Endangered-EGO

@The0Self I'm currently in the "what-did-I-get-myself into" stage and "what the hell is going on" I'm fluctuating between 3rd and 4th jhana. Yesterday I witnessed that I'm like gone and come back after a fraction of a second regularly while reading. I would love to read your nonduality take on that i love reading your posts. Jim Newman smuggling.

@Moksha In school children aren't told about mental health, I think there's a long way to go until nonduality is taught at school. Deconstructing evolution haha. @Kundalini Cataclysm It's devastating right? Reading that book opened me up to what wanted to show itself within me, up to the point that I got sick from it because I fought it. Trust the process. It wants to happen, allow all of the dukkha nanas and your reaction to show up. You'll go through every stage of what Daniel I gram describes. Faith/trust is needed for the last step. But you have it.

@Flowerfaeiry It's the ego's security shutdown. The ego has to, at one point go through every possible form of suffering an individual can experience. It's not to grow itself, it's to bring it to TOTAL DESPAIR beyond the point of suicide and no-return. Then God's grace shows up if you're lucky. It's futile and hopeless to do anything about the suffering that occurs. That would only bd leading to more conditioning and fighting. The only thing suffering teaches you, are insights into how miserable life in duality is. I fell into the trap of trying to fix my suffering because something feels wrong with me.

@Moksha I think there is wrong meditation actually, that presevents insights and awakening. Especially if you think you're doing something wrong. And loving-kindness going through every possible type of suffering is counter-productive, because the ego fights with itself. "muncitu-kamyata-nana" is defined by this existence being devastatingly hopeless. There's nothing that's ever going to get you out of this unending misery. That's past the point of suicide contemplation, because even suicide isn't an alternative. There it is essential to beam it with god's laser of awareness. I wonder how many people have commited suicide at that stage. Going through one of the last insights on suffering. Why isn't this taught at school?

@Moksha Same for me. The issue is wrong meditation suppresses what's happening. All of that possible suffering wants to show itself.

@Moksha Yes, but it's not only for meditation, Daniel Ingram specifically states that. It's a naturall process of Awareness. That happens after streamentry, and I bet that most people will experience stream entry. I would even go as far as saying that these cycles come in long cycles and very short ones. Meditation (concentration, clarity and equanimity) just accelerates these cycles 100.000 times faster. I wish I would have gotten a heads up after my Kundalini awakening. I probably got one and just ignored it, because of the esoterical context.

I just made a post about this. You go through suffering so you understand that living in duality is not normal. It's an illusion, the mind controls everything by the threat of suffering and illusory feeling of bliss when you dance how you were conditioned to dance. If you go through all of the dukka nanas up to equanimity, it's clear that this duality is utterly hopeless and there's nothing for you to even be 1% blissfull about. There's no happiness in the mind, there's just the threat of suffering, and that threat collapses once you realise that. At least for a while. Read my post or just read https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iv-insight/30-the-progress-of-insight/5-dissolution-entrance-to-the-dark-night/

Edit: every emotion just lasts an instant. It disappears as soon as it shows up if you see it unentangled. There's a lot of discontinuity in daily life/awareness. And you space out every few seconds. Your awareness just disappears for a second and comes back thousands of times a day!!! What I also did was to see how fast I could switch awareness from left finger to right finger sensation. I didn't know mindfullness could be done at a 10-noting-per-second rate.

@tuku747 I was like "wow he gets it" until he starts talking about the "Me" not being something but the "me-ing" of fundamental particles. Michael did ayahuasca, got into an isolation room for 3 days, and I bet he meditates and had insights. But he always ends up "integrating" it into the materialist paradigm.

It's insane. I've been suffering yesterday and today up until now, because of one emotion and the following thought "this is not how it's supposed to be" or "what am I doing wrong". Everyone with a little background in meditstion ALWAYS points out recycle the experience, this is just an emotion and a thought that's happening NOW. It seems like I'm blind and deaf to this pointer. I even sometimes get frustrated with people pointing towards it, because the next thought is then "Oh, if only this was that easy". I listened to jim newman the last few days, I needed 2 people to point that out to me today, and only once I read Daniel Ingrams pointers, I got into equanimity. WTF. Now there's only what's happening (including a sense of self). I'm gonna tatoo those insights on my hands, so that I never can forget them. ( https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-v-awakening/37-models-of-the-stages-of-awakening/a-revised-four-path-model/ ) 5) Notice that you can’t do anything other than what happens. Try. See how those patterns occur. Try to do something other than what happens. It is preposterous, but when you try it, there are patterns that arise, patterns of illusion, patterns of pretending, patterns that if you start to look at them you will see are ludicrous, laughable, like a kid’s fantasies. Yet, that is how you believe you are controlling things, so try again and again to do something other than what occurs and watch those patterns of confusion and of pretending to be in control which arise, and you will learn something. This is an unusually profound point. I spent many hours exploring exactly what happens during attempts to do something other than what happens and found it high-yield.

@The0Self haha, I can't do anything with that! I want that! But that's the illusion. I want pointers for that, how to get rid of the thing that's causing so much suffering. Where does this realisation hide? In plain sight? It's feels like I just need one more little secret, one more place to look at, one more arising and passing away. One more insight one more pointer. As if somewhere in some enlighten person's mind there is this pointer that's exactly right for me that's gonna do it and I just need to find it for the search to be over, and arrive at the destination.

@iboughtleosbooklist nothing worked, I'm still fucked up. If I thought I found the solution I'd not be here in that forum. Apparently the ego is never going to get what it wants, and it has no choice but to want.

@iboughtleosbooklist How bad it got:Constantly contemplating suicide. Because after a while you realise that this isn't a way out, it's an attempted escape that makes it worse. So you have to go through withdrawal, and find yourself in a worse position compared to before you started drinking. Substance abuse doesn't have a single positive aspect to it. And it gets really really bad real quick.

@iboughtleosbooklist That's what I thought when I started drinking every day. Guess if that solved any problem...

I'm asking all of these silly questions, because it's kind of exactly the opposite of every glimpse/awakening I ever experienced. I haven't had a God awakening yet though. It always was a falling away of the ego, and for example, when I am very sick and have a fever, don't fight the pain anymore, I feel eternity/infinity sneak up, and then ego shows up to distract from eternity. It wasn't able to fight it all the time either, which lead to awakenings. I'm not sure if most people are experiencing glimpses and awakenings like me, or like you. Or if there are 2 types of people. Or if it's both. That just makes me think about adyashanti saying: "how are you unenlightening yourself". I think this is what I have been doing for years, resisting the collapse of the self the entire time and simultaneously chasing it as something the ego can achieve. I'm confused. Have you thought about your 5meodmt retreat, during which the last days you still were high without taking anything, that this wasn't actually a high, but simply "ego not fighting it for a while", until it started to fight again because of X reason?

@Leo Gura Other example: If you're walking around doing mundane tasks, and suddenly you look somewhere and realise 300 people are staring right at you. Is this triggering a god awareness or is this contracting the egoic sense of self? -For me this triggers the ego-self, but I remember that a teacher once called me and looked me in the eyes and I just merged with the empty perception of her. I can't help the ego hijacking my state of flow most of the time haha. I agree that the sense of self takes effort, but it's not in it's power to show up or not show up. I think it's just conditioned to show up. Would you say that God hijacks your awareness, when you're not distracted by work or in flow? Can you ignore God during extended periods of intense one-pointed concentration practice (on a mudra for example)? This is confusing, and I like it.

@Leo Gura Okay interesting, so with focus IN on absolute truth: Is that the same type of focus as focusing on an object, or is it more like a retraction of focus from any object? Does it need effort or is the effort collapsing during concentration? I'm very vague but I don't know how to put it in better words. Is it more a going IN or allowing to be absorbed by it? Also, if you just wait somewhere and don't want to do anything, are you constantly absorbed by it, or is the awareness absorbed by the sense of self? You mentioned cessation/nothingness is going down and god is going up. Is there a difference between concentrating IN and and being absorbed between the 2? Or was this just to show the distinctions and the awareness does the same in both cases? Imagine you lost interest in experiments in consciousness. You've had so many God realisations that every part of you is bored or not really interested in it anymore. Would there be a collapse of the focusing on being-god and being focused on ego-mind? Would it switch naturally between ego self and god? Would it only be ego-self, or would it only be god? I'm asking that, because for me it's kind of the opposite. Reality loses it's meaning and substance, once I am fed up with playing with awareness. There's nothing I can do to make it real again, and once it gets too weird, my ego self automatically jumps in and prevents the getting absorbed into the absolute now.

You all remember that video? Spoiler Alert: Came out that that man actually threatened her and her dog, he admitted it on SM. Because of fake racism anti-karen outrage, that women was shamed out of the country, lost her job, her dog and was constantly harrassed for being a racist karen. Just shows that context is important.

@diamondpenguin And use it as beliefs even though you're not directly conscious of it anymore? That might work for psychology, but not for insights into reality.

@Leo Gura Is there still an experience of "self" in you, or is it gone for good? Because people like Sam Harris, they say that if they put their awareness on itself they see the emptiness, but it's still a doing. Is there still the illusion of self seeking, or is just seeking happening? I'm not talking about infinite consciousness all the time, but more like automatic awareness of nothingness. It's really confusing to always need to compare teachers, also using the same words "knowing", "being", "emptiness", "nothing", "nothingness", "no-thing-ness" with different meanings attached to it. Also the difference between the illusory dog chasing it's illusory tail (There's nothing you can do to get enlightened) and not burning the boat before crossing the river. I listen to both. Before I meditate I am a seeker, and after meditation I watch videos pointing towards the illusory dog chasing it's illusory tail. Also, what's your take on the liberation from suffering.

@Husseinisdoingfine Those are hard accusations and up to today, nothing more than conspiracy theory. Prove that if it's not. There's a difference between, the evidence was later on seen as inconclusive or based on false information that the CIA acquired, and :"Someone made that shit up and faked reasons to invade iraq" If you're afraid Iraq has ties with al Qaida, you're gonna look for any possible relation between the two and find some things. It's called confirmation bias, and then people talk about it, and more evidence is sought, the ball gets rolling. Nobody wanted to prove that Iraq DIDN'T have real ties with Al Qaida or WMDs. If you don't want to make the same mistake as the US did during the gathering information, look for information to disprove the hypothesis that: "They deliberately made that shit up, to invade Iraq for this and that reason".

"If you are going to do what you want, I'm also gonna do whatever I want to you". And he proceeded to take out food for the dog. You can't blame a woman who is terrified after she was threatened to do whatever she needs for the guy to go away. It's not her fault, that police might have a bias against black people, and it's perfectly reasonable for her to use that bias against a REAL threat. Taking her dog away and losing her job, because she showed she had an unconscious bias against black people. That's just mob mentality, where everyone tries to hide or deny their bias and point fingers towards people who aren't acting (playing) as virtuous as them. I'll tell you how I found it. Sam Harris talked about it briefly in his podcast and told people to watch a different podcast in which she was interviewed. I cannot remember the name of the podcast. The US-media doesn't apologise for their fake news if it fits their narrative too much. They don't take responsibility for the harm they cause. It's the same media that portrayed a kid with a MAGA-hat with a smirk as a violent racist during WEEKS, or threatening to doxx the person that made a meme about donald trump wrestling CNN.

I would love to, once aliens show up and communicate, give the people 5Meodmt induced ego death and then ask them what they felt was crazier

@Leo Gura Nato is stronger economically and militarily than ever before. It's a decentralised world power. Nato has about +80% of the worlds economy. Bin Laden caused more harm to his muslim in-group than to America. @Husseinisdoingfine Why do you blame the USA, I can just say: Al-Qaida deliberately destabilised america in order to sow chaos. Al-Qaida killed: 200 000 + 2977 civilians. I hope you're not buying into the staged-war for oil. Because the country that invaded another (Kuwait) purely for Oil was Iraq under Samad Hussein.

@Husseinisdoingfine The people in power thought Sadam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction and ties with Al-Qaida. Bad intelligence. A huge fuck-up. Or who really knows what goes on