Barbara

Text this line https://www.crisistextline.org/ You will talk to a counselor trained for this type of crisis. You are having a crisis just like a heart attack. You need to get help as fast as you can. Text or call the line and they will help you. https://www.crisistextline.org/topics/suicide/#suicidal-behavior-what-people-contemplating-suicide-might-do-4 You are enough and you matter immensely buddy! Don't believe your mind telling you otherwise.

You did a good thing! In a few years, you’ll see this was your best move and be immensely grateful for it! There are so many suicidal and depressed people, that hate their lives. Many of them have all the things that you believe you need in order to be happy, like, love, a family, a job, a house.. This shows that it is not about external circumstances. I know you deeply believe this, but depression can happen to all different kinds of people. Not only to people in the same situation as you. So recognize that hating one’s life, is not about the life people lead, but instead their idea of it. The same as you thinking you are a loser, not being about your life, but your ideas of you not being enough. Now, the plan Leo gave you is amazing. Stick to it! Your entire energy needs to be devoted to getting a job, doing baby steps towards it. So figure out what kind of job. If you have access to the internet, you can think about Fiverr for example, and do translations or any other skill you may have. Or you can put on some fresh clothes and walk over your town checking who needs a new employee. Either at a cafe, cleaning dishes, or at a factory or the supermarket, organizing stuff around. I know you can do this! It's very simple and an amazing improvement!

@Hello world Let's keep talking about this buddy. Finding a woman can in fact bring you love and happiness, you are right about that. But what I think you are missing is the fact that you already need to have love within you and be happy before encountering a woman. And for you to find a woman you have to be in a healthy state of mind. All these beliefs you have about yourself tho, are deeply hurting you, keeping you away from that state. So I think that you should seek help in order to get better and heal from depression first and after that put the energy into attracting a beautiful woman to date. But you have to want to get better and healthy. I'm sure it feels solitary right now, but there are so many people who recover from depression and suicidal crises. I know you can do it too.

Please don't do such a thing. There are many stories of now healthy people who were close to suicide and today they are happy and loved, by themselves and others. Killing yourself would be in fact ruining your life, as there's no way back to that. Your life can change from day to night, you just got to believe that. There are suicidal hotlines in your country. A quick google research will lead you to them. Call them and get help!

Ok buddy, so as I understand you reached out to get help finding a woman, as you believe that will bring you love and happiness. Is that right?

There is no such thing as being worthy of love. Whatever you believe that needs to happen in your life so you are worthy of love may even already happen or may never happen, and that's ok. Love isn't conditional, nor can be dependent on some external situation. Watch the video above! And stay here on the forum! Engage with people and ask for help. Can't wait to hear your overcoming adversity story in the near future ?

This is the power we have in our hands. To lead our lives. And you experienced this power thoroughly as you believe you ruined yours. This belief, in its essence, is amazing, you know. Because you believe you have tremendous power over your life, either to ruin it or to reconstruct it. But now, let's see, to ruin a life is to not have a backpedal anymore, but look at you. Your life is not and will not be over soon. So, like a drying flower, you will revive with some work. So, there's a way around suffering, know this. Many people here on the forum are living proof of it. It's just a long way and a deep commitment. But you own it to yourself, your time on earth. And you know, it will be the most rewarding thing! Look at this sequence of things you wrote. I'm sure you heard the cliché "No one will love you if you don't love yourself", mainly because you cannot recognize someone's love for you if you don't know it yourself. In your life, you can encounter some woman who loves you, but what for, if you can't recognize it? If we want to be loved, no one can do that job for us. As said above, finding a woman will be amazing once you cultivate self-love. So that should be the priority. Steady like an elephant. One day at a time. Your love for yourself will grow and grow.

Ahah I kid you not. I haven’t even read this before. Magic it is!

Magic it is then. Feels like you need a hug.

Ahah that’s so random I don’t even understand if you’re talking to me

Sorry if this is not the appropriate place to post this. Let me know if you want me to delete it!

Hey there, wanna hear something funny? One of these days I dreamed I was on a weird party of some kind and at some point I found you and we hanged out for a while with a group of friends. At that point we were near a house and a lady came down yelling at us for making noise. But you started chatting with her, calming her to the point you guys started flirting, went inside and had sex ahah. She was a milf I guess! Ahah I know this is random. It was also for me. I followed your sex diary. Maybe it was because of that

The most contagious smile! https://www.youtube.com/c/MandyRamsdell @mandyjw

Resonates so much! And beautiful art work.

I remember reading some of your posts in the past. So glad you got out of that darkness. Keep the passion! Very happy for you

Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels, isn't that so? Invest in organic and local veggies, or plant them yourself, if you have the possibility. I assure you, you'll crave veggies afterward.

Hey Tim, I’m sorry to hear that. Have you ever done a CAT scan?

This man offered me his kidney when he thought I needed a donor. He’s not as bad as it seems on this section, girls

I understand completely how voice has such an impact. I started to talk alone, firstly voluntarily, just thinking out loud (it was never natural to me to speak my thoughts for myself). I felt resistance so many times. Felt like I didn’t wanted to put some words or thoughts out there. But overcoming this resistance helped me immensely mainly on two fronts: I was practicing honesty, authenticity and acceptance with myself and eventually others. Getting used to put some words and thoughts that I might be ashamed of or not accepting. Then acknowledging them and integrate them if needed. It helps to put things in perspective, and spot deception to some degree, in comparison with thoughts alone. Also, I realized how words can work as defense mechanism. Sometimes I feel I’ll use so many words to say something simple, just not to put me in a tough spot or not hurt anyone. So it’s really important for me, as I realized, to have a clean speech, with simple words, that go straight to the point and are not only glossing over something, also for the sake of authenticity. Regarding speaking journaling, I’ll try it definitely. I feel I would need to take some notes. Do you take notes? True quality post! And you sound remarkably coherent, even if english is not your mother tongue.

Something that I found out to be extremely grounding is coming up with a set of goals for a 1 year and 2 years (different goals) period time. You can deconstruct your life into categories that seem fit and you value at this point of life (example: love, social, family, job/career, financial, spirituality, personal development, intellect, etc — choose as many or little as you want). You can either come up with one or two specific goals for each category or freely write your goals. Categories are helpful just to have a perspective of what you value and want to improve in your life. Then, write them down every day. For this, make them simplistic, even if they stand out for something bigger, what matters here is that you're reminded of it on a daily basis. For me, this looks like an A5 page of goals, that I write down every day. Takes 5 minutes top. In general, I'm not a very goal-oriented person, but I find discipline as the gear for goals and writing them down every day as the ground and the why. The fact that you're writing them down every day also helps you to consolidate them. They won't be something you simply just came up with, but the product of consolidation. Hope it helps!

Minimalism is about honoring your own preferences and needs, not overly consuming but making space in our lives for what’s beyond the material. It’s a self discovery journey actually, because there’s no recipe, right or wrong. It is you who have to contemplate on what’s important for yourself and what’s not. So I’m very devoted to it. I read in “Good Bye Things” to treat every object like roommate that does not pay rent, but takes up space. For me it’s a nice perspective that I apply as much as I can. Recently I’ve also reduced my closet to three colors, white, black and brown/beige. Everything else I donated. This saves me a lot of time and worry, because everything matches and I only kept pieces that I like. It’s liberating. Also, something that I’ve been doing that is helpful is tracking my expenses with an app. This way I can have a clear look on what I spend money the most and try to change some habits there. The app I use is called Buddy, if anyone interested

The way you lay things is mainly the cause to your suffering, not being whatever you are. “How do I delude myself into believing I'm not ugly” Do you want to be deluded? How do you want to believe in something that you know it’s not true? How do you think that’s gonna play for you? That’s no remedy, friend. It will solve nothing. I would say firstly to start looking for something in other people other then beauty. Explore there. Engage with every type of people and be attentive to what might be so special about them that surpasses beauty. Maybe do that exercise in you! Besides that I would work on reshaping two types of understanding there. If you notice, nothing happens to you outside of your understanding. For exemple, the same unpleasant situation can generate different reactions for different people. Why do you think that is? I think it’s because our entire world is ruled by our perception and understanding of it. And if you let that sink in, it’s a game changer. Because you realize you have and had the power and responsibility of shaping your reality. And that’s only by doing adjustments in the mind. With that comes the second understanding, your self image. Once you established the above you can apply it to your liking and you can try it also with your self-image. It’s the way we perceive ourselves, physically, emotionally and every other aspect. Notice that is not the “way we are”. What does that even mean actually? What we are is not static, it’s differently perceived by others and by ourselves at the same time and so will always be relative, at least in my understanding of it. So I would stop looking for the objective and absolute reality of being beautiful or ugly, cause there’s no such thing. Into books? There’s this one Psycho-Cybernetics that was written by a plastic surgeon that started to spot patterns in people’s self perceptions after the surgery. And some people after the surgery were objectively beautiful according to beauty standards, but that did not moved an inch their self perception. Doesn’t that tells you something? Explore what that might be. You can also check Leo’s video about self image. It’s great. Changing this would be a life savior for you. The effort is 100% worth it. Be patient and committed.

Why is it important if it's ethical or not?

@somegirl Oh, I see. It's completely normal that you don't trust him then, actually. But don't let that numb your sexuality I don't think that any of what he did, even manipulating you this last time, was a move on you. He's just surviving the best way he can. There's no love while surviving, only neediness and attachment. Understanding this can take to comprehend him, have compassion, forgive and move on

"Instead of asking why the addiction, ask why the pain". Gabor Maté I strongly recommend "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts". Dr. Gabor Maté is a yellow thinker. It's really valuable to understand addictions deeply.