The observer

Life is not someone. But someone imagines that it is.

I, the individual human, don't matter that much to life. My survival is not life's highest priority. There are much more important things than me. If I am too dysfunctional, life will send someone to put a gun to my head and shoot me down.

Do whatever you like. I am not your supervisor.

It does not matter whether I remember them or not. They will still be valid regardless of that.

I'll give you my honest opinion from what I've experienced and learned through reading. The love you're describing is not just some ordinary love. That's passionate worshipping. I'm sorry for saying this but this kind of love is very deep and it is known to drive people to insanity, literally. Right now, you most certainly have an idealistic image of him in your mind. This image cannot be broken intellectually by hypnosis or anything of the sorts. It is like a spell that can only be broken by drinking the same potion that caused it in the first place. You have to find him and talk to him in person and see his flaws and mistakes first-hand. He's not an angel. He's not perfect like your mind is portraying to you. Your conscious mind might understand that, but your subconscious mind can't yet. You should seek him out. You must watch your fantasies breaking before your eyes. You must be disappointed with all the sandcastles you've built around him in your mind. Only then will you be free. Remember, everything has two sides. There's no absolute good quality. For example, being spiritually developed must mean that there's lack in some other aspects, even if your mind can't fathom that yet and tells you otherwise. That's probably the best way to do it. If you go and meet other guys, your mind will only see their shortcomings compared to the ideal image that you have of him, and therefore the problem will only get worse. You will believe that he's perfect and irreplaceable. So, unless you can intuit that since nobody is perfect then he can't be perfect either, stay away from relationships and endure the pain alone before it gets worse. And don't worry about your motivations for now. They will remain untouched because you're actually doing what you're doing for God but your mind confuses God for that human. Also, take everything I said with a grain of salt. A simple self hypnosis might work for you. I don't actually know your situation.

Life is not merely about survival. If it was so, you'd see the most malformed and dysfunctional beings walking in the streets, if that. You'd never see a healthy one. Life cares about survival, but it's not everything. There's health. There's beauty. And there's happiness. Life cares about balance first and foremost.

Thought is formed awareness, just like sight and sound and other perceptions. The difference, though, is that it works simultaneously with the other perceptions, and that's how duality exists. That's why silencing the thoughts is a prerequisite for having a non-dual awareness. The other questions are nonsensical because thoughts don't get created. Creation does not actually occur. It's a metaphor.

Not at all. Just flowing with life.

@Meta-Man I'm at a level of surrender where I don't mind dying, really. I know that everything will be right even if God does not take care of me, because I don't matter - I don't even exist for that matter. And hey, I notice your pronoun for God is She ?

I did and it's still vague. I guess I see a potential but I am not sure on what to do. All I see is people struggling and stressing themselves out for no good reason because luck plays the major role. Thanks man. Appreciated.

@Meta-Man Yeah. Right now I am comfortable with who I am, for the most part.

That can be changed? I used to be more ambitious than I am today when I was a kid. It seems like it depends on my environment. If there's a good infrastructure in my life, my ambition grows. When my country was on the rise, the economy was good and things were working fine for me. Right now, after 9 years of war, I don't have any dreams I want to accomplish. The economy is shit. Me and my family are almost broke. Even compared to the locals here, we're more broke than most. Things don't seem to be going anywhere better either. Long story short, I gave up. It seems impossible for me to do anything to change my life for the better. There's no more suffering though. Right now, the standards are extremely low compared to what they used to be, and they're getting even lower with time. Yet, I am completely comfortable with my life. I see my life unfolding into the worst directions possible, and yet, I don't give a fuck. I mean I still work and go to college and everything, but I don't have a passion for anything in particular. Not that I feel nihilistic about life (even though I've gone through it at some point), but that really nothing seems to motivate me to move. I only do the bare minimum. I believe that if my environment could change for the better, then I would change along with it. What do you think about this Leo?

The problem is; how do I know what I actually am? What if trying to become something other than what I already am is actually a part of who I am?

How can I become more ambitious? I really seriously suck at this. My life could be extremely minimalistic and I wouldn't mind. What's my problem? Or is this something that cannot be changed?

@yellowschnee Fetishes aren't well understood. Some suggest that they mainly form during early childhood. I don't buy it. I think that they mainly form due to deprivation. If you desire to be humiliated and killed by a woman, then that must mean that, on a subconscious level, you are willing to die to get laid because you couldn't get laid easily in your entire life, i.e your mind has recontextualized eroticism to fit your life and psychological needs. A foot fetish means that a person would kiss feet to get laid because they think they are not good enough to get laid, so they do their best (kissing feet) to be accepted by the other person. In your case, your mind paints the woman as someone who will never be satisfied unless she humiliates you to death. Your desire to please the woman is natural, but your mind distorts it in unhealthy ways that involve death. I would say the cure to this is to have plenty of regular sex. Your subconscious mind will need time to recalibrate. Eventually, those extreme desires will flat out when you don't feed into them but rather when you feed into what your mind-body originally desires, which is healthy peak experiences.

I smoked different brands on and off only with friends but never bought my own packet. I was trying to be open-minded about smoking. I must say I'd experienced some tranquiliser effects, but then I'd noticed that I started craving more and that my baseline level of tranquillity had decreased i.e. I started feeling more agitated on a regular basis unless I smoke. At that point, I knew that it was a trap and that things would only get worse. So, from that moment on, I decided to stop accepting any cigarettes whatsoever. Still, I wasn't done. I'd see my friends smoking and I'd want to have one. It was a little bit difficult to me, especially when they stopped offering me cigarettes. I felt left out, like I didn't exist. That was mainly the motivation behind my desire to smoke to begin with. I wanted to belong with my friends. I wanted to belong with the group. I believe that's what motivates most people to start smoking, or really anticipate with anything new. If that's the case for you, then I'd introspect deeply into it. That inquiry alone could unravel the whole idea and paint it as silly. Just my 2 cents.

It's interesting to hear that you've been on the two opposing sides of free will. Have you noticed that when you're under the spell, you just can't tell?

Injustice is an egoic judgement which literally means that a specific pov is not equal to another. And while it is completely true, it is a contracted and a biased judgement. There is no equality in life, that's just a fact. But is inequality a problem? Or is it just a stage Green problem?

What isn't a dogma? Your advice?

@iceprincess It sure is difficult. But as always and as with everything, what you resist persists. You say that you want to get over him and that you've tried so hard for 6 years. That sure has been a turmoil. But how about trying the counter-intuitive approach for a change? How about you stop trying to get over him but instead you start leaning into the thoughts that you have about him? Look closer and deeper. What is there but thoughts? Are there emotions? How are the emotions and thoughts connected with each other? You see. In this approach, you're facing your fears instead of trying to hide/bury them under the surface. You're actually doing what your feelings have been telling you to do all along; To look closer, to acknowledge them, and to know yourself. Don't be afraid. Thoughts have no power over you. They're just thoughts. Embrace your pain. Express it. Talk about it. Eventually, it will spontaneously go away. And always remember; It will pass, whatever it is. Nothing remains forever.

It's crazy how it is! A while ago, I read something in one of Keyhole's journals, probably the one about Alchemy project - I'm pissed that she's deleted it before I could finish reading. Anyway, I didn't pay much attention at the time. I was reading just because I was interested in the material. Now it hit me. I have something of what's called "grandiosity" or something like that, where I believe in the deepest parts of my being that I am special, that I am the saviour, that I am the centre of the universe. These thoughts keep reoccurring to me, and I usually dismiss them like they've never existed. But they don't go away, even though everything in my life indicates that, logically, my life will never unfold in any meaningful way, but rather that it will end drastically in the most disastrous devastating way. Yet, I still subconsciously believe that things will magically change, and that I will be someone important in the human history. To be honest, I don't even want that. And I know that all of it is illusory. But thanks to my mum who imprinted me with these ideas since I was a little kid - she would manipulate me physically, mentally, and emotionally to achieve her ideals. She would always tell me that I will become a successful person and that I will be rich and happy. I honestly don't want these things. I was not aware of this layer of my ego. Crazy!

@Someone here ???

@Someone here It doesn't help you to say things you don't actually know. Be yourself. Be skeptical until you know. Don't be a sheep just because you don't feel like you belong. Don't let the masses affect you. Don't let them change you by making you feel inferior. You're not inferior. Be who you are. @Tetcher It's not my problem that you don't get it. And with your attitude, I won't even bother and explain, even though it's very clear what I said.

There cannot be "non-existence". There can only be an experience of existence or a no-experience of existence. Experience of existence is what we call your waking life (perception). No-experience of existence is everything else except your individual waking life. For the latter, you don't experience it, you only have thoughts about it in your experience of existence. That's how the two intertwine. It's really simple, but people are deluded and make everything complex. Everything I said here and everything anyone will ever say about this topic is unnecessary. A lot of delusion and mental masturbation going on here. People aren't able to distinguish between their thoughts and reality. And also people fail to understand that their understanding is based on paradigms which they don't even question. There could be no proper understanding without stepping out of all paradigms, including the "direct experience" paradigm, which is based on faulty assumptions, such as nihilism and solipsism. No wonder why this paradigm produces these particular two results consistently.