levani

@Michael569 to me, IF gave me monstrous amounts of energy

and since meditation reflects inner thoughts outwards, then i just want to make sure my psychology is healthy before pursuing something like this. someone gave me the analogy that it is dangerous to cross the road too but people do it <-- this is horseshit ∵ the safety levels are way waaay off, % risk is way higher with meditation in my mind than crossing a road. but if you wanna use this analogy i am simply looking left and right right now before crossing the road.

I am not sure if meditation freaks me out, i have never tried it properly, i am just being wary of the side effects it might produce, and according to some somewhat reliable sources, apparently there are a lot od these negative side effects which I am just getting ready for or trying to get ready for by asking you/the forum these questions, i want to be ready if something bad happens so that i know how to get out of it.

yes, if i slow down and meditate i am afraid that these negative thoughts may come up and "∵" i slowed that they would come true, for exmaple if i hear a noise in the next room, if it actually happened or if it is my mind playing tricks on me, either or. Or ∵ i've read / also leo said that you can fall into depression and also into the dark night of the soul as well after some time of meditating and i simple don't want to experience that ∵ i have too many responsibilities in my life so what if all that depersonalisation and this "lost in the eternal void" fucks me up ? okay, say that some scary character for example like "the nun" will be in the next door and she will take away all of my control via her powers and i will only be able to see and hear and just be there paralysed while she is horrifying me, floating on top of me or whatever, like in sleep paralysis basically. yes, sleep paralysis, and i've also always had fear of the dark, and spiders used to scary the shit out of me before too, and "monsters" under my bed, even though i would look there and see nothing, i'd still be scared if i stood up it would not be below the bed but behind me or on top of the bed by the time i get up or something like this. I am a wet wipe when it comes to this, i know, that's why i'm working towards getting rid of it. what do you mean by removed, everyone keeps saying that but i don't understand, eventually i just think about something else anyway ? so they are removed automatically, do you mean to experience them while i am thinking about them and are scared of them ? explain what you mean by safe environment ? do you mean to have a spotter ? if yes then that's the thing, i am not scared when i am with someone, i am scared when I am alone for some reason, ∴ how do i practice these "safely"?

HAHAHAHA i love that, i will try that, do i have to be scared already (in that state) or do i do it in a state where i am not scared (e.g. when the sun goes down and it's not completely dark) ? how do you know ? your perception is not my perception, and THAT'S the thing that scares me, is that some scary character for example like "the nun" will be in the next door and she will take away all of my control via her powers and i will only be able to see out of my eyes and hear out of my ears and just be there paralysed, like in sleep paralysis - so how do i overcome that ? How do i recognise that ? you have a book ? or what must I do ? the actual light switch flickering ? What do you mean sort of admit to myself that i like the fear ? i f****** hate it so much - i feel like it's limiting me (even though i think i know it isn't true) "If you didn’t like it you wouldn’t choose it" - i am doing it ∵ I want to overcome it, not ∵ i like it .. (i think?)

@tsuki the only "relation" to spiritual practices i have is the knowledge of them, no experience or realisation yet, i am just taking precautions to not perjure myself, or if it sounds better I am researching if I am developed enough / mature enough to do meditation/psychedelics without freaking myself out. I am comfortable being alone with my laptop, i never actually stop "doing" things, i have not tried just "being" ∵ to me that is meditation and i want to make sure i am ready for it. What i believe about psychedelics is that they alter your state of consciousness and give you some answers, depends how you use them under which setting, etc. i believe from research psychedelics REFLECT inner thoughts, and mine sometimes are dark and scary and i dont want them to actualise under meditation/psychedelics, ∴ i want to see if you guys can recommend me to either remove them via psychologist or whatever other method.

@tsuki they always come up when I am alone basically, and also alone in darkness, I even think I would be okay in complete darkness as long as I have someone else there with me. It is traumatic as fuck and it is keeping me (or at least I think it is) from meditating and psychedelics, i am afraid these thoughts may actualise and haunt me and put me in pain for however long of time. Right now during day time I couldn't care less about it. I think it's just from the horror films like conjuring, watching them in the cinema was a massive mistake for me, i couldn't handle it so what now ? i watched leo's episode on fear, how it is all basically imaginary, but imaginary itself is a duality so what's real really ?

i am planning on traveling for a year or two, but i just started meditating, i hear that meditation leads to depression in the first year of doing it so will that affect my travel ? if yes then how badly ?

this is super true but i am still finding my way (without any help) so i'm just learning and asking the question i deem right, this is a really good response bro, thank you.

@Michal__ how could you be so sure ? i mean you can't take all people who meditate 20 minutes and measure if they are depressed or not, right ? I just don't want to go down a negative spiral of depression or some shit really so i'm asking as a precaution

i got into a fight as a kid, i have a deviated septum and sometimes it gets hard breathing out of 1 nostril. The way i see it is I have two options. 1. so surgery to unbock 1 sinus / fix one septum or 2. some type of eastern medicine approach / herbal perhaps ? any suggestions ?

having a hard time here, so i had an idea spark up now - what if I were to write down every time I had an emotional reaction to something or something that pulled me in, such as a movie scene or when a conversation suddenly got interesting or any picture/art that i saw ? is this a good idea ?

@AlphaAbundance well, to "be" basically, to find happiness in just being and to unlearn my hedonistic behaviour and addictions and ofcourse to somewhat pursue truth (which i don't think I am ready for quite yet)

@AlphaAbundance bro like everywhere, Leo said as well he guarrantees depression within the first year of meditqtion

when Leo says you might encounter a demon that will kill you whilt on psychedelics, first of all is this on a standard dose or an overdose ? and also when he says kill you, doe he mean in real lfie or in the hallucination/psychedelics ?

@Shunyata "the dark side of meditation" somewhere half way through

@Moksha you say that but then some stats which are some-what reliable say 40-50% of people fall i to depression after meditsting after a year, even the owner of this blog said so

so am understanding this correctly, i am here in this life to find the Truth ? but it's still possible that i am not ready in THIS lifetime to find out the truth so do i ignore the whole thing and go back to my matarialistic paradigm or do i get professional help or help from a life coach or psychologist or whatever to overcome my fears so they don't come up during my psychedelic trips and leave me in the psycheward for 10 years lol

i an too scared of this hence why I don't meditate - maybe if i master my personal development - meditation won't be as fearful as it is now. I am scared like hell to meditate atm ∵ i am not comfortable with the whole "demons" ideas and posessiveness that I see in scary movies so yeah, personal development or psychologist first ? or both ? i do not want to get lost for 3-5 years whilst meditating and having some awakening that i am not ready for. any help is highly appreciated

@Shin it's easy to say bro. I'd say i'd be okay if i had a sitter but alone i think i could go crazy so i don't want to pursue it the truth alone even though i presume you guys will say it can only be done alone or something like this.

am i understanding this correctly ? When we go to sleep at night, we kind of not remember most of the dream when we wake up. So is this what happens when we actually die in this "reality" ? Our "brain" doesn't know what happens when we die so when we die we just wake up in another dimension or we just don't experience nothing, no time, nothing at all, ∴ there are no "we", there is like absolutely nothing ?

so then the pain in this dream i call "real life" is real in this dream but pain can and suffering can also exist within other "dreams" ? also can i get stuck in a dream which i dream at night ? like lucid dreaming for another life-time or for eternity ? is it possible to wake up an infinite Σ of times ? is it possible to dream within a dream within a dream within a dream, etc etc ? how of you make sense of dreams ? so "i" am in an infinite Σ of dreams simultaneously now even though I am in one now typing on this computer ?

@Nahm this is hard to grasp but i kind of got it, i'll keep reading it till i get it fully

@Shin bro THAT IS THE THING, please don't take this in a "i am special, you are not" kind of way, but I do not remember what it is like to be in a dream, i simply do not, never have !!! So i don't know what to compare this reality to, i remember some of my dreams, once a month maybe but i never lucid dreamed and i experienced sleep paralysis 1/2 times maybe and it freaked me the fuck out, existential terror that was. And yes, now feels real ∵ it is the only thing I can compare it to. @seeking_brilliance clearly yes, otherwise it wouldn't be two different words, ask Leo i think unless someone smarter comes in this topic. ∵ "i" will not have anything to relate to bro, how do i know what I will have to face

@seeking_brilliance well, there goes another heart palpitation, isn't that fucking horrifying Lol. Levani's/my ego must be so fucking high and attached to "me" that think i'll have a crisis when i find out the "truth" this shit is fearful yet so addictive