somegirl

Wait, so just that he mentioned word "ego" and knows what it is was enough to make you think that he's a conscious guy and is into self-development stuff?

Love how guys just count on the narrative of "but there are some very mature 20 year olds, even moreso than girls in their 30s!". Guys. That is an exception to the rule. Most girls that young are NOT more mature than their age. They are as mature as you would expect them to be at their age, nothing less, nothing more.

@ertopolice You're fine, you seem nice and smart, I don't think you'll have a problem to find someone who will love you just as much as you love them. Just enjoy life and let it flow the way it's supposed to, enjoy every moment and the right person will come. Don't get caught up on one lost opportunity, because there are so many that awaits you.

Oh... See, be aware of the guys who just talk and are good with words, but their life is total opposite of what they say. May I know how old are you and how old is he?

He does not sound like a high value guy at all. Just by the fact that he said himself that he's a high value guy, is a red flag. And his "disgusted" and "disappointing" reaction after you told him your view on that particular topic, is not justified. You didn't tell him such a bad thing. It seems like he just found an excuse. High value guys don't behave that way. You have an open pleasant conversations with high value guys. Maybe you put too much hope into this one guy. Have an abundance mindset, not scarcity one. There are tons of good guys, he is not the only one you will ever like. A guy who is not absolutely excited to see you again and offer second date, is not the one for you. You deserve someone who will absolutely cherish you.

@Jacob Morres thank you!

@Khr do you tell people to f themselves when someone doesn't treat you right? And btw, my mom is NOT abusive, she just has some characteristics of emotionally immature person. She is not a bad person, she just herself wasnt given much love and compassion when growing up. For example, she told me the other day that she never expressed how she felt to her own mother when goung through tough period because her mother let her deal with her own stuff on her own. You get an idea. Even though she is not a bad person, she is not aware what she is doing to me that might cause damage to myself, therefore I believe I have developed some issues that are not necessarily intentional from her. Self esteem for example is still something I'm struggling with, even though I thought I overcame that problem. It's not like I welcome abusers and toxic people and am unable to form healthy relationships.I have some friends that I literally know ever since I was 4 and I still hang out with them. But I did have some trouble asserting my boundaries for the fear of how they might react to my assertiveness. I can only agree with your self-esteem point. Problems that we deal with today almost always come back from our childhood and household.

Got you. Maybe I am simply bad at expressing myself and need to improve my communication skills. Thanks.

This. I sometimes think maybe I have ''outgrown'' people around me and they do not resonate with me anymore. This is why I am kinda hesitant to improve myself ''too much'' for the fact that I will just drift away further from the friends I already have. Because they can't keep up. And it's hard to find more developed friends around here. But also, I know that I shouldn't stay the same person for years and that I need to improve and change and grow.

Sooo true. Guess I need to learn how to communicate.

Got it. I skipped watching that video. Might be helpful to look into it so I can better understand the situation. I'm INFP. But thanks for assuming I'm extrovert, it is a compliment I don't know, I have ALWAYS thought people do things because they dislike me/think I'm boring/uninteresting etc. Whole my life. I don't know where the hell this belief of mine comes from. Because I like to see them suffer and because I hate them perhaps? Lol Look, in other circumstances, I would understand what you're saying, because everything is ultimately how I interpret things, BUT, in friendship/relationship context, it does matter when someone hurts the other person. You have to be able to tell them freely that something is bothering you. In practicality, when someone i.e. talks behind your back (random example) you can't be like "Well, I feel angry/sad because I'm interpreting this situation in a bad way". No... You can't stay FRIENDS with that person anymore. You can't be close friends because there is no trust. Even if you interpret this situation in a positive way that would result in you feeling good despite them gossiping about you behind your back, it doesn't change the fact that you need to cut them out of my life. You see what I mean?

Sounds right. This is so true, but it seems like most of the people's egos are fragile. And it's not like I tell them in a very harsh brutal way, I tell them in a nice way, even sometimes though smile to soften it up, but I still get those kind of negative reaction.Maybe I really do not know how to communicate efficiently. I guess this is achieved through meditaiton? Thanks. This was kinda helpful. Maybe I'm not as conscious and self-aware as I thought I was. Because these things keep happening. Anyway, thanks for your advice and comment, was helpful.

No, it wasn't that bad. I have also cut off people who are not honest with me. But this particular friend I'm talking about kinda shows these concerning signs. Instead of acknowladging my emotions, they would rather get mad at me for telling them their behaviour upset me once.

Maybe I do without realizing. But I'm VERY generally considerate of other people's feelings and how what I say could be interpreted by them. This is beautifully said. Didn't know about this term, will look more into it.

Guess I'm just surrounded by those kind of people then. I just don't know how a relationship or friendship can thrive and stay alive if there is no honesty and communication?

I take things personally. It would actually help me to know that their behaviour is not about me. Well, I want to selve the issue between my friend and I. That's why 'I'm prolong it'. I just don't want to hold negative feelings so I wanted to communicate and get the issue solved. Which is, it seems like, such an unrealistic expectation from my side. Well I ,unfortunately but honestly, do this. But I don't think it's neediness. I want us to solve the problem we had so we can both move on with clear hearts. This last part is true... Just need to let it go.

I understand.... Though when someone would tell me I hurt them, my first reaction would be surprise of course (for the reasons you mentioned) but then I would try to make it right, especially if it's person I care about. So I don't understand how is it difficult thing to do when you're literallz friends with someone.

I think you just need to kindly leave this thread if you're gonna be sarcasric and not offer some kind of constructive suggestion/advice that would help me better myself. I wrote this thread in a heat of the moment because I was frustrated that this keeps happening, but I actually am open to advice. As long as it's nicely communicated. I just wanted to find out if it's a 'me' problem that I need to fix, or I'm just unlucky that I keep attracting people who get angry with me when I share witht them that they have hurt me in some way. Thanks.

I see. Thanks. Maybe I'm not communicating well or I'm more accusatory in my tone... I try to control my anger when I'm angry at someone, but it might still come off aggressive to other person. Damn... So hard to admit it.

True this, but I would expect a friend to act in a different way. That's the difference between a friend and a stranger. True...

Maybe this. I am honest when I tell them how I feel. I guess instead of them taking care of my hurt emotions, they feel attacked.

I have an abundant mindset when it comes to friendships, in general. I have lots of friends and people I know. However, I have this one particular friend that I like so much as a person that I would be so sad if we stop being friends because of lack of transparency. I am not manipulating. I make effort into my friendships. I am reliable and loyal friend. It just bothers me when someone gets mad at me for expressing how I honestly feel. How is a friendship supposed to improve of there is no communication and honesty? It's just superficial friendship of that's the case. I'm just afraid to find out of this friendship is superficial or not.

So I have made an agreement with this one friend that once we have something that bothers us, that we communicate it to each other. We literally made promises, in order for our friendship to stay alive.

Making her feel safe with you is top one priority in these dynamics. She should feel you are actively taking good care of her physical and psychological health. ....

This is so true... Something is wrong if this doesn't happen. @Value Maybe you could try to focus more on what is pleasurable to her. What feels the best to her. Be genuinely interested in that. You should be interested in that anyway. As she should. I have other possibility as to why this is potentially happening but I'll pull it back and see if anything above resonates with you.