Realms of Wonder

One thing that has helped, is lessening the consumption/dependence of external information, from culture via social media and YouTube. but then you run the risk of having nothing outside of yourself to ground yourself in. Which has its own challenges.

When I dropped out of college it was without a plan or an alternative. I just knew continuing to go along with the herd at college was was inauthentic. in retrospect, 5 years later, it was for Music, Life Purpose, Self Love, and the beginning of a Hero’s Journey.

@Someone hereMake a Poll asking WHY people masturbate. I think that has a lot to do with how we feel afterwards. Could be wrong, just an idea.

Music has my heart. Music calls to me, it is my chosen distraction, but I still doubt whether it is the path. "Maybe there is a better path out there for me." My mind says quietly. And maybe there is. But Music is my heart, and music is my chosen form of Love.

Hey Brother, Thank you for being so vulnerable, it shows strength. I've been where you are in my own way. At 19 I was in college, and going through very similar things. I was smoking weed to escape, eating shit food to escape, hated myself, didn't understand what I wanted, I thought life was hopeless and that there was no point to keep on going. I knew I was on the wrong path (going to college) but didn't have an alternative. I was so unaware that I did not understand any concepts/principles such as, Self-Love, Self-Understanding, Life-Purpose, Mastery, and so on. basically. I was Fucked, and I believed that state was permanent. You at least recognize at this time that you are where you are, and that you dont want to stay there forever. That's huge. My dad likes to say "its just as valuable to know what you dont want, as it is to know what you want." you're figuring it out. Also, you are 23, dont be so hard on yourself, most early 20's individuals have NO CLUE. what they want in life, or how to live an extraordinary life. being hard on yourself wont help. Accept that you are where you are, its the only way to start moving in another direction.(For example, imagine where you are now in life is an actual place like on a map, you want to get from where you are to... Los Angeles California lets say. if you dont accept that you are in the rocky mountains, and start your journey from there, you'll never be able to find your way to LA.) Here is my advice, just my perspective so take it with a grain of healthy skepticism. 1. If you have the means, take a solo retreat. 6-10 days alone, no electronics, the healthiest food you can stomach. it will be one of the hardest things you've ever done, but the amount of growth, self understanding and consciousness you will gain will be Radical, and life changing. this time, if taken, will radically change the trajectory of your life, you will change, your mind will change. disconnecting from distractions (phone, YouTube, tv, movies, eating junk food, and so on) will allow you to go within yourself and face yourself, face your inner demons, but also be with your inner "light" your authentic self. This is a more advance version of the same thing. https://actualized.org/articles/leos-solo-meditation-retreat but for you, bring along a notepad and pen, sit and think, do as close to nothing as possible, get bored. watch what happens after the first 2-3 days. its miraculous. 2. Watching this video will give you an idea of how to get started with this path. https://actualized.org/articles/how-to-get-started-with-self-actualization Its not easy, but it is SO worth it. 3. Break toxic habits, and implement positive ones, ONE AT A TIME. dont fall into the trap of trying to change TOO much TOO fast. It doesn't work in the long run. SLOW and SUSTAINABLE. - An example of this would be to clean up your diet as much as you can stomach, that you know you can sustainably keep up, and add in a meditation habit, 5 minutes a day to start, and work your way up. Strength to you on your journey, the path ahead is filled with your fears, doubts, limiting beliefs, and suffering. BUT. You are strong enough to overcome, and that path will also bring the greatest joys, the greats Love, and more than you can possibly imagine. Love.

What do you think?

You may not like this opinion. Over the last few years I’ve completely broken my addiction to porn and papping, building streaks of 90-180 days. And like you, felt like shit after masturbation, guilt, disappointment, and so on. recently, after some perspective from people on the forum, I decided to intentional break a streak with mindful masturbation. Using it to process the shame I feel around my sexuality. And holy shit, it’s hard to do that. Not only was it a emotional release of repressed sexuality, but my cravings to masturbate have decreased a ton after my sessions. When I think of masturbation it’s not super attractive, and if I am horny, without a partner, there’s no shame if I let loose, as long as it’s conscious and not an escape, plus I felt absolutely no shame afterwards, I used it to fully accept myself. Masturbation is not binary. It can be used for love, escapism, pleasure, and a ton of other things in between.

1. To play my part to evolve humanity by Playing/Performing Music that guides and encourages the mind to face the Truth 2. Perform in front of 10,000 people. 3. Absolute Self-Love. To accept myself Wholly, Completely. 4. To die knowing I lived an authentic life. And more, those are some of the top.

Standing in line at a coffeeshop, I noticed a cute brunette in front of me that had eyed me as I walked up, so I asked what she was getting and we talked for a few moments. after we got our coffees, she walked up and asked if I knew of any other great coffee shops, with a smile I responded telling her about an Awesome one my sister and I like to go to for early morning talks. We talked longer, she lives in Canada, visiting with her friends who are also nurses. We laughed and really connected. Growing up “liking girls” or talk to girls, was considered taboo, and wrong, so I built up this story in my head that girls are not fun to talk to or good for me to be around. But.. experience tells me differently it was a short interaction, and I chose not to ask for her number, cuz she lives in Canada, and I’m focused on my music right now, but it was really enjoyable to make such deep eye contact, and be connected to the pleasure of emotion in the conversation.

Thank you!

What is your perspective on dating while building life purpose? I am still in the "rocky" period, 2-3 years in, building skills and a deep understanding of how to play Music.

Would've had to be fast.. I was on my way to California for vacation. On reflection, even if I had no intention of dating her, still should have gotten the number. "Focusing on music" is more than an excuse, its the heart of of my life, and is more important than chilling with a cute brunette. Dating is not a priority right now. Its just not. More important to me is building experience with music, developing my skills, building my life, and keeping my eye on the ball. Thanks for the perspective!

Music is the medium through which I express my life purpose. For years now, I have been contemplating how I want to impact people with music, and here is a list I have compiled. Bold ones are the most important to me. Music that... Is a shared experience. Is a Solo Experience. Is a co-creation, Music and Listener. Takes people on a journey, of creation and discovery. Is an emotional and traumatic release. Deepens awareness. Guides the processing of trauma, difficult emotions, and suffering. Ignites a direct experience of our true nature. Is a guide during psychedelic experiences. Is an anthem of love. Is an anthem of personal growth/spirituality/philosophy. Shows how to process difficulty, emotions, trauma, and so on, how to love and accept them. Shows how to change. Is a lullaby of truth. Is a way to access God. Reminds people of truth. Gives people the strength to face themselves and truth. Guides people to a deeper understanding of their authentic self/true nature. Show Gods perspective. Shows their self through Gods Eyes. Frees people's minds. Encourages dance and physical expression. Guides integration of insights, change, and difficulty. Is a direct connection to God. is Awe-Inspiring Connects to the beauty of God. What positive effects of music have you experienced that are not mentioned here? I'd love some feedback, what do you think?

This is a really interesting thread. over the summer I developed a left foot injury, overuse plus badly fitting shoes, which put me on crutches for two weeks, then a boot for a month. Coming out of that I started searching for better shoe-ware, and came across ‘barefoot shoes.’ Similar to what you mentioned above, minimalist, giving your foot room to grow strong again, and really FEEL the surface you’re standing/walking on. There are a ton of great brands, I am biased however, towards the Xero shoes. https://xeroshoes.com/shop/activity/performance/prio-men/?attribute_style=Lunar&attribute_mens-size=12&gc_id=832845591&xeroshoesmain1446_mqcoeg=832845591.42830719375.196232454934.g&oexgads=xeroshoesprim1446&gclid=CjwKCAjwjtOTBhAvEiwASG4bCDyD8XvleueRRtwt4lUO9jBKa9_cOD_Oi0sxDYLW-lRQ-JpLshSJQhoCi_EQAvD_BwE I’m not affiliated in any way, but I’d still highly recommend. My pain only returns after/during work, when I wear non-slip crocs The only downside to the Xero shoes is that the sole (after some heavy use, trail-running, wearing them nonstop and so on) starts to detach from the shoe. I bought some shoe goo, and replied it myself and they work perfectly. I still have more research to do as well, thanks for bringing this up!

That's the first time I have ever heard the definition Audiation. HOLY SHIT. This are all amazing. How long have you been practicing guitar?

I remember intense love, warmth, and care from my mother, from ages 5-9, we would have daily talks, quiet times, sometimes we would just sit next to each other reading, or we would talk, or we would sing together. Sharing space, present with each other, especially when I was young. A great example of this, I was 7-8 years old, we were upstairs in my parents master bedroom, in the corner of the room, each in a comfortable chair, and we were philosophizing about history, I was so excited to think about apes and dinosaurs, and how us humans came into being, and she sat through all of it, encouraging me to explore the ideas. at the end of our time together that day, I remember saying "I wish all of our talks could be like this!' not realizing that the reason I felt so good is because I was being accepted, my ideas were being treated as valid, Love. Another experience, I Was probably 4, we had a rule in our house, no pocket-knifes till we were 10, but one day, just mom and I were home, and she was doing laundry, and I was playing with my older brothers knife and cut myself really deeply. I was so scared to tell her, because I knew that if I did, she might tell dad and I Would get spanked. but I went anyway, I apologized for doing it even though it was against the rules, and begged her not to tell dad. I dont remember the I details of how she handled it, but there was no judgement, no punishment, nothing, she cleaned my cut, she gave me care, she probably told dad but I never got in trouble for that. I felt cared for, I felt like she was on my side, I felt understood, and most of all, I felt protected and safe.

Beautifully put. If you had to sum music up in one word, what would it be?

What music boosts your mood/mindset the most?

I come to the forum for perspective, wisdom, and to connect with others on this journey as we grow. Not for entertainment or for fun. It’s a great idea, just not for the Actualize.Org forum. That’s my perspective

Tears are beautiful, a sign that emotion runs free. growing up with an environment that looked down upon difficult enough emotion, or feeling too deeply, learning to FEEL, and BE with feeling, is hard, but a joy.

I know, I know, that's exactly what I am doing in this question. But a few of you are very wise, and may have perspective to share that may help. Any thoughts?

Lots of "I" talk coming. 6.5 weeks ago, I quit social media and YouTube cold turkey, besides one or two slip ups, and very rarely looking up a specific videos for my music or for something intentional I have stopped. Why? 1. I was using both as distraction from the work I want/need to do to develop my self, my music, my health, my relationship with my self, my habits, and so on. 2. YouTube specifically: Yes I was using it to learn, but really, to offload the responsibility of figuring out life for myself. Relying on external sources as a cheap substitute to thinking things through myself. 3. My mind was getting cluttered, with the images and videos from Instagram/Reels, and information from YouTube, plus all the junk I was putting in there, mindlessly scrolling through either platform. 4. I was wasting 1-4 hours a day. In the beginning, it was awesome, My mind felt more free, clean and open, I was contemplating things I had been putting off, I bought some notepads and put them all over my apartment and was writing down questions and thinking about them more often. I was eating healthier, I started losing fat, and could even see my abs defined. I was making really good choices. Asking questions I'd never given time to before, which lead to more clarity, uncertainty, and a feeling that I was on the right path. During that time, I moved out! I have been living alone now for 3 weeks. Here is where it gets interesting. About week 2-3 weeks in, I had a major ego backlash, which I still feel I am facing daily, here and there. My willpower seemed to drain, I no longer felt as motivated by my music, or reading and so on... I started snacking more at work (almonds, bacon, chocolate, GF cake, Vegan ice cream, GF Pizzas, and so on.. I work in a kitchen.) Sometimes gorging myself on cake late at night. I started staying up later and later, sometimes up to 2-3 in the morning, which threw off my morning routines. I started short-cutting my morning routines, 30 minutes of music practice instead of 45, 20 minutes meditation instead of 30, read for 15 minutes instead of 30, you get the idea. I began researching DMT, how to extract it, the whole process, then bought all the equipment and got to work. which is fascinating, but I have been focusing more on that then anything else, leading other things not getting the focus they need. I have been dealing with constipation and bloating, which is improving but its I am allowing it to stress me out. This might sound funny, but uncertainty of your next poop happening or not... Gets to me My lower self, seems to be louder and louder in my head, trying to seduce me to do things that I have come to understand as bad for my growth. These are just some of the examples Deeper then all of the behavior, is a deep feeling of fear, that I am going insane, that I am losing grasp of reality, and even worse then that is a feeling that I am actually living less authentically now then I was before. When it first started coming on I thought "Oh, okay, an ego backlash, makes sense, I have been growing, its about time." but then it continued, on and on it seems. Whatever is going on, I will not let it stop me, I will continue to show up, day after day, taking my walks, meditating, creating, reading, asking questions. Its a challenge, and so I look ahead to those of you who have been on the path longer, who understand its twists and turns, ups and downs, better than I. Am I doing something wrong? Or right? Are these signs that I am growing? How do I manage the prolonged backlash? Am I being too impatient? What important questions am I not asking? Open to any serious feedback, thank you for your time. -Paul

I get that, it sucks us in, feels good enough to keep us there, and bad enough to make us want to avoid leaving. What do you want to do with your time that you are spending on YouTube?

Definitely an increase of awareness of... Vocal tone, articulation, vocabulary, confidence, resonance. on low to medium doses of LSD Psilocybin, and DMT. This is my opinion, and it could be wrong.. Consciousness. That is Why, one is more conscious of the voice and its capabilities.

That's still relying on others for answers and solutions. Can you tell I am a Newbie from the way I talk? Absolutely! its quite a journey, finding an inner balance to it, between external truth, and our own Truth.