somegirl

I identify as chair and calling me a girl/women is deeply offensive. Jokes aside, this is such a minor issue. If this is the main problem in your life then you got a pretty awesome life

Because people can sense when you're being "fake nice" in order to achieve something. You have to be genuinely kind. But not at the expense of your dignity. You be kind, but if someone is disrespecting you, you put them in their place. I understand what you mean. I find this to be true, but you don't necessarily have to be "a bitch" but actually show some teeth here and there. Show that you have "not so nice" side of your personality. Then people will respect you. You will not appear to be rag they can use whenever they want.

@StarStruck I don't get being a douchebag in order to attract girls. What kind of girls are you trying to attract? If you play push-pull, playing hard to get and all kinds of games in order to get laid, sure, all power to you. But if you want serious relationship, sure you still need some game, but it shouldn't be that intense. Just stand your ground, have a character, don't be overly nice, just behave normally (as you would with your friends). Don't try too hard. (this is if you want real committed romantic relationship) Some guy has been texting me, he was being so unpleasant to talk to, like we literally fought every time we spoke. I don't know what he was trying to do, he obviously had some kind of game, he was flirting here and there, but I felt totally repulsed by him in the end. He was annoying me too much. I don't know what was the matter with him because he would accuse me of lying everytime I said I couldn't see him, he would get annoyed when I would not reply to his messages, he even got mad at me for not cooperating with him when he was trying to make plans to see me, as if that should interest me. Every time he sent me a message, I had this nervious/bad feeling because I would expect us to not get along. So please don't be a douchebag to this level.

@Fearless_Bum Maybe you have to change people you're talking with. I know that feeling when you find a person boring/not interesting to know about. But then again, that changes once you do meet interesting people, and conversation will flow naturally. In such case you wouldn't need to "force" yourself to ask them questions, you will naturally be curious about them. Interesting that you mention this, because I have opposite reaction. I think I'm "cool" when I talk to younger people (even people ONE year younger than me), I have this undescribable confidence and I feel free to be myself, but I kinda "freak out" with people my age. Not always, but have noticed happening a few times. I don't know why. Maybe this happens because we feel we are not good enough. That people around us have achieved more than us. That they are smarter than us. And then you freak out and feel "ashamed" because you were born the similar year, but for some reason they are doing better than you. Just some thoughts to think about.

@bloomer That's like asking can you do spiritual stuff or achieve enlightment while starving. The thing is, fulfilling basic human needs is prerequisite for other things (things that are on a higher place in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs). At least I believe this to be true.

Though, this is sooo freaking true

Damn, your poor wife with a man who thinks this way...

So... I understand what you point to, but really, some girls DO consider long term consequences of being involved with scumbag. Yes, since it is rare to find a guy who has an amazing game and is crazy seductive, he is almost irresistible once a girl comes across him, but I would suggest that some girls do think of their long term health and wellbeing. And they do set bounders/set ultimatums. Maybe even more so after they have already been burnt before.

I found this one guy good-looking and I decided to gather courage and risk being rejected, and make the first move. I saw an opportunity and messaged him on social media, as a response to something he posted. Then our conversation continued and we started talking about different stuff. Turns out he is a guy I already saw in real life, but many years ago. So he is not totally random. However, I noticed that I'm mostly the one who asks questions. He does sometimes too, but it's mostly me. And when I think he has perfect opportunity to ask me about something, he just doesn't, but makes a polite comment about it, leaving me to ask something else, if I don't want a conversation to end. He is very polite and pleasant though. It's just something I noticed. I wonder if I'm just boring him and he's simply not interested. I assume it doesn't take much for a guy to decide if he likes a girl or not? He should be so interested in me by this point, asking me bunch of questions, if he truly liked me (my thoughts). But then again, maybe he's just polite and doesn't want to seem to intrusive? I don't know. What do you think? P.S. If it matters, he is in his early 20's. Younger guys might be a bit more cautious not to come off as creepy, I would imagine? Correct me if I'm wrong. This is one of the reasons why I decided to make the first move.

It seems like he's not that into me as I'd like him to be. Oh well. What a pity, after all of this lol. And I thought we had a great 3hr chat + had some similar interests. Kinda sad that he's missing out on such an opportunity. I thought I wasn't that bad, not to sound too arrogant. But I think I offer a lot. Physical and intellect wise. I don't know, maybe people around me think otherwise.

I'm not learning any pick up techniques, I'm a girl. What I'm doing here is out of the ordinary,

Yeah guys, it's easy to say to someone "Just forget about it and move on" when you're detached from an outcome or don't care about it. I'm kinda curious to see if he's really uninterested or just playing a game, so I'm reporting here what's going on. @Shin I think you have already made a joke regarding me being a man here, I think we got it lol. Invent something new ?

@Karmadhi Aw thanks Karmadhi. You seem nice too! I know, I will see. I am kinda not as hopeless as yesterday lol. But I will do other things meanwhile and let things happen the way they should. If we go out the second time, kiss is definitely happening. But I need some kind of sign from him first. Something that will tell me "Hey, I'm interested in you too". Cause right now, until I get concrete message from him, I will just assume that's it. He might be playing games...

@Shin lol. i know.

Okay, he just sent me a subtle sign... He liked a photo of mine from few days ago

So true, now that I think about it. It's like... Why do you need to do that, when you can just rely on your feeling and intuition about the person you're talking to? If I talk to someone and my feeling says they are good, why do I need further investigation? But I mean... You do you.

Lol, well, I also told him directly that he might be a bit too logical about it all. And that sometimes you just give in to what your heart tells you. But my guess is - he had lots of experiences with people that left him be very cautious about people's intentions and he wants to avoid getting into bad relationships. Like he had girls whose only intentions were to use him financially. Oh well, I thought that was ridiculous cause you can't really avoid getting hurt in life. It will inevitably happen. Unless you stay at home and don't ever leave your house. I liked him cause he seems he is very social and "popular" and his life seems interesting. There's always something going on in his life, it's never boring. I find that exciting.

Yep, either first or the other possibility. Weird thing, but during our conversation he mentioned 3 days/times rule as almost like universal principle he lives by. Also while we were talking about relationships, he said that, once he finds any girl attractive, he wants to find out everything about her (relationship history, kind of friends she hangs out with etc) through mutual people they know, so he can then decide if he wants to jump into relationship. Cause he's very wary about where he puts his energy to.

@Leo Gura Oh, I know that, and am aware I'm selfish like that, as we all are. However, I honestly thought I wasn't THAT below him. I can't view myself objectively I guess, but I thought we are on a similar level. Yes, he is more social and is a member of multiple student organizations, but I have lots of people I know and interract basically every day, too. He is only a year older than me and grew up in similar environment as I did, so we're interested in similar stuff, I noticed too. He is not *that* out of my reach, I thought. But oh well. It will be how it must.

In what sense above me? Guys typically date someone who is on the same "level" as them, or slightly below them. While girls go for someone above them, but would never date someone below them.

No, Belgrade has over 1m people. But why does it matter, I mean why you mentioned Serbia? lol Aw man, I've already done that. Too many people do not do any kind of (inner) work, are clueless about life, are just average people with mediocre lives, and are still able to attract decent relationships. Me, on the other hand, have a wide range of things I am interested in, am into self-development stuff, healthy lifestyle, and nothing. So I don't know anymore. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even into these deep spiritual stuff. I mean, it makes things so complicated. I'm just making my life harder by being more aware about some stuff, more than other people. I just see girls putting effort into looks, sometimes not even that, and not developing any other aspect of their personality, and still getting the guy they want. Getting into marriages, having kids. And you're here like wanting more, wanting extraordinary life experiences but it's just to hard that I don't even know if it's worth the wait or will it ever happen or does such thing even exist here where I live. Maybe in the movies.

A day ago. But I have a feeling he just isn't interested in me that way. I am very good at figuring these things out. I guess those 3 and a half hours of our conversation doesn't mean anything, actually lol Yeah but I rarely find someone interesting enough to date them. I live in small town with around 200k people. But it's frustrating that I am constantly unable to attract the kind of guys I really like and who seem valuable to me. It's like reoccurring thing in my life, ever since I was little.

As expected, no message lol

Ohh sorry, I meant he had long term girlfriend in the past. That's what I meant lol. He's not innocent dove at all lol. He's veeery social, but I like that he's that way. He keeps conversation going and it's never awkward! However, I agree with you, if he's interested, I expect next move to come from his side. Because so far I've been initiating everything.