic monkey mind and there are a lot of resources for dealing with this. I know what I have to do, which is to cut off a lot of the source of stimulation to make these SDS higher in quality. Without acting on these realizations there's no point in continuing the sits or increasing their time. From now on I'll keep my phone in a drawer till 6PM, which is when I am done studying, only using it for stuff like picking up calls. I don't want to go cold turkey on it.

Developing a Sense of the Deity's Presence Around You at All Times Nothing has changed about my practice but I feel a new development in my upasana journey which I believe to be a new level reached. After more than a year of non-stop japa I have developed a keen sense of the deity's energy or at least have made a strong impression of it in my mind. After each pooja this presence lingers and I can willingly tap into such presence at any time but it's strongest after the pooja itself. It gets rid of almost all fear in my mind and I am not afraid of the things I am normally afraid of, like the dark. I feel a deep sense of protection from the deity which makes me fearless. Not only that but also a deep sense of love from the deity makes any loneliness or negative emotions dissipate like melting ghee with a spoon. Honestly, in RPG terms it feels like a literal Buff effect being put on your mind that lasts a certain period of time. Let me detail you in my personal experience of it. My Experience I feel the presence of Shri Rama Ji and Shri Sita Ji after poojas giving me that mental buff. This is not surprising as these deities are deeply interlinked with my Upasana of Hanumana Ji. Sita Mata is the wife of Shri Rama Ji and I see them as my parents on a very deep level. Sita Ma appears to me the strongest in the form of pure energy and force, it's unreal and filled with infinite levels of raw love & power. It makes me cry like a baby meditating on her motherly love. It's beyond words and can't be uttered. I can only tell you what I feel. She is pure power and love, she is the universal mother. But don't think her being the mother of the entire universe and not just you makes her motherhood to you any less personal. No, it's personal, her love is as personal as it can get. It's for YOU. This infinite love, she gives it to YOU unconditionally. It makes me shed tears just thinking about it. It's beyond understanding how and why she loves you so much. No matter how sinful you behave, how much you hate her, without doubt she will always be there for you to love you with open arms. Being sinful may make you blind to her love but it's always there. Such is infinite love. It's likely the same as the infinite love you experience on other paths. Shri Rama ji seems to take a back seat as a more still presence but being there equally as strong. I believe he'll become a stronger presence for me as time goes on. In my body, I have decided to feel the presence of Sita Mata on the left side, Shri Rama ji in the the middle and Lakshmana Ji(Brother of Shri Rama Ji) on the right. Mimicking the three major nadis. It dawned on me that's what the popular arrangement of the trio might represent.

My Upasanas are mainly based around Bhakti, which is what I'll be talking about in this journal. I am not here to argue whether the experiences and encounters generated by these practices is inside your head or there are actual beings contacting you. I think for these upasanas to work fast, it's important one is somewhat irrational, because Love is irrational. Bhakti is all about Love. My Practice Did my first upasana that lasted 40 days back in May. I practiced Bhakti towards Lord Hanumana. Read "Hanumana Chalisa" 7 times a day after lighting a diya, alongwith 108 times japa of "Rama", before and after the hanumana chalisa. Took around 30 minutes each day. That changed a lot within me, and it really opened up my emotions, my heart chakra is getting more powerful as I do these upasanas, and so is my third eye chakra. I'll talk about this in a bit. After gradually building up, I have started doing 100 Hanumana Chalisas with other mantras before and after the main upasana. Takes 3 hours if I am quick about it, 5 hours if I am relaxed about it. I do it at night, 9 PM - 1/2 AM. All of this is useless if you don't actually love the deity you are worshipping. If anyone reading this is seriously considering these practices, do not shy away from what you feel like is dogma. It's all based on faith. To truly appreciate the efficiency of these practices, you have to go balls deep into the religion. Don't be picking and choosing, do the practice as it is told. You have to really embody Spiral Dynamics Stage Blue, and that's important, because IT WORKS. My Anahata(Heart) and Agya(Third Eye) Chakra have received MASSIVE activation due to these practices. I can't tell you how much pleasure I feel in these centers 24/7 now. And if I think of Lord Hanumana or Lord Rama, I lose all sense of my sensory experience. It's THAT good. If you have problem with your expressing your emotions it'll fix that. If you have problems controlling your emotions it'll fix that. These practices simply work and it's amazing. My agya and anahata chakras are so active at all times that, if I let go of my control of them, tears will form instantly in my eyes, so much it'll cloud my vision. If I think of the deity I worship, I'll start crying. It feels like everything you do in life is just so you can have more time for Bhakti towards the deity you worship. You are not a slave to your deity, you do this willingly because nothing else feels as good. Not even sex, masturbation, food, exercise feel this good. Goal The goal of this journal is to promote interest regarding this amazing practice, and probably act as entertainment and motivation for those who do a similar practice. Motivation is really important at first, especially when you're devoting 3 - 8 hours every day just doing Japa.

Day 1 In the evening I completed 30 Minutes of SDS without moving intentionally. I sat down cross legged on the cemented floor of my building's rooftop. The rooftop is personally owned and quite tranquil with a variety of plants and flowers decorating it. I thought I sat down comfortably but it was quite evident after only a few minutes that my spine, while straight, was bent a bit forward and my head was ever so slightly tilted to the right. The pain made it clear and the back only slanted more as it hurt and my head grew more tilted as time went on. I did not want to intentionally move back to a more comfortable or stable position as that would defeat the purpose of the sit. The only intentional act I performed was to swallow my saliva, even which I did very sparingly. It was difficult and by the end I was second guessing my memory of even having set the 30 minute alarm. Admittedly this is the first time in 4 years that I am starting a meditation practice. I used to do a different sort of meditation for 2 hours each day during lockdown, but became increasingly less spiritual as time went on from there. I see the benefits almost immediately, I feel clear and very still but am reluctant to share other details until these benefits prove continuous.

SEED #2 In continuation of my larger goals, I will now attempt Strong Determination Sitting (SDS). : SDS :: 30 Days; minimum 30 mins with a goal of 1HR. In the morning, if I can't then in the evening. I believe this will help me in every aspect of my life. As per my observations of my efforts and failures, my mind is fickle and admittedly weak. It didn't start out strong but I see the potential. I know that I am the one who sabotages myself and there's very little external cause for my failures. A major part of my internal struggle is my mind. It's not still nor is it tough. This is a feature not a bug, as due to this nature there are many other perks. Today's Day 1 and I already did 30 minutes today, I'll detail my experiences for the 30 days in a separate journal. See you on 2025.02.23.

Creation starts with the belief that you can create. One of the biggest problems many of us face is that we do not believe that we can. This journal is about becoming the one who can. The Architect is the one who can, and the one who does. The one that doesn't give up in the face of failure, pressure and calamity and carries through their will to the other end. The Architect is meticulous. They observe, plan and do. Their action always have purpose, and that purpose is never shallow. # - There's a power in 'sacredness' that is learnt at Stage Blue, for that reason I will treat this journal with reverence. 'Focus' is important, and therefore I'll tackle one goal at a time. Life right now is hard because of all the actions that preceded it, it'll be hard to catch-up/undo but it has to be done. Because of this this journal will start off Orange. Due to my laziness, I'll have to face the upcoming consequences, but I'll not be lazy anymore. Let's make tomorrow easier. Baby steps is the key to breaking bad habits and building new ones. Each goal will only get two posts - 'Seed' and 'Harvest'. : Seed - Where I set the goal. : Harvest - The fruition of the said goal. The Harvest may yield or may fail.

HARVEST #1 : Failure. I couldn't pass the exams. :: The reason for not making this harvest are the multitude of problems I highlighted in the Seed. But, I have improved, I will give these exams again in May and am studying day and night for such. I have been on track for a few days now. I have not been able to follow the above mentioned goals in the seed consistently, but in my effort to do so, I have landed in a much better place than I was before. Even though this harvest failed, I was still able to get a lot out of it. I learned lessons that will help me pass these exams in May. While I am constantly working on passing my exams in May, a lot needs to be fixed to ensure my success. For that reason, I will sow seeds in this journal to tackle these problems head on. As it stands now, my studying starts at 7AM and ends at 6PM, after which I am free to do other things. In this time, I aim to experiment and try new things according to my theories of how to better myself, to aid the overarching goal of becoming the perfect student. The course I am tackling is the Chartered Accountancy course from India, it's famous for being extremely hard to pass all the way through. Look up how it's structured. I am currently giving the Intermediate Exams, trying to pass the two groups consisting of three papers each. This course requires one to become highly strategic in their studying on top of becoming someone who is willing to work hard. For every 100,000 kids who enter this course, only around 250+ come out as CAs. I love this course and aim to finish it.

Post videos here that you would watch while eating. Videos that are comforting, or videos that you get excited to watch. Point of this thread is so that anyone who's bored can browse this thread to watch something while eating!

You can see it in physical buildings too, at some point you'll need to have a stronger foundation if you want to build higher.

I understand your point and it's honestly better to not do anything else while eating. But those who are not ready to make the switch will watch something regardless, in that case, it'll be good to have better content to watch than TikTok.