meow_meow

Congrats I guess.

Junior roles usually do not require a portfolio, if they like your resume they usually send you an entry task which you have to do. For me it was an online CV generator which collects user input and outputs a .pdf document with your picture, personal data, education, work exp etc.

Virtual Reality

Woah I've been on this self-help, enlightenment jorney for 1,5 year solid and it's my first time reading this. Thanks, I'll def shift my meditation to this technique.

Because over time it starts to feel like bashing against the wall, questioning "What am I?" Or dropping language and looking still ends up exactly where it starts, the one who looks, which is me, is me looking for me, but no explanation comes out of that, Who is I? So basically looping trough this the whole session becomes very very exhausting, takes more and more emotional labor. What are your techniques to make this process easier or more pleasant?

By saying "Practicing before self inquiry" Do you mean it like practice the expressing of emotions using emotional scale and when its practiced enough trough some period of time, like 3 months for example and only then start self inquiry? Or just to express emotions and start my self inquiry session? I've been meditating for ~1.5 years and 10months from that period I've been doing it for 35 minutes daily, but I've only been practicing focusing on breath and watching thoghts and emotions that arise, letting them go and refocusing on breath & do nothing which is actually quite similar. Also I started self-inquriy quite early as it seems and I know I've been doing it spritually incorrect in the beginning for sure, but I really dont think that I'm doing it the wrong way for the past 4-5 months, I've had some unpleasant realisations doing it. However I've never really gotten into "Jhanas." Would you suggest changing my meditation techniques and doing meditation some other way?

Yes, Yes, I've been observing and questioning to whom thoughts arise, who is the one feeling exhaustion etc. For me it just basically loops back around again - they arise for me, and who am I? How do I know that I am me? It just ends exacthly where it starts from - me.

So, I've recently been trying to categorize and find explanation to why the voice inside my head behaves, talks the way it does, and I've found out a lot, but there are still things that I can't really find explanation to or understand on my own. So, my mind chatter in a nutshell: 1. Imagining situations, playing out different scenarios, dialogues with other people, that have never happened. 2. Replaying experience from my past and imagining it in different ways (For example remembering a conversation with a friend and chaning the way it actually was) 3. Imagining how I'm explaining whatever I'm doing at the moment/will be doing to a friend (sort of normalizing my behavior trough imagination?) 3. Imagining how I'm telling a story to a friend about soemthing that has never happened or has happened. The above 4 things usually happen in my imagination with only specific people - people who have humiliated me, talked behind my back, were toxic to me etc. I rarely imagine the above 4 things with people I'm cool with. So this is what my mind chatter is about, now there are some other things that I've managed to figure out on my own, for example the inner critic 'friend' as a voice etc. But these are the 4 things that I don't really know how to figure out. So my questions are: Is this even considered normal? Do any of you folks get the same thoughts? How can I figure out what is the root/why are they exactly this way? Is there any way to change it?

How do you know that?

Having a weapon is one thing, but having the balls to use it is a whole nother thing btw. Most people just freeze our of fear when they get mugged. I've been mugged 3 times. I was born in a lower middle class family, not in the best country & neighbourhood, so I know all about this shit.

Ok, so I'm closing in on 1,8 years of almost daily meditation (35 mins, sitting, eyes closed) and self-inquriy 2 - 3 times a week (25 min) First months of this journey were of course spiritually incorrect since I was spending my meditation sessions thinking and organizing my thoughts, and only after the first ~3 months I finally got it to the point of observing thoghts and refocusing on my breath If any thought snatched my attention. Anyway, I've recently (~4months ago) started Guided Meditation - The Next Level Of Meditation (By Leo, but credit goes out to Adyashanti) which basically guides you to let everything to be as it is, not controlling anything and letting go, somehow similar to the "Do nothing" tecnique. So during these months I'm starting to suspect that by sitting and letting everything just to be as it is, - actually is already whats going on anyway, even if I'm not letting everything to be as it is, it does not matter because its happening anyway independently, on its own, without me. It does not matter if I try to control my thoughts or I dont, in both cases its already as it is, isnt it? Also, if that's the case - meditation itself is already what is happening right now, there basically is no such 'thing' as meditation, if I'm correct then everything is already meditation?

I was actually doing 1h meditation and 30mins self-inquiry 7days straight before, but at some point it just became so exhausting, booring and it felt like a chore, I really didn't want to do it, and the quality of my sessions dropped, so I took a break and came back with this time, which suits me quite well now, but I'll keep adding extra ~5minutes per month. Thanks for your advice.

Well all psychopaths are narcisists but not all narcisists are psychopaths, IMO he doesn't really display hardcore narcisistic traits, atleast in public media. I think all that abuse thing is sort of a part of his image, style etc.

I've done some contemplation on "What is meditation" and I agree with Alan Watts, Krishnamurti & others that its not to be answered or defined. I couldn't define it aswell, because sitting with eyes closed/open, letting or watching thoughts or whatever is exactly sitting, watching or letting go, we could of course include a combination of these actions and define them all together as meditation, but thats not right. How would You define it?

Thanks for this, up to this point I was just watching thoughts and my emotional response to them anger, happyness, remorse etc. I thought that emotions arise as soon a thought gets my attention, I wasn't aware that emotions are caused by personal attachment to the thought. This is something newm that I'll definetly implement in my life. Thanks for this.

Dude, If you're only 20 you havent wasted shit, even tho it might feel like it. At that age it's extremelly good that you are already working on your personal development, thinking about your career relationships etc consciously. If you continue on this road, at the age of 30 you'll look back at this and laugh at it. At the age of 20 you haven't even had the time to spend exploring reality and yourself, it's absolutely normal to spend time walking around stumbling on things and figuring out how they work before you achieve something. By exploring these things and coming to a conclusion that it's a waste of time, is not a waste of time itself, because you've gained some wisdom. There are people who spend decades in drug addictions, gambling, prisons etc take that and compare that to your 1 wasted year.

I got sprayed once with pepper spray, the one that sprays liquid in a straight line. maaaaaan I never ever going to try that again. Yes, it's very effective if you get the right one and use it properly, the downside of course is that you will get some of it yourself, especially if it's windy. Also tazers are effective if it's summertime, because they are ineffective when you have a winter jacket on, also the downside is that you can't maintain distance between yourself and the attacker. EDIT: Even tho a a dude who I use to be friends with, a cop, told me that they once had a dude that was so fucked up (on drugs, stimulants) that they couldn't even take him down by firing shots at his legs, a walking zombie basically.

Oh hell no. I had one of those back in the day - it was the worst phone I've ever had, even tho I'm fine with my 5,5 year old samsung A50, IMO it's worth buying an average smart phone that'll last longer. Not iPhones for 1k euros, ofc and not ultra cheap end alcatels.

I'm a web dev, in case you need to freshen up your website, so feel free to hit me up, since I'm still coming up in the field of programming, i'll do it for free. Anyway, I liked your comment "More like DMT in the ass" you know where it's from, haha. Good luck.

Damn I wish I wouldn't discovered this trough personal experience, this is so damn true.

No, it's the other way around for me, first I fixed or atleast upped my self esteem by improoving myself in all aspects of life and only then I got some cheek clapping.

I don't know if they were happy, because I didn't recieve any feedback from them, but from my experience, most people with debt are blame shifting and looking for an easy way out, and get mad when noone is offering that, it's the hard way that gets them out of debt which is - repay it or go trough insolvency legal procedures, both are long and painfull in most cases, and they dont wanna do it. Anyway, no I haven't looked into that course, but it seems like it costs 2k USD? thats insane for me at this moment. Maybe the topic author might find it helpfull, but for me, I jumped carrers, dumped the whole law thing and now I'm a developer.

Yeah, I had a similar idea ~6months ago, since debt is a problem in most of the world, and my country is not an exception, and a lot of people do not understand the legal side of it - contracts, penalties, issues with debt collection agencies etc. And since I have a degree in law, and a 5 year experience in the field, it's something I know in detail good enough to offer my services as a consultant, and created my own webpage for it, where clients are able to send their questions. And you know what? It failed! Failed as fuck, I invested my time & money in webpage and FB adds but only a handfull of people have used my shit and it's basically a dying project now. I hope you do better