somegirl

I realized I actually strongly dislike flaky and irresponsible people. I can't stand them. To the point I don't eant anything to do with them, unless I have to. I am already responsible person so I won't say "I want to be responsible", instead I will say: ✅ I want to be surrounded by responsible friends/people with integrity and credibility.

✅ I don't want to stress about stupid shit. I have become this person I don't wanna be. I want to think thought that feel good. ✅ I want to be carefree. I don't want to stress about deadlines, projects and assignments I need to finish. I will finish them when I manage to finish them. I don't want to worry. I have noticed a change in my cycle. It might be because of stress/worry/negative thoughts/annoyance that I feel most of the time. Weird thing is that my friend also experiences same symptoms. Wonder what is happening. Omicron? Am I asymptomatic? Or are we just both stressed at the same time. This is why I don't want to let it happen again. Now I worry what is happening instead of not caring about most of the stuff I give my attention to. I need to prioritize myself definitely. Fuck anything that I don't wanna do.

@isabel Cute little story. Wonder why that type of approach isn't applicable in real life situations. Hmm.... Strange.

I showed signs of anger today when team leader decided to leave as well, and she noticed, as well as this other girl and a guy. It was just a slight sight of anger. And I immediately see how people pay attention more and are more respectful. Except for this one girl from team. She didn't seem to be phased by it and it bothers me. Maybe because she knew it wasn't directed towards her.

So today I spent almost whole day in this organization. There were supposed to be 5 of my teammates and a team leader. Team leader left because she had business to do (as if noone here does as well) and promised to come back but something unexpected escalated and she didn't come back to help us with projects. And team leader should be the the one person who would should be present at all times. Only me and this other girl remained there. I wouldn't be as critical if this team leader didn't force me in couple of occasions to do certain tasks, labeling them as "very important and urgent", when in fact it wasn't. She lost credibility. And I have this strong sense of responsibility and conscience that I didn't want to let anyone down. But now I don't want to do that anymore. I want to do stuff that I want to do. If I don't feel like doing something or I have other more important stuff to do, I will simply decline any kind of tasks or projects that don't fit my shedule. Seriously, team leader's behaviour is so demotivating. I don't have motivation to do well when she doesn't want to be present herself. I really don't want my other more important stuff to suffer because of stuff that even team leader doesn't find imporant, obviously. I'm starting to have a very bad view on this organization because of people in it. People represent organization. If someone is this disinterested and irresponsible, I don't want to be part of it. I will do as I please. Weird thing that happened - a guy who decided to leave earlier actually hugged me and apologized to me for bringing the focus to my ashy hand that I feel embarassed about (my left hand had become ashy and itchy for some reason, might be allergic reaction). He knew I was a bit insecure about it and he brought that topic again in front of everyone earlier today, uncovered my sleeve and I got a bit mad and asked him why he always talks about my ashy hand (cause I am insecure about it). It seems like he really felt bad because of it. And he hugged me and didn't want to let go and didn't want to release me for a few seconds. I don't know, I just really felt that he was sorry. And I said that it was okay and that I have already forgot about it. But it was interesting to see how apologetic he got, it was the first time in a very long time that I saw someone actually being sorry for something they did and apologizing and making it right. Kind of refreshing.

I feel like, since this pandemic started, I don't get to live my early 20s the way I want. I wanted to have interesting life experiences, love, live life to the fullest, travel with friends/a bf. This pandemic started when I was 20. I am freaking 22 now. I am annoyed quite frankly that this is happening. This has also lowered (my already low) chances of meeting potential bf. (I say "already low" because I live in a city of 200,000 people, where more than half are older people). And the guys I do manage to meet, it seems like we are not a a match, which is starting to frustrate me quite a bit because, when are they gonna find me more attractive than now? And when am I gonna have these beautiful romantic experiences? In my freaking 50s and 60s? It's ridiculous. This was supposed to be my best years lol. It's easier for guys, they can settle later in life, but for a girl, I feel like young years are their best time to find their partner. It's freaking depressing and this is stressing me out to no end. I feel like I'm not using all my potentials too and I'm spending my best years at home most of the time. I do go out, but the amount of people I see out is quite depressing. Almost noone is going out because of sudden peak of new corona cases here. And what is funny is that, rarely does it happen that I meet new guys through my social circle (that consists of mostly girls). I don't know if this is universe playing tricks on me lol. What is even a solution to this? What can one do about it? @soos_mite_ah

How do you know who I went for? I went for guys *I* find attractive. That's all. And my type of guy is not gym-macho type of guy either. I can't with them. And so called "nice" guys I just don't feel passion for, which is sad. Because everything else might be good on a paper, but because I don't find them attractive, or I can't see myself sleeping with them, I can't get into a relationship because someone is nice. It wouldn't be fair to them. There's so many more factors that need to align for a relationship to work - being a nice person is not enough unfortunately. How do you know? loll

Thanks, that's good point. One can adopt any kind of beliefs they want though... Need to say, beliefs are deep rooted. They cannot chance just like that.

I used Tinder before. It seems to me that only guys who are looking for fun are there. I didn't have a positive experience with it. And i have given a chance to quite a few guys.

True... It's not helping me, I just don't feel good holding these beliefs. Though, I don't actually have problem with looks, I am more than happy about everything. I am just frustrated that guys are just... not interested *enough*. As if more more is wanted. And I'm here wondering what else can I even do. I think I am in more or less good position all things considered. When is the time if not now, when everything is good? When I turn 60? This is what I meant by the original post. Some people are insecure, or they are in worse situation in some other sense and they manage to get into good relationships. And it's not like guys don't pay attention to me, they do, but noone is actually escalating it into something concrete.

Yeah I remember him once saying (gonna paraphrase it) "Guys have it easier as they can decide to settle later in life, but girls find themselves in difficult situation because they need to figure a lot of things out by the time they hit 30-35". That honestly puts a pressure on me.

How so?

That's nicely said... It's more valuable to use negative situations to my advantage than to dwell on negative feelings and wonder why the things are not the way I want them to be.

Yeah, but lack of money/lacking constant source of income is also a problem. I try to go through organization/student exchanges where some things are already paid on my behalf, but so far no luck.

Good point. I've been letting myself feel frustrated I think, I just don't want to dwell on it. Because I feel like I'm doing that. It's good to hear, that one can relate. I mean, sure, millenials have also spent their last 2 years in isolation most of the time, but they have already went through those pivotal years of their life and experienced them normally. And we did also to some extent (I lived life normally up until 20 years old) but not all the way.

Basically this lol. I think I have limiting beliefs. This certainly might be one. This is why I react the way I do. There's probably something there. I mean, I had relationships, they were just not fullfilling as I needed them to be. But yeah. Thanks for the video, this is exactly what I'm dealing with rn.

@How to be wise Just gonna roll my eyes lol. Honestly, I call bs on this. There are so many aspects in society from the beauty industry, the media, friends, and family that try to reinforce this idea that a woman's life is limited and if she doesn't settle down when she's young that she's basically hopeless. And a lot of it is rooted in misogynistic narratives that thinks that we all turn into Prince Phillip once we hit 30. This is so true, you literally hit the core. I needed to hear this, thanks. I literally think that I have this pressure instilled in me somehow. And this unhealthy attitude "OMG NOW OR NEVER". I don't know, I just get triggered when I hear people talk about how many things a young girl has to accomplish by the time they hit 30-35. I think Jordan Peterson instilled that in me. Definitely him. Yeah. I can feel this being true. It's better to develop a mindset where you will feel at peace, even if current situation is not your ideal, than to be frustrated that things are not the way you want it to be. It's much more healthy to have in mind that better things are coming, than to dwell in saddness and frustration.

Need to start somewhere in order to feel better about all of this I know, I've been there for New Years. There are certainly more cool people there. Though I can imagine it being too overwhelming to live there, with all that traffic and high prices lol. You have some crazy prices there Probably could have. Thought about that.

It's not for me. People who just want a fling go there. Hahah, I do complain because we are only getting older, not younger. We already lost 2 years of our lives in isolation. What is the use if I "start living my life to the fullest" when i hit 40? Isn't it better to do certain things while we are still young?

You're right. I am vaccinated, what is there else to freaking do at this point.

I'm actually annoyed and I can't pretend like everything is okay. I feel like everybody else also has same opinion like me, given their behaviour. So I joined one social organization and I'm in a team of people with team leader. We have set some expectations as team, some "rules" we will follow (example: do not be late, support each other in need etc) but team leader alone does not lead by the example and it's destroying our team, I can see/feel it. First of all, she is late, she seems irresponsible. She forgets what she needs to do/bring on our team meeting. She doesn't know to explain new stuff to us or stuff we don't understand. She doesn't include everybody in a discussion. When someone is being quiet, instead of addressing it and making things right, she just moves on. She doesn't let us know she cares about us. When we make a deal/plan to do something she totally forgets about it. This is literally destroying our team. We are not even communicating with each other that much. I noticed noone being responsive in our group chat when she asks a question. Because we all feel that we are not valued/reapected/cared for/heard. I certainly feel I am not heard, for sure. Because she doesn't even notice me or cares to listen to what I have to say in our team meetings. Our team leader seems she just simply doesn't care about being leader and actually being good at it. I seriously started to doubt she can lead. I noticed this os bothering me a bit. I kinda don't like her because of her disinterest. Not because she's a bad person, I do not believe she is at all, but she just simply doesn't care and that's making me angry. We are new members of this organization. If she seems disinterested to participate and show us how cool this is, why should I care? I see what I see. And I feel demotivated to do anything she says. Literally. Why should I fulfill her wish to do my tasks if she doesn't even see value in doing any of this herself? Next time I feel not included/heard, I will just keep quet until she notices. And then I will explain my issue.

As a gentleman, your number one priority should be to make a girl comfortable and safe around you. Help her put on her jacket/coat, pull a chair out for a girl if you're inside (restaurant, coffee shop etc.), if you guys are outside put your jacket on her shoulders to keep her warm. Or if you're sitting somewhere outside, on a cold, hard surface for example, put your jacket beneath her so it's comfortable for her to sit (I remember one time a guy did that to me and I was absolutely impressed.) Don't ask her intimate questions or questions abour her relationship past or her age and don't talk about sex on a first date. Be attuned with her emotions and if you notice something is making her uncomfortable, stop and change a topic. After a date/meet-up, ask her if she got home safely. Don't leave her hanging. Treat her like a lady and you will become a gentleman.

@Bobby_2021 Have you been in a relationship before?

He can't because that girl has slept with more than one man in her entire life and that somehow means the marriage won't be as stable and she won't be as invested as she would be as a virgin. Because virgins are the best.

Will do Good observation, it makes sense. Yeah, I imagine they don't theorize as much and definitely do not generalize. They just see what's in front of them - a human with emotions and needs just like the rest of us lol. I imagine things being this way when someone has absolutely no experience with talking to other gender so much growing up. And then once they do, it's like they're talking to an alien. I think some guys forget that females are also humans like them and they don't get upset out of the blue "because that's how these weird spieces called girls behave" but because of logical reasons lol.