Barbara

Is that so she can finish her studies?

@OBEler That's amazing pal. She might not be at the best place right now but if she keeps doing what she's been doing, I'm sure she'll overcome all the issues. Be aware that she dealt with a lot of trauma and stress in her life. She could spend all her waking hours meditating for a few days, it would not resolve it still. Time and consistency will be her best friend, since this will be a long healing journey. With time maybe she can go a little heavier on meditation. Maybe doing retreats and at least a 20 minutes routine. She can also read about the topic. I'm not really sure what books to recommend, but she might do a quick search on Goodreads and see which sparks a connection. One thing that I really recommend would be finding a good psychotherapist. Where would you be looking for? Maybe I can help you guys search online. And there's always the option of doing it virtually. Normally here there are coaches and alternative healers doing one-to-one sessions, not really sure if qualified psychotherapists do virtual appointments, but I can also help you look it up. So the best for her is to stay consistent and strong on the path. Better days will come Regarding the lack of motivation.. I'm sorry, but I don't really think that there's a quick fix here... What happens if she doesn't finish her studies? For me, the main difficulty to overcome is her feeding this idea, in the past, that trumpet was the sustain of her life. Because now, she can't play the trumpet and she naturally feels like there's nothing to live for. I totally get why she did it, with the awful things that happened to her. But now she has to completely rewire her brain and find internal means to continue and sustain her life in something that will never go away— Herself. She has to develop a stronger ego, that will help her rely on herself. Psychology these days is strong in dealing with this type of foundational stuff that she needs, so that's why I recommend finding professional help. I also recommend the series Rewired, and the book "Breaking the habit of being yourself". Honestly, all of Dr. Joe Dispenza's work would be amazing for helping her. So check that out. Lastly, I make his words, mine. Warm regards, friend

Very sweet of you to help her that much. Mind if I ask if she's doing all these things for you or she genuinely wants to get better?

@Axiomatic Let me just ask you this if your roommate started fighting your date (being a fight a typical behaviour of negative masculine energy), would the night go on or would that make the situation tense and awkward, ruining your chances with a woman who you were vibing with?

I agree with this. But this, I reiterate it's not an objective thing. It's maybe easier for you to handle, that you're a guy, but this actually just tells you, how is your understanding of women.

That's straight-up biased generalization. Just know that that's not an objective thing.

That's just so broad dude. How about men that start a fight in a club or that are violent with their partner for jealousy? It's a matter of consciousness. Not gender

Maybe gender is an easy label, but it's so deeper than it. Let's forget about gender for a while. Your friend got jealous and mad. Most people can't even identify the emotions they're dealing with. If they can't identify them, they'll just get drowned in them and simply act accordingly. The next level would maybe be able to identify them, but don't know how to deal with them. They would act upon it also. Both men and women can have low levels of consciousness. Your friend getting "jealous and territorial" it happens to both man and woman. It just manifests differently. And one is no better than the other.

@peanutspathtotruth I sense a kindness from you and also from Nahm, that comes from a free, genuine, and higher place. It's really nice to be here on the forum and have you guys to look up to But I guess it's a thin (red) line from people-pleasing since the major difference from an authentic person to a people pleaser is the place their actions come from. Would you say so?

@peanutspathtotruth Now that I think about it, "confidently be(ing) a good person" is kinda nonsense, yea. It's Thank you for pointing that out. It's kinda scary thinking back (and not so back ago), how many inauthentic relationships one ends up feeding. Being authentic is something I had to relearn I guess. It's really foundational for the spiritual path.

Yea, you're right.

At least in my head, there is. This goes way back to childhood perceptions that generate behavioral patterns. It's so unconscious that makes it kinda hard to access. But I would say you have to master not being a people pleaser first, and then go on to be confidently a good person. These days, making good deeds for others does not feel natural at all, since I measure practically all my interactions. Good thing there's covid and I do not interact with many people. Would you say that grounding yourself in higher values does it too?

Really picturesque of you

@Gesundheit lately I’m working on stop being a people pleaser, so that’s why I asked. Your answer is helpful. Thanks for sharing

It’s really nice to see how you all are so transparent about it

@peanutspathtotruth that’s a beautiful and honest answer. I resonate very much with you and your comments here on the forum

@Gesundheit This's really nice buddy. But how do you draw a line from being a people pleaser?

@Preety_India Not shaming. I want you to thrive and realize your potential as creator. This is the issue, because this is what you’re focused on. It’s important to acknowledge the challenges of you environment, but in a strategic way, always thinking ahead, not getting caught on your condition, being it bad or good. Mobilize yourself towards what you want to create and manifest in your life. Not backwards.

I don’t think the issue is being a woman. I’m a woman and I do not see myself in most of your words. What I see is a victim mindset. Take responsibility for a while.. Best of luck

I wouldn't advise you to feed those revenge thoughts. Feeding them would only make them bigger. It's counterintuitive since you feel like acting on them, but they'll never go away if you do so. In my opinion, you should let them rise and face them. In any circumstance repress them. But don't let them operate in shadow. Meaning, be conscious of every single one of the thoughts you have towards this girl. Write them if needed. Then, after bringing them to the light, face them. Take responsibility. For this part, I always remember Buda's words. "If someone offers you a gift and you decline to accept it to whom then does it belong?" So disidentify with the person who that girl hurt. Cultivate self-love here. Don't let others shape your day nor decide what you are. Accept the past and work for the future. With the knowledge you had, you did the best you could. If this is not enough for you, learn more to grow yourself and prevent something like this happens to you again. Learn about self love, self esteem, self image, meditation, how to be present, how to be unbothered by other people's behaviors. Suffering is an amazing window to growth. Warm regards

I use crystal deodorant and it's amazing. Natural and cheap. https://www.healthline.com/health/crystal-deodorant The one I use is from Sante. Lasts for years, in plural

Hey! I'm looking forward to reading your work. From what I've seen you're a talented creator. So congrats! It's nice to see you'll be gone to sharpen your skills. Wish you the best. Warm regards

I find the youtube series Mind Field super foundational to understand why the mind isn't trustworthy, especially if you're somewhat of a rational person, or looking for some scientific support for this idea.

I would add internal/introspective concepts too. Responsabilization, Honesty with self, Self-love, acceptance, forgiveness, Understanding emotions, emotional intelligence, Relativism, Metacognition (it's important to move on from these two, but super intense for the foundation), Meditation. And some others along these lines

@peanutspathtotruth @SamC This works for me but for you might be something better, it's just a matter of experimenting