Realms of Wonder

On reflection. This is very accurate, thanks for sharing.

Articulated well, thank you. I can't depend on anyone to give me Truth, just me, all there is. There's a feeling like I am on the precipice of a breakthrough, in the breaking, before the through. What is your perspective on integration of sadness/melancholy?

Only the first half of my day is routine, meaning, I do it 98% of the time. 1. soon after waking up, go for a 20-30 minute walk, and drink a whole hydro flask of water (40 oz.) As I do so, thinking of the day I want to have, letting my thoughts wander, contemplating. 2. Music: 30-45 minutes, I can always do more but that's the minimum I have chosen for myself. 3. Meditate: 30-45 minutes on my couch. 4. Read: Right now I am writing notes on a book, using OneNote. The order may change, but those things happen almost every day. Other things. 1. Gym, I work out 2-4 times a week. 2. Work, I work 40-45 hours a week. 3. sit and think, write down thoughts, write down questions on notepads. 4. Make DMT. 5. Process difficult emotions that arise. 6. Psychedelics, other than DMT. I dont trip more than once every two weeks. 7. Peruse The forum/Ask: questions/for advice Lately, the thing that has been helping the most is self acceptance, I am changing a lot right now, its painful and I feel loss. I am learning to accept that, its normal, I am growing. Also, writing down questions, and making time to answer the ones that feel important.

Thank you ❤️ It feels like I’m dying a slow death, I’m changing, parts of me are falling away. There’s a feeling of melancholy, the passing away. Thank you for your perspective

Those are all awesome, I especially like the bold ones. Thanks for your perspective!

Interesting! I know you made your point already, but I want to understand completely. Is there any part of your desire to listen to music that is driven by anything other than stimulation? Or is that all? what about music designed to for mystical experience? Would that still be lumped in with everything else?

I love that! Music is always there isn't it? When we have a rough day, or a great day, or any type of moment, music is always there when we need it. It really IS a friend, constant, supportive, giving, it listens, gives advice, its everything. Thanks for that, Music that... Is a friend. may make this list

Is there a combination/synthesis of the two you're not seeing?

Right on. That could be an explanation. I do fill my time pretty well, maybe too much, I often feel rushed and resistance to my habits, leading me to procrastinate, sleep in, jump on the forum, or something similar. However on days off, I dont fill all my time and it gets very difficult. thanks for the perspective

Thank you for this, a gentler approach may be what is needed.

@Carl-Richard Would you clarify what you mean by this?

Thank you for that.. reading this brought a mist of tears to my eyes. You're articulating what I am feeling. Love that last bit.

Good question, I hadn't thought to ask it from that perspective. I dont know.... The way I have used them in the past has led me to believe they dont have a place in my life, for now. but I could be wrong, maybe a deeper solution would be to ask.. Why do I want to waste time scrolling on youtube/instagram? What feelings am I avoiding by using social media? What would a healthy relationship with social media be? Can I change my habits with social media? I see/feel the tension in my mind and body just thinking about it, its like digging in an open wound.

Hello. This struggle, of growing myself, of learning to be ME. It feels different than I thought it would when I Started. It feels a lot more scary. But That's okay, I chose this path, and I will walk it till my feet fall off and I have to crawl, until my body quits and then just my consciousness will press on. I had an insight into my life purpose on my way home from work. To play Music, Connecting people to breakthrough experiences of Authenticity. When I first wrote it out in Onenote, as I thought about it, my eyes misted over, its the first time a mission statement (and I have written literally hundreds,) has ever lead me to FEEL something deeply. its closer to my Life-Purpose, but I feel that it goes much deeper, who knows? not me I guess I will find out when I find out, and not a moment sooner or later. Goodnight, enjoy your moment, give it love. Paul.

This is so technical, its difficult to watch, but this is FREAKING INSANE!! thanks for sharing

Why do I do the things I do? Why am I attracted to those things that feel so good but hurt me in the long run? Why do I run from the responsibilities that could changed my life? Why do I play the subtle victim? Why am I the way I am? Today unfolded like a blanket held on one edge and flapped like a wave, I tried to think of what was beyond the crest of time, and failed. So I rode the wave instead. One of my newer co-workers, has dreams, though deeply mired in cultural norms and habits, he has dreams, even though he says he is afraid to ask questions because of the uncertainty it will bring. He still dreams. Of opening a Café, of having a better life, of being financially independent. he hasn't accepted the call, but he dreams. Maybe I project myself onto him, but I see a spark, I will not let him down by giving unsolicited advice, I will instead help him understand himself, by being an example, an inspiration, with questions, with resources he can lean on. I want to empower him to overcome his unique struggle. In fact... I want to help as many people as possible, overcome their unique struggles. Trauma, brainwashing, ideology, negative thinking, limiting beliefs, lack of self-love, inauthenticity, people pleasing. I want to be a guide, a light that shines into their "soul" so they can see who they really are, under the muck, under the layers of bullshit, that spark within us all, that desire to grow, to love, to create. that spark of consciousness. On the way home from work tonight, I sing in the car, "What will I be when I Wake up? What will be left the stories have been washed away?" "Who will I be when I wake up? how much of "me" will remain?" "All of the stories, all of the lies, all of the boundaries, all in the mind" "How will life be when I wake up?" Goodnight dear reader, love yourself fully, don't accept shit from anyone, even me - Paul

PMO = Porn Masturbation Orgasm. I love those that you listed. Thanks for sharing that.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, who are you to say? Each person is different. While I do agree with you from my point of view, my life HAS improved as I healed my addiction to PMO, and cut it completely from my life. But that doesn't mean its best for everyone.

And its much appreciated. When I began no-fap/no porn, I was super dogmatic about it, lots of black and white statements, beliefs and so on.. this forum has actually help me see how different it is for different people, how it may actually be fine, or even beneficial to some! so thank you for sharing your perspective

Hey man, Why do you want to quit porn? What benefit will it give you? Why is it important to you? It takes some, (like me) years, to heal the addiction to porn and fantasizing about every attractive women you see. Porn is not inherently bad, don't turn this into an "evil" thing, what it can/does do is train your mind to over-sexualize, fantasize, and build false expectations of sexuality and sex. Fantasizing about Women, I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with it, for me it became a problem when I didn't know how to deal with it, it was overwhelming, took over my mind, and I didn't know how to stop it, it became a problem then. Develop your own understanding of sex and sexuality through experimentation and experience. Authentic to you, you may view it slightly, or very differently then others on this forum, me, or anyone you know, that's okay. As far as breaking the habit, think about it this way, you have built up momentum for ten years with this habit, its like trying to steer a shipping barge. it takes time, it take consistency and persistence. Dont shame yourself or guilt yourself if you haven't "kicked the habit" in a few weeks, months, or even years.

This whole thread is funny to watch unfold. people sharing perspectives, trying to understand the other Others taking one or two sentences out of context and demonizing that limited part of the perspective given. And.. People asking a question, not to understand, but just to tell the other, nope, I am right, and you are wrong!

How long is "fairly long"?

Its your life. ask yourself the question here are a few starter questions. What do I really want out of life? What am I authentically pulled to? What important questions about my life am I NOT asking?

Take a deep breath and realize that you can love yourself through this. One time, I foolishly took 14 grams of mushrooms, at 11:00 P.M. I had three roommates, two of which were home. I watched Leo's guided exercise for realizing you are God, and had quite a deep experience, right afterwards, my mind snapped, repressed and unconscious behaviors surfaced and took over, as my ego took control. For the next three hours I was screaming and yelling, barging into my roommates rooms, nearly got the police called on me, among other things. completely swept up in the phenomena of the trip. Eventually I started coming down, and with it... Waves of regret, shame, guilt, physical and mental pain, as I cleaned up the mess I made, changed my clothes, showered, and lay there, still tripping balls. It was some of the most palpable regret I have felt in my entire life. Just knowing how badly I had messed up, knowing that I may have ruined my relationship with my roommates, not knowing if anything was going to be okay. for Hours I lay there, and even the next days and weeks, waves of regret washed over me, as I thought of that experience. I am so proud of how I handled the waves of emotion and feeling, here's what I did. As I lay there, or throughout my days post trip, as a wave would come I would tell myself... "Paul, I love you, I will stay with you through this." "Paul, This hurts, feel it, go deep into it, cry if you want to, I wont abandon you." "Paul, You made mistakes, but I still love you, any mistakes you make cannot change how much I love you." "Paul, someday, you are going to look back with gratitude that it wasn't worse." "Paul, in a million years, your body wont exist, your mind may not exist, no one will know you existed, there's peace in that." You are going to be okay. BE the love YOU need right NOW.

During your life, have you ever had a direct experience of reality, an expansion of consciousness, or some other mystical experience, that was awakened by music? When I was a kid, in church, there was, what I now look back on as a direct experience of infinite love. It was during the worship service, I do not remember the music that was playing, but it was on the theme of the "Love of God" (The Christian God.) I was curled up in a fetal position with my chest over my knees and eyes closed, over and over I repeated "I love you, I Love you, I Love you." Over and over and over. I didn't know what or who I was saying it too, I was completely caught up in the moment. This went on for a few minutes, till suddenly, over the course of a minute or two, I started weeping as my consciousness expanded to fill the whole room. I was not "Conscious OF" the whole room "I" Was the entire bubble of awareness, I could "feel" or "see" movement of "Others" in the church, I could look back at my body still curled up, and was washed with waves of divine Love. it was so much, too much for my body to handle, it felt agonizingly beautiful, like laying under Niagara falls and letting the millions of tons of water pound over me. Another experience was later on, after I had graduated highschool, dabbled in psychedelics, and even had insights into life and reality. But this time I Was sober, in a dark spot, so alone, so confused, so lost. I didn't know what to do, I knew I needed to move to a different city, I was working two unfulfilling jobs to save the money. Later at night, I was sitting their in my suffering, listening to old worship music, not the kind that's preaching at you, but ones that are more abstract using words to point to something greater than words alone. (Specifically the song is "In over my head" by Jenn Johnson.) In my mind, I reached out, "God, I need help, I cant do this alone, I don't even know what I am doing or what to do, please..." I opened my heart and mind to whatever was about to happen. And soon after, slowly at first, then stronger and stronger, waves of energy started pulsating through me and the room. Love. Love in its full power, love that stripped my fears away, Love that dropped my jaw open because I was in such Awe. Love that didn't even make "sense." Love that I couldn't hold, or conceptualize. Love so big it hurt. And for five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes or so, I sat there, basking in these waves of Love, as tears dripped off my face. I knew that it was going to be okay. The difficulty wouldn't be able to stop me because I have Love. the pain, suffering, uncertainty, could never stop me fully, because I didn't just have love, I AM LOVE.