Oppositionless

Don’t be a Shopenhauer. God is all upside.

level of conscious (0 to 1000) reading of substances, just a joke 986 . >> 5 meo dmt impressions: God, absolute infinity, truth, shock and awe, terror 944 >> 2c-P Bliss, God, infinity, truth, sexuality 912 >> Mescaline Grandfather, safe, sancitiy, God , truth 907 >> 2c-B Introductory, gentle, love, sexuality 860 >> Ayahuasca, Pharmahuasca, and Changa Mother, alien, revelation, God 777 >> LSA and morning glory Agony, suffering, God, absolute infinity 768 >> LSD Cosmic consciousness, God, energy, awakening, confusion 814 >> penicilin Love, safety, protection, freedom from pain 696 >> DMT Extraterestrial, God, truth, beauty, twisted sense of humor, reptilian 686 >> Psilocybin mushrooms and 4 aco dmt Extraterestrial, confusion, infinity, healing, God, twisted sense of humor 677 >> Salvia Extraterestrial, confusion, break through, God , twisted sense of humor 570 >> Marijuana Trickster, God, love, dependence

observe yourself. awareness alone is curative. that's how I finally stopped smoking so much pot. it became too painful you could also try rehab, of sorts, by going somewhere without internet for a week.

maybe try picking up a combat sport like jiu-jitsu or boxing for a few months

acknowledge that you already do love yourself, otherwise you wouldn't have made it this far, but that you just aren't very good at it.

on the absurdity of denying anecdote as unscientific someone claims that they have experienced consciousness beyond the body. they say that they astral projected, flew to wal-mart and saw a cashier named Kevin, and then when they got back to the body they drove to wal-mart and were able to identify the cashier that they saw. the skeptic responds with "that isn't science. science needs to be peer-reviewed to consider valid." the person who astral projected then says "Okay, so if anecdotes aren't scientific then we should discredit victims of sexual assault because dna evidence is hard to come by and usually it isn't caught on camera." the skeptic responds " No that's different because you're making a supernatural claim that could undermine all of science. That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." the person then responds : "Are you sure about that? Are you not aware of the consequences of being accused of sa? If anything, we should be even more cautious about that because someone's entire life is at stake here. If they are accused of this crime it will make it impossible to get a job, they might go to jail, starve etc." the skeptic says " well if it's supernatural it can't be real! therefore you're lying." the person then asks "how do you know it's supernatural and therefore unreal if you haven't tested it yourself." the skeptic then states "because none of my peers have experienced it. therefore it is impossible." at this point the person who had the experience can do nothing but shrug their shoulders and move on. he knows he experienced something real, but no one else dose, and if the skeptic isn't even willing to entertain the possibility that his worldview is wrong then there is nothing that can be said to change his mind. Because, of course, science is only 1% experiment and 99% anecdote. furthermore, the very idea that you can undermine science is absurd. the only thing that can be undermined is untrue beliefs within science. that is the very nature of good, proper science. it is constantly undermining its own incorrect theories, in an ideal world. but the world we find ourselves in is one in which victims are constantly dismissed, corporations have science by the balls, and shitheads get away with horrible crimes every single day. it might take a hundred allegations before you admit that your friend may be a victimizer. And even then you still might not be willing to admit the uncomfortable truth about your "friend".

critical assumptions of social anxiety 1. you are deficient in some way 2. other people notice your deficiency 3. other people don’t admire your deficiency 4. you are not perfect

critical assumptions: 1. consciousness comes from the body. 2. you are the body 3. time flows 4. space is absolute 5. the universe is finite 6. the universe exists

Either you want to know truth or you don’t. if you don’t want truth at any cost then no amount of psychedelics, or meditation, or telekinesis, or asral projection, or channeling, or near death experience is going to bring you to truth. Conversely if you want to know truth the lack of any of the above won’t stop you from finding truth. The universe will literally bend over backwards for you in your quest for truth. Everything else is details.

dropped my bupropion dose from 300 mg to 100 mg and finally went to sleep and stayed asleep. Woke up at 7am and went back to sleep until 9. It's been around two months since I could fall back asleep after waking up. now I feel normal levels of shittiness rather than overwhelming levels of shittiness. hopefully after a week of sleeping well I will feel pretty decent. Music sounds like nothing , just meaningless noise, to me right now. thats how I know I’m pretty depressed. I’m gonna put all my mental energy into programming and just forget about everything. I want a lover but I hate dating apps. I’ve had some success at clubs but nothing beyond some good future jerk-off material. looking for someone to explore the outer reaches of God with. and rest my head on their lap when I feel like shit. maybe medicinal ketamine? but I’m afraid of addiction, weed has caused enough problems. might be worth though. I don’t find k nearly as interesting as thc

I’m a pretty liberal dude, but the one arena in which I’m quite conservative is sex and relationships. I don’t think sex is something to do with just anyone. I’ve always taken pride in having a low “number.” but it’s come with some cost . maybe if I had more sex I would be more confident. I dunno. If I banged every person I probably could have, would I feel better or worse about myself? what if I started at a younger age, like as a teenager ? can’t say for sure. I need something to push past my physical limits again. without the stress that comes with competition, being on a school team, winning some ribbon or whatever.

the Psychiatrist says it's not the sleep meds but the antidepressant I'm on fuck all this shit man I just wanna be good.

Happiness: finding meaning in life, living virtuously. personality : INFP , level of ambition: 10/10 – between my two primary hobbies, programming and music production I spend around 40 hours a week working. Programming is partially motivated by school work but I still manage side projects. in addition to working 15 hours at a part time restaruant job. Music is entirely self motiavated. I’d love to make a side income posting music online, but so far my perfectionism has prevented me from actually releasing anything. In high school I ran cross country and wrestled, I picked those sports because they were the two most physically demanding ones my school offered. I walked the halls feeling like the ultimate badass who did what 99.9% couldn’t. Health: mental health has always been my biggest struggle . I frankly don’t know what it’s like to be just “fine” for an extended period of time. I don’t know what it’s like to not suffer from depression and insomnia. But I have a feeling I’m gonna have my sleep figured out soon. and once I have that, I’ll be the closest to happiness I’ve ever been. low consciousness values: being stoned, dating someone that will impress others. I’m extremely insecure and want someone to validate me. high consciousness values: computer programming, playing music, loving relationships and friendships, family, spirituality, creativity. desires : deep friendship desire for solitude: I’m an introvert so I love and need a lot of alone time, but I also suffer from severe loneliness in relation to my depression so living without a partner and or roomate would be hell. I still live with my parents, not related to money but mental health. spirituality: always has been important me. I began identifying as a pantheist when I was around 8 years old. creativity: I have a bunch of different outlets including philosophy, creative writing, posting online, producing music and playing instruments, drawing, and I’ve dabbled in theatre / acting.

virtue is hot, like really hot. virtue makes pickup easy. purity of intent is everything. the sickness makes you needy, angry manipulative and empty. self love is the antidote to evil.

it only addresses the existential pit of despair , none of the other stuff I’m very thankful to have suffered multitudes of mental cataclysms in my life that made me take ownership of my healing process. having a spiritual understanding kept me alive in my darkest moments.

of course reincarnation is real. it’s just that all incarnations happen now. general relativity, the past and future are directly present. Ian Stevenson was the OG reincarnation researcher who interviewed thousands of children who knew super specific details from their previous incarnations’ lives

sounds lovely, so different from the mind-fucking that a high dose of mushrooms provides.

@OBEler @Recursoinominado I honestly think that you can trip harder if you have trip killers. the molecule knows you have it and will take you deeper because of that.

I’m working hard on my self esteem. committing to listening to at least one hypnosis in the vein of feeling more attractive to women every day. when I get in a relationship, I’ll be able to show up 100%. I won’t screw anything up through insecurity. if I have a daughter, I’ll ask my wife if I can name her Avalyn. Such a beautiful name.

food for thought

not sleeping will make insanity happen fast. at first it was great because it made it so easy to just knock out. but then, it started only allowing me to sleep for 5-6 hours a night. and that, that was hell. that made me develop so many problems.

I feel a lot less crazy. I think the mushroom trip was meant to show me the outcome of the path I was going down taking seroquel to sleep every night. even if I struggle with insomnia the rest of my life, it will be better than being dependent on a drug to sleep that becomes less and less effective ultimately leading me to get less and less and less sleep until I lose my fucking mind. the day of the trip , before the trip even, I was having insane thoughts. I was tripping hard before actually tripping. I was in such a bad place. now I feel a little better. a lot better actually, but still not great.

Thank God I got some decent sleep last night. I'm having an existential crisis because my dog is 14. I need some magic. I need something to override my angst. I feel a little silly for doing this, but I signed up for a "spoon bending" class from the Monroe institute. maybe if I have a spoon I used my mind to bend, a kind of sacred object, I can look at it whenever I'm upset and remember the magic at the heart of creation. or maybe nothing will happen and I'll just feel like a fool who threw away a couple hundred dollars, still having a crisis. I'm anticipating the first thing though.

this is how the magic is done. by hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering a feather bed. - terence mckenna in an absolute sense. of course. all day today felt like sheer hell but all of a sudden I can't stop laughing I've been wasting so much time looking up local psychics, not hate on them but how many psychics are awake? well, I already fucking know a psychic who's awake. it's so funny I can't stop fucking laughing. she's my teacher of sorts. anyway.

after a month of seroquel and 5 hour sleep I am in a shaky mind state. I feel unhinged, profoundly depressed and self-loathing. I have to suffer through a few sleepless nights to get out of this. sleep aid, trip killer wonder drug. stretches me like a rubber band and snaps me in half. There's a devil on my back, there's a devil in my chest,