Realms of Wonder

Thank you for your comment, I feel the pain of YouTube withdrawals right there with you. Why do you want to quit? That is true, I often forget how far I have come. Its been nearly 5 years exactly since I dropped out of college and accepted the first call. its been a long road to here, and a longer one ahead. thank you for your kind words! Strength and love, for your journey and path.

It's like you're in my mind, reading the thoughts I cant yet put words too. great perspective, thank you again.

On reflection. This is very accurate, thanks for sharing.

Articulated well, thank you. I can't depend on anyone to give me Truth, just me, all there is. There's a feeling like I am on the precipice of a breakthrough, in the breaking, before the through. What is your perspective on integration of sadness/melancholy?

Only the first half of my day is routine, meaning, I do it 98% of the time. 1. soon after waking up, go for a 20-30 minute walk, and drink a whole hydro flask of water (40 oz.) As I do so, thinking of the day I want to have, letting my thoughts wander, contemplating. 2. Music: 30-45 minutes, I can always do more but that's the minimum I have chosen for myself. 3. Meditate: 30-45 minutes on my couch. 4. Read: Right now I am writing notes on a book, using OneNote. The order may change, but those things happen almost every day. Other things. 1. Gym, I work out 2-4 times a week. 2. Work, I work 40-45 hours a week. 3. sit and think, write down thoughts, write down questions on notepads. 4. Make DMT. 5. Process difficult emotions that arise. 6. Psychedelics, other than DMT. I dont trip more than once every two weeks. 7. Peruse The forum/Ask: questions/for advice Lately, the thing that has been helping the most is self acceptance, I am changing a lot right now, its painful and I feel loss. I am learning to accept that, its normal, I am growing. Also, writing down questions, and making time to answer the ones that feel important.

Thank you ❤️ It feels like I’m dying a slow death, I’m changing, parts of me are falling away. There’s a feeling of melancholy, the passing away. Thank you for your perspective

Those are all awesome, I especially like the bold ones. Thanks for your perspective!

Interesting! I know you made your point already, but I want to understand completely. Is there any part of your desire to listen to music that is driven by anything other than stimulation? Or is that all? what about music designed to for mystical experience? Would that still be lumped in with everything else?

I love that! Music is always there isn't it? When we have a rough day, or a great day, or any type of moment, music is always there when we need it. It really IS a friend, constant, supportive, giving, it listens, gives advice, its everything. Thanks for that, Music that... Is a friend. may make this list

Is there a combination/synthesis of the two you're not seeing?

Right on. That could be an explanation. I do fill my time pretty well, maybe too much, I often feel rushed and resistance to my habits, leading me to procrastinate, sleep in, jump on the forum, or something similar. However on days off, I dont fill all my time and it gets very difficult. thanks for the perspective

Thank you for this, a gentler approach may be what is needed.

@Carl-Richard Would you clarify what you mean by this?

Thank you for that.. reading this brought a mist of tears to my eyes. You're articulating what I am feeling. Love that last bit.

Good question, I hadn't thought to ask it from that perspective. I dont know.... The way I have used them in the past has led me to believe they dont have a place in my life, for now. but I could be wrong, maybe a deeper solution would be to ask.. Why do I want to waste time scrolling on youtube/instagram? What feelings am I avoiding by using social media? What would a healthy relationship with social media be? Can I change my habits with social media? I see/feel the tension in my mind and body just thinking about it, its like digging in an open wound.

Hello. This struggle, of growing myself, of learning to be ME. It feels different than I thought it would when I Started. It feels a lot more scary. But That's okay, I chose this path, and I will walk it till my feet fall off and I have to crawl, until my body quits and then just my consciousness will press on. I had an insight into my life purpose on my way home from work. To play Music, Connecting people to breakthrough experiences of Authenticity. When I first wrote it out in Onenote, as I thought about it, my eyes misted over, its the first time a mission statement (and I have written literally hundreds,) has ever lead me to FEEL something deeply. its closer to my Life-Purpose, but I feel that it goes much deeper, who knows? not me I guess I will find out when I find out, and not a moment sooner or later. Goodnight, enjoy your moment, give it love. Paul.

This is so technical, its difficult to watch, but this is FREAKING INSANE!! thanks for sharing

Why do I do the things I do? Why am I attracted to those things that feel so good but hurt me in the long run? Why do I run from the responsibilities that could changed my life? Why do I play the subtle victim? Why am I the way I am? Today unfolded like a blanket held on one edge and flapped like a wave, I tried to think of what was beyond the crest of time, and failed. So I rode the wave instead. One of my newer co-workers, has dreams, though deeply mired in cultural norms and habits, he has dreams, even though he says he is afraid to ask questions because of the uncertainty it will bring. He still dreams. Of opening a Café, of having a better life, of being financially independent. he hasn't accepted the call, but he dreams. Maybe I project myself onto him, but I see a spark, I will not let him down by giving unsolicited advice, I will instead help him understand himself, by being an example, an inspiration, with questions, with resources he can lean on. I want to empower him to overcome his unique struggle. In fact... I want to help as many people as possible, overcome their unique struggles. Trauma, brainwashing, ideology, negative thinking, limiting beliefs, lack of self-love, inauthenticity, people pleasing. I want to be a guide, a light that shines into their "soul" so they can see who they really are, under the muck, under the layers of bullshit, that spark within us all, that desire to grow, to love, to create. that spark of consciousness. On the way home from work tonight, I sing in the car, "What will I be when I Wake up? What will be left the stories have been washed away?" "Who will I be when I wake up? how much of "me" will remain?" "All of the stories, all of the lies, all of the boundaries, all in the mind" "How will life be when I wake up?" Goodnight dear reader, love yourself fully, don't accept shit from anyone, even me - Paul

PMO = Porn Masturbation Orgasm. I love those that you listed. Thanks for sharing that.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, who are you to say? Each person is different. While I do agree with you from my point of view, my life HAS improved as I healed my addiction to PMO, and cut it completely from my life. But that doesn't mean its best for everyone.

And its much appreciated. When I began no-fap/no porn, I was super dogmatic about it, lots of black and white statements, beliefs and so on.. this forum has actually help me see how different it is for different people, how it may actually be fine, or even beneficial to some! so thank you for sharing your perspective

Hey man, Why do you want to quit porn? What benefit will it give you? Why is it important to you? It takes some, (like me) years, to heal the addiction to porn and fantasizing about every attractive women you see. Porn is not inherently bad, don't turn this into an "evil" thing, what it can/does do is train your mind to over-sexualize, fantasize, and build false expectations of sexuality and sex. Fantasizing about Women, I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with it, for me it became a problem when I didn't know how to deal with it, it was overwhelming, took over my mind, and I didn't know how to stop it, it became a problem then. Develop your own understanding of sex and sexuality through experimentation and experience. Authentic to you, you may view it slightly, or very differently then others on this forum, me, or anyone you know, that's okay. As far as breaking the habit, think about it this way, you have built up momentum for ten years with this habit, its like trying to steer a shipping barge. it takes time, it take consistency and persistence. Dont shame yourself or guilt yourself if you haven't "kicked the habit" in a few weeks, months, or even years.

This whole thread is funny to watch unfold. people sharing perspectives, trying to understand the other Others taking one or two sentences out of context and demonizing that limited part of the perspective given. And.. People asking a question, not to understand, but just to tell the other, nope, I am right, and you are wrong!

How long is "fairly long"?

Its your life. ask yourself the question here are a few starter questions. What do I really want out of life? What am I authentically pulled to? What important questions about my life am I NOT asking?