SamC

Last week or so, I came to the realization of something interesting. I was meditating and then it somehow hit that I am not the body or the mind - but the layer behind it. I am the awarness aka everything which is just experiencing itself. This was not enlightenment or a mystical experience in that sense though, it was just an insight but I think I am onto a start of atleast being able to see a tiny tiny glimpse of what is ahead of my journey. I understand I don't know the truth, I comprehend that I am not even close to enlightenment but it makes me wonder. What do I get, and how close am I to really get it? What is your experience with these insights that are not mystical in that sense? Have anyone realized or experienced anything similar? I am trying to figure out some sort of a road map on where I am on this spiritual journey - so all help, tips and thoughts are greatly appreciated. (: All love @Leo Gura

Interesting @electroBeam . Is it the same type of thoughts that come back when you experience ego backlashes or have you let go of some the neurosis that you started with. ( have your ego backlashes changed or is it the same stuff that mer på coming back) True

Nope, what is it?@Barbara

Yeah fuck, we just keep on dying lmao

Interesting. Thank you!

Love??

Yes. Thank you!??

Ahhh??

I feel peaceful and unbothered by my thoughts, emotions and life and that I am the awarness. Everything feels perfect as it is and then the next hour or day baam, I am dragged back to low conciousness and my old self (anxiety, fear, temptations, cravings, judging, old beliefs ect)

I am sorry that you had to go thourgh that preety. I don't know anything about you or your situation but I belive that one of the reasons why you struggle to forgive him is because you struggle to forgive yourself. I belive that you still deep down inside is still angry, frustrerad and judgeing at yourself and that you theirfor project your anger towards him. ( not saying that he isn't an asshole, but you feel like a victim because of what he did) If you hate others you hate yourself... If you judge others you are judgeing yourself ect and I believe that here is the starting point. To be able to love yourself, forgive yourself and not judge yourself for who you are and accept the moment ( life as it is) I am working this out myself, and I see the same patterns in myself. Tryng to live more in the now, self compassion and experincing my emotions through mindfulness + journaling about them have helped me a lot, I think It might help you aswell all love (:

That's the real paradox

I seek understanding because I fear being incapable Here is an article that explains what I mean.(: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-5

My psychologist said 2 weeks ago that the reason why I try to understand life ia to find a solution to my problems and that I therefor should stop to overanalyze everything cause it creates more anxiety. This led me to an existential crisis, cause trying to understand is basically my bread and butter in life. My whole life purpose, my values and identity revolves around UNDERSTANDING... I am so confused. I can't just throw out my whole identity.. or well I can but I dont think I am ready for that. I understand that I later need to question everything in order to get to the truth, but why then even try to understand anything at all. Why actualized.org? Why try to understand science? Why to do anything? And even more, if I then instead just should live in the present and let go of trying to understand... what's up with my life purpose of trying to understand? What's up with the meaning that I created in life? I don't have anything to anquer my life too.. which is fine, but am I really ready to let go of all meaning? If I don't try to understand I feel like I repress my identity. Wow, I am so confused.. but I kinda like the mindfuck aswell. I would love some guidence though.. What is your take on this? @Leo Gura

I think so

Ahh lol. Well it drives me forward but it's self destructive so it's better to let it go and be more in the moment I think. It serves me in many ways

Yes, but that's equivalent to raising your conciousness right? ( a shift from thinking to being). Then my psychologist is pointing me in the right direction counterintuitively anyway while still being wrong about the seeking for metaphysicial understanding. ( cause that's a different desire) I probably have both then. Both ego desire for understanding and an authentic desire for truth and understanding which I only can get from letting go of the ego desire anyway. He is pointing at the ego/ fear side of overthinking which is hindering me - but neglect the nuances

Some examples. 1:How female attraction works. 2: How a certain thing is 3: which people like me and which people don't. In all of the 3 exampels above I get stability in knowing how a certain thing works and therefor I can manipulate the world to make sure I am safe and uphold my identity as being special for knowing stuff and being " smart". Awareness alone is something different though. It's more being in the know and from there not knowing anything but at the same time knowing everything cause you are the thing. In other words, I overthink - but that doesn't mean I shouldn't seak understanding - just be in the present moment more instead of in my head cause it's limited anyway.

Yes By trying to understand in order to create a sense of stability, meaning and control.

I agree but maybe it's not black and White. Maybe he is right in one perspective but right in another

Yeah I thought so aswell. I was angry at him at first but I think he is onto something. I try to manipulate reality instead of being in reality.

Yeah but he still might be on to something. Being might be the new understanding

Amen. Yeah, I think I got it. Understanding becomes a distraction to being. My existsntial crisis was a dark night of the soul kind of deal I Think. My identity and meaning making got shredded. It's still kinda scary though

Yeah conciosness

Yeah I think I get it now. Conciousness is the ultimate understanding. When I " understand" I really don't understand because it doesn't take to account " reality " as a whole. It's kinda like the problem with science in some weird way. What about my personality of being a philosopher though? I know you also are like that.. is that based on fear ( ego) or just authentic personality preferences? Is that an expression of who you are or is it just Ego? I mean Echart and Sadgurhu doesn't seem to be like you in that sense. Why is that? @Leo Gura

Leo often says that meditation and yoga for example has the potential to completely transform our lives. By engaging in these spiritualy purifying processes he for example argues that we will become more peaceful, more conscious and less needy ( attached) to outcome. Here is the problem though, and its here where I need your help. I have meditated everyday for over a year now and it have changed my life completly. Today however I come to notice that the reasons why I am doing it ( spiritual purification) is not mainly for awaking but to avoid anxiety ( control behaviour) and become more comfortable with myself ( and less needy) to then be able to get girls. Supriseingly it kinda has worked, I'm getting closer. Now I wanna continue with this approach together with starting kriya yoga ( + self compassion which I already, + meditation which I already do) to become even more comfortable with my self by shredding my ego and than get girls). Note that I am at the same time super interested in conciousness work, but the question is, will I shoot myself in the foot? Am I ready for hardcore awakening work when I am at the same time so desperate and just want sex? I might be able to get both, thats what I hope, but is this a valid strategy, really? Will it do more harm than good? Is my ego really there yet? In Leo's last episode he said, exhaust the shit out of every stage, don't rush! But what about using spiritual purification to than be able to exhaust the shit out of every stage and than grow even more? Thanks for your help.