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I am trapped like a rat? and need a resolution. I feel I need to share this and hopefully receive some new perspectives so that I can change something about my financial situation. Context: I am 21, living in Canada, with my parents and currently studying Computer Networking at a collage. I just started with the 5th semester out of 6 in total after a year of co-op. Now the problem is that I never liked this career path, however was forced by my parents to pursue it due to my inability to pick a program in my early teens (huge blunder). At this time I had no actualized.org, no wisdom, no psychedelics, no understanding of anything. I was a kid who just liked to experiment with different hobbies. The Problem: Now I am grinding through these semesters, one by one, barely keeping my marks up to survive. Trying to pass tests without deeply learning or understanding most of the material. This was apparent during my coop. Although I was praised for completing the work and having good leadership and organizational skills, I feel weak at my technical skills. And I hate this. I hate being mediocre. Sometimes my family encourages me to push through and graduate and that there is only one year left, then I can be free, but of course I will be free from that struggle and immediately be pulled into the next (a full time job). And what's worse about it is that I am not a lazy person, in fact a very passionate one and have no problem succeeding in the undertakings which I find meaningful and interesting. But I lost my passions and I need time to experiment with different things/hobbies/paths again since I am not very clear on what I want. Especially with my new knowledge about enlightenment and psychedelic experiences it's extremely hard to just pursue something and dedicate time to it since I don't have any time to waste. Although I am experimenting with certain personal projects and have some ideas for my life purpose, these endeavors need years to make some income off of. I need to make some money to support myself. If I grind and graduate, to get a job in the IT/networking field, yes I can make a decent income, but I have already been there (during co-op) and know how it feels to work at a 9-5 where you don't like what you are doing and are not very competent at it, let alone be excellent or a genius. I don't want to be a poor performer. And it's not only about not liking the job, but also where is the meaning? I am going to be securing and providing networking solutions to big companies that negatively impact society? WHY? Solution: That's my story. Basically I want to hear if there is a way of supporting one's minimum needs with a neutral job, which is not going to drain your mental energy and is not going to constantly require improving your technical skills, so that I can focus my energy and time on strategizing, experimenting, and learning. I am open to hear any perspective. Maybe I am stupid and I need to stay in school and listen to what others are telling me. It can even be a radical one. Like drop out and go become a monk or something. Some random ideas that I have: Save money to buy a small piece of land and build a cabin to live, while working part time to buy food, pay bills etc. Quickly learn graphic design/editing/website building skills and do freelance work. Go live as a monk for 1-2 years (don't know how that's practically possible though) Some kind of job in the psychedelic field? Contribute to the psychedelic research in some way? Maybe become a guinea pig? ? Become a runner and do competitions? (I love running) Do 5-meo and maybe that will put things in place. (I have 5-meo but don't know if I should take it during school, since it can be very very radical and get in the way of this academic endeavor. (Opinions about this would also be appreciated)

@Matt23 definitely an interesting model. Thanks!

@Girzo thanks for breaking it down like this. These are actually very insightful. ?

I would recommend Dakota of earth. He is open-minded, multicultural and experienced in psychedelics. Also why not psychedsubstance. I love that guy.

@bejapuskas "Meditations" is still sitting in the book list.

My take on this is that it's all about balance. I am currently MO-ing about once a week and feel amazing in terms of brain clarity, confidence, authenticity and energy. However there is no way PMO-ing every day is healthy in any way. If you say that it's a bullshit justification for the inability to control your dick's mind. Excessive PMO leads to desensitization and erectile dysfunction. I am talking from a 10 year addiction to this stuff. I had 0 interest in girls, since there is nothing/nobody that could have beaten PMO's high dopamine reward. Before even learning about Nofap I was a shy, low self-esteem kid who was scared to look people(strangers and especially women) in the eye or talk to them. A good book to read about this is "Your Brain on Porn" by Gary Wilson.

This trip was done on day 4 of a 9 day solo retreat. I stepped out of the cabin to the deck area, where I was planning to trip. The property I have rented was secluded in nature. I boiled water and made a mushrooms tea. While the magic poison was being released into the tea, I was placing blankets onto the deck where I would be lying, to gaze at the sky. I drank the tea at 12:25PM and started meditating. Onset: In less than 30 minutes I noticed my breathing becoming deeper and heavier as the experience was about to unfold. As usual I got the initial giggles and yawns, but soon started to walk anxiously as the intensity was rising at an exponential rate. As this was happening my body was getting heavier and weaker, so I decided to go back to the deck area to lie down and surrender. Peak: Time, language and my beliefs about reality all flew out of the window, while me being pinned to the ground, barely able to move. I closed my eyes and was seeing mushrooms from a bottom view, somehow telling me that soon I am going to be launched somewhere I have never been before. Then I started seeing these amorphous beings inviting me and trying to lift me up to their world. After a while I opened my eyes and there I was, on cloud nine. Right away I saw this mushroom shaped cloud smoking a cigar and blowing off cloud smoke out of itself. I rose up to see the rest of the clouds. This was the first time I felt pure peace while staring at this breathtaking view. It was as if I was on top of Himalayas looking down at the clouds. It's truly impossible to describe it in words. At this point my mind was totally blank. I was in heaven. I couldn't even tell whether I was dead or alive. It was at this moment I realized that each and every moment needs to be loved and appreciated, since that's the only thing we have of reality, which will soon become a distant memory. Then came the answer to my intended question (Why am I alive?) which was simply to learn how to love. This threw me into a total rapture. Different memories of my loved ones came up, completely breaking me down emotionally as I became conscious of their temporary existence on this planet and my failure to love them unconditionally. The pillow I was lying on was soaked in my tears. Comedown: I started acting very strange, making sounds of a woman, a tiger, a monkey and a bird as if I was experiencing through my past lives. The comedown was somewhat depressing, especially being on this long retreat I started noticing my mind entertaining the idea of quitting and going back. I actually ended up completing the retreat. This was the highest dose I have ever done. I can't even imagine what more can be beyond this. Those doing 5g are truly worthy to be called heroes. INSIGHTS (after contemplation): Words and ideas are not truth. They truly are just pointers to experiences. Our thinking is bound by our language which is extremely limited. True value of things can only be realized once we've lost them. Appreciate and love each and every moment. That's all we have of reality. The moment is temporary and soon will become a distant memory. Life needs to be lived to be understood. Life's greatest feelings and experiences cannot be conceptualized or explicated. Happiness only exists in the present, that's why it's so hard to find by many. Confidence is the ability to fully express yourself. True insights are the ones derived from our direct consciousness/experiences. To Myself Others can only perceive what you project. Be true to yourself and express that fully. Learn how to love more. Love yourself first. Learn how to work with your ego better. Why focus on people's imperfections. Focus on their good qualities. Say "thank you" every time you are about to eat a meal. Focus on that which fills your soul with peace, love and joy. Do what you are called for do what inspires you. It's all for fun. And lastly stay humble, you ain't shit. Ok that's it. Now I need to go deal with my ego backlash.

@herghly I think you are talking about "A Guide to the good life" by William B. Irvin.

How does projection work and how to deal with it in yourself and others.

Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins.

I have a 9 day solo retreat coming up soon and am planning several things which I would like to get some advice/suggestions on, from more experienced people. Techniques Most of the day I am only going to contemplate/journal and meditate. Maybe some self inquiry as well. PSYCHEDELICS I am also planning to take 3.5 grams of shrooms mid-week. This will be the highest dose of mushrooms I have ever had. What would be the most optimal way to use my time on this trip? Usually when I take mushrooms I get into thought loops and this neurotic need to interpret the experience. How do you actually relax, surrender and enjoy the experience? Water Fast I recently have stumbled upon Leo's blog post on water fasting and watched Rich Roll's interview with Dr. Alan Goldhamer. I was thinking why not incorporate this during my retreat. I will be alone in the woods, with no distractions and the cabin doesn't even have a fridge and electricity. Seems like the perfect setting for doing it. As for why I want to do it is because I do have probably 10 pounds of extra weight(which can be lost in 10 days of water fasting) and also don't have a solid diet, which can be improved if I reset my brain. I know that it's not recommended to fast longer than 1-3 days without medical supervision and my only experience with fasting is 24 hours. Should I go for it or will it be too much to combine hours of meditation fasting and psychedelics together? Is there any other, less intense fasting technique? I know there is one where you alternate between eating and fasting every 24 hours/every day. I am wondering if this would be even harder than a full 9 day fast. Any other suggestions to optimize the retreat would be appreciated.

@Space Yes, I have done one solo retreat for 7 days a couple of months back and it was very successful. I did about 40-45 hours of meditation during the whole retreat, so 9 days shouldn't really be a challenge. You are probably right, I would be thinking about food all day and get distracted to do meditation. I will need to become more experienced in fasting before undertaking a challenge like this. I wouldn't say they are bad, the experiences are actually amazing. The only problem is that I have a difficulty during the "surrendering moment". When the peak starts to come on (especially on higher doses) it's extremely uncomfortable to even just be in the body. It's easy to think "just surrender and relax" when we are sober while sipping a cup of tea, but when you are in the trip that's when shit gets real. I remember my 3g trip when the mushrooms wanted to take me away and I was crying and praying to an imaginary god to save me lol. Although I did manage to surrender later on. I should probably print some positive words/affirmations and attach them to the wall.

@Brian KWJ I resonate with your story, since I was addicted to weed as well at some point in my life, smoking twice per day every day. I had most of the problems that you have described and was totally lost. However, unlike yours, my addiction was pre-spirituality. I was using it immaturely, to escape reality and amplify the dopamine released from other high pleasure activities. After my first psychedelic trip I quit weed for 30 days and got back to normal more or less. I found actualized.org and started to work on myself. Throughout months and years my experiences on weed have completely transformed. The value that I get from these experiences has increased drastically. It helps me to contemplate and introspect deeply, look at things from many different perspectives, which I don't usually do while sober, get inspired to experiment with different activities, make important decisions (ex starting an exercise routine, planning travel/retreats), feel my body (pain, posture), increase social awareness, deeply connection with myself and my masculine and feminine sides, etc. So it's really boils down to finding the right balance. I use weed around 3-4 times a month and that's the right balance for me right now. It takes me out of my ordinary routine while in the sober state and basically makes room for a bunch of new ideas to enter my mind which can be analyzed and be implemented into my everyday life. My perspective on weed is that it's a tool, just like any other substance/thing, and a tool can either be used to harm you or help you in some way. Even if it is beneficial, one still needs to use it in moderation, such that it doesn't turn into an addiction or dependency, since it can be detrimental, just like watching too many self help videos or reading tons of books without taking action.

@QandC This video is pretty cool. I feel like this is the kind of videos that Leo needs in order to quickly capture new viewers. Average people never watch a lecture that's 1-3 hours long lol.

Can we make clear distinctions between these three?

@joshuahuebner Read "How to read a book" by Mortimer J. Adler and apply it.

@Melissa46 Based on what you said, I would recommend you start off with magic mushrooms. They are very loving if you let them guide you. They have helped me alleviate my anxiety and OCD. I would also recommend you have a trip sitter on your first trip as well. If you can do it in nature on a sunny day that would be an unforgettable experience. Just make sure you are going into it with a positive state of mind. Make the best out of your first trip. Good luck!

@Vignan Just be in a safe place, by yourself and nothing planned for the day. I usually like to eat a small fruit about 30-60 min before tripping. And yes try to be calm and not fill your mind with random stuff 2 days before the trip.

Curious if there are any Armenian actualizers here?

@Vignan If you are looking for a significant change I would say take about 150ug. My first lsd trip was 200ug and that was waaaaaaaaaay too much (like a sledgehammer to the skull). It completely, totally, shattered my ideas about myself and the world. So if you are feeling brave about it, take half of the tab. I believe that experiencing a breakthrough is as dependent on your spiritual development and theoretical understanding as on the dose. I don't know if you can have a breakthrough on weed, but based on my experience you can definitely smoke so much that you are stuck glued to your couch being in some empty void with time not passing by . Also keep in mind that lsd can be very visual, especially on higher doses. Hope this helps in some way.

I want to collect different perspectives regarding the proper and intelligent first use of DMT. What kind of tripping foundation do you need to have in order to try NN DMT/5meo? I know that some people use it immaturely, which might result in PTSD and other kinds of problems. So far I have done 13 trips, 6 psilocybin trips and 6 lsd trips, maximum dosage being 3.5 grams and 250 ug respectively. I have been meditating for 15 months and have only done 1 retreat . I think that age probably plays a pretty significant role as well (I am 21 years old). Looking forward to hearing some ideas.

WTF! How many sets of ballz do you have??

Found this pretty impactful and creatively made video about our government and society. This video goes well with the "30 Way's Society Fucks you up the ass" We need to escape this system by living in a way that truly adds value to people's lives. I suppose that starts with me.

Hi forum, I am back from my first week-long retreat. Now I understand what Leo means by real personal development. This truly is an advanced technique for growing yourself emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I want to share some of the things that I have done and learned. I have completed 40 hours of formal meditation. I have assigned different meditation techniques to the numbers on a dice. Every hour or two I would roll the dice and do the technique which corresponds to that number. 1-Concentration 2-Do Nothing 3-Mindfulness Meditation 4-Breathing Meditation 5-Self Inquiry 6-Strong Determination Sit It was very interesting to slowly see my consciousness rising and reaching a point where I felt connected to life, myself, and being. I started to truly appreciate every little activity (doing the dishes, cooking, eating food, writing, thinking, being alive, looking at the stars). I also had many different insights, but the one that shocked me the most is how little I really know about life and reality. It's really easy to get lost and sucked into actualized.org ideas and concepts, create a belief system, and act as if you already know how everything works. As Socrates would say: "The only true wisdom is to know, that you know nothing." Although it was a very humbling and profound experience, it doesn't come even close to a psychedelic experience, which increased my respect for those substances even more. When I came back home/to society I felt like I was away for decades. I immediately noticed how luxurious my life is, with a decent house, cars, money, technology, people, food which was totally taken for granted 7 days ago. Only by living through such boredom and minimalism, a contrast of lifestyle was created, which helped me realize all of this. To those who have never tried a solo retreat, I can say that planning and going for a retreat should be on your top priority list. I will be committing to do at least one of these every year. Take care and good luck!