Proserpina

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Posts posted by Proserpina

  1. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    "

    80.11 Questioner: Could I say, then, that implicit in the process of becoming adept is the possible partial polarization towards service to self because simply the adept becomes disassociated with many of his kind or like in the particular density which he inhabits?

    Ra: I am Ra. This is likely to occur. The apparent happening is disassociation whether the truth is service to self and thus true disassociation from other-selves or service to others and thus true association with the heart of all other-selves and disassociation only from the illusory husks which prevent the adept from correctly perceiving the self and other-self as one"

    So Love realization is a part of service to other. I didn't get that wrong.  

    .

    I'm still debating Steve Pavlina's version.  I think it might be wrong because my very first vision had no self dominant. Might be a distortion. Self dominant was immature during first mystic state, the other was mature and could change self dominant.  My third and fourth vision there was no self and other dominant, only STS and STO, STS ultimately being less mature.  STO other dominant was immature aswell. STO self dominant or other dominant are not properly polarized. 

  2. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    Notes: 

    - I'm getting synchronicities very frequently now. It's building up.

    - All describing the same territory: Paradox effect, Narcissism - empath, Runner - chaser, STO STS , Masculine feminine.

    -STO and STS goes into more detail. 

    - Paradox effect or runner/chaser describes relationship best and the ideal outcome. Leaning forward purposefully.  

    - HG Tudor's super empath describes STO in more detail in its development.  

    - masculine and feminine shows the dynamic in every day interaction

    - I'm going to continue on with my observation that there is self dominant and other dominant STO and a STS. STS does not honour both other and self,  self dominant STO does.  Both are masculine, self dominant STO more balanced masculine than STS. Less extreme.  Like stage red vs stage yellow masculine. 

    - Paradox effect, runner/chaser, leaning back/ leaning forward is the feeling, it's not an action.  It's the feeling of integration of Self and Other. 

  3. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    I think Law of One is correct. 

    Integration of Self and Other. 

    It lines up too closely with my experience. Not to mention there is an alien entity channeling the message. Very similar to my experience of an alien entity channeling the same message through me. 

    It's so subtle, you can confuse it for other things.  I confused integration for God realization (God) and God realization for integration (Love).  It's a mistake I make again and again.  I made the mistake while I was channeling, I'm bound to make the same mistake now that I'm not channeling. I got it wrong. 

    Okay. So atleast I have that down.  I have to study the ra material.

  4. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    In the Lord of the Rings, the ring was destroyed when the fool was listen to,  accepted,  integrated and appreciated.  Hobbits are youthful, ignorant,  overlooked and underestimated, 'the fool'. The fool remains a fool (hobbit) until the very end,  only they have been integrated and the strengths have come to fruition. 

    Fool's Anthem

     

  5. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    I used to self harm when I was young. I thought I could somehow claw the fool out of me. I still have some demonising (a type of self harm) tendencies. No matter how how much I clawed I could never get it out until I clawed so hard one day I learnt the value of acceptance inadvertently.  In mastering your inner fool through acceptance, you'll unlock a wealth of wisdom, kinda like how in the shadow hides creativity.  You'll still be a fool but a wise fool that walks with Being. 

     

  6. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    It is both a gift and a curse to have not knowing.  The fool's path in life is to master the art of not knowing and to accept his disposition. In the tarot, the fool is an admirable card. Though his foolish ways push him soon off a cliff, he falls into the arms of his beloved,  Being. Being will always catch him as he walks blindfolded into death.  He is both the representative of those who are different and those who tear and rip at the blindfold with death incoming but cannot erase who they are. He knows their plight and he does not chastise but shows them the way out and into Being. 

    "Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all."

    Beloved fools who are cared for

    images (31).jpegtarot__the_fool_by_sceith_a_d5y8d1u-fullview.jpgimages (30).jpeg

  7. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    Being is always there when I need it most.

    In a way I still have many factors of 'psychosis' present.  I'm treated vastly differently depending on time of month or other reasons.  

    I'm just like in unbearable pain this time of month. 

    What I'd like to work on in this journal: 

    Easing the pain and mistreatment (mirror/loa) this time of month

    Amplifying the good

    Learning how to tune into Being again through practice and not just when I need it most

    Gratitude

    Practices

    Self expression (no matter how bad).

    Alignment

    Vision, Other Ways (polarization, mature STO, super empath, paradox effect- leaning back purposefully leaning forward, stayer, big 5, mastered not knowing etc.)

    .

    "My favourite part on the path: Being a beginner again. Forgetting it all. "

    'Pretending' (to be not who I really am, insecure etc. Playful slant), secure,  playful is the attitude I want to channel.  

     

  8. Posted

    Self demonising, strange posts, other symptoms indicating I'm not well. I've decided there are two occasions when I become unwell, near when my depot is due and certain times of the month.  I shouldn't write or be around people during those times.  I notice that I take on a very similar state as when I'm in the depressive part of psychosis, there is a paranormal level amount of dislike I recieve from people,  it's not natural. 

  10. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    I have distinct sides to myself.  An extraordinarily babyish feminine side and a serious masculine side.  They are split off from eachother as separate personalities,  although very rarely they unite. When they unite its a maturity that includes a softer yielding side.  It's quite pleasant. It's easy to pathologize it,  to say it's an aspect of my bipolar,  Mania and sobriety/ mild depressive but I don't think that's quite right.  It's more like the 'mania' is there to fully explore the Mystical,  since it is tied to an otherworldly playfulness and pleasantness when on its own.  That side of me is easily dismissed though,  even though it's the more mystical side.  The masculine gets taken more seriously.  

  11. Posted

    Contrary to popular belief Infinite Love is not boring. God is endlessly vibrant and entertaining. It's like being with your crush for all eternity and you never fall out of love or lose infatuation.  You don't care about the creation side of things, except that you want to see the beloved in more dimensions.  

  12. Posted

    2 hours ago, Loba said:

    Being alone is like listening to a song, and that song is only meant for you and no one else - and it speaks to you in ways that harmonize with your inner spirit - and when it's all said and done, you feel connected with the present moment, and it's like, life itself just wants to vibe with you, and it does, and everything that ever existed and ever will, all here and now, just wants to listen to the tunes of a chill beat.

    That's beautiful.  I agree.  

  13. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    Okay, solutions.....

    1. Better is okay. I have to drop perfection. I was chasing peak states.  

    2. Knowing I'm the jewel is enough.  Just spend time reminding yourself of who you are.  Small moments of seeing the jewel and then reminding yourself. 

    3. Trying is enough. Peak lifetimes come and go,  they are temporary. You're tested on your love for Spirit during valley moments. 

    4. I still have access to strong sensations and preferences as entrances (not really).  Just find entrances that people with chronic illness can find.  

  16. Posted

    6 hours ago, Fernanda said:

    It's beautiful to see each person as they are, where they are, lovingly no matter what. Truth has many layers and it is not linear, if you are awakened you will see how everybody is doing their best even in the midst of ignorance and suffering. The feminine has this capacity. That's being awake beyond holding rigid concepts of what is.

    ♥ 

  17. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    "A being who is imbalanced in the direction of service-to-others will basically destroy their own vehicle. For example, in this particular density of what we call “incarnational experience,” you will see those who have an imbalanced striving towards service-to-others. They become martyrs of some kind. They try to bypass (for a very long time) everything that makes them tick, everything that empowers them, everything that gives them further strength and nourishment. And by doing so, they become martyrs. Ultimately, in some way, they severely detriment their own vehicle, and therefore lessen their ability to be of service to others.

    In some cases, they eliminate the bodily vehicle altogether through, say, rash action in service to others. Sometimes this can be very balanced and aligned; it can come from one’s thematic experience. But often, it is an overcompensation for believing that other beings do not have their own journeys and their own Higher Selves that are also taking care of them.

    We have to find a really good balance between Love and Wisdom. (I will talk about this a little bit more in a later lesson in this chapter.)"

    Bentinho Massaro

  18. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    Mature STO are super empaths (narcissist empaths)

    Immature STO are normal empaths

    STS are narcissists

    THIS goes into the territory I speak of. Another angle.

    You don't have to jump through hoops to honour the self and become a super empath.  Just polarise and lean back.  Apply love from intense concentration.  You give yourself the love you shower on others.  I love yous to yourself- Matt Kahn.  

    The silent guardian, the watchful protector, the dark knight (super empath)

  19. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    Lost a post. Restate. 

    STS leans back

    Immature STO leans forward

    Mature STO leans forward and back

    What the energy looks like. 

    .

    Honouring the self results in leaning back.  Honouring the other results in leaning forward.  

    . 

    STS can't really lean back through self love because that would require that they are leaning- forward- oriented.  

    So they rely on others.  Like narcissists rely on empaths

  20. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    Importance of honouring the self: 

    - You are heard by STS or mirror. Your words carry more weight.  

    - Empathy with STS or mirror

    - The subtle shift in dynamics socially,  you go from being a child (partner calls it stage purple) to an adult

    - You respect yourself so you are respected in response

    - Your energy changes

    .

    Grimes - matured STO, self dominant (masculine)

    Maynard - matured STO, other dominant (feminine)

    Different preferences within a main preference. 

    There are different levels of mature too. 

    When I'm mature, I'm matured STO, self dominant (masculine)

     

  24. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    -Masculine - STS (includes energy of amplified normality)

    -Feminine - STO (includes energy of otherness)

    -STS is polarized ego. (God)

    -STO is polarized service to other and self (God and Love)

    -A mature STO honours the self and other.  An immature STO does not honour the self.  

    -STS becomes STO later in its development. 

    -Maturity in STO is significant. 

    - Mature STO impacts mirror significantly and can cause STS to evolve up to mature STO. 

    - There is no immature STS. There is just STS.

    Mirror/blur occurs as a result of mature STO. However the mature STO can still have some imbalance resulting in hell and hungry ghost realm. 

    Mature STO can move between mature and immature.  

    Mature STO - Wife of STS/mature STO and mother to immature STO. Higher order than STS. 

    STS - Husband to mature STO, father to immature STO. 

    Immature STO - Child to STS and mature STO

     

  25. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    I think I've learnt a lot about myself in the last month,  especially about polarization and law of One. Very significant stuff. 

    I want a clean break from my maps and ideas atm. Just for a little while. I don't want to hold onto anything too tightly,  there might be delusion.  Start over with classic STS and STO from Law of One.