PurpleTree

in some ways i'm a sucker for beauty like silly symmetrical faces and so on but also many other things which aren't classical "beauty" i can find very beautiful and interesting in terms of looks and in terms of character i also find many things inspiring and beautiful like if a woman can be funny at times or classy, loving, good hearted, gives off a vibe of pride things along those lines

good luck

I really get his point in todays world with mental health issues on the rise things like vanity, fomo, so many options are part of what make people unhappy although i also really do enjoy my hair and clothing styles and such it's imo part of the fun of a colourful life but i think it would be great for basically everyone to go into a monestary or something like that for a year and this whole year don't worry about clothing, about hairstyles about none of that and see how it feels.

how about what kind of partner? so it's all inclusive we had that topic like 3 weeks ago already personally a good friend that i'm physically attracted to who's fun and honest

in hindsight weed is probably the most boring drug/substance ever known to humanity it made me sleep like a baby though but no dreams

how about monsanto everybody loves them

I think i know what it looks like in my mind. As i've had friendships with guys and gals. I'd just imagine it to be a great deep. loving friendship+intimacy and sex decorating a christmas tree together and stuff

I think in one way it was always very important to me to give the impression that i'm well put together and that everything is alright at home as a kid with me, my mother and so on. And still to this day i'll kind of like to give that vibe that everything great and that i'm orderly even though i'm not. There's probably also a fear of someone finding out that everything isn't as great as i like to portray it or whatever

never had a satisfying, loving, stable relationship i've had sexual relationships that went on for months and months or maybe up to almost a yr i think i have a huge fear of getting hurt often the ones that are interested in a real relationship with me i'm not so much interested and the ones i'm really interested in, i just freeze or friendzone her or myself also a huge fear of getting into a relationship with the "wrong" woman i've bought supplements for probably thousands of $ most of them work for some time and then don't because of tolerance. and many of them interfere with my sleep which is the worst. many supps for fatigue give me anxiety as i'm prone to that. but i also have some keepers

that full moon was soo pretty and bright i've tried modafinil but never armodafinil

nah i just don't really care for those kind of "military heads" "you don't need sleep" "give me 1000 pushups" kind of guys i'd rather take advice from someone who had for example chronic fatigue and got out of it or from a more sensitive/creative person like me but thanks for trying to help

not really feeling the guy at all thanks, might look into that

i've tried therapy quite a few times. Didn't help a lot though. Maybe it was the wrong therapist not the right form of therapy or maybe i'm therapy resistant in some ways. Also tried medication ssri's and so on, had pro's and con's, stopped taking them before the exams though so that i could learn better. I might never really get my life together, as i have a chronic fatigue issue and it's not so easy to learn a new job with that. You're right there is a lot of shame. And i often do consider my presence as a burden. I'm working on that. Not sure if it's really working though. I don't consider myself a bad person at all. But still burdensome probably.

For me when i feel like i'm being "checked out" it's really strong. For example there was this woman with two friends on the train earlier. She looked at me a few times. Either she was checking me out or she was just looking around. But when i feel somebody is really looking at me or checking me out then i just feel this rush of toxic shame or whatever. Also when a group of people is sitting/standing somewhere and they're looking at me/checking me out when i walk by. Makes me feel anxiety/shame/stiff/adrenaline/don't know how to act which is soooo frustrating anybody else get that?

Do you often try to be thankful for things throughout the day. The feeling of gratitude is a really nice one. Is gratitude an antidote to fear? Any good sources to cultivate gratitude? For me i try to be thankful for small things like my plant, looking at a tree, the moon and so on. Listening to Joe Rogans episode with Jewel was really interesting imo, she talked about gratitude i think i'll listen to it again sometime soon-ish

I could probably avoid going there but that wouldn't be very smart right now imo. I'll just try to keep the convo to a minimum. Some people are just loonies. Threats mostly in terms of losing a job or some other issues. I'll probably also use a recorder if things go overboard.

Like you know it's going to be toxic. Could be a family gathering, christmas etc. a funeral could be work related how do you prepare if you're a sensitive person and know it's going to be difficult and you're going to be tested in some ways?

*it* probably doesn't want anything it just enjoys creating and see what happens

That would be really great. And great for you if you're not affected by it. But i'm sensitive to many things including others peoples feelings and so on. My emotional state is almost always affected in some ways. It's ever changing.

i don't think benny is on the same level as jordy or sammy well for me certainly he isn't, don't really see any value in listening to benny

they both dress nice imo, good sense of style

spira stutters though nobodys perfect

he was a teacher so it was probably important to get his point across in a way that students could clearly understand also he has a high iq apparently didn't safe him from getting addicted to silly old benzos though hihi j/k

it's just a word toxic is something that feels unhealthy probably

yes but how is it possible to find "safety"? seems impossible