The observer

Need to apply more awareness and concentration to the practice. Mindfulness.

im gonna attempt to use the least amount of words during the rest of the quarantine for as long as it lasts i will try to stop posting on any where or message any one electronically too and i will also try to be more aware and enjoy the silent spaces in the mind without going in to monkey mind and unnecessary looping thought patterns. i guess theres no better way to make use of the quarantine than this journaling here once a day to track consistency and for motivation and its okay to use the other journal as an emotional outlet the challenge starts tomorrow

Just read two threads on here by accident. I'm feeling ugh. I don't know anything.

What is Actualized.org? It's a philosophy; i.e. A particular set or system of beliefs resulting from the search for knowledge about life and the universe. That's what it actually is. Leo is somehow explicit and at the same time so much implicit about it. He says that his ultimate goal with this work is to understand reality. Well, according to the definition above, understanding reality is nothing but philosophy. Now, there's no wonder why many people (including me) find themselves lacking results while following Actualized.org. And then, of course, there's the life purpose course. The ultimate saver. So clever! Reeling in the intellectual type of people and seducing them to buy the LP course. Going further; Leo's philosophy is based on three major principles (philosophies); Cynicism; survival is the main and only driver for all of human activities. Idealism; everything is a thought. Solipsism; only you exist. That being said, it's probably time to move on. You want results? You're not going to get them by philosophising. Even if you stop playing these philosophical games. As long as you're listening to Leo and/or interacting with others on the forum (or anywhere) who share the same mindsets, you're still going to be stuck. Ideas don't just affect you on the conscious level. Your subconscious mind naturally imitates its environment. The people you surround yourself with affect you more than you notice. Ideas affect you more than you notice. Learn how to control the stream of information that you're intaking. You might believe that you belong somewhere. But that's a false, limiting belief. You can belong anywhere. It's just a matter of time needed to adjust and accommodate. Nothing Leo says is actually false. Nothing anyone says is actually false. Everything has some truth to it from a certain perspective, because everything is Truth. Conclusions: The silence challenge is the best thing I've ever done in my entire life. Will keep doing it. I'm not going to be partaking with this forum anymore. I'll start using it for journaling only. I'm not going to create threads, or bother explaining this to anyone. Maybe I am wrong, or maybe Leo is just unaware. Besides, I would certainly receive a lot of hate for trying to share my perspective, and I could get banned. It's strange how I was not able to see all that with such clarity before!

Yesterday was good. I noticed that I was doing the challenge in a neurotic way before so this time I was more relaxed. I did not monitor everything but I have decreased unnecessary blabber for more than 75%. I'm going to continue with the challenge this way.

The forum is becoming more masculine. In less than one day, two soft feminine people (one male and one female) left, and two others (also one male and one female) who I don't know well are manifesting masculine energy. At least the ones I've noticed. Anyway, I'm not judging. All is well. Just making observations and wishing good luck for everyone. Better yet, perhaps I could use some more masculinity. Also, Leo and the mods are getting more strict about the rules. The forum is now moving towards a certain direction instead of just flowing. I wonder what that direction will be. Love everything. Flow. Grow infinitely.

Teaching and learning are illusory. Whaaaaaat?! What is the essence of the teacher-student dynamic? It is a strive towards an ideal. A neglecting of the present moment and a seeking of actualising some imagination (which occurs in the present moment ?). The foolish mind thinks/believes that it's teaching/learning anything. Poor little mind. Things will happen when they happens, with love. There is no ideal to seek! The present moment is the ideal! Because it is love. Don't forget, or do. The truth is the truth. Remembrance won't change anything about it. There is no past. Only imagination of a past. There is no future. Only mental images of ideals to strive towards. There is no time. The present moment is all there is. This communication will not help you get it, neither prove anything to you, even though it's absolutely true. If you get it, you get it. This communication will only give you an ideal to strive towards, which is still the present moment itself, only you will not be able to see it and therefore you will keep chasing your own tail, forgetting the ride by focusing on the destination. You will get there. You're just afraid you won't. Your mind is telling you stories for how things should be. Your mind is telling you stories. The truth is prior to stories. That's not even exclusive to God. The mind is actually incapable of learning/teaching anything/anyone. The mind isn't the medium for learning. It is just an imaginary controller. Direction. A block of the stream. Resistance. Then how does learning occur? Love. Nothing else. Your understanding is only as deep as your love. Infinite Love = Infinite Wisdom.

The truth hurts yo. You only know it is the truth because it does hurt. Lies have no power. They can't hurt you because you know they're not true. The truth destroys the lies you've been holding on to, and shattering the illusion is never an easy thing. But, the truth heals you on the long term. The pain is a sign of growth. While lies keep you stuck in an illusory comfort that doesn't grow you, neither heal you. Be strong. Acknowledge the pain. Own it. Salvation is on the way. Infinite Love it is. Truth.

Here we go again.. This time, I will only monitor my voluntary conversations. Anything else is allowed. Tomorrow, I will report.

Beautiful!

You know what? Fuck being scientific and objective. I feel dissociated and not like myself anymore. I can't stand it any longer. I'll just be me.

The observer woke up a few hours ago from the worst nightmare. He can't remember anything else about it except that it's the worst. He has been trying to sleep again but he could not. His third eye is pulsating like crazy. He feels like he's carrying the weight of other people's struggles and he's grateful for that. He wants to help humanity move into the light with his infinite love. He's willing to take all the negatives and turns them into positives for others to enjoy their lives. To him, it's pointless to enjoy his life alone. He's now writing this from memory because he lost internet connection the first time and the browser forgot what he wrote. He felt frustrated and didn't want to write about it again but now he did. He's planning to start operating from silence tomorrow or the day after that. His PC needs maintenance and he has to go and check. He's going out walking/meditating for a couple of hours in a few minutes. That's his portal to God where there's only light with no dark.

You are not awareness. Awareness is a thought. Who is aware of it?

@Artaemis Your comments are lovely The scary one though?

Most illnesses have mortality rates of lower than 1% out of all closed cases (deaths + recovered). Right now, not all the confirmed cases are closed so it's not possible to give an accurate mortality rate. Right now, over 3 million people have been confirmed infected, and out of those there is still nearly two million people worldwide that have the virus active. The current mortality rate can be measured by dividing the deaths by the sum of deaths and recovered cases. 217K (deaths) ÷ 1144K (deaths + recovered) = 0.189 = 19% That is an extremely high mortality rate. Things don't seem to be going anywhere good either. There are currently over 30 subtypes of the virus due to the mutations that occured while it has been spreading. Fear is not the solution, obviously. But social distancing might be. It's a life and death issue, there are no jokes about it. It should be treated like the AIDS and the Ebola viruses. Let's stop thinking about conspiracies for now and survive the pandemic first, and then afterwards we can investigate and see what we can do about it.

@hikmatshiraliyev If you have energy and motivation for studying, then why not? A lot of people have motivation problems, so be grateful if you don't. You don't need to follow a robotic plan for you to be balanced. Instead, follow your inner guidance. If you don't feel comfortable doing something 'not so much productive' or something 'not aligned with your goals and values', then don't do it. It's that simple. However, if the feeling of anxiety and stress arises merely due to the fact of not having a clear plan in place, then try out planning your next few days by the minute and see how it turns out. There's no definitive answer to this question that anyone could give you but yourself.

@Galyna Have faith. Trust in the process. You're growing and becoming stronger. Self-doubt will only hinder and delay the inevitable good that's on the other side of fear and resistance. Embrace your current state and deeply dive into it. Have you considered that maybe there never was an orientation? That nobody is ever really oriented? That all of us are just taking our chances? Someone who seems oriented does not actually know the future. Knowledge is irrelevant. What matters most here is faith, which is what some people have and other people lack.

@WHO IS Sounds like a temporary ego-death state caused by the afterglow of the drug. I would wait for a few more days and report back.

Rest in no-mind. There is the utmost clarity.

The problem with enlightenment is that the more you study and research about it, the more deconstruction you will have to make later. It is constituted of both construction and deconstruction of the mind. When someone like @Leo Gura spends years of his life devoted for conceptual understanding of enlightenment, it will be more difficult for him to drop all his ideas and expectations right away. A little bit to moderate research is healthy and not so much difficult to deconstruct. Yet, the deeper your understanding gets, the more fruits you will probably have after your deconstruction is done. So, if Leo is aware of this, then he's fine and just needs more time. At some point, the seeking has to stop. There's only a certain amount of information on enlightenment and you can't possibly still be missing out on a lot after all these years of research.

This is a really good topic actually. I'll preface by mentioning some of the major issues and misconceptions I notice myself and other people have when approaching Spiral Dynamics. Stage Turquoise is not synonymous with enlightenment. I notice people a lot of times conflating these two together. I'll explain later why I think this confusion occurrs. (EDIT: I won't). Each stage has healthy and unhealthy manifestations. When people evaluate themselves and others by using this model, they tend to forget that. But it is crucial for proper and precise evaluation. Why? Because your manifestation affects how you perceive both yourself and others. For example; a healthy stage Red is often confused with stage Orange, and vice-versa. An unhealthy stage Orange is often confused with Red. The same thing goes for Blue and Green. This "health bias" is probably due to the gap between the actual values of the person and the way they manifest in reality. This is a theme through the whole forum. When we want to use the model to evaluate, we tend to forget that we're evaluating according to certain parameters and criteria that constitute the model, and that they are relative and not necessarily how the world is supposed to be. This affects our evaluation and creates bias. And of course, it affects how we relate to others in real life as we tend to judge them according to the model. Our mood affects us. Sometimes a positive state/meditation/psychedelics make us think and behave like two stages above, and a negative state/stress make us think and behave. There the component of understanding and the component of expressiveness. A lot of people here are like myself, non-native speakers, which affects our understanding and expressions to a great degree. But this point applies to everyone including native speakers. When someone posts a question, your level of understanding is not necessarily the same level of your ability to derive the most appropriate thoughts and articulate them correctly in an understandable way for the reader. Besides, the reader will then, depending on their level of understanding, will interpret your posts. Age plays a crucial effect on your level. The younger you are, the less integrated you're likely to be. In other words, you can be Turquoise in some areas and Red in others, like myself. The older you are, the more integrated you're likely to be, and therefore the more you will be established in a certain stage i.e. not having so much spikes but rather like an average steady stream for most areas. Okay, let's dig in.. So, mainly, the forum is a very complex variation of stages. I think the estimation process varies greatly from one topic to another, but I'll make some general classification of topics into a few categories while keeping in mind that the main parameter I'm using here is understanding and how sophisticated it is (higher level equals higher sophistication/insight). I'll rate myself as how I perceive myself to be. Basic self-help (how to's). For example; I'm mostly Green while Leo is Turquoise at these things. He's like the God of personal development. Advanced self-help (real life experience). This is mainly affected by age. The younger you are, the less experience you have, the more difficult it is for you to give specific nuanced opinions. Enlightenment, and meta understanding. Leo is Yellow. Nahm and Serotoninluv are Turquoise. I'm between Yellow/Turquoise. Psychedelics. I'm mostly Blue/Orange, maybe some Green. Experienced psychonauts like Leo, Nahm, Serotoninluv, etc... are more Yellow/Turquoise. Paranormal abilities and mysticism. It ties in well with the previous one. Dating, relationships, sexuality. I'm mostly Blue/Orange, and some hints of Green. While Leo is mostly Orange/Green with hints of Yellow. This one is really affected by your personality type and how much time you spend with others, so it's also affected by your age. Nahm and Serotoninluv are solid Yellow/Turquoise. Politics. Most people here are Green, some are Orange. Very little are Yellow, and I don't think there's Turquoise. I'm still between Blue and Orange and sometimes even Red (oops!). Leo is Green/Yellow. Career, Life Purpose, etc... Some people are Yellow. Leo is probably Turquoise. I'm Orange/Green. Most others are Green. Of course, every category can be broken down even further but that's a difficult thing to do. However, if you really want to estimate yourself, I think that's how you should approach the model the best. I don't know how to end this post. But I guess I've shown some great deal of Yellow/Turquoise here while other comments were more Orange/Green

@Verdesbird In your question, you're more concerned about the quantity of human beings than the quality of their lives. Imagine if you could remove abortion from existence. Like it never existed as a choice. Can you see that there would be less freedom? Less freedom = less quality of life. Instead of viewing abortion as a negative thing, think of it as a sacrifice for a better life. So, there's relativity and flexibility in morality. From another point of view, we can make the quantity of human beings a priority, which then demands us to forbid abortion. Imagine a country where there are much free space and a lot of resources, but at the same time there aren't many people living there to make use of that. The government would clearly forbid abortion because the quality is good enough but the quantity isn't. On the other hand, right now, the earth is overpopulated. The more children we bring into this world, the less share of resources each person will be able to get. Not only will we suffer from that, but the children we bring will suffer too.

I'm planning to have another go at this soon.

END OF JOURNAL

this human is me the individual meat bag who is typing needs means that its a deep abandoned and repressed desire for me that now it mutated in to a need to be loved means to be accepted for who i am unconditionally and not be judged ridiculed or rejected some thing that i never had and now i hate every one all people are evil