Nick_98

Sounds wise. Thanks for your feedback. One more question here .. I'm 21, junior year in college. How many hours a month do you think is optimal to practice? Or in other words .How would you plan your schedule if you were me ?

What does your relative low point feels like ? Do you feel hopeless , confused , frustrated ,or guilty ? What does "challenging" mean from your perspective ? Do you mean you have to turn into a cave man to advance in knowing yourself ..? Does leading an ordinary life while practicing on the side diminish your ability? How can it affect your life relatively to before you started ?

What do I want to practice ? "Any" kind of stuff that makes me discover who I am, I think consistent meditation is what my mind points at, putting psychedelics on the side. Not because of a personal reason, but it's just not so available where I live.

I was thinking about this not from a while to be honest, not like I contemplated it deeply or anything.. I just wanted to share my thoughts..I just classified everything in life into two parts.. Things you can control .. and Things you can't control..I also give the latter a name..which is " Natural".. , I thought about myself as a kid, when I was just 3 years old.. and how it happens that I was seeing things for the first time in my life.. I tried to remember what was my mind doing back then ?.. and I actually remembered.. IT was trying to make sense out of everything that it perceives .. no matter if its right or wrong.. it just tried to make sense of what I'm perceiving.. and it kept going forever..including this moment that I'm using to still try to give a meaning to life.. So my take was.. there are somethings in life that we can't control , which i called it "natural".. things like desire to have sex-food-thinking..etc.... It made sense to me that if you try to control the natural that will lead you to having a difficult time walking through live.. Like imagine if you chose to abstain from sex for example.. Because certainly you can live without sex right.. Won't that be difficult for you..? , I mean you could adapt to it.. but if you had to choose between abstaining from it or just living with it..you'll choose to not abstain I suppose..the pleasure of having sex is so coherent with your nature.. After that I thought about Leo .. with all his self inquiry stuff , and how cool he is.. , I just think his teaching is working against nature.. pay attention there please.. What are you doing when you are trying to reach enlightenment ? Everyone has an answer.. but for me personally.. you're trying to unwind your mind from all the programming that has been done since you were 3 years old , since you were trying to make meaning out of the stuff you perceiving.. Well , that is cool... After answering that.. Do you think you should try to reach enlightenment ? Again, everyone has an answer.. But i think when I was a kid I had no control over my life, meaning I had no choice to do anything except for existing.. for me its the purest form of nature.. a mind trying to make sense out of everything its perceiving .. no one had controlled this mind to go a certain route.. i had no will back then.. I had no choice in my life to tell it stop thinking and be present.. I didn't have the awareness I have right now... I shouldn't chase enlightenment its just " against nature".. it's what it is .. your mind will always try to make sense out of everything.. so What's the point from fighting back and getting to the direct experience..? my take is you're fighting against nature.. I know it's superficial thinking in someway.. I haven't digged deeper or again.. didn't contemplate deeper.. But how would you answer this question, and what's your take on that..?

I had just started doing visualizations before bed time, but I wasn't aware back then that they were visualizations.. SO I've discovered that name from google, then I searched the word on youtube . I found Leo's video about how visualization can change your life, Since then I have been skeptical to do the self inquiry thing, till now to be honest i'm just on and off the forum.

I want you to notice yourself looking at the screen right now and be extremely conscious of that because that's what I've been doing for the last 3 days. Good ! Now you know what I'm talking about. To keep it simple, I will ask my questions then rant on my situation afterward it's up to you to read the whole thing or not. Why do I feel less confident and not " Good in my own skin" after being present for 3 days ? Is there something that's called developing confidence in the present moment rather than "yourself" ? When will I achieve that confidence , after one month/ 2 months ..etc .. ? When you started self development , did you feel less confident and more vulnerable to attacks from the world ? If you're an enlightened person , as I've read , I have probably zero mystical experience , you are more likely be laughing at my questions right now , but all i want you to do , is to put the context of being a beginner into your own vision and answer accordingly , and from your past/experiment. Background Before/after practicing being in the moment : Feelings that let's say " I " feel most of the day : Happiness , Confidence, Good in my own skin. Feelings after being more in that present moment : Nothing,Happiness,Sadness,Anger,Frustration,Confusion,Doubt , Not confident, Not good in my own skin-authentic -vulnerable to any attack. It feels like I was a lion with teeth , and now there is no lion and no teeth. I practiced being present like this , trying to be present in each moment during the day, touch , sound , perceptions , feelings and labeling them as " frustrated" "angry" "happy" , what I realised in the workplace is that I've started to act less confident towards many people , Even tho I label feelings and be mindful of them and try to get to this present moment , feelings of doubt is probably in the back of my mind. and this doesn't help me in a practical way , maybe it does help me with focus here and there , but socially speaking, I for the first time never felt that i'm doubting myself until i have become fully present , my attitude has entirely changed to be less efficient even tho I'm more present , but the feelings doesn't drive me as much which makes me less cooperative. It feels weird because I've always been flying with my states of my feelings and usually because it was a happy feeling most of the time it resulted in a more efficient result in my own point of view, thoughts on this ?