Darodos

Dont be afraid of painful emotions. If she rejects you, you will feel painful for a bit. Dont be a pussy and run away from this. Be a man and face the pain head on. Its allright, your feelings are not gonna kill you.

What happens to me quite often is me having a dream about some scene that Im expriencing, and than this exact scene happening at some point later during a trip

No I notice the same thing It gets weirder than this. When I am just casually walking around with no-mind, I notice people being more friendly and smiley when I greet them. Recently, I was with a group of friends. We were all sitting around, chatting with each other, having music playing in the background. After a while I was tired, withdrew from the conversation, and just leaned back listening to the music. As I started to enter a meditative state, I noticed the other people getting more conscious, as I could tell from their conversations. Ive also noticed this effect the other way around, as someone else meditated, and I became more conscious. And even weirder. When you are on LSD, you can take another substance while tripping, which is called nitrous oxide, or laughing gas. Combining these two substances completely blasts you off into infinite god consciousness for a like 10 seconds or so. I have repatedly experienced that when I take it, and other people are around, they also get affected. Like they being in a conversation before, then I take the nitrous oxide, and they lose completely track of their conversation, forgetting what they were talking about etc. That also I have experienced vice versa, someone else taking it, and my mind completely shutting down from one moment to the next, and me forgetting who, what, and where I am. This shit creeps me the fuck out.

@Gesundheit I don't really know what to make out of this. Is there a lot of negativity in your thoughts? Actually, I also do have a problem with doing mental work. Also stuff like planning / strategizing etc.. It feels quite tiresome for me to do this kind of thinking, I get easily bored and distracted while doing this. Probably because this kind of stuff is rather dry, and I no longer have the kind of mind that is interested in this. I'd rather think about metaphysics and spiritual stuff, that's way more interesting, and I don't get bored nearly as easily while doing this. Like I said, I used to work as a software developer back before awakening, and I actually enjoyed it. But afterwards, the job has become just completely unworkable for me. It started to bore the living shit out of me, my mind would wander towards other things constantly, and the quality of my work decreased dramatically therefore.. Was that somehow helpful? @Kiko I did a lot of meditation, psychedelics, and studying spiritual teachers. Alan Watts was a very big influence for me. The way he talks about spirituality was especially helpful for me. The sheer beauty and poesy in hiw words were like medicine to my wounded spirit. I also have put a lot of attention on my thoughts and feelings while living my day to day life, trying to catch myself whenever my mind was coming up with high levels of negativity. Also a lot of rather difficult emotional work. Like I mostly just felt very sad and alone, and I just sat with those feelings, trying to comfort myself. @Kiko I don't know about David Hawkins. I learned this technique from workshops I've been going to.

Nice, lucky you that you found someone like her Also, if anyone is looking for green/yellow folks in Germany let me know, I know like a hundred of them

I told you, the metaphor was plain stupid Like it points in the general direction of how it feels like, with the excitement and so on, but it is way deeper than that. Anyways, now that I think of it, you're actually right about that sex with no connection is stupid. Because ever since I had my awakenings, I've only had sex when there was at least some level of connection there. Sometimes very deep and intense, sometimes more "laid back" if that makes sense to you.. but when I think back to the times before waking up, the sex I'd had then was really just shallow and awful most of the time. Nowadays my sex drive is still extremely high, but truth be told: I'd rather just masturbate than having those sorts of experiences again

@Dodo But on the other hand, if you are enlightened you sort of do know everything, because you've had an direct experience of what "everything" is ?

@electroBeam I'm not quite sure about that. I never feel bad for having sex with someone, no matter if connected or not. It's a pretty dumb metaphor, but when an opportunity for sex arrives for me, I always feel like a child going to an amusement park. And if there is a strong connection on an emotional or spiritual level with the other person, it just adds that much more juice to the experience.

I've often heard from different spiritual teachers, that their everyday, mundane problemsolving intelligence increased along with their spiritual evolution. My spiritual attainments improved a lot of different areas in my life, but the capacities of my intellect was not among them. I'd be interested in how to acces this.

@The0Self Yeah, I have the feeling that you might be using that "I want to overcome my ego" thing as an excuse you are telling yourself, so you don't have to admit a painful truth to yourself. Something in the line of, being scared of too much intimacy, or scared of growing dependant on the other person, or maybe there starts to develop some drama in the relationships that you don't want to deal with.. etc.. Do you think there might be something to what I am saying?

Little bit off topic, but this struck me. See that the wish to overcome your ego is just an appetite of your ego. You don't need to overcome or kill it. After all, what is the ego exactly? It is just a fictional character called "your name" your mind came up with, and that you filter your experiences through. If you say "I need to overcome the ego through focussed dilligence" ... this is just a statement of your ego/mind, believing it can somehow improve itself through overcoming itself, whatever that may mean. No, this is not the way. If you really want to improve your state of being, be more happy, loving, joyful etc. here is what you do: you just chill and enjoy the fact that you are alive, right now. Done. No prerequisite for that. When it comes to egoic reactions in your everyday life, (which is exactly what is fucking up your relationships on a continuous basis) do this: You observe yourself and your actions over a period of time in your everyday life. You observe your thoughts, your words when talking to other people, and the actions you take. It requires practice of course to do this. Then you ask yourself: "Am I thinking/saying/doing this out of love/passion for life, or am I doing this because I hope to somehow gain something for myself from this?" And then you decide for yourself as often as you can to act out of love and passion, instead for selfishness. THIS is how you overcome your ego, not through meditation. And in my experience, being in a close relationship with another human being who also wants to do this, is one of, if not THE best tool to do this kind of work. Because oh boy, there's a LOT of shit going to come up by doing this, and it requires a very high level of self honesty and emotional maturity..

Thank you, spitting some great wisdom right there!

So what, that just adds some extra challenge to your spiritual path, eg. some more opportunities for spiritual growth. Being a monk and enlightened is "easy", but being enlightened and still live an active and passionate life, that's a real challenge.

Hahaha I know the struggle bro Let me tell you, you don't nessessarily have to decide for one or the other. You can have both if you want to All you have to do is, when you have a girlfriend, communicate to you that you will want to keep your freedom, that you don't want to comply to traditional values of monogamy, that you want to experience the joys of being able to share your love freely, etc etc. That might however of course cause some emotional upheaval for you as well, as she will be free to do the same with other men as well. So buckle up and enjoy the ride in the emotional rollercoaster. You are in for quite some excitement if you decide to walk this path

Ok you life in Denmark? That shouldnt be a problem. You might have to wait until the plague is gone however. But then, you can just do some online research and find some spiritual events like workshops, retreats, etc. etc... it really shouln't be that hard. Most people you find there will some mixture of green and yellow like yourself, some of them with a little bit of turquoise sprinkled in. In Germany where I live, there is a substantial minority of people who are interested in spirituality and self development, who are very well connected and networked with each other. You just have to find them. Facebook should be a very good resource actually. Lots of spiritually minded people there. Just search for some danish words that are connected to spirituality and you should be good to go

That's a good name for a death metal band with songs about enlightenment

@confused Also, focussing on your true nature and living a normal human life are not mutually exclusive. You don't need to be on that pleasure seeking / pain avoiding wheel, you can just experience being human to its fullest and be fulfilled, while still maintaining the awareness that you are god. And that is the amazing part: As long as you remain in god-consciousness, life loses its seriousness and it all becomes fun and games. I also have a question for you: does your desire to live as a monk stem from an unconsciously held belief, that you are unable or unworthy to create an enjoyable life for yourself? Ponder this.

How about you just go to a 10 day vipassana retreat. Then you will know if this is right for you, or if you want to do something else with your life

@Nahm You're welcome. If something was unclear, just ask ahead

Hahaha that's amazing

@Jennjenn Yes, there actually was one key insight which changed everything virtually overnight. Almost one year of practicing meditation, listening to gurus, doing some light doses of LSD and mushrooms, and even having some profound mystical experiences of Oneness gave me repeatedly smaller insights, which led to incremental improvement in small steps. Stuff like "Everything I am doing is serving the purpose of me moving either towards or away certain emotions" (which was helpful, considering back then I hated the fact that I had emotions in the first place) or "If I experience a painful moment, one day I will look back at this, and will be thinking 'I'm glad this happened, because it led me where I am now' - so I can also right now be happy that it is happening." I even experienced my self an infinite, all encompassing field of consciousness multiple times while tripping on acid, which of course completely floored me at first, and then led me to the realization that, if I am already everything that exists, it is completely irrelevant which happens in the life of this sad little human that I happen to inhabit at the moment. But, while all of these experiences were very profound, regarding my depression they were just helpful, and not curative. My fucked up psyche still always came back and continued to fuck me in the ass, though not quite as violent as before. And now for the key insight that changed everything, and completely un-screwed my psyche in just one moment: I have understood completely the particular mechanism inside my psyche that caused me this profound unhappiness. It's a little difficult to explain, but I'll try my best. Basically, what I have realized was the Truth that I was (unconsciously) creating unhappiness inside me sort of as fuel to move me ahead in life. You see, because back then, what I believed was that I basically am a worthless piece of shit, BUT, if I work hard on myself, get rid of all my flaws etc., I might be able to change that in the future. Or simplified: I created unhappiness in the present, and projected happiness as a goal I could achieve into the future. And then I realized, that the only thing that kept me from being happy right now, was exactly this kind of thinking. So I stopped doing this and BAM instant happiness, peace, fulfillment. Basically I said to myself that I would not care anymore if I ever become succesful, if I ever get good with girls, etc. and decided to just be happy right now, and not care about anything else. (This was not the end btw. Ive kept this aprroch to life for about half a year and then moved on) Not sure about humor. I've never in my life put any attention on my type of humor or about my ability to making other people laugh. So it might be possible that it changed, it probably did, but I can't get any more specific than that. Lightheartedness definetely increased by a bunch. Right, because before, my main concern in my mind was about what I can do now to increase my ability to be happy in the future. But after that change of mind, I just was happy like that. So I just felt like the happiest person alive. I started to go on long walks through the forest just marvelling at nature... I basically felt like a child again I also started to go to those "hippie love and peace" type of gatherings, and boy, that really did something for me. Started to really open up to other people and be spontaneous and playful, to connect on a deeper level.. I learned to express myself through singing and dancing, and much more. But the biggest change for me was with love. It was a completely new experience for me. Like I've had a few relationships and "friends with benefits" girls before, but I have never felt any love with those girls. Like I was completely unable to feel love at all. That was, of course, because I believed myself to be unworthy of love.. In my mind, the girls were of infinite worth, and I was a lump of dirt. In that way, I refused myself access to love. I basically used the girls as a means to an end for me to relief myself of a little bit of suffering temprarily, the same way as I used alcohol and video games. But now, as I was overflowing with joy and happiness, I was actually abe to really give and receive love for the first time. Really beautiful experiences. Sorry about the wall of text. Got a little carried away I guess @Gesundheit Depends on what you mean by fully functioning I guess? Like in terms of being able to keep a job, well, yes and no. This, I actually already got handled in therapy. Mmh.. After depression hit, it made me first drop out of university. I was unable to do anything for about a month or two, except for an hour of therapy once every week. Besides that, I was lying in bed in my parent's house pitying myself. And the therapy helped me in so far, that I now was able to leave my bed again. Then I worked at a factory for a few weeks, then I started job training as a computer programmer. That was all before the "big shift" (see wall of text above)... Back then, I actually was really really proud of myself for being able to get that job, I thought of it as a great opportunity for my life, and I derived a lot of self - worth from working there. But I was still very depressed and unhappy. After the shift however, the job turned into a burden for me, and to a source of unhappiness. Before I really enjoyed working that job, but now I'd realized the main motivation for working there, was because of the image I had of one day becoming wealthy and successful. Now that I was unconditionally happy, I didn't care about wealth and success (traditional sources of happiness) anymore, and now, sitting in an office programming all day, wasn't that fun to me anymore. My performance started to decrease month by month after that, until I got fired 3 months ago, just two weeks before I was planning to quit myself ... Sooo... that's not actually "functional" in the traditional sense, because I am not able to work traditional jobs for extended periods of time anymore, however I dont really care, because I don't want to. I have a bit of money on the sides, and I am trying to start a business as an online spiritual counselor. Let's hope that I will be able to make some money that way, before my savings are gone @Jennjenn I'm glad you asked, this is an extremely important question. So here's what you do: Step one, obviously, make sure you are physically safe, so you drive into a parking lot, or do whatever to put yourself in a safe spot where you have privacy. Step two, you sit down calmly, close your eyes, breath deeply a few times, and turn your attention towards the painful feeling. Might require some courage and willpower to do so, might require some practice to make yourself do it, but don't worry, you will get there. Keep in mind: whatever you are feeling, however painful it may be, the feeling will not kill you and it will not harm you. It is just some weird, funny sensation inside your body, that's all. Become conscious of this Truth: while your feelings are real, the distinction you make between pleasent and painful feelings is made up by your mind and your mind's programming and is completey arbitrary. Become conscious of this as you are going through the experience, and try to define the feeling as pleasent. Try to really enjoy it as much as you can, even though traditionally you would define it as painful and unenjoyable. Step three, keep sitting, keep breathing, and keep your attention on the feeling. Do not try to suppress it. Do not try to change it. Do not try to distract yourself. Just keep breathing and hold your focus. Make room for it. Allow it to be there. Even allow it to grow in size or intensity, if you see fit. And really try to enjoy it. Love it. Bathe in it. Let it flow through you freely, don't resist it in any way. If you have to cry or scream, do. If you are shaking and trembeling, let it happen. Enjoy that too. It's cathartic. Do this for as long as it seems appropriate to you. At some point, the feeling will subside. When you are done, you might experience a feeling of rejuvenation, lightness, of being mended, and having a huge burden taken off of you.

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So how is this going to make a living if its for free?