Epiphany_Inspired

@JevinR I'm going to answer your second paragraph first. The problem is, you essentially robbed from Leo's own Life Purpose to attempt to empower others. If you really want a utopian society, I doubt it would include those type of actions. I was able to know my purpose without that video, but I will buy it anyway (when I'm financially able) to support Leo (because he has helped me so much for free) and because there is always more to learn. Everyone makes mistakes, and it sounds like you've learned from this one... I'm am not trying to inflict guilt on you, it really upset me to hear though...I think as many gestures you can offer Leo without it being about re-payment, more about genuine giving; financial or beyond (personal) would be amazing! If you hated your job, you'd move on to the next... purpose: I would guess that unless you have experience with finding flow while doing things like calculus, that it is less likely your purpose (maybe something else in that field?)... that is not firm though ... if your ultimate goals involve a little calculus on the way, and you are really set on those goals... you could surpass that issue... Here's something to ponder... my variation from Leo's lessons: 1. If you were going to die in 6 months, and you had to work, it could be any job and your training was instant, what would it be? Consider the mundane/ menial tasks, equations, etch involved before your final decision. Really research daily activities, role play, spend time with a mentor in that job...something you enjoy doing and you are "good at", or want to be "good at", which skills & abilities do others always compliment you on? Example: I love all of that Tesla stuff too... if you asked me for concepts related to that science, some fun drawings, I'd love it... but when I even think about your calculus book, my head hurts too.... lol....

Difficult situation, past 6 months: What is the actualized route my higher self would take? *Adversarial; lawyers+ official orders or *Councelling (not recomended by most). Other Ideas? Situation info: 1. Totally "Bishop Skewered" (from Leo's toxic people video=temporarily reliant on another). We have a child= can never really escape. Next few months, need daughter's father to pay ALL bills for my property (beyond child support) .I've continued to let him live elsewhere on this property. *key notes: without this $, I'd loose our home = unstable for young child. He can't afford bills here +live somewhere else, I am currently unable to earn the $ myself* 2. After child's birth, overtime he became (with me, not child directly); emotionally abusive, controlling, not healthy so, I ended it (for me & child). Having him remain here=not fun; bitter comments, continued control attempts etc, but we are not in ":danger". 3. Legal Aid; to get funding for *Mediation or *Lawyer= tell them the worst+ get official orders. THIS WILL ESCALATE! Yes, he'd have no contact w/ me, but there are other things he can do(trust me, escalation with him=bad for us). He'd never forgive=no reasonable co-parenting agreements. 4.Instead of legal, trying councelling. Eventually make a "kitchen table" agreementl, sign w/ lawyers, find "root" of problems, deal w/ emotions (something Lawyers and Mediators don't do), & ease him into a good co-parenting plan etc. ...BUT... Am I doing this out of avoidance,or fear of escalation? So far, it's going so-so, he is making an effort ...but, if things don't go his way, he threatens; me unfit, cabin unfit, etc)... obviously myself and home are "fit" (just not mainstream). Do councelling disclosures put me at risk if things do go adversarial (ptsd, etc)? Are any possible risks of councelling worth the potential gains in this senario? 5.Most people recomend the aversarial "Lawyer" route. On some level it does seem more empowering. I took two pages of notes from Leo's stratigic mother-fucker video in case I need to do this. That said, adversarial also seems very destructive to our lives, compassion, and integrity (things would likely get "nasty"). My heart is telling me that "adversarial" is not a healthy way to resolve this. Is this actually just fear? Would an Actualized person stand up for themselves through Lawyers, and demand the guardianship and rights they deserve (even if they have to use intel and fight nasty)? or..Would an Actualized person try councelling, (even if the EX is abusive)? Try something else, (remember i need to escalate to get $ for *Mediation too)? 　 　

@Piotr Thanks so much! I hear what you are saying, I am still processing the message.... Good idea, I will make additional efforts to gently uncover more of my daughter's feelings and ensure there is no inadvertent manipulation from me. I am very aware of her level of consciousness (she is REALLY advanced in language, she can hold a conversation with any adult responding in full grammatical paragraphs, everyone is blown away). Anyway, I am so aware of her awareness, that it is me, telling my ex/ professionals/ friends, that she *does* know, despite all of my efforts to keep her away. I never underestimate any child's intelligence or their ability to accomplish anything in life. Admittedly, that doesn't stop me from trying to keep her protected from comments directed at me.... Also, she is only just turning 3, so when it comes to talking with her, there is a certain level of innocence to maintain... she doesn't need to absorb any "adult concerns" ...unless necessary, (we have to move or something)... of course I'd make those experiences as positive as possible.... There is quite the waitlist for free mediation, but perhaps it can keep things from escalating to adversarial... yes, he's out of the house, and the boundaries are soooo important! Thanks so much for sharing your story too!

Suggestion: 1. Slow-cooker soups (just chuck veggies, beans, etch in and leave it)... you can buy packs of bean and spice mixes, miso paste.... 2. Veggie platters and salad mixes you don't even have to prepare/cut, already done 3. Tempeh, it's yummy, it's fermented, and only takes a sec to warm up 4. Bulk-bin seeds/ nuts.... for snacks.... or quick prep like chia, oatmeal (add other bulk things, dried fruit, seeds, etch) 5. Fruit and berries, it can't get any easier... just eat it... at the most you may have to peel a banana or orange... no excuse to eat junk... 6. Happy farm eggs... there's no way it will take you 45 min to make eggs.... happy healthy eating!

Hey Jess, I too have this day-dreaming/ overthinking problem and will watch that video too... I'm not sure if this will be helpful, but personally I have noticed that if you are doing something in the realm of what you are meant to be doing....ie: life purpose type stuff, eventually you will enter "flow" (for many reasons; in mastery process, in alignment, etc.)... once in "flow" it becomes almost impossible to overthink, even if you did I doubt you'd be aware of it.... have fun, gratitude, and a willingness to dream big....

In support, I will post an emotional example... but it seems to me that you are at least feeling frustrated about not feeling... and that's an emotion too... trust Ayala's words: When I see a hummingbird, I feel entranced, like I've travelled to another dimension... this emotion is "AWE" (see fireworks, acrobatics, etc.)

@Kelley White Thank you so much for taking the time to share, I am so grateful! Still working through this, it's a challenging process, at the same time, I will only come out stronger, and wiser in the long run. I am not deluded, I know the relationship was not healthy...and that elements of the continuation to fully transition, have been equally rotten. That said, I still believe there is every possibility that everyone will come out having learned what they needed to from this situation, and ready to embrace an improved experience. In my opinion, as different as your perspectives are, you and @Henri are both right. To assume someone would always be unreasonable based on the statistics from similar individuals would not be living in my integrity. At the same time, assuming someone will be capable of reason, when they show over and over that they are not, could end in my madness. I am beginning to find a balance between these two. I am doing this with gratitude meditation, and developing an unwavering focus on my goal; * A healthy happy life for my child and I* I am obviously striving for a positive co-parenting relationship as well. I am visualizing that direct path, and starting to see the fears, stories, dramas, and obstacles as "fog"...I am just staying focused on making my clear path through to that goal. When I need support or assistance from others, I ask.... Don't worry Kelly, because my goal = healthy life for child, and even regardless of that, I would never allow her to be used as a pawn...Yes, trauma therapy is a great (apparently child is too young), I had some sessions already...I have not heard of those specific styles, but I will look into practitioners, thanks! I can only be victimized if I give someone that power. It can be very challenging to keep fear responses from being automatic/uncontrollable especially when someone has developed a mastery of finding and pushing triggers. I am working on strength to rise beyond those fears... and I've been having success on many levels... one of the main challenges still lingering , is my fear that my child could be exposed to comments that I may perceive as "damaging"... This desire to shelter her from that often comes at the expense of my own integrity, and liberation. Advice? Which is a better example for child; standing up for my values/ self,... or... strategically avoiding so that nasty responses to that "standing up" are avoided? So far, I've kept my chid away from verbal/emotional abuse toward me, by physically keeping her away, or by not responding to lead-ups. Would showing true power/strength in communication be the "better" lesson for her, or have I been right to avoid/be silent, go away, be-friend, etc. to prevent? I am unbelievably appreciative of all of the love and effort you both have shown me, thanks so much!

@Henri That is all so beautiful, amazing, and true... thanks so much! I appreciate your help more than I could ever express with words! So grateful!

Sorry if that sounded to victim-ish. I take responsibility for being in a relationship with coercive control. I just wanted to explain what's happened to my mental strength as a result!

@Henri Re: doing everything on my own...mental strength. Imagine if I was a morbidly obese person, no one would expect me to run a marathon when I've just started exercising (I could have a heart attack, etc). I feel like the mental equivalent. Before this, I was a brave, powerful, woman, (i'd even stopped an attempted murder - at risk to my own safety, plus so many more triumphs in the face of adversity or danger). That said, being under coercive control in a relationship is like being in a cult. The controlling party uses constant, repeated;, insults, threats, intimidation, isolation, manipulation, etc, (either intentionally or unintentionally/ conditioned) to damage self-esteem and create submission. I got out of the relationship, I got him out of the house, but I am still escaping the aftermath and nowhere near recovered. Is it ok to have a support person with me, or would that defeat the purpose? I have one more session with the psychologist and the father tomorrow (it was already booked), should I use that forum, or wait for another time? I know, I'm an adult, I am able to handle this....I just still feel really intimidated....

@Lorcan did you check out the Venus Project yet? They just released a new video for 2016 " the choice is ours", and it's super RAD! I think your idea to design a society yourself is really cool (there is a chance that you'd come up with some amazing revolutionary ideas). That said, if you can put your ego aside and hear me out for a moment... Jacques Fresco has this new society thing "handled" as Leo would say. Since childhood, he has dedicated his life to this, he has studied every necessary field, including our personal development! Would you consider other revolutionary ways you could help bring the Venus project into fruition. I am not suggesting you give up your life purpose and serve another's. Just consider tying your purpose in with his, he has already done all the work necessary to create this ideal society.... we just need the mentality of the people to change... maybe you could get through to them?

@Irina Irina Thanks, I will look for it. I wouldn't even worry about future relationships now though. I think Leo is right, that after codependency it will likely require about 2 years of personal development to ensure your next relationship is inter-dependent/ healthy! That said, you may be feeling this way with meeting new friends too, if you meet someone that is having an unhealthy impact on your life, it's ok to go your separate ways. Enjoy the journey to your awesome independent self!

I just got the "codependency no more" workbook (second-hand).... but unless you are religious, I wouldn't recommend it.... it uses a 12 step thing with "god" and "higher power" like AA. I have been trying to gain anything I can from it by replacing "higher power" with "universe", but another book/tool would be better. So besides that book, these 5 steps to mental strength help: 1. Evaluate core beliefs (especially ones based on past, things that may have led you to this) 2. Expend mental energy wisely (limit those narcissists etc, focus on productivity/creation, helpful topics, etc) 3.Shift thoughts to productive too (mindfulness, stopping negative before it really spirals) 4.Tollerate discomfort (cold shower therapy, stepping out of comfort zones as much as possible on purpose) 5. Emulate your higher-self, behave as closely as you can, to the person you would be without co-dependency (how would you respond, how would you re-direct your thoughts, even visualize your mannerisms, and how you would dress, eat, walk, etc,... then check that you're on track daily) Please let me know if you find any other tools/ books too!

I'm always going to go with Bucky, Buckminster Fuller's solutions.... also, The "venus project" is pretty cool: the idea is to evacuate cities, and re-use the materials for more sustainable cities (how they would get the people to leave is the challenge). The designs are gorgeous and the principals of these new societies are equally beautiful. It was Jacques Fresco's life purpose to create this, and he worked really hard, it's pretty amazing. These new utopian cities (on land and at sea) would solve problems like drinking and driving, by having the car sense the erratic driving, safely pull over, and stop.... but I doubt anyone would drink in such an awesome place where all of your survival needs are taken care of, and everyone is all about their life purpose!

@Henri Thanks so much! I love "there is no conflict", as long as that remains true on my end that will work (conflict takes two). I will focus on all that you suggested, it sounds ideal! To answer your question: Mediation is "pretty much" mandatory. Consider; one parent wants to take an out of country vacation with the child (and the border patrol has no way to confirm if it's ok), or, an important medical decision comes up (the hospital needs to know which parent or if both parents can make choices), registering for school, stuff like that. I don't think there is a secret police trying to track anybody down, but as soon as something comes up, and there is no agreement, getting one would then be enforced. There are occasionally situations where extremely reasonable, highly co-operative parents have an informal agreement that they don't feel they need to sign with a lawyer, this is apparently rare and not "binding" in any way. So far, I have not talked to any professionals (other than the psychologist) about the father in a negative way. I will take great care not to speak like that, I see your point, I see why I need to be cautious. I am starting to see that my last paragraph is irrelevant too (fear just tries to make it appear relevant). I will accept that power, that no-one can come between me and my child. I will live more confidently because of that knowledge, thanks so much!

@Henri Thank you so much! You've made so many amazing points. I think the key thing you said is; to take away HIS fear. When I have my own fear (usually a triggered response to other people's anger) I often loose sight that other's anger also comes from fear. I will have to brainstorm how to gently do that, how to get across those ideas; "three lives at stake", etc.... Thank you! I don't want to take too much of your precious time , just a couple quick questions; By "on my own" do you mean completely, or with the psychologists help? (I may only get one more session, he is not acting co-operative/ rational) What sort of time-frame, or development milestones, would let me know that we are at the point where mediation could take place (unfortunately, at some point we'd need to have an agreement, at least with basic parenting schedule/ medical decisions, etc)? Yes, I do NOT want to get into child protection from my end, against him (despite the abuse directed at me, and resentful comments that are indirectly damaging to child). Men (or the "non-attachment parent") can take control back in these situations by making the mother out to be "unfit", (this is the only way they can get 50/50 or sole custody). I would not go there mentally (fear), but he has already suggested this (me/ my cabin = "unfit/ unsuitable"). I have anxiety if I feel spied on, (i was stalked and filmed for 4 years, plus childhood physical abuse trauma). It's pretty easy for someone to make me look "crazy" by spying, or being really aggressive (he has been reading my mail, listening to my phone calls, abusive). My home is not unfit, has power, water, etc but it is very unusual (round), and quite rustic (unfinished floors, composting toilet). I am not unfit, responsible, competent, nurturing, loving etc, but I do have anxiety (I take responsibility for this situation, and I am the calm rational one, but my anxiety is still triggered). I have been putting every effort in, to think positively and ignore this, but I can't seem to shake an intense "need" to protect my child. My "mother bear" instincts far surpass my instincts for my own survival (fight or flight). This desperation to have everyone know that myself and home are "fit" etc, is likely making things worse. What do you recommend for this (in addition to meditation and positive thinking etc)? Yes, leave money out of it, at least for now, 100%! Thanks so much!!!

Thanks so much Henri, sorry I'm such an English-speaking-blabber... lol... 1. Separated (like divorcing, but for "common-law" = considered married because we have a child) 2.Yes, we are living on the same property for another 2-3 months (for me= bills $, for him= time to find a good home, lots of motorcycles etc to move) 3. I see daughter mainly, "attachment parent", he sees daughter some evenings and sometimes on weekends (his choice when) 4. His plans: to buy his own home with shop for motorcycles, has been approved for mortgage, but needs to find right place (wants to reconcile still) 5. Verbally/emotionally abusive, uses coercive control with me only, never abusive to child directly (family history, same abuse/ control w/ parents, wish I spotted sooner). All his family members have addictions too, EX had developed alcohol dependence after child was born. Has quit alcohol, but he is not truly working on his development, and verbally abusive/ control attempts persist. I am in no way concerned about dividing assets etc,... My concern is my child. She is very young (2-3), and I am the "attachment parent" she is bonded with. She should be in my care, with " short frequent visits" for him. If things go adversarial, he has threatened to go for 50/50 sharing her (likely for control, and to give me less support $). That is not in her best interest. We also have opposite values when it comes to raising her, education, medical, etc, I am willing to compromise on many things, but some choices re; raising her would effect my core values. How to I keep her mainly in my care, and respect my parenting values best? Lawyers, Mediation, or something else?

@Henri Thank Henri. I 100% agree with you! My Child's best interest governs all of my choices as the top principal!... I am making every effort to take full and conscious responsibility, yet I'm still confused re; which actions to take that best fit that ideal re: lawyers, mediation, etc? Relationship: Main reason I ended it, Child's best interest. Non-negotiable action, this decision is best and final. Current Living Situation: I've consulted early childhood educators, and psychologists etc, We are in agreement that although the current bitter comments are far from ideal, it is only for 2-3 more months, and putting my child in the position of having to move, with all the stresses that come along with that would be worse. Someone suggested not living in her current home in front of her and she is still traumatized by even the thought of it. I decided that it's in her best interest not to move (at all, or for at least a year). Do you feel there is a better solution, if so what is it? Work: Obviously I don't think being in daycare with a stranger is in her best interest. I own my land, I can pay my mortgage, we have food and shelter. At the initial point of separation, before I even watched any of Leo's video's, I began sending out tendrils toward my life purpose, with some amazing future opportunities! I was working in this direction until a few weeks go, I am taking an "overwhelmed hiatus" until I get this separation handled. My life purpose is in her best interest too, to have a parent working w/ passion, meaningful contribution and loving intent. Any suggestions? Counselling/Mediation/Lawyers: This is where I am confused. Which action is in HER best interest? I have been too overwhelmed to tap into my intuition, plus my logic and analytical skills are tainted by fear of choosing incorrectly (best for child). Obviously my HIGHER-self should know; adversarial vs. other, but right now, I honestly do not know. When I ask professionals they all say that their route is best. Lawyers and mainstream friends say I should go the adversarial route, mediators and alternative friends say I should go that route, and the psychologist and collaborative law specialist plus my real soul friends think counselling is "worth a try" for the sake of everyone's best interests (especially Child's) to attempt to heal things for better long term co-parenting. That said, I think it is becoming apparent to me that the other parent may not; understand the genuine concerns for child, truly want to evolve, really make an honest effort, etc. If that's the case, (in order to get legal aid), I need to escalate to get $ for mediation or lawyers. Can mediation work with an abusive person (multi-generational abuse/addictions, his whole family)? Is mediation the best choice, and worth the effort, etc? Alternatively, do I need to go adversarial to protect us from damaging comments etc (at least to some extent), or to try and shift the power balance to equal standards (can mediation do this too?). If adversarial is preferred, how does one maintain integrity, insure that their rights are respected etc, without things getting nasty? Thanks so much for your help!

@Sarah_Flagg "What would my higher self do"? was actually in the first paragraph originally...i had to really edit the word count... like minds... I am currently unable to earn enough money to cover everything, but being a mother and landlord = work...I am hesitant to get into the subject more because I am no longer a victim, i'm a survivor... left former animation career because; physical and head injuries, run over twice by delivery truck...I have been in numerous physical and brain rehabilitative programs, still have existing issues with computer, fluorescent, physical...I have been really challenging myself w/ this forum (reading/typing =nausea etc) I had been independent, never dependant on anyone else from age 19 until my late 30's, I take full responsibility for my current dependence. I became dependant on my EX for three reasons (allowing myself to succumb to); coercive control, authoritarian rules about how many cabins I can legally rent for habitation, and pregnancy/motherhood.... anyway, tell me more about what you are referring to by "work", temporary (means to an ends), or life purpose? Means to an end; maybe I could put my child in daycare with a stranger and "work" a low-paying, non-life purpose job, spending most of that income on day care and fuel (live in boonies)... I do have physical and mental limitations, I surpass them often, but they are a realistic hindrance to my employability for a typical "job". i'd rather it was ME teaching/ bonding with my child at this age (2-3), and i'd rather be working on my life purpose from home... it will eventually earn $. Once it's summer, I will have some $ options, plus, the weather is warm enough = low utilities, firewood not needed, etc I will have until October to get my money situation handled. Have you heard of collaborative family law? That is what I am trying to mimic w/ counselling. it includes counselling, mediation, etc using a personal growth for everyone model.... the problem is... legal aid doesn't cover it.... and, i'm dealing with a pretty resistant fellow co-parent....thoughts?

@Will totally agree with you... that said, when I say "truth" (what is a better word for you?) I am referring to the obvious things in everyone's own life that only we/ they are unable to see. For example with your situation... you know that relationship is toxic, your friends probably do too, their friends, etc... likely everybody that comes in contact with them (unless they are really good at pulling off "the fakeries"... ...sometimes people need assistance to take the blindfold off ... often they don't even realize they are wearing it because there is a painting of an ideal world on the side against their eyes.... they can be so deep into the realm of denial, that they are unable to see serious problems such as; their drinking has turned into dependence that is destructive to their health and livelihood etc... my formula is likely judgemental, intrusive, and may even be manipulative... but if you are using it to truly make a positive difference in another's life.... in my opinion it's worth it.... then again, opinion are one of the lowest forms of consciousness, and I am a neurotic sheep myself in many ways... lol....

Sheep won't eat shit....but you pop that shit into the middle of an orchard grass sandwich and they will scarf it down....or at least be way less offended. My formula: 1. the top bread layer: Gratitude (say something from the heart about them that you think is fucking amazing, and mean it!) 2. the inner shit hidden in orchard grass layer: Blunt Truth ( be brutally honest, but use only kind compassionate words) 3. the outer bread layer: Power to the sheep (pump up your belief in them to see the reality, because they are so awesome). I know some will say don't "sugar-coat" the truth....but is truth better ignored or absorbed? ...and yes I know it's subjective....

@Sarah_Flagg @Kelley White Any recommendations?

@Anna I don't think you've fallen that far off track if you are that aware... but it sounds like a tough situation for sure.... wishing you the best... .and, i'll try to throw myself into more uncomfortable situations too, thanks

@Lorcan I think the current low-budget version of sea-steadying is sort of an anarchist thing and they are just tying together old barges, boats, etc.... to form a community....there is also a guy on YouTube (forget his name) that has built a "living island" using plastic that he has pulled out of the ocean ...apparently the soil blocks the UV and keeps the plastic from breaking up into micro pieces...I know, but at least I'm not watching "cute kitten" videos... lol Re: living in the forest... I know what you mean, I admit to that for sure... at the same time, we create our own realities...i'd rather have a healthy forest reality than a city one personally... also, the less I involve myself with the crappy consumer world, the less I feed that beast, it also lessens my child's exposure so that she less influenced, and hopefully better able to make informed choices for her own future reality....

Global Actualization: I believe it was Leo's video about creating an extrodinary life that got me thinking about this topic. This is one of my top three fav Leo videos, but also the only one that really upset me (because of one small part, I think I cried). I know that Leo did not intend what I infered from this video, the upset is all coming from me....Still, I'd like to offer my thoughts, and see if you believe in "global actualization", how it will come about, and what we as individuals can do to help speed it up! At one point in the video Leo talks about how, with inherently easy western lives, we really have no excuse not to develop ourselves. He talked about people in other places making our clothing etc (just to point out that we aren't burdened with these tasks, which is true). I find the quality of "entittlement" annoying, yet as westerners we (pretty much) all are when it comes to not having to make/ grow our own belongings, food, etc. What upset me was; that while these amazing people slave away to the point where they are weary, weak, malnurished, poisoned by the chemicals etc for our easy life, this work takes away much of their will, all of their time, and opportunity making it next to impossible to live their own passionate, purposeful life!!! Of all the hardships and horrors that I knew these people endured, I hadn't thought of that one, and it seemed like the worst one of all... "passion\purpose\actualization deprivation" is the cruelest fate for the soul (far beyond physical suffering in my eyes). Now, I know that Leo likely thinks this inequality is just as crazy as we do. At some point he does talk about actualization eventually becoming feasable for everyone, but he dosen't really say how. I really like "Morphic Resonance"... So, once enough humans actualize, the process would automatically become easier for the rest of the planet through a sort of subtle almost telepathic link (this has been proven with rats, crystals, etc spread across the world)...or perhaps as people become more enlightened they'd stop purchasing slave clothing, food, etc and open doors that way...I don't know...What's your theory?