JessiChell

@Kinjal Isn't anger just another emotion? Shouldn't we just let anger flow through us and relax until it does? Isn't every strong emotion attached to a trauma? That we must allow to flow through us?

@bejapuskas Just romantic relationships. If a friends ever hurt me, I drop them quickly. I barely have enough patience to be around friends let alone tolerate any hurtful behavior.

@universe I dont find online dating productive. But I'm not dating right now. I'm not ready. But I was trying to lay foundation in the future. But yes. Yoga will consume my time. Once a guy did show interest. He was one of the instructors. But I was in a relationship at the time.

@bejapuskas Oh yeah, I knew you were joking lol. Didnt mean to get all serious. I'm dont love the part of me that doesnt protect me and leave someone who I know is hurting me. I am slowly developing trust for myself. I want to trust myself and love myself and know that I will leave in tough situations.

@bejapuskas I won't speculate on Leo, I'm sure there's a lot we don't know. Comfortable being alone is a loaded question. Am I comfortable on my own? Live alone, enjoy my own company, go places alone, take myself out to eat, am I comfortable with going into the woods alone for long periods of time by myself? Yes. I'm comfortable with all of that. I've done a lot of travelling alone and have lived alone since I was 17. However, do I miss/enjoy having a partner sometimes. I enjoy going to events, out to eat, forming (what i believe to be) close connections with a partner. I miss sex, physical touch and caring for someone. Can I be comfortable alone? Am I at peace alone? Yes. But there's still a desire to have a partner and healthy connection with someone. When I'm in a relationship I struggle to let go of it if I'm being mistreated or if my standards are not being met because I believe I don't have abundance. I need more self-love of course which is the root of all problems, but I'm working on that. It's not so black and white for me. For instance, some people on this site may say that having this desire to even want a partner would be my inability to be alone speaking.

One day till I leave for my 6 day isolation retreat. I have seen Leo's blog for isolation. Mine will be a little rougher. I'll be in the mountains in a yurt. No fridge so I'll cook over fire. I have print outs for yoga flow. I will be doing meditation and mindfulness but not for 8 hours a day. Maybe a few hours of meditation a day. My intention is to face complete loneliness and hopefully bring up inner trauma to work through it. So the intention of this post is to get one video (or tips) you recommend from Leo before I go. I will watch it tonight when I finish packing. I'm thinking one that teaches you to kill your ego? Something that will force me to reflect or give me a technique to work on myself while I'm out there. I've seen self-love, strong emotion, and a lot of others but if you comment, I will let you know if I've seen it. Thank you.

@dimitri How did your Vipassana go? Did the meditation bring you out of your daydream? I'm thinking i should implement more meditation to keep from daydreaming. Because I'm a hardcore daydreamer.

@EnlightenmentBlog Thank you for your suggestion.

@EnlightenmentBlog Thank you, I've seen it, as stated in the OP.

@dimitri He won't give me information where to get it or give it to me without him being there the first time. And I refuse to take him on my retreat. It's fine. I'll do without.

@IJB063 He needs to feel "in control." His need to feel this way doesn't bother me. I don't seem him ever.

@dimitri How do you get this?

@dimitri I wanted to do LSD or something like that. But I've never done it before and my friend who use to do them all time told me, "no." He was the only place I could have gotten them so. He said he wants to be there the first time so I don't freak out. I feel like I'd be fine. But whatever

@fi1ghtclub I'll try my hardest, my man.

@Member Agreed

@bejapuskas I don't think Leo goes to clubs. But yes lol When everything opens back up I have a lot of stuff I can do. I have activism events, vegan potlucks and yoga studios I frequent. But everything is closed at the moment When my yoga studio is open, I plan on spending the majority of my free time there. But the goal was to meet more potential sexual options for the future when I decide I want to date again. There aren't many men in the yoga studio that I would deem "date-able." And I know most of the vegan men in the community here through activism. Soooooo, options are scarce...lol

@nistake Christ they're long af. Okay, I will add to my list. Okay. I don't think I will ever "kill" my ego even if there was a way to do so. I'm not that deep into it.

I have a garden of friends online. People who I have genuine connections with. Some past lovers, some friends who live far away and a deep connection with my girlfriend who is essentially my soulmate. I have people I can call at any time of day for emotional support. Which is great. I just felt like, if I want to potentially date in the future, I would need to have a strong social network to increase my options in the area. That's what this is. I seek nothing from them in terms of needing anything. A lot of my relationships have been long-distance. I don't want that anymore. When I'm in relationships I feel what Leo refers to as, "lack of abundance in sexual options." This is only to obtain more sexual options in my area. But I do feel incredibly drained after these experiences. I prefer my own company over most people. I just think I'm a little too isolated at the moment. Thank you for your thoughtful response. I agree with it.

@Byun Sean when I was with them I was present. I wasnt in my head most of the time. When you say brings you away from "being." What do you mean? If I tried very hard to be present, isnt that being?

@mandyjw Yeah, I like them. I will work to not feel drained around them. And put less judgment on them. Just enjoy who they are, instead of wanting certain things from them. Thank you

@universe Yeah, If I knew where these amazing friends that make me laugh and that I really enjoy being around were, I'd be there. Lol I have amazing friends. But they live in London. I just miss them a lot.

@DreamScape Yes, they are. But i dont know them well yet. Leo says we should find girlfriends and go out with them. And they are who I have access to right now. It's to get out of the house and meet people. But its draining because its shallow. But how will I find deep relationships if I dont go out? You know? Its difficult

@Mike Book take Leo's life purpose course thingy. I think start a business then move out within a time frame of a year or six months. (No matter what)

@mandyjw I guess I'm judging them as, "inadequate." Which is a pretty terrible judgement. But they aren't. I just dont share similar interests. Maybe I see my interests as "better." I'm not sure. They're great people, I just don't enjoy recreational drugs, drinking and people who are not passionate about anything. But I guess this is a judgment as well. I know this is all be cause of thinking too much. Meditation hasn't been going well lately. I've been caught up in daydreaming. So maybe thoughts are running my life right now.

@Jacobsrw I will do more of that. (Doing what I dont want to do) And I've seen his self-love video. I can rewatch later though.