The0Self

There’s only awareness, but there is no awareness. It’s always now, but it’s never now.

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Grandiose narcissism is a trait-construct that involves the inability to hear criticism and a commitment only to oneself. It is associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder when expressed at a pathological level — one of the most dangerous personality disorders. Vulnerable narcissism is a trait-construct that involves the over-reaction to criticism and is usually a defense mechanism to protect low self esteem. It is associated with Borderline Personality Disorder when expressed at a pathological level.

More like similar to the 3rd jhana. A very shallow facsimile of it, anyway.

Yeah, seems mine went from INTP to INFP. But P and J are basically exactly even scores for me, so I guess it's more like INTx -> INFx. Of course, it's just a story.

You can do this with eyes open. Use little effort. 1. Notice there is only hearing, seeing, feeling, hedonic tone, mental state/mood, and thought. 2. Imagine you're standing on top of a planet in space -- realize there's nothing to do here because that's already exactly what's happening. You know how there are many ships (tankers/carriers, etc) floating out in the ocean -- thousands, probably? Well, it's pretty much a statistical certainty that at any given time, many will be sounding/blasting their horn, and certainly at least one will be (essentially always). 3. Right now, listen-for and tune-into the horn sound on the farthest (from you) ship on the planet that is currently blasting its horn. Right now. Continue listening for that horn. Whatever you hear, or experience, you know can't be the actual horn sound (it's on the other side of the world... you can't hear it), which is great, because the utter simplicity of continuing to just listen for that horn sound will not result in much questioning like "am I doing it right?" If questions arise, allow them to remain unanswered. 4. By turning towards that which cannot be experienced, the mind becomes infinitely receptive. Allow this to have whatever effect it has. When doing this, notice mental states and how they change. 5. Notice Awareness.

Optional additional step: 6. Cultivate the energy body: Feel the entire body as one unit, however it seems to manifest. If seated, it may manifest as a radiant "egg," etc, or one of infinite other possibilities. Notice that it's empty, uniform energy. With the momentum built up from step 4, continue noticing mind-states/moods, but now, feel into the anxiety (or anger; suffering; seeking; aversion; craving) aspect of every state. So you're observing 1. the empty energy body, and 2. mind states -- begin connecting the two. Observe how the two are correlated. Try to find a mind state -- it cannot be found outside of simply being a pattern of energy, in the energy body. Feel how the anxiety of any state is merely a disruption of the uniform energy body. Feel that unpleasant disruption of energy, no matter how subtle, and rest your attention on it. 7. Ground emotional charges: Resolve any state that arises, into the continuously changing disruption in the energy body. No matter how positive or negative the state, continue grounding it as energy disruption in the body. Allow questions to be unanswered and disappear.

@kag101 Yes, I stopped it by myself. I was going to taper, but ended up going cold turkey just to get it over with. I also did it to be as substance-free as possible to really see how far I could go with meditation. Kind of an OCD reaction, but anyway... A few days after my last dose, I started to feel pretty strange and experienced head-zaps almost constantly for about a month. Apparently the head zaps are the worst symptom for some people but honestly, I thought they felt kind of nice -- though they did get pretty annoying at times. For the first 2 weeks my emotional regulation was way off -- if I thought something was funny and started laughing, I'd sometimes find myself unable to stop, even when it was not socially acceptable or personally convenient to continue laughing.

@BipolarGrowth There is nothing other than unconditional love. Love is beyond virtue -- it's everything. Awakening doesn't always reveal this. It's uncaused.

Ever since I was 14 I had an affinity for painkillers. Just loved the feeling too much. My birth parents were addicts; maybe taking Vicodin that one time when I was 14 activated something genetic in me? Idk. I was definitely suffering though, just not in a way I'd call depressed (I've never been suicidal). In a way, it really wasn't even that horrible -- heroin's effects, while they last, pretty much eclipse any guilt/self-hatred. Getting off it was horrendously painful but I became far more conscious as a result.

@BipolarGrowth Separation is Reality. Reality is purely mind-made. Mind is empty. Truth is beyond Reality/separation.

Might I suggest 1. laying off the psychedelics, 2. pounding the psychedelics hard, 3. laying off concentration meditation, 4. Noting, 5. some other option. Literally doesn’t matter. Whatever seems to happen is what seems to happen. Sounds cool though. Would certainly love to hear more about it.

i.e. the one thing that doesn’t change, doesn’t acknowledge the existence of a separate being, and of which nothing can be said. So... is it really there? It might be there, but what’s very obvious is that no one knows that.

A limitation that isn’t a belief is what is known as a “question.”

Yeah there’s no higher self. There’s no lower self. There isn’t even a self. Nothing stands on its own without something else constructing it. Though really that’s just words. There is no other, but in a sense there is a self — THE Self. And it’s already perfect. The apparent imperfections are perfection appearing as that.

@Keyhole “I forgive myself/you for not understanding” is the root of all forgiveness. Infinite liberty and infinite just-is, for no one.

Could be. I've been through quite a bit of suffering though. I was a heroin addict 8 years ago, for instance.

It varies, but for just about everybody, 4 to 9 hours... Seriously though if you're outside that range, you might want to look into changing that.

Reality is simply the best possible scenario, which is obvious after awakening. It was obvious to me before awakening though. For no reason.

That's because grasping it is synonymous with death.

Your hands are + There is only everything = Your hands are literally everything. Boundless Unconditional Love is all there is. Reality is the mind's own making. WHAT IS is beyond reality. These words are reality; reality is not the truth.

5-HT2A psychedelics are in a sense "stronger" than cannabis, but they really aren't on the same axis. Apples and oranges. Cannabis suppresses your memory, making you feel "in the moment," it enhances the senses, and it can make for some pretty profoundly altered thought-spaces. Very energizing to the thinking-feeling mind, for me. For many people, cannabis can almost seem to mimic low-grade psychosis -- I mean... that's basically what paranoia is. It's a hallucinogen and effects can vary hugely from person to person -- some people actually trip from weed. Psychedelics are quite different. They're a fucking transcendent experience. And every psychedelic has its own unique signature -- types of visuals; the way things look; the way they make reality seem sharper (LSD) or blurred (mushrooms); how clear-headed they are; how immersive the visuals; how likely they are to cause varying degrees of ego-dissolution, memory-suppression, and ego-death; etc. They can take you places... and sometimes, not all of you comes back from these places.

^^^ some stories get closer than others to this.

Where is decision? In an infinite boundlessness, with no bounds, "who" and "why" is meaningless.

Boundlessness