Tristan12

The two people that I follow and resonate with the most are Leo and Teal Swan. I really want to be at their level one day, and be a teacher like them, on the specific topics that I'm interested in. This feels like something I genuinely want and is genuinely right for me, and I'm not just trying to copy them. I feel like I have it in me to be able to develop myself to the point that they're at and to be able to teach at very deep and profound levels. There are qualities and traits that they have that I want to develop within myself and blend with my own authentic style to be able to get to this point. The one thing that I've noticed that has been kind of a roadblock for me, and is the purpose of this post, is that both Leo and Teal have really strong intellectual abilities and are very intelligent. I think seeing this within them, as well as just seeing how intellectual a lot of people are on this forum have sort of created this standard in me that I have to be like that and that I have to be able to keep up with Leo and Teal intellectually to be able to be at their level. I would consider myself above average intelligence, but definitely not anything crazy, and not at the level of Leo or Teal or a lot of people on this forum. Nor do I even have that much of an interest in intellectual topics - I love wisdom and understanding, but I can only handle so much overly intellectual discussion before it becomes dry and boring for me. I find my interest in those topics only really runs as far as its useful to me for creating something I want in my life, or if I can see that something abstract is leading to some higher purpose, like with Leo's videos. I was thinking about this and I came to the conclusion that I don't think it matters that much If I'm not all that strong intellectually. I feel like I naturally have a lot of wisdom and am capable of a lot of deep understanding, and I realized that you probably don't need to be overly intellectual or intelligent to be able to gain understanding of reality (which is what I need to be able to teach). Contemplation is more about observing, grasping and making sense of your direct experience of something. It seems like it's more about your ability to understand and comprehend something rather than needing high levels of intelligence or being super intellectually sharp. (Also I feel like you're given whatever gifts you need to pursue your life purpose, and so if I don't have crazy intellectual abilities then I probably just don't need them.) I think also part of the reason why I had this idea that I need to be super intelligent is because I see that Leo is that way, and since he has these really deep understandings of reality, I guess part of me sort of attributed that to his intelligence. It made me feel like I can't get insights at the level that Leo does because I don't have that kind of intelligence. I'm sure his intelligence does play some kind of role but probably not a whole lot for the understanding itself, because I don't think you need a whole lot of intelligence to be able to contemplate and understand reality effectively. So in conclusion I feel like I can drop this idea that I need to be so highly intelligent like Leo or Teal or anyone else, and that it's just not necessary for gaining deep levels of understanding. I sort of answered my own question here lol but I'm interested to hear other's input on this topic, and to see what you think about this issue?

@Swarnim I think everything you're referring to is really about stage yellow thinking, and as you've pointed out I feel like learning to think in deep, high-quality, systemic ways is much more important than intellectual sharpness, and so if I develop that then there is really no problem if I'm not overly intelligent in the traditional sense.

@Swarnim Thank you

"It is God's loving kindness to terrify you in order to lead you to his kingdom of safety." - Rumi I totally resonate with this post. Thanks for sharing

I was just taking notes on one of Teal Swan's workshops and she was talking about chronic fatigue. I don't know if she mentions this in the video posted above, but here are the notes I took: The human system is a combination of physical, mental and emotional. These areas all work together and impact each other, and they are not separate from each other. Its really important that you consider this when working with physical issues, because physical issues are very often caused by emotional issues, so you need to be considering all three areas of the human system rather than just the physical. Physical symptoms can manifest as a way of expressing emotional issues, for example, a person may develop chronic fatigue syndrome as a way of having boundaries and their bodies saying no, since they are unable to do that verbally. Excessive stress and tension drains your energy a lot too and can contribute to chronic fatigue. Also doing things you don’t want to do, having contracting, resistant and fearful energy rather than open, relaxed and expansive energy.

In terms of video content, it would be really great if you could make more episodes on how to think effectively, think originally, how to think in different ways, etc. I know you've posted a few videos on this recently and you have some on contemplation from the past, which are all great, but it would be awesome if you could continue to make videos on this topic. I feel like this is one of the most important topics you could possibly cover because it's a meta topic which teaches people how to get original insights for themselves instead of always depending on you for them. It would be much appreciated

@Ninja_pig Interesting, thanks

Have all the featured posts and mega-threads in one place so they are easily accessible. When they get lost and people forget about them they become kind of pointless

Are benzos okay for your system? Do they have any health side-effects?

I saw that too. I watched a bunch of Leo's trip reports I hadn't seen that were posted on there

I can't think of any adult shows that involve a lot of jealousy but I remember there being a lot of episodes about jealousy in kids shows as it's common between siblings and things like that and I guess kids shows make episodes on this topic to help kids learn. Also if you're going to be watching it for the sake of feeling into the emotion, I feel like it's more potent watching a kid feeling it because kids show their emotions much more strongly, and your emotions operate in the same way as a child does so I feel like it would touch you deeper. Here are some episodes: starting at 14:30 https://www.wcoforever.net/arthur-season-20-episode-4-bud-s-knotty-problem-that-s-my-grandma starting at 12:32

ya let me know if you do

If you ever happen to layover or something in Toronto I'd be happy to meet. I'd love to visit Vancouver. I feel like I'd like it way more than Ontario.

I was thinking about my life, and all the pain and suffering I've been through, and how it has physically changed me and opened my heart to the point where I am way more receptive to love and appreciate it at much deeper levels than I ever could have otherwise. I then thought about how increasing your ability to love is the whole point of life, and nothing else really matters in life but love, and how deeply I can understand and appreciate that now. It made me realize that my whole life has been set up in a way to honour the only thing that matters in life. It made me realize, that if love is the most important thing ever, and it's the only thing I would ever want, how could I not choose to come into a life like this, a life that maximizes love? I realize that this life I've lived of extreme suffering that has led to this connection I have with love, because of how important love is to me, of course I would choose a life like this. No other life would be worth living. This is the only life I could ever possibly want. I'd be an idiot to choose anything else, it's just so obvious. Yes, I have to endure a lot of suffering, but I can get through it, and my willingness to go through it proves the commitment I have to love in the core of my heart. Going through hell isn't going to stop me from reaching love. And that, that is fucking love. Through this I realize that the life I've lived that on the surface would seem like complete hell and the last thing you would want to go through, I realize that this is the ONLY life I would ever want. I couldn't possibly ask for it to be any different, and I am beyond grateful for it.

The longing of my heart for the infinite Love of God

A few weeks ago I had this experience of love which was a bit different from usual, it was a different angle and flavour to love than what I'm used to, but extremely beautiful. I was starting to get into this state of this child-like feeling of love, the feeling of love you have when you're a little kid and the world feels so magical and beautiful and you have this warm, soft, compassionate love. It's weird because the only times i've been able to access that kind of love is through really old and nostalgic songs from when I was a little kid, and remembering that loving feeling associated with them. I forget exactly what I was thinking about that brought it on, but I just remember that I got into this state of that exact soft, compassionate child-like love. It became way more intense than I've ever been able to access from a nostalgic song previously. It sort of turned into an awakening rather than just feeling love. All the sudden it felt like this child-like love I was feeling, that felt exactly the same as how I remember it from when I was a little kid, it felt like this love is where I came from, this love is my home, and my present experience of life right now, which feels so empty of love and I feel so separated from myself, this is all just a dream, like i'm in some bubble, and the purpose of it is to bring me back to this love. This also made me realize how insane consciousness is. I could see that the entire reality I'm in right now, the floor and the walls of my room, my entire current existence, it's all just being created by my own mind, it's all just something i'm dreaming up. Even something that feels as real as the physical world around me is just a bubble that i'm dreaming up. None of it is physically real at all, it's just a dream. As I sat there experiencing this beautiful, intense child like love, realizing that this love is my home, this is where I came from (which is probably why I remember feeling that love in childhood right after coming into the world), I just remember having this intense feeling that this is what I need more than anything. When this soft, compassionate love touches me, I just need it so badly, the relief it brings me makes it feel like i'm breathing for the first time. Like I realize that all the time I spend without that love, I am so tense, it's like i'm holding my breath, just suffering and not really living, and then when this love hits, it's just paradise, it's complete relief, like I can just let go of all the pain and like I can breathe for the first time. Often times when I get into states of love like this, and I realize that this is what I've needed more than anything, it always feels like it never even occurred to me that this is what I needed. Of course I know logically that love resolves all suffering/pain/dysfunctions etc. but when I am going through so much pain, I always forget that I just need love. When love like this hits me, and it's just complete relief, I realize that this is what I've needed this whole time but I never even realized it. This feeling was especially strong this time, and it made me really understand this quote that I heard from Rumi a while ago. "Love is the pearl lost on the ocean floor. Love is the hidden treasure." - Rumi That's exactly what it feels like. You go through endless amounts of suffering that feel like there is no end to them, and then all the sudden love hits you, and you realize, "holy shit, this is exactly what I've needed, and it never even occurred to me that this was possible". At that point you've found the true remedy. But it's more than just a remedy, it's love. With love everything will always be okay. With love you will be happy forever. In this moment when I feel that love, its like that's it, that's all I need. I could just give up everything else in my life and be with this love and that's all I could ever ask for. When I have this love, nothing else matters. These moments of love remind me not to get lost in the day to day suffering of my life, and to know that through my work I will one day reach this love and be with it forever. I will give up my life, rid myself of all attachments, become the water droplet falling into the ocean, and become infinite love forever. Nothing else could possibly matter when you have this love.

You still set goals and objectives you want to hit and of course you still have a vision of what you're trying to achieve, but the main idea is you don't make you continuing to do the work dependant on you making progress. It's like if you were trying to lose weight, the first thing is to get into the habit of eating better and exercising, those are the most important things. You can set goals for yourself that you want to achieve, but whether you hit them or not doesn't affect whether you keep doing the work or not because you do those things for their own sake. You will inevitably reach results as long as you keep putting the work in (and being smart about how you go about it, constantly improving) so not putting yourself in a position where you have the potential to quit from getting discouraged is ideal. That's what works for me at least, it really helps you to get through the times of minimal results this way. I explained in my latest video before I stopped posting that I'm taking a break because i'm not satisfied with the quality of my videos and i'm taking my time to learn new material and get to the point where I can produce content i'm happy with. Me not posting has nothing to do with losing motivation

It's like how it is with any pursuit - you can't make taking action and being consistent dependant on you getting results. You build the habit of uploading videos regularly just for its own sake, and that way whether your channel grows or not makes no difference as to whether you keep uploading videos. Of course you should still be monitoring your progress and working to improve your videos, but the actual act of uploading videos regularly should never be dependant on the results you get, because pursuits like this often end up being a lot harder and taking longer than expected, and if you uploading videos is dependant on you consistently making progress, you'll end up quitting as soon as it starts to get slow.

You can check out my youtube channel if you want to. I'm not currently posting because i'm doing work to be able to post better content in the future, but i'll definitely be posting more eventually. Trauma healing/emotional healing is my life purpose and I study this stuff a lot so the videos I have might be helpful to you

https://manoa.hawaii.edu/exploringourfluidearth/biological/fish/behavior-and-sensory-systems/weird-science-cleaners-mimics

But credit can open up a lot opportunities for investing in real estate, as not all debt is bad. That's the main reason why I care about building/maintaining a good credit score, is because I want to get into real estate investing in the future, and a good credit score will help me get good mortgage rates. There are also other benefits to using credit cards such as extra security on your purchases, not paying fees per purchase that you would have on your debit, and also all the benefits that come with different credit cards if you're able to make use of them (cash back, rewards points, and things like hotel discounts, free airport lounge access and insurances like cellphone or lost luggage insurance on the higher annual fee cards). I think as long as you treat your credit card like a debit card and you never spend more than you can afford, then you will never have to pay any interest/spend any more than you would by paying cash, but then you get all the benefits of credit. Also Leo don't you have a mortgage? For which it would benefit you to have credit history and a good credit score?

Yes definitely get a credit card, but only if you're going to use it properly and not build up debt. Make sure to pay it off every month so you don't accumulate interest. There are a lot of benefits to using credit cards if you use them properly. You should only stay away from credit cards if you feel like you'd abuse it and use it irresponsibly.

Ya nothing better than getting cozy and playing some minecraft on a rainy day