WonderSeeker

I am blown away by how many wise, intelligent, thoughtful souls there are here relative to other corners of the Web. It's funny: I used to take this forum for granted, even labeling it as a distraction from doing real work. But what's cool about this place is it acts as a middle ground between learning and executing, theory and practice, studying and growing. This forum is like a giant psycho-socio-spiritual, crowd-sourced, collective science project of personal development. People come here to share how they're interacting with different facets of reality, different paradigms, and the different results they get. And you get to sit and read through raw case studies which you can compare/contrast with your own life experience. Or they can inspire you to be more ambitious, more disciplined, more counter-intuitive. Basically to live the different principles that are needed for building a great life. All for free. And because Actualized attracts a generally high quality audience you get to interact with people you otherwise would only have a 0.0001% chance of meeting and hitting it off with in real life. So, thank you Leo for building and fostering a wonderful ecosystem. We take it for granted 99% of the time and most of us would only realize its value the day after you pull the plug.

Being a highly sensitive person (HSP): my experience + a question I didn't know I was one until it became an irrefutable fact after years of evidence piling up. Basically, everything from... caffeine blue light pesticides large crowds hot/cold weather fluorescent lights artificial chemicals environmental/pet/food allergens ...hits me much harder than it does most people. I used to think I was weak or dramatic, but after learning about this condition from Googling "WTF is wrong with my body?!" years ago, I learned that some people are just more sensitive. If you think you may be an HSP but aren't sure, I created this simple sensitivity survey you can check out here. Why I'm sharing this I live on the extreme end of the sensitivity scale and different self-ac practices have made me more sensitive. I believe that reading eye-opening books (30+ paradigm-shifters), doing spiritual work (TONS of meditation in 2020-21) and lots of psychedelics (20+ trips and already 5 this year) have increased the amount of sensory and perceptual data I take in. Plus, living in Phoenix for 3 summers (a city that routinely clears 110F in the summer) made me more painfully aware of my sensitivities as I'd crash out and become depressed every summer from a fried nervous system and brain. Couple nuances to add I don't mind being sensitive, nor actively having increased my sensitivity. In fact, I love it! I fully accept my condition and how it's forced me to adapt and grow in new ways in recent years. I believe being hyper-sensitive is where the world is headed if it is to heal. Not to say "everyone be like me", but I think desensitization is why you see so much gross unconsciousness everywhere from physical cruelty, to hostile club environments, to putting poison in our food supply, to lighting our gas stations and supermarkets with mercury-vapor lightbulbs. Ok. All of that said, here's where I am now I avoid environments that feel like an onslaught (eg, loud clubs) because my body no longer tolerates my mind overriding it I haven't smoked weed or drank alcohol in almost 2 years I'm combating internet use with sport and walks Also I just moved out of the desert in favor of a more humid-temperate climate again (big measure!) But as far as my day-to-day goes, I still have a lot of sensory overload (sometimes it's akin to existing as a 128 MB drive with 128.3 MB on it) and not all of the root causes are obvious. My question To other HSPs, what do you suggest for getting to the root of this data overload --- not just coping with the symptoms?

High quality post @Emerald , thanks for sharing. Since going ultra-deep with psychs in recent months, I've started to lose touch with my sense of purpose. That old bastard, infinity... he's such a double edged sword. It's so beautiful yet so cripplingly, unexplainably, get-wrenchingly terrifying.

He hasn't awoken to infinite crocodiles yet.

Yes

As a teacher, the friendly-mentor / firm-instructor duality is a fine-line. You wanna be friendly but also keep a distance. The key is this: 1) As you teach, you scan the room for feedback. Are they confused? Are they dozing off? Do they understand? Are they having fun? Are they distracted? Are they focused? Etc. 2) Accept the feedback & respond appropriately. Not sure how you do that with as you teach yourself tho... I personally like being friends with me. But standards are good too

Judging by the way your wrote this question, I'm gonna assume you're <20. Based on that... ^Invest in this^ Have a bold reason for doing so, and making that investment will excite the crap out of you. Once you've done that, I'd recommend saving up for travel. As I type this, I'm in the airport 1 hour away from flying back to east Asia (as an American). Zero regrets every time I do it. Cheers

I can see the gamer in you. But how ironic: the troller becomes the the mod!! 4chan precedes me. Back when I was a self-imprisoned, sad bedroom teen, I floated around on YourWorldOfText (thanks V-sauce). And, regretfully... LOTS and LOTS of Omegle. The 'conversations' I had on there would be illegal in today's world. Not a forum or place to 'talk' to people like civilized beings by any stretch of the imagination. I brought hell to many lives there. Well shit, thought it was just me. Time to wife-up before I become too weird and get kicked from the pool

I bolded the parts of your response that clicked the most for me. I mid-July I did an LSD trip just days after getting fired from my corporate job. All because I took 10 consecutive sick days due to the 115F Phoenix heat frying my nervous system. On the trip I realized something: I needed to get rid of EVERYTHING. Minimalism was a GREAT external first-step to feeling less bombarded by life. Social media deactivation is a more challenging one. Taking down my Facebook and Twitter soon. Instagram will be tolerated as it's good to have for dating. Turned off video watch history on YouTube so it doesn't recommend a string of auto-playing videos in your face the second you log on. Your result makes sense --- glad the survey helped! Damn, I think you got the high-score. Props for leaving your job just to take care of yourself. That's bold. And yeah, printed books are definitely the way. All that blue light is like consuming calories (they gotta be shat out somehow). Ahh, Vitamin D. Been slacking on that one. Thanks for sharing. Diet is SO key. P.S. I think you were just experiencing placebo

Ah, I know exactly what you're talking about. Used to go to bed and out of nowhere, an avalanche of ideas would unload and I'd throw a lamp on and write for 2 hours. Doesn't really happen anymore. It's mainly dealing with intense forms of sensory input that throws me off. One Red Bull is enough to take me out.

Oh, so 4chan then This space being marketed as a 'high-consciousness' forum makes banter more appealing somehow. But only because people assume the more conscious you are the less you disagree and argue with people. I usually force myself to disagree and be polarizing. Normally I don't because I'm conflict-avoidant and see truth in everything. If someone is being stupid I just leave and find a greener pasture.

@ConsciousMan Watched the first 1:25. For a newbie just coming into the work, I think this would be excellent. I feel a warm and caring texture in your voice. You come across with clarity. Agreed.

I don't have an answer to this. When I ran my online biz last year my health dove and my energy was too impure to even think about meditating/contemplating. Had I not worked on my biz 4-10 hours per day it would have went under much faster than it did. Balancing all of these different pieces of the self-actualization puzzle takes much more time and requisite variety than it would appear before you try it.

Niiiiiice!

What kinds of fears come up around relationships and why are you unwilling to face them? Doing meditation doesn't help with relationships by the way. In 2021 I quit meditation before having relationships, because I realized it was my own form of escapism. Books are escapism from working through inner issues around relationships. But meditation would be the same thing; only a different form of distraction.

Sometimes escapism is necessary. Until the pain of knowing you could be doing more becomes so great you actually take action. Happened to me in the domains of dating and business. So what's stopping you from doing the real work right now?

Why can't the book list be a component of doing awakening work? A part of the path? Just meditating and psychedelics is great but why not include everything? If books give you that extra 1-5% boost why not use them? Makes no sense.

Introduction My feet are raw: cuts, pine pitch and all My hands are sore: abraised, puffy, and looking like "a job well done" My head is on fire: like an inflamed computer chip still running on overdrive My soul? alive and complete, as is The trip 150ug LSD is consumed orally at 8:30am. It was a hot summer day in northern-central Arizona. I pulled on my forest green pants and a tan-colored hiking shirt. I looked like a forest ranger ready for action. I packed my notebook and strapped on my compass. I noted the tent's proximity to the cliff and the general compass direction I walked so I could find my way back. The weather was 75-95⁰F & partly cloudy. As I maneuvered through heavy pine forest, wiggling around some branches, bending others, I got the feeling that something massive was about to happen. I kept my composure; the day had just begun. Eventually I hit a clearing with a new view beyond the cliffs. I set-up my collapsible tri-pod chair a safe distance from the cliffs to contemplate, journal, and be. Dozens of ants scuttled by. At first I feared they were of the aggressive type. Not fired red, but a more brown color. Not one climbed on me. I realized 90+% of nature is chill with you if you are still and relaxed around it. As I stared off the cliff (into the abyss) I began to feel deeper into my body. Initial thoughts included gratitude for Julien Blanc's trauma healing program I just went through, including the new friends I made in the process. Also my reverence for natural beauty and the fact I developed enough self-trust to trip in nature, near 200-foot sandstone cliffs, a 10-minute hike from my friend. It was feeling and a more realistic kind of joy: one with a healthy dose of underlying discomfort. Discomfort in the sense of the hot weather and possibly of encounters with wildlife. But the only wildlife that approached were flies, who I recognized as organic robot-like alien creatures with as much reason to exist as other life. They exude their own natural beauty. And they're even friendly and chill as long as you're not swatting at them constantly. Behind me, I heard a digging sound. I turned and focused with the gaze of a hawk letting his telescoping vision work for him. I saw a couple of small shrubs get yanked into the ground. A mole rat popped its head up. I felt giddy, but stayed quiet. I wanted to leave it be, but also go chase it (later in the day I would chase lizards across the campsite like a 8 year old boy, unabashed). When the heat of the sun kicked up a notch and the LSD began taking more effect, I jumped up and explored my newly charted territory one last time. Then I realized my water supply was already low and felt the call of camp. "It's time to find the tent". I recalled my compass direction and took a straight-shot back. But not without some fear. I felt a literal sensation of 'overcoming' in the pit of my being. "Holy shit. Its just me out here and getting back to camp is ON ME." I felt dizzy and a little like a survival dude who's wondering if he'd made a wrong move. I smiled in the face of it and moved ahead with strength and focus. My body filled with chemicals I'd associate with discipline and healthy fear. I knew how to get back but felt fear like I was enduring physical survival from scratch. Oddly I enjoyed it. Suddenly? The tent I was looking for quite literally popped out of things air a good 50 feet in front of me. A gigantic grin blossomed on my face. I felt like I'd just gone through the native American tradition of going into the woods as a rite of passage to become a man (though i didn't find a totem animal) and was now arriving to stand with the other men. I approached the tent, slowly unzipped it, and entered. My friend was pretending to sleep; how cute. I got cozy and prepared for the fast-approaching peak of the trip. It felt like a tender moment was about to unfold. So I lied down, eyes closed. Out of nowhere, I saw a pink image on a black background. It looked like a vagina made of vibrant desert flowers. The vagina then started to curve into itself, with the flowers getting consumed beneath the lips. It was insanely beautiful, and I became overtaken in total rapture by the sight of it. As the image of the pink desert vagina faded, my body became ultra-relaxed. Then, it started to spasm. Uncontrollably. Completely spontaneous. I allowed myself to relax further. And of course, the spasming increased. I began feeling an energy that I associated to the desert flower vagina image. It felt so incredibly right. Then something unbelievable happened. It's honestly difficult to explain using conventional language... But in a nutshell, my body form of consciousness and my mind/soul/spirit form of consciousness started to function as totally separate entities. While my body was trembling and flailing about my mind was 'talking' and imagining whatever it wanted. Nothing in particular, but I could tell it was functioning autonomously, similar to musical instruments playing completely different parts in a larger symphony. As this imminent physical experience went on, a great selflessness washed over me. I turned to my friend and in a mumbling voice said, "This is what de-traumatization looks like." I decided the theme of this trip would be about healing & reclaiming. I'd been working on somatic experiencing for the past 2 months and this felt like the climax of all of my hard work. Once my body settled down, my friend said he was gonna go to his van and chop up some honeydew. He came back with this insane, monster platter of honeydew melon, sliced horizontally in a triangle, covered in honey with a pile of cashews at the base. I freaked out like a kid at the candy store when he brought it in. I ate a few pieces, but felt full quick (usually eat only half the amount if food I normally eat when on LSD). Moments later, I found honey all over the inside of my right arm. I proceeded to laugh 10x harder than was necessary (just kidding it was so necessary haha). After washing off my arm, the heat and vibrations of the forest suggested to me that I de-clothe. Outside the tent ready to explore again, I stripped down all the way to sunbathe for a moment—standing up. I quickly realized I'd better shield the delicate areas. So, I threw my underwear back on. I ran through the forest, in the camping area, hopping from rock to rock. I felt as light as a cloud. My balance was insanely good too. My buddy grabbed my attention and said I should try the slackline. "That's such a hippy activity I never really got into," I thought. But in that moment all I could think was "Why the fuck not, I wanna have some fun!" We set it up and I remember getting up there and falling over and over again. Eventually I got bored of trying to walk it and began swinging on it. I'd sit on it, fall back, then cling to it with my leg and hands, swinging like a monkey the way I did when I was a little kid on the playground (I used to be one of the most skilled kids of playground equipment back then). Goofing around like this made me feel like a little kid again and like I was living the dream I'd always wanted to take back. I felt so incredibly happy. But not in a "high" way... just fulfilled. Next thing I remember is I was far enough beyond the peak of the trip I could walk on the tilted sandstone slabs that made up the canyon cliff-faces in a safe and explorative way. To my surprise i found mini cactus plants that I didn't know existed this far north in Arizona. Me and my friend explored around. He dug out a cave and we kept throwing rocks off the cliff (classic stupid fun things you do). After that I went back up to the forest floor, lied flat, and gave the earth a full-body hug. As I was coming down, the sun began to set. Me and my friend went to his van to make some dinner. Still, I kept splashing my face with water because of the heat. My hands and feet began to feel hot from all of the raw interaction with nature I'd had that day (barefoot and all). I slipped on socks and sandals to honor myself a little bit. A job well done in meeting nature raw and honest today. Indeed. But now it was time to balance it out. I chopped veggies for my friend and he sautéed the mushrooms, green beans, zucchini, and eggs into a masterpiece. I tasted every flavor and how they interacted with each other, like a Mozart symphony. A strange part about this trip is I felt so selfless it's as if I was free from the human mind and even the idea that I was tripping (as wild as it sounds). Everything was just consciousness. No physics and not even the idea of metaphysics. Only pure, raw being. This trip wasn't just another weak-ass, protected 'museum' dose' in an A/C controlled studio. Rather, I embraced the forest, including the theme of trauma, as a general rule of nature and life. I saw this trip as a healing experience. Not pleasant nor dark, just simply a rigorous, focused process. It also felt like a more intense dose of rugged exploration and nomadic living. I could feel the beauty of nature and also the harshness of it; I was reminded of the necessity of modern medicine and basics like clothing, clean shelter, and electricity to sustain higher baselines of consciousness as I go about life. The rawness element of this trip penetrated my soul fast and deep: the LSD accelerated a typical immersion in nature that would take 1-2 weeks to achieve (I've camped in Mongolia and Alaska before and usually immersion takes a while). I didn't sleep easy that night, but I did learn something. My feet, hands, and head were all inflamed. So even though my core body temperature was perfectly stable, the inflammation kept me up until the coolness of night balanced it out. It all made me realize I need to protect myself and honor my highly sensitive person (HSP) nature even further than before. This is something I'm going to get more serious about, and I do not care what people think. Trip rankings Depth was a 8/10 Spiritual rigor was definitely a 10/10 Preparedness was a 4/10 (heat and too little care to extremities) Overall something like a 7/10 Definitely would recommend if you're adventurous (and a little crazy) like me. Metaphysical themes encountered Strange loops, infinite holarchy, infinite nonduality (every duality in every domain reconciled), radical and intelligent selflessness. ••• Dear reader, Have you tripped in nature before? If so how was it? What came up? Or, have you used psychs to confront trauma in a direct manner before?

How is this avoiding the work?

It happens naturally. Sometimes painfully. No need to worry about doing the balancing using willpower. For example, I studied all the dating theory in the world for years. Then I realized I hadn't gotten the results I wanted. So, I went out and actually started approaching and dating girls. Met hundreds of girls and learned about how relationships actually work by... cultivating various unique relationships organically. What also helps is understanding the value is deriving theory from scratch. The value of throwing yourself into intense practice and discovering what's true for yourself. Or by fucking up at something to the point of saying "Okay maybe I don't know this area as well as I thought." Then reading new books on the matter. Over time you'll know the right balance. If you actually watched that Theory v. Practice video, just put it to practice for a few years Leo's insights take time to grock and put into action.

@Aaly don't get discouraged, I've been there before. You describe this condition like a tank filled with liquid and you inside of it (see bolded text above). You are 'drowning' because you have a full resivoir of negative beliefs with associated negative emotions. You carry this 'heavy' weight with you to your classes, your friends, and your parents. Think of the liquid as your emotions around different issues you have. 80% of the work isn't about "improvement", but about developing self-love and healthy pride for who you already are right now. Although you listed multiple external problems, I think each affects the other. Therefore we need to get to the root negative beliefs you have about yourself. On paper, ask yourself "Why am I not good enough?" Wait for an answer that emotionally triggers you (that's the gold). You may also try "Why do my parents hate me and why is it my fault?" (Not saying this is true, it just helps to trigger heavy material to let go of). Once you have that, allow yourself to feel the heavy emotions to stir as you focus on this issue. Breathe in and out deeply and let the tears flow. Here's an example of what this process can look like: Good luck!

Your point about family influencing the trip is valid. Explore new places entirely on your own terms. It makes a world of difference. Agree with @Leo Gura here: I'm 27. When I was your age I lived in a suburban NY town near the Canadian border. Then in rural Vermont a couple years. Then the 5M+ Phoenix metro for a few years. Also been to Virgina, Florida, SC, Alaska, Utah, Ohio, Mass, Maine, for a few weeks each. Sometimes for work. Other times just to explore. Oh and Mongolia/central Asia too. Explore the WORLD! I'm moving to South Korea 6 days from now. I used to think i wanted to live and settle down with a farm girl in Vermont at your age (lmfao). But after you have a few places under your belt, you get this itch to see more and perfect your habitat and your place in it... Go solo and go for volume. After 5+ places lived in and 20+ places explored, you'll see patterns of what you love and hate. AMA, and have fun!

Seems like the relationship dimension is most important to you since you spent 50% of your post talking about it. Do you think intimacy with this woman is recoverable? If not, just move on but keep her as a friend/wing-girl if you want. Also for Godsakes, get the hell outta Appalachia! Travel and take on new challenges. You need to get your feet wet and your hands dirty more (maybe literally). All that integral theory will make so much more sense the more diverse your experience is. I was theory-heavy like you after 6 years of uni and 3 years of reading books nonstop. So I moved far away from family, across America to Phoenix. Every opportunity that came up I jumped on. (Cuz that's what you do when you swing the pendulum from theory to practice.) Tried sales jobs, corporate jobs, and online business. I dated sour and sweet people. Had a health crash. Traveled all over the U.S., to Alaska, and Asia. You're talking about managing college classes and I'm like 7 years removed from that, sitting here laughing. You haven't begun yet. Real life starts after college. Go on some wild adventures and all that theory will light up! You got this

Oh man, I remember being in your shoes. I wanted to go into academia, to be a professor. But when I began pursuing spirituality, a chasm opened up in my mind between academics and science. At first I tolerated it. I created my own theories and philosophical systems a out the science I was doing. But I let those go as they didn't have much practical value. Chose not to go into academia further than a Masters degree. Then left the field entirely. Went from switching paradigms of how I looked at my field to switching paradigms about how I looked at my whole life. Today I'm no longer a scientist, at least exclusively. I'm not saying this will be you, but don't be surprised if being mystical takes you down a different path. To answer your question more specifically, I think Leo has books on his book list that "reconcile spirituality and science" as you say. Read history of mathematics books, Ken Wilber books, and do psychedelics. Then contemplate everything you learned and you'll figure some stuff out. Thats how I did it with science

@Leo Gura I'm moving out of the U.S. but am already considering flying back for a Ralston workshop in 2026/27. Depending on when you do this I may trade spots. Been watching you since 2019 after finding your 'How to Use Psychedelics For Personal Development' video. Done 20+ trips and trip-sat others in various contexts. Have immense respect for psychedelics and those who do them. Would be an honor to share a space with such people. Would take 100% seriously as this work is part of my life purpose. Besides getting out of the house more is this part of a bigger project for you? Curious since I remember you talking about doing Owen-style free tours years ago and it falling through the cracks. Looking forward to hearing more.