John

Hey guys, I have recently started hitting up some clubs and bars and trying a bit of 'game'. I have purchased Leo's life purpose course, I really feel like I'm on my path, I'm pursuing my life's purpose and this should generate attraction. I'm not saying I shouldn't have to do any work, I'm just saying that I feel like my core traits of confidence and humor etc are really coming along. I have amazing conversations with girls, I even got a number last night. There is one problem though. I can't spark that god damn attraction. I can really connect with the girl, make her laugh, and it feels honest and authentic. But how can I spark that attraction? Negs and things like this are completely unnatural to me. I've tried them before and they never come out right or if they do they don't land the way I want them to.. Does anyone have any tips here? I'd appreciate any advice. Cheers, John

I do thirty minutes 'do nothing'. Then Twenty minutes of the basic meditation technique Leo describes and then twenty minutes of mindfulness (Leos version as well). This is an hour and ten minutes in total. I have gradually built up to this over a year and a half. But lately when I come home after a long days work, it is getting harder and harder to sit through. I am hitting deeper layers of my ego and the thoughts just flow at a rapid pace. The hour and ten minutes actually goes fast a lot of the time because I'm so lost in thought. I have no meditation teacher to consult on this. Has anyone else experienced long durations of tough meditations? How long did they last? Might a breakthrough be around the corner or should I switch it up a bit and maybe look for a more calming meditation technique? Because I need some rest and reprieve when I get home from work you know?

@John P.s. I guess only I can answer those questions, it's just hard walking the path on ones own.. Would still appreciate any advice mate

@Truth That's a really good answer. I did start meditation with the purpose of relaxing. I used to do these very intense body scan meditations that were very calming. But over time, I found myself becoming more committed to truth (no pun intended). The more of Leo's videos I watched the more I felt comfortable switching over to the types of meditation I listed. Maybe this was too soon? Maybe I still have some unconscious karma to burn through before I start attacking my ego with these meditations?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson

"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got"

Hey if you look at the transcript for the 'How to get a girlfriend video', Leo responds to some of the comments. Here is one response to a similar question to yours, "Flirting and detached persuasion is not needy. That’s how a man acts and women love it. But as soon as you expect something from her, as soon as you need sex or attention from her, or you care whether she likes you or not, that is neediness. You have be completely detached from the outcome."

@reez will check it out brother. Cheers

RSD talk about making it 'man to woman?'. Any examples or advice on this?

@Truth That's awesome man. I was thinking today that it actually makes more sense to have cold approached and found comfort in it regardless of where you eventually meet your girlfriend. Because if you do land the high value girl you want, wouldn't you want the High self esteem, self confidence and self efficacy that are absolutely essential to doing a cold approach on the street? Isn't that the only way you could be completely open and comfortable about not losing her or anything?! I think the reason I posted initially was out of fear. Ultimately I am scared of rejection. I have been so comfortable in my introversion for so long."Leo said pick up is unethical, so stay in you shell! It's safer there." How much longer before I keep that up? Before the 'Masculine Life Energy' David Deida talks about finally outweighs all of the neuroses and I find myself talking to some hot stranger on the street?! Will keep you posted, peace

@reez Yeah I find some of the RSD stuff quite helpful. I actually just started WOTSM this morning and am finding it awesome. It will give a robust context for the escalation perhaps..

Its such a paradox though right.. I really want and need a girl yet I have to walk around the place as though I had 10 of them.. it's very hard not to let the neediness creep in as I try to escalate the interaction. Cheers for the tip though mate

I am only early in the course! But I completely take on what you said. Cheers

I have a few solitary activities that help me. I use a foam roller and intense stretching while listening to podcasts that are over an hour long at least. I can recommend a few if you want. Buying Leo's life purpose course has given me a sort of friend when I am lonely. Because no one else around me gets it yet, or I am not yet in a place to express it to them... You don't have to buy it but go back and dig through his old stuff, practice the advice, start making your own little personal development projects.. Movies are brilliant in my opinion. Many of the greats are not just for switching off.. They have great characters etc, you might relate to. They are just a few suggestions man. I really resonated with this post because I am in the same boat!

@Leo Gura I view myself as on a similar path to you. Shining the light of awareness on all of these different areas of my life, and then ultimately trying to shine that light back on itself. I am experiencing radical change at the moment though. The person I am now is very different from the person I was 6 days ago and almost unrecognizable to the John six months ago. That's how big the gains are that I am making in terms of confidence, self esteem, relationship with women, self efficacy, introvert vs extrovert personality.. These are core things that seem to be in a constant state of flux in my life. I'm sure they must have been in yours as you progressed upwards? But you seem to thrive on this? For me I deal with a lot of alienation, Loneliness, anxiety, isolation and even these feelings of depersonalization. Do you have any recommendations on how to embrace the change I am experiencing? How to frame it all? It's so overwhelming at times that I just have to rely on the fact that I've made it through before to give me hope that I'll make it through again. And I never seem to be able to relish in the reward. To get through it and say wow, now you have this confidence, you should be proud of yourself. No, it's more change, more flux, more alienation! That was a ramble but I hope you understood what I was getting across, I'd really appreciate any response.. Peace out Leo, your videos are the best!

Hey guys, I was swimming earlier in a massive public pool and I was trying out these weird looking new techniques that I learned from a book. (Total Immersion Swimming- if anyone is interested!) But here's my point: Over the last two years of developing myself a lot has changed. Especially my confidence. There's no way I would have been able to give those techniques a go two years ago.. "What if people look at me?" "They will think I'm a weirdo" "They will all be laughing.." But this time there were no such thoughts, and as I mindfully watched the thoughts that replaced them, right there in the pool, such as "No one cares" "You're nailing these techniques" "You look like one of the better swimmers here" (That last thought probably wasn't the healthiest but bear with me here..) I had this alienating feeling. And it's not the first time I've had this alienation inside myself. If I am not the old thoughts, and not these new thoughts... then who the fuck am I? I have been meditating for a year and a bit now so I am familiar with enlightenment and non identification with thoughts etc.. but does anyone else have any experience with this alienating feeling that you get as you change and grow? I used a mild example here but it's much much much more intense in other areas of my life, too intense sometimes for mindfulness to handle. I can only imagine the subjective changes Leo has experienced in his life up to this point given where he came from and where he is at, surely he didn't feel this alienation the whole way as well? I hope I've articulated myself well here and would really appreciate any help/advice or shared sentiments. Cheers, John

Wow @charlie2dogs that means a lot. Some times the feeling is so strong that I miss the safety of the old days. Sure I was in the Matrix, but at least I didn't know it. Why do you think we feel it so hard? the alienation that is... @Leo Gura seems to thrive on this feeling, not fear it. There is something in our nature prohibiting us from relishing the path and not being fearful on it. I like the perspective you gave that it reminds you that it is in fact moving you forward to somewhere beautiful, as opposed to the dull homeostasis of before so I thank you for that. Meditation has helped me a lot as well because it's like this rock that is there throughout all of these crises of identity and waves of alienation and loneliness, I hope you are utilizing that too! I think I am still waiting on some of the major changes you have experienced for the alienation to really die down and that means I have to keep pushing. and the pushing is certainly easier with this forum and posts like yours. Cheers brother. @vizual I have been experimenting with yoga recently and it has helped a bunch. Cheers.

Many people who lift weights or play sports may have come across this before. I believe it is the reason we see all the foam rollers etc in the gym these days. But it's also for the average person who deals with pain in their bodies. Offers a really good system for looking after your physical health and could save you money on physio therapy bills. Don't just pick and choose chapters, I would recommend going through the whole thing once then give some of the techniques a go. It really changed my relationship with my body and all the injuries I used to deal with!

Hey mate, One meditation I could highly recommend to you would be John Kabat ZInn's Guided Body Scan Meditation. You will have to look it up online, I'm pretty sure it costs money but is relatively inexpensive. (Somewhere around twenty dollars). This acted as an oasis for me during a tough time in my life, maybe it could do the same for you! Also Tara Brach is a great person and resource to have, she has a youtube channel with guided meditations and talks up there. As far as self esteem is concerned, Nathaniel Brandens 'Six Pillars of Self Esteem' is absolutely crucial. I would highly highly recommend that. Hope some of that helps and that you are both getting through this tough time OK. Cheers, John.

Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?! If so, what kind?

I spent the last couple of weeks watching my thoughts and feelings arising and falling. For the first time in a long time I genuinely did feel a slight gap between them and my association with them. This was a sweet relief as in the weeks previous I had been getting flooded with negative thoughts and emotions and I was hoping for a way out. So after watching a bit of Eckhart Tolle (I also have been meditating every day for the past year and a bit) I took this distant stance and just watched them (the thoughts etc). Whenever I got caught up I just came back to the aliveness in my hands and in my feet and felt somewhat grounded again. But here's the thing: I knew that grounding in my hands and feet was just a thought. I knew that feeling of just being was only another phenomenon arising and falling in consciousness. I had just managed to jump to the next ripple in the lake (I hope that analogy makes sense). I watched all the ripples that used to swallow me up but I could not see the ripples ahead of me. And now because of personal stuff I notice my thoughts and feelings becoming more agressive and more on the sadder end of the spectrum and I'm like where was that grounding from only a week ago?! Oh yeah.. it was only a fucking thought! I'm not even fucking sure what the question was here to be honest,I just thought I'd post and see if it resonated with anyone and if anyone who is further along on the path could give me an idea of where I am or any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Cheers guys.

Honesty Authenticity Integrity Loyalty Humor These are so important to me that they each take up two spaces in my top 10!

Wow, thanks again folks. @Anicko I fully agree, I will work on exploring these beliefs. But ultimately I feel like it was hardly even the words you guys wrote (I have learned something from all of them) but it's the fact that you wrote them at all. None of my friends are into this stuff. They are really trapped in unconsciousness and it's hard to talk to them about anything to do with meditation without coming off sounding like a new age stranger. Also I see a councilor once a week (I have unipolar disorder) and he is clueless about this stuff! I kind of feel like I just wanted a pat on the back here and for someone further along the path (if only a step or two) to say, "Don't worry man, keep at it, it's OK!" So cheers guys, I am truly appreciative of this community!

I think you'll find this one on every self help thread out there, and with good reason! An excellent weapon for facing the challenges of the day and the larger challenges of life. Deals thoroughly with the concept of Self-Esteem and has really good practical exercises and examples for improving your own.

Hey folks, Have been meditating consistently every day for over a year now and have one or two queries that I'd like to post here. More and more I catch my consciousness being consumed by thought. The thought arises, I get wrapped up in it, but then right after I am able to reflect and say "Wow, how intimately I got caught up with that thought just now!" It feels like I am releasing more and more from thought.. But after all, the words "Wow, how intimately I got caught up with that thought just now!" are just thoughts right?! Sometimes I avoid this rabbit hole and just rest in the sensations of my body and the air around me, but it does leave me wondering how to know when I am truly resting in awareness. I don't feel the spaciousness, the stillness that Eckhart Tolle talks about. Is there some other feelings or something that i haven't shined the light of awareness on that is restritcting me from entering fully into the now? I realise this question was long winded and quite confused, but hopefuly someone out there might have experienced something similar. Cheers, John