Jan Odvarko

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Everything posted by Jan Odvarko

  1. But a high quality noise with loads of valuable information that can help you progress towards enlightenment and spiritual maturity. Now excuse me, I gotta jerk off.
  2. (
  3. Strong determination sits helped me a great deal to develop this ability of surrendering to the situation. When the pain reaches its climax and you can't stand it anymore, you have basically two options - either surrender to it or end the sit. When you surrender and open towards, suffering disappears and you can observe the pain detached. It doesn't harm you anymore. It's something that one can practice to keep developing this ability to surrender, rather than a quick technique to be used on the spot. Sedona method worked great for me too, and that's more of an on-the-spot technique. I can also highly recommend the book.
  4. Thanks for that @Pinocchio. So basically your approach is getting aligned with the flow and becoming more of a detached observer, I guess. At least that's my impression.
  5. To sound poetic: The dummy that I've painted on the canvas so thoroughly that I can't see the canvas anymore.
  6. Thank you @Pinocchio. Could you elaborate more on what you've been doing during that one year? If it's not a personal question (well, what question could be more personal...) Did you isolate yourself from your family also? Did you regularly meditate/contemplate, or something else? Your story seems very interesting.
  7. It's from French "La petite mort", because orgasm causes a temporary loss of consciousness. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_petite_mort
  8. See that's the thing @Ayla, in order to be able to let go of these things telling us otherwise, some change has to take place, even if only in our point of view. And that change IMO takes some time and hard work. That's what I'm trying to say, just my choice of words is a little clumsy. I like your analogy with glasses BTW. Maybe I'm already as enlightened as everyone else, maybe I am emptiness itself whether I realise it or not, but no matter how we put it, this doesn't help us to experience the truth until we actually do some hard work and progressively open ourselves to it. A prisoner might find it encouraging to know that he was in fact free all along and the only thing that stands in his way are the cell bars. That doesn't change the fact that it takes some time to break out the cell. See how long it took Wentworth Miller, and he was a freaking smart guy who could make an origami duck.
  9. Did you do it specifically to reach some spiritual goal? Do you think, looking back, you made a progress during that period?
  10. Thanks @WelcometoReality for such a nice splash of cold water on my face
  11. @Ayla, @WelcometoReality, I got to confess something here. I still have this conceptual view of myself being here and enlightenment being somewhere there in the distance. And in order to get there, some hard work has to be done. Sounds logical, doesn't it? After all, if enlightenment was easily attainable, I reckon every second person would have succeeded in that pursuit, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Yes, I guess my habitual view is completely wrong here, and I should be saying I'm in fact a part of emptiness, or the emptiness itself, and I always was and there is no such thing as here and there, and the only little step really needed is to experience it. However I must confess something is telling me that some hard work in an optimal environment has to be done and there is no other way to get enlightened. That's why I'm looking for an optimal environment. Or am I wrong on this front too? Some people do nothing and gain nothing. Some people do nothing and gain enlightenment. What is the magic difference between them? Is it motivation? Determination? Or is it given?
  12. Like if it was easy!
  13. Thank you @Pinocchio. Just watching the video... very inspiring!
  14. Is it accompanied by a gentle warm tingling sensation?
  15. To me it almost seems mutually exclusive. However do you actually need to know in the first place? From what you're saying @John I get the impression you're expecting to experience spaciousness and stillness. Maybe it would help to let go of these expectations and accept whatever comes? Just my 2 cents.
  16. Hi @Evilwave Heddy, yep I've done it and going to another one next month - I can see you're from Ireland so I guess your course takes place in Drogheda? (-: Before my 10 day retreat I've been meditating only 20 minutes a day, so I'd say your preparation is better. Also, I use a seiza bench because I've hurt my legs during running. So if you find it difficult to sit in a cross-legged position for prolonged periods, you can use a seiza bench too. The retreat was extremely painful, that's true, but it let me experience completely new states of mind which I never though were achievable during meditation. I'm really tempted to give you more details about the pain and about the amazing experiences I had, but I won't, because one should undertake the course with no expectations, but ready to give it all they've got. The course is designed very well so that the environment is as conductive for meditation as it only can be. I can only say that if you take the retreat seriously and persist to the end, you are very likely to unlock completely new areas of your mind. After the retreat I was feeling much lighter, at ease, and I realised how selfish life I had been living. It was indeed like a mind detox as Leo says. But anyway, you must decide for yourself. Be happy! (-;
  17. @Sukhpaal You may want to read more about this topic in The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. It's a very good book that will open your eyes about how we ourselves keep sabotaging our success and happiness in order to stay at a familiar level.
  18. Yeah, I know this feeling well (if it is what I think it is.) Speaking from my experience, it indeed happens when I'm trying too much. Usually after series of sits that felt good, when I'm trying my best to keep it up. I've noticed I'm always puckering my brow when trying too hard and that presumably causes the pressure feeling. It's a signal to relax and remind myself that whatever happens is good and there is no need to force anything or to strive for "good" results. Good result is anything that comes. It takes a while to get used to this approach, but it's well worth it. Exactly, in my opinion these two points are crucial. Just relax and welcome whatever comes and realise that every sit moves you forward, even when you feel it was absolutely useless.
  19. I think words are the best means of communicating our thoughts and feelings... right after drumming (-;
  20. @Arik I do Vipassana and have never intentionally practised the Do nothing technique, however every now and then I happen to experience a moment of absolute stillness of both thoughts and attention, when my mind seems completely empty, like there's nothing going on there whatsoever, including no attention to the body. I guess that's the right feel of "Do nothing", right? At that point I don't know whether to return to the technique (i.e. bring attention back to the body) or just remain in that stillness and don't react. I usually choose the latter, because it feels natural and easiest. But it's this "what to do now?" that causes the most distraction, and I'd like to have an answer ready next time, so that no distracting decision has to be made. What would you suggest to do when it happens again?

  21. Medication: Good Or Bad ?

    Jan Odvarko replied to frog_eater's topic in Mental Health, Serious Emotional Issues

    Yes, I fully agree with you! I've been on Citalopram (Celexa) and Lexapro for 7 years and without mindfulness meditation I would have never been able to taper off them and overcome the horrible withdrawal effects. The more unpleasant the withdrawal-induced anxiety got, the more I meditated. SSRI's helped me a great deal, that's for sure, but I would personally never take them again, as they've eventually pooped out on me and I was forced to face my fears and anxiety in their full terror with a more sustainable and holistic approach. That being said, I think SSRI's and benzos can be very helpful to overcome very difficult life situations when one is feeling absolutely helpless and can't see any other option. But it should be always remembered that medications don't provide a permanent solution. It's a terrible trap to think they do, and pharmaceutical companies seem to happily feed into this misconception. What should also be remembered is that for many individuals the withdrawal symptoms can get very, very unpleasant and may take months to years to go away. Lastly, it's important to mention that the SSRI poop out syndrome (e.g. when body builds a tolerance to the drug) is a pretty common phenomenon which leaves us, as far as I know, with only two options - either to increase the dosage or try a different medication. Neither of these options, however, is guaranteed to work in the long term. If we decide to take antidepressants, the next thing to do once they begin to work is to start addressing the underlying issues that led to the depression/anxiety in the first place, instead of getting too comfortable in the new situation and taking it for granted. It is so easy to fall into the trap of getting used to new life and believing that antidepressants have solved the problem for good. Because after all, we just want to be happy and leave the old sh*t behind, right? That's not the way it works though, I'm afraid (-: For me, taking SSRI's was like taking a loan for a good mood, but with very unpleasant repayments in form of withdrawal hell. And without realising I was actually living off a loan. I'm convinced that in order to cure chronic depression or anxiety permanently, every individual must eventually find a method to treat its underlying cause, which may be a long term process that cannot be replaced with any quick-fix cure. I believe for many people the mindfulness meditation is a way to go. It can happen, however, that the discomfort will get initially worse, but only for some time. See the following Shinzen Young's video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTcGmoaLyv0
  22. Sure he is! Otherwise I'd have to remove his picture from my wall and stop praying to him (-;
  23. This is currently a big issue for me... Although I sit on a seiza bench, I always start to feel kind of asymmetrical and imbalanced towards the end of my sits. Also, one shoulder feels to be a little lower than the other one. I guess it's caused by my back muscles being a little weaker on one side, or the other side might be tighter. Or maybe it's just a feeling. Hard to say if I actually become imbalanced at all, but it definitely feels like it and it can get so uncomfortable that I start shifting my legs every couple of minutes to feel balanced again, just to find myself twisted when I open my eyes at the end of the sit. Pain is not a problem, pain is good. What is so distracting is not the actual sense of being imbalanced/asymmetrical, but knowing that I might be damaging my body by leaving my spine twisted for prolonged periods. Anyone else experienced this or something similar? Would you have any suggestion? Thanks!
  24. Kind of slanted, yes. It's difficult to describe, it's like an urge to rotate my hip or shoulders a little in order to balance my upper body. But it often starts even before I lose sense of my body.
  25. That's what I'm curious about too. Personally I keep my back straight by small and extremely slow corrective movements, it feels better than sitting with hunchback. If it's OK to do that, I can't say. But it works for me and I don't feel I'm losing any benefits of strong determination sitting. I use a seiza bench and it's perfect, no pain in legs, but loads of back pain that feels just great and purifying (-;