I feel very nervous about going to networking events and mingle. Everyone is standing in groups and I don't know how to approach them. I feel slow, talking to people in a group and I am thinking about what to say while they change the subject. It feels like I have a filter that stops me from saying some things. If I go to a dinner event, it often ends with me sitting quietly, feeling invisible and people around are having interesting conversations. I like to speak with one or two at the same time, but with more people around I get quiet. I was quiet in school and now at job meetings.
I often think about how other people see me and I try to fit in. I also rewind a conversation afterward and try to analyze it. I hate public speaking, I'm not good at it and I can't remember what to say even if I just practice on my own. I have an introverted personality and I am not very interested in other people. I like to chat and meet people, but I also need time for myself. It feels like society expects everyone to be extroverted and it's hard to fit. I don't like being in the center of attention and I have been avoiding it my whole life. It has become a habit. I know that I need to socialize more and stop caring so much what people think of me.
