denselayman

we are in same boat really, only difference is that i have understood that desperate, cornered situations does not always ask for grand turn of events/total overhaul. in my case if i can improve several tiny things and maintain the improvements, i'll grow more than doing one thing very focused and then moving to next. understanding and coming to complete picture of our faults, situations, circumstances and all this are very similar for most of us in broad sense, but from that point onwards, the path is very unique and personal. advice from others are cool, but if you manage to put all your problems and issues on the table yourself and see the entire picture of your misery, you are also capable to go from there on your own, from others you just need little motivation and look how they go about this themselves to gain better understanding and insight into how could you for yourself. there will be many pointers i imagine, use them as refference, not as a masterplan. draw juice from them and let it energize you being yourself and steering yourself onwards!

Alex has a point about that morning thing, but for me it never lasts. it should be one very motivating thing in morning and one or more things that you can do when effects of that are fading to stay one that focus. i shif from positive to negative moods so many times a day, that none of this method is any help for me. but for those who can control they're focus with some activity, it should be done throughout the entire day, not just morning, although just doing in morning is good way to start =]

its not that i am not accepting, i think i am. it just surprises me every time =] because for me it is obvious that it does more harm than good to hold thse grievances for prolonged periods of time. it also can be surprise because i am not people person or very social, outgoing person and i don't meet very much new people, so every new actual ineraction beyond absolute surface level is huge for me =]

in case of rape or when the abuser cannot be identified, one has to forgive to move on. and by that i mean on both cases, to oneself for not being there or not being able to help when it happened [this regret is everpresent in horrible cases] and to attacker/murderer because there is no chance to get retribution upon him/her for it [which probably does not help much either]. it is not easy to see possibility of forgiveness from that dark place, but eventually one comes to realising that it only is harmful to onself and eventually they let go. so, in long run, forgiveness becomes self-evident, if not the grudge consumes person completely and there is no chance for recovery. what i am trying to say is, that i myself can say i would find it in me to let it go over time, because i would see the harm that comes to me from holding that grudge....ooor i would just accept the void and those horrid feelings and go down the sure path of selfdestruction until i am no more. all it comes down to self-preservation, if one's will is crushed he decays, if will to live persists, one can let go. do you agree on any of these points or see my way of thinking on this matter?

for me, i can hold small, temporary grudges, but in grand scheme i alwaws have somehow known, felt, understood that holding long grudges/hate is like literally filling a backpack with heavy rocks for each of those grudges and carry it around... so for me it is natural to forgive people. due to this i get very surprised every time when i meet some-one who can hold very long and heavy burdens and not realise how much energy it consumes and how it affects they're life and induidual growth.

ego is entity of yourself that is illusionary self. if one has to have self it is it. u cannot really not have it in your day to day life. the non-illusory self is conscioussness, the nonpersonal overlord. for maximum benefit, try understanding how both of them are trying to help your life experience and then manipulate/balance them for your own gain.

i have this thing to happen to me with few very small issues and over time[even few months] being rid of these small issues, proves to be a huge deal for further development and clarity.

from what i read, to me it seems like you don't really need some grand advice from anyone. as i see it, you already have tested what does what for you. align that with your goals and/or natural flow of your character and that's it =]

for me, i see autism is either dense/slow learning process problem while one can still manage to be in society. and other type, where one really is ill and must be taken care of all the time. i myself think that i have the 1st one, and even then due to my traumas and other problems, i have through-out years discovered that if i just accept that i learn stuff on slower rate i know that i AM learning and eventually i'll get there, [wherever that is] as long i dont make it personal problem for myself and criticise myself to hell about it, it goes very calmly like a small stream, eventually even i will flow into a river and at some point even ocean.

for a long time i was in huge turmoil and self-torment over this issue of identity crisis, untilrecently i heard somewhere a saying/quote that resonated in me and i found peace with this issue. the thing that i heard was that ''in youth one is trying to develop/build a personality, but with age soul wins out'' and to me it meant, that it does not matter who/what/how i am, if i let myself advance naturally[i have slow[emphasison slow] but persisting ways of doing self-help/reflecting] then eventually i will be okay and be more in tune with my soul/higher self or whatever the cool term is... that reminds me of advice resonance that i have concrete belief in. just hearing some advice is very nice, but until it/that advice comes to you naturally from within, its[told advice by other] benefit is only partial.

i have nothing so major/life endangering happen to me, instead when i travel, obersving and meeting new people bit by bit reveals to me small bits of insight that slowly accumilated intosomething tangible and useful. onlyveryrecently ihave realised how much of help it was to travel around and gain these small bits. change of environment helps to see life from different angles and meeting new perspectives from other people are also helpful in my own self-work. and i'm happy for that. sudden events like two above make drastic improvements, for some they[improvements] come at safer price and over longer period of time. i should quit this longing for such[dangerous] events, and focus on using my small gains for bigger gains, rather than telling myself that they are not genuine because they were not from extreme situations. reading stuff on this forums, indeed helps not in one specialised way, but in grand total in the entire field of self-help =] thanks for posting anyone!

Heya. i just read your post and if in two months you can get a satisfactory result with this method, then in my opinion it is what works for you. for me,i have lists and goal notes, but doing them as you do seems forced and i can't really do it,so it would be not my way, but if it works for you, improve that method even further. seeing actualresults in two months is very good starting point, develop it as a habbit and u'll be golden. i'm not an expert,so u take this all as just side opinion, not as some teaching or anything =]

for me, i got a lot to work on and the method i have been using is, since its too much to do all at one and by focusing on one particular aspect, i let other issues get more serious. also focusing on one thing for prolonged time is very difficult for me. so, instead i jump around from one small area to another and that jumping is feel/mood based. if i feel like writting i do that, if i feel like excersising i do that, this plan is inconsistent and so very random, but it is only plan that overtime has given me any results at all. by watching actualized.org + reading some other good content online i have though of improving this way/planof mine sothat it works better for me infuture,like implementing certain things or joining small areas [excersise followed by meditationinstead of just one] ina way that whenone field triggers naturally i asign a followup for it, and in that way i think i won't have this feeling of forced action, because one can't really force his entire nature, can only adjust small steps. i would ask of a view on this method and other useful opinions/advices on what i have written here, please!