Oppositionless

This is where I'm going to catalogue my spiritual practice disciplines.

I interpret attraction from a woman as an attack. I don't know why.

IMO masturbation isn't *truly* sexually satisfying yourself, because you're still having sex with an external source, ie your mind / imagination. To sexually satisfy yourself means to raise kundalini and transmute sexual energy into spiritual bliss.

I was doing my practice today and started crying because I'm thinking about the woman I met. I'm once again in the ocd nightmare position of negotiating a potential romantic scenario and I'm so sick of it. Why can't I just meet someone and instantly I know they're the one and it's so obvious and simple? I said to God "I don't want a girlfriend right now , I just want You!" But maybe that's spiritual bypassing 😢

You won't necessarily get the message from one or two trips . I could take a dozen. Myself I had spiritual aspirations , I wanted to be enlightened, but it wasn't until the 5 meo dmt that my body seemed to want to do spiritual practices. Now I don't feel I need psychedelics but I can't say it didn't have a huge effect. Before I didn't meditate at all, now I mediate every day.

Maybe it's because it's now been a full month since my last 5 meo dmt session, or maybe because my nadis are cleaner now, but kriya seems more sustainable than it did for the first two months. I feel I can gently re-integrate it into my practice routine without overwhelm :)). *update 3 hrs later: Okay after the kriya session tonight I think I'm getting an idea of what might be going on. The first two months of my practice got very existential , ego dissolving. Now it's going in the direction of shadow work. I'm looking at my deep sadness and anxiety with different eyes and with that comes... well a lot of sadness and anxiety , but also freedom. One of my biggest fears is never finding a soul mate . But I'm not sure whether that's a genuine fear or society telling me I need to find the perfect partner. It's not really about it being attractive, recently I've verified as such, it's more about not finding the "perfect" person. Sigh, if I wasn't a good person dating would be easy . I'd just date someone and not care whether I was a good partner.

Grok : (this is very interesting! Much more "street cred" than new age breatharin gurus): " 1. Samyama on the Throat Chakra (Kaṇṭha-kūpa / Vishuddha) • Classical claim (Yoga Sutra 3.30): Prolonged samyama (dharana + dhyana + samadhi) on the throat pit can lead to cessation of hunger/thirst. • How it’s tied to breatharianism: New-age interpreters link it to kechari mudra + amṛta (nectar) flow from the bindu/soma chakra — supposedly nourishing the body internally so food becomes unnecessary. • Reality in traditional yoga: • This siddhi is extremely rare and considered a side-effect (upasarga) of advanced samadhi, not a practice to force. • Patanjali warns siddhis distract from liberation (3.37). • No historical or modern verified yogi lives indefinitely without food solely from this. • How to practice safely (if you want to explore for other benefits): • Sit comfortably → focus on throat pit (base of neck, blue light visualization). • Chant bija mantra HAM (hum) mentally on breath (inhale Ha, exhale Mmm with throat vibration). • 5–10 min/day, no forcing. • Benefits: clearer voice, confidence, reduced self-censorship — not food elimination. • Safety: Completely safe when gentle. No fasting required. Do not use this to justify stopping food — that is misuse and dangerous."

Sounds like it's just not talking about not wanting to fully awaken. Doesn't seem like it has much to do with psychedelics , unless the "non awakening" awakening psychedelics produce is particularly seductive. But the idea that you will permanently be unable to awaken if you momentarily succumb to an imitation of it is pure fear mongering, in my opinion. When I trip it's with the intention of lasting change , the momentary glimpse is secondary. I spent several years experiencing this so called luciferian imitation of awakening, via cannabis, but that had no impact whatsoever on my ability to experience real awakening via 5 meo and later kriya yoga . There's a lot of paranoia among spiritual people. "Conspirituality" is a term for it. It's a trap. Psychedelics increase full brain communication and decrease activity in the default mode network. That's it. The spiritual mind loves elaborate spiritual stories . But it's bullshit, realize you're God, that's spirituality. *** okay maybe that's not all psychedelics do. But as a counterpoint to new age paranoia I said that.

I was very naive as a young spiritual seeker. When I was 18 I ended up in a discord cult with no real spiritual practice, just lots of super powerful placebo transmissions. A year later I did some hardcore , probably dangerous, fasting in an attempt to become a breatharian (new age speak for one of the siddhis described in the yoga sutras). I do think such distractions served a point. The point being it's really hard to say I would have benefited from real consciousness work at such a young age... it certainly wouldn't have prevented the suffering I was destined for in my early 20s . Thankfully nothing too serious happened... I could have joined a "real" cult or fucked my body up. That's good. Actually Dr K explained how transmissions (or diksha, initiation) works. You really only get it once, your guru blesses you , and that helps kickstart your process but it doesn't do the work for you, and you also don't need like 3 of them a day to make more progress. I think consistent spiritual practice *might* make the body more efficient and therefore less food is needed. But I don't think fasting an arbitrary number of days has any effect. Would not reccomend dry fasting at all.

@Davino @Carl-Richard As of today I'm gonna see how it feels to take citrate (as part of my electrolyte powder) in my water in the morning, and glycinate tablets at night.

Habits I want to develop : Playing 30 minutes of piano or keyboard every morning Smoking cannabis only a couple times a week Spending more time alone habits I'm proud I have : meditaing every morning . Or night if I have to be up early . walking every day. habits I want to break; judging myself .

Won't be able to get my federally legal thca flower in November if this stupid law goes into effect as is 😡.

Stabilization phase going well. I like this, doing deep work for a short time then hitting the breaks . I don't feel like I'm falling behind spiritually . I feel like my body is catching up to something my spirit reached.

A sober experience of ego death to me is, generally speaking, a lot more terrifying than one on psychedelics. Because with psychedelics some part of you knows it's temporary, but when it happens in waking life you have no fucking idea whether you're ever coming back. I understand Leo is big on this kriya yoga practice and advocates massive reps, but I really want to caution anyone thinking about trying it. Are you ready to die? Or rather, to feel like it (because of course you won't really die physically).

I'm partial against pure consciousness, or especially pure awareness, as a pointer, I don't think it's a holistic or particularly useful pointer. I prefer God, Self and the Absolute. Reason being you can be conscious of something but that doesn't explain activity. You can also not be conscious of something and the activity still occurs. Such as the circulation of blood or the movements of the planets. I suppose they can be helpful if you're still in the phase of deconstructing the materialist paradigm, but I'm way beyond that. Anyway, I deeply miss God right now.

@LambdaDelta do you also experience VC with mescaline? I'm not at all interested in phenethylamines as a class bc they don't seem very deep but mescaline is the exception , it's the psychedelic I most want to try (but I don't want to kill any cacti in the process).

Long way to go would imply awakening is right for everyone. Way I see it, awakening is not at all a safe thing, and if an intellectual understanding of spirituality brings comfort and joy no sense in going deeper. Awakening is for those who need it. Although perhaps you were only referring to more intellectual openness, to which I agree.

@Yimpa it's so hard to explain. I've had what I thought were ego death experiences but this was like a whole other level of ego death. I looked up the yogic terms and I guess what I experienced first were what's called Savikalpa samadhi where the "I" "stretches" and merges with God, but the 5 meo was more like Nirvikalpa samadhi where the I completely dissolves. The kriya experiences were basically the same but natural , and randomly . I was driving once after doing kriya and the I temporarily disappeared, that was super scary, when it happened on 5 meo it wasn't scary but when it happened sober it freaked me out and I felt like I was literally dying . There lots of emotional upheavals and blissful / sexual experiences related to awakening kundalini . I don't want to go too into that too much bc it's pretty intimate. I was doing the kriya pranayam 1 from the jc Stevens book, and Maha mudra from the same book.

It appears that perfect pose only the foot is on top of the other foot, half lotus the whole leg is on top of the other . That's crazy bc I thought perfect pose both feet were on the ground . I'm still gonna do it that way when I want extra grounding / stretch lol.

First off, congrats on your first trip ! It takes a lot of bravery to do such things, even with a lot of trips under your belt the fear never goes away (at least for me it doesn't). No one can do the integration for you , but we can give you pointers. Do you have a spiritual or contemplation disciple ? After big openings I reccomend a gentle meditation , yoga , tai chi, etc practice. And maybe journaling about the experience (not trying to figure it out, just probing a bit). If there's a spiritual community where you live, you'll likely meet people who've had similar experiences. The forum is great but there's something extra nice about meeting such people irl. I would probably lean more towards grounded groups than super woo woo ones.

I have serious mental health struggles which limit how much deep consciousness work I can do at a time , and that's perfectly fine. It doesn't matter how long awakening takes. I could probably spend 6 months just processing both the awakenings and the emotional and trauma releases which have occured in the last 3 months , since my first 5 meo trip and subsequent kriya experiences.

Trying to answer metaphysical questions with the mind is folly. I would know, I lived with existential ocd for 10 years. Still love these guys .

I'm becoming a bit of yoga evangelist lately but that's because it's changed my life very quickly for the better. Put simply, it can help you with both your egoic and spiritual goals without pushing you too far into dissolution territory if you're not ready for that (unless you do more advanced kriya techniques)!

@LambdaDelta Are you referring to prescription meth? Do you have severe adhd? Cannabis is very powerful for me, I'm basically addicted to it because of its radial effects on my consciousness but I'm hoping to drop it soon. Actually now I can see how it kept me circling around an imitation of awakening for years . I also had a powerful effect from kriya yoga that I don't think is common, but it led to some real awakenings.

It's bittersweet to see a YouTube thumbnail from someone like Bernardo Kastrup or his essentia foundation , because it symbolizes the person I was just a few months ago. The person without the direct encounters which have occurred, the person who found comfort and safety in intellectual spirituality . I love that person so deeply, he was beautiful , broken and deeply sad but beautiful.